FH: Just Found Heaven Ch. 05: Ben AND Sam

*We are almost at the end! Only one chapter left after this. Hold onto your hats because while there is ZERO knocking boots in this chapter, just like the 4 before it, there's so much awwww man love and fluff that you may need a box of tissues. Wedding vows and a best man's speech... all the feels!

*I always appreciate getting feedback! It helps with becoming a better writer and it's always an ego boost, so feel free to reach out via comment or email. I will always respond, but that's easier to do if you don't post anonymously!

* I wrote Halos and Heroes YEARS AGO, for a small publishing house that closed and almost 4 years ago, I completely rewrote it to the length and content level I wanted, and it was received well here. I'd planned an entire series (Finding Home) and I'd also planned to immediately publish the second book, All in Balls Out, but I decided to write a "short" segue leading up to it, because the main characters in that one (Max and Roman), weren't talking to me clearly. Someone had suggested writing a short, wedding piece to tie into Halos and Heroes so I thought, cool, I can do this! It'll be short and sweet! Ahem... As any writer knows, characters sometimes decide to write themselves and this story did. It's taken me a long time to finish because I wrote it on and off, but now it's done and I can move on to AIBO and other projects as I find time. You should read Halos and Heroes before this because it'll make the most sense. HOWEVER, it can be read as a standalone in the sense that this story is composed of A LOT of flashbacks from Halos and Heroes, as well as a buttload of new content. That being said...

*This story takes place on Sam and Ben's wedding day each of the other chapters is told from the POV of each of the other major characters except for this chapter (5) which is divided between Sam and Ben's POV. If you don't like multiple viewpoints, or flashbacks, please skip it for your own sanity. FYI, the italicized text between the *** breaks are flashbacks though there seem to be a lot of issues happening with formatting after they get published. I don't know why but when all of them have been up for a while then I'll resubmit them all to the Lit team and see if they can sort it out.

*Last time people were upset about chapter length and publishing time, but I can't control that, folks. My stories are completely finished when I submit to the Lit team, but they're crazy long chapters generally so it takes a while to get them all approved and published. The last time for Halos and Heroes, it took over a month, maybe 2 if I remember correctly so if you're one of those folks (like I am) who want to read a story in one sitting, just wait till all the chapters come out to once again, keep yourself sane!

*Although references in this novel may be made to actual places or events, the names, characters, incidents, and locations within are complete works of fiction. They are not a resemblance to actual living or dead persons, businesses, or events. Any similarity is coincidental. I began this series during the Afghanistan war, but I skip around a lot timeline wise in the sense of mentioning movies/songs/events that are sometimes more recent. I try and keep it subtle, but sometimes you might have to suspend belief a bit, so bear with me and my creative license. In an effort to do the United States Army justice, and to show my respect to my country, I have applied all possible efforts to merge fact and fiction to entertain, while portraying the military, and the hardships and achievements of soldiers, with respect, dignity and accuracy to the best of my abilities. It's my hope that I've done you all justice, and that all of the creative licenses taken with this novel are understood to be the efforts of imagination, and not any judgment or disrespect against the U.S. military. Thank you all for your service.

*Finally, to those who have followed and supported me and have been waiting for me to publish something new, I hope you find it worth the wait. Thank you!

FH: Just Found Heaven - Chapter 5 -- Sam and Ben (split POV's)

Sam

"Gone all my life worried about my soul... Brimstone and fire, stories I've been told... Then I saw grace right before my eyes... I should break through those gates and fall from the sky... I hate to let you down, hate to let you down, no hate to say it now, hate to say it now, but hm I don't really care where I go when I die... 'Cause I just found heaven... You can tell the devil that he's wasting his time, oh 'cause I just found heaven... Singin' Halle-, Halle-, Halle-, Halle-, Hallelujah... Singin' Halle-, Halle-, Halle-, Halle-, Hallelujah, Hallelujah..." (Just Found Heaven--Daughtry)

I'd been sequestered inside the small hallway that led out to the French doors that opened directly out onto the hotel's beachfront property where the ceremony was being held. The sun was fully risen and its rays were streaming through the crystal-clear panes of glass so brightly that I couldn't quite make out how everything was set up through the vivid blur, which added to both the anticipation, and to my anxiety. The plan was for Max and I to walk out first, unaccompanied by any music because I'd insisted on that. I was going to have enough to focus on without the sensory addition of music. Ben had opted to walk down to the traditional wedding march, because of course he had. He was undoubtedly eating up every minute of all of this romantic chaos. It'd amuse the fuck out of me later once the whirlwind was over and we could spend a week alone on our honeymoon just enjoying the beginning of our new life together, but right now I was alternating between chewing the inside of my cheek, fidgeting with the sleeves of my suit, and twisting my cufflinks as I waited for Max to arrive from wherever he was so that we could get things moving. I hadn't seen him since earlier in my room this morning, though Tara had texted me about an hour ago to tell me that she'd found him and that they'd both be here shortly with 'jingle bells on.' I believed her, but as the seconds ticked slowly by and a light trickle of perspiration began to pool in the collar of my dress shirt despite the frigid temperature of the air-conditioned hotel, my fidgeting was getting worse.

