by msound1
Look, is your story a little rough around the edges? sure. Could it use some refining and maybe a little lengthening? Okay. But, I wholeheartedly disagree with some of the other comments that call it crap, or say that you shouldn't write anymore. They are wrong. Your story has key elements that are very hot and the premise is hot as well. Maybe it should be expanded to take in all of the fetishes that it encompasses and handle them with greater detail. I absolutely love the teen/breeding/lactation references. SO HOT
Honestly, I thought that the grammar, spelling, etc, was good. Your story was clear and to the point. However, it was descriptive enough for me at the same time! I also enjoyed how you connected the very beginning with the very end. Keep writing!
I like the way it comes full circle at the end. A lot of fetishes packed into a small story. It could have been more drawn out, and given a little more background to the characters, but whatever. Maybe next time.
Sweet AND sexy!! I loved the full circle storytelling! Wish I could give more than 5 stars!!
Not bad at all. I would have liked to have seen some of the more immediate aftermath, though. The main character finding out she's pregnant, going to school as her belly grows, people thinking she's one of those stupid girls who can't keep her legs closed while her boyfriend watches it all, etc.
Short, sexy, and still funny! Loved both characters and the gentle but firm way the boyfriend talked to her. As a female myself, there's a thin line between assertive and aggressive, and your story nailed it in just the right amounts. I hate reading erotica where the frat bro type is a complete jackass, or it's a borderline rape story. Please write more!!
this was honestly one of the best erotic shorts i've ever read. i absolutely love that the guy wasn't an asshole.
I enjoyed this story very much. It's short and sweet, and the subject matter is hot. I enjoyed the recurring theme too. Keep up the good work!
Truely amazing story. The world would be just right if teen girls got knocked up every year.