All Comments on 'Fans and Lovers'

Congratulations Margot on your first story. I thought it was a great take, and I really want to see your take on the Wraithsgate.

Thank you for taking the time to help me edit. I see a few things I missed. One particularly embarrassing typo: 'Nest' instead of 'next.' and a few other minor things. My fault, for how I made the corrections. not yours.

Any chance for ch.2?

I could certainly bring these characters back, if enough people liked it.

I gave this a quick read, and will try to give more careful attention when I have time.

I'm aware of the genre but not knowledgeable. I've read very little MM and haven't written it yet. For feedback on that aspect of the story, I defer to more knowledgeable fans.

In terms of technical proficiency, your writing is solid. If I fine tooth comb this, I could find words to trim, but in general your prose is clean and readable. It flows nicely.

You use a lot of "tell-y" language and techniques and could write more impactful prose by learning to "show" more. The same is true about most writers on the site. Show vs tell is an advanced skill, and something I'm still learning to master. My suggestion is by no means a broad criticism of your ability. You indicate that you're open to feedback and learning opportunities.

I'll try to give this a more careful read when I can. I'm procrastinating from my Nude Day project and should get back to it. I'll rate after I've read it fully.

I think the glossary and background information at the end is a nice touch.

Best success in your future projects.

Telly-ness. Yes. Every time I went through it, I would try to find a phrase and substitute some action that showed what I had just said. "Sweat started to stain her armpits." Instead of "It was Hot." Is that what you mean?

It takes soooo much longer to do that in a story than a poem and I ran out of time. I knew I'd get more views if I could make the deadline: over 4.6K as of this date. That was my measure of success.

Thank you for your thoughtful and thought provoking comment.

-M-

Nicely written. I’m not very familiar with the comic book genre, but it was good nonetheless.

Nice job!!

Thank You. If you like it, feel free to follow me. I may write some more using these characters. I may even write the background Wraithskater series.

Devastatingly erotic and delightfully set in the venue of a Con, which I am quite familiar with.

I have considered writing a MMF-bi piece and you may have nudged me into doing it.

Thank you. I hope you do and look forward to reading it.

Thank You so much. FMM and Fmm with or without any sort of dominant role for the female is a huge turn-on for me. I go to that well very often. But I find I like it best when the men are willing, open, and experimental. I imagine it is similar to a man wanting to be with two women and watch them explore each other's bodies.

My brain has been hijacked from this particular series for the moment, but I will return to these characters and Wraithskater as soon as I am released from The Bisexual Tendril Machine. (Note the shameless plug for my other series.)

Very nice job on your first story !!

Thank You. I appreciate you letting me know.