My tie was saved from being mauled by the arrival of not either of my best friends, but of my older niece who placed a small hand on my back to announce she was there, before she came around to face me. Adelyn grinned at me, looking beautiful, but way too grown up for my protective instincts in her bridesmaid's dress. The dress was poofy and the hemline brushed the polished wooden floorboards when Addie moved. It also had long sheer sleeves, so all the parts of her that any young male miscreants with healthy hormones might be interested in, were safely concealed. None of that mattered. She was my niece and when I looked at her, I still sometimes saw the little girl that I'd loved from the moment she was born.

Her makeup was tastefully applied; natural looking with flushed cheeks and shiny lips, but none of the heavy black eyeliner she used to wield like warpaint when I'd first come home. She'd also had her hair dyed from its previous onyx black streaked with platinum blonde, back to her natural and much softer, light brown. It brushed her shoulders in soft curls and I was reminded of the night that I'd been her date to the dance where Ben and I'd eventually made up. I'd gotten curls then too, though the hem length on that evening's dress had hurt my head.

As if she read my mind, Adelyn's shiny, glossed lips widened into a smile, showing off even white teeth. "You can exhale now, Uncle Sam. I'm all age appropriate," she teased, her grin getting even wider when I cleared my throat.

Totally caught.

"You look beautiful, Addie. I like your hair."

Her hands were holding her bouquet so she couldn't touch her hair the way women of all ages always seemed to when they were given a compliment about a new style, but she tipped her head slightly to one side.

"Thanks. I thought it was time for something different. Tara said that my natural color would be more flattering with the honey highlights."

"I like it. It's softer."

"Softer? As in sweeter? More innocent? As in your sweet, innocent, virgin niece who no longer dates hot guys who have stupidly grabby hands?"

Adelyn's eyes gleamed with mischief as she deliberately baited me until she got the low growl she was aiming for. I knew that she was a good kid with a decent head on her shoulders who didn't want our family history to repeat itself because we'd talked about it before. Addie had college dreams and a career in music therapy planned out so her sleeping around wasn't something that Sofia and I really had to worry about, but that didn't mean that I liked the idea of teenage boys imagining Addie as anything other than a fresh-faced, sweet, intelligent and yes, virgin , young woman with an extremely protective uncle who knew his way around firearms, and who also had a lot of friends in the local police department.

"Softer, as in pretty, highlighted hair and a hemline and neckline that don't give me agita."

Addie giggled. "Mmmm nope, that wardrobe description applies to Tara's dress which I totally plan to steal from her before she rips it to shreds after she takes it off tonight like she's been saying. I want to wear it to my senior prom. That's almost an entire year for you to adjust to all future heart palpitations and agita regarding my neckline and hemline, which in that dress might almost meet in the middle. Maybe I'll have the seamstress add a slit up the left side so it splits people's attention between the top and bottom."

Addie smirked as I eyed her. Tara might not kill me if I got to the dress before Adelyn did and made a bonfire in the backyard.

"You're going to kill me dead one of these days, kiddo or be responsible for a Lifetime Movie about our family when CSI comes looking for the bodies."

"Nah, I love Father Ben too much to make him a widower, and he's friends with a lot of cops anyway so you'd probably be ok."

My lips twitched. Smartass.

"Though after today, do you think I can start calling him Uncle Ben? Or is that too weird with him being a priest?"

"I don't think it's weird at all. Yeah, Ben's a priest, but in about 20 minutes, he's also going to be my husband and he'd love to know that you consider him your uncle now. He already considers you and Emma his nieces. He talks birthday and Christmas presents 10 years in advance now, up from the previous 5."

Adelyn's smile was as brilliant as the first rays of a morning sunrise. "Good. Emma's been calling him Uncle Ben all morning whenever his name comes up in conversation. She smiles every single time. It's almost as cute as the expression you get when you call him your husband. Your face gets sort of twitchy, and you get all mushy eyed."

I snorted indignantly because I couldn't deny it without lying.

Adelyn smirked again. "You do, but it's nice. You deserve to be happy, so I'm glad that you two found each other. Almost as glad as I am that you finally came home," she added softly.

Her slight smile made a 180 turn from sass to vulnerability and my heart wagged its damn tail just the way it had the first time that she'd admitted that she saw me as more than just the asshole who'd abandoned her, Emma and Sofia for three years. Our relationship had been tumultuous when I'd first returned to Florida, but that night at the hotel, when she'd called me to get me to come home instead of letting me take off again, everything had changed and helped to bring us to this moment....

***

I'd been scrolling through websites for over an hour on my phone, looking for cheap flights from Florida to New Jersey's Newark Airport, where I planned to have Max's parents pick me up so I could stay with them for a few weeks and figure out my next steps. The Melone's had always been more like parents to me than my own and I knew that they'd give me both the space and the support to regroup. I'd found two flights that left for Newark tonight at different times, but I hadn't pulled the trigger on either one yet even though I knew that leaving Florida to avoid making things worse for everyone I cared about here was probably the smartest thing to do. My head knew that, but my heart kept slamming on the breaks each time that I punched in my credit card information.

For fucks sake,

Max had given me the privacy to wallow in my indecision by leaving me alone while he took a shower. He'd left the bathroom door open so I could catch glimpses of him through the glass shower door if I turned my head the right way. Water streamed down the tight lines of his body, and the silent invitation to join him was as blatant as they came. But we both knew that I wasn't going to walk in there. Cheating us both out of moving on by playing in the past was out of the question. I loved him too much for that.

I sighed as I let my head thunk back against the headboard, my fingers resting lightly over the keys so that I didn't accidently hit something that would choose a verdict for me. I was tempted to call Tara to find out how Ben was, but I didn't feel like I had that right anymore. Not after what I'd done to him and how I'd handled things at the hospital. He'd all but begged me to stay, and I'd still walked away. It was probably the most epic of the many life fuckups I was guilty of and though I desperately wanted to fix things, I didn't have a clue where to start other than not sleeping with Max. Being with him just because I was scared to be lonely wasn't enough anymore. I loved my best friend just as much as I loved Ben, but the differences in the ways that I loved them had become glaringly obvious last night.

I sighed again, the sudden growl of my stomach giving me a few minutes to put any decisions off for a little while longer. I hadn't eaten anything since we'd had breakfast together at the diner down the street this morning while I'd nursed my hangover with an entire pot of black coffee. The headache was better now, but I couldn't think this hard on an empty stomach so I flipped through the phonebook on the nightstand, looking for a local pizza joint. After placing the order for the ham and pineapple pizza that was Max's favorite--and a poor apology for the hot and cold act I'd put him through yesterday--I gave the pizzeria the phone number and address to the hotel. Since I'd been told it would be twenty minutes or so before the order was ready, I was caught off guard by the ringing of my cell about five minutes later. Thinking that the delivery guy was lost and calling for directions, I answered without looking at the caller I.D.

"Trammel."

"Uncle Sam?"

I blinked at the familiar feminine voice that was probably one of the last I'd ever have expected to hear on the other end of the line. "Adelyn?"

"Yeah, it's me... Are you okay?"

The hesitancy in her tone, combined with the question set an immediate mood to the conversation. I glanced over at the bathroom doorway before I got up to move away from the background noise of the shower to one of the overstuffed armchairs by the window.

"Yeah, sweetheart, I'm fine."

"Are you sure? You're not hurt?"

"No, I'm not hurt," I said. "Why are you asking?"

Her voice was soft, devoid of its usual teenage sass. "I know something bad happened between you and Father Ben yesterday. I was the one that opened the door when he and Tara came to the house to see if you were with us..." There was a long pause and I could feel her anxiety even over the line. "Did...did you do that to his face?"

Ever since I'd landed in Florida, I'd sworn to Adelyn that I'd never hurt her or her family, and now Ben was living proof that I'd broken my promise. Clearing my throat made only a marginal change in the rasp of my voice.

"Yeah, Addie, I did."

I didn't try and explain the nightmares or the PTSD. I'd tried so hard to hide my trauma from my family, to keep it all together by denying it even to myself for months, but none of that mattered now that I'd confirmed to my niece that I really was the monster under the bed.

Adelyn was quiet for so long that I was convinced she'd hung up on me, but then her soft voice came over the line again.

"Mami sent me and Emma upstairs, but I came back down to listen, and Father Ben was talking to Mami and Tara in the kitchen. He was so upset, Uncle Sam. He kept saying that what happened to him was an accident, but that you blamed yourself, and he was afraid that you'd do something stupid... The way he was talking...I thought you were never going to come home again..."

I was expecting rage, confusion, anything other than the tears suddenly thickening her voice that made my heart break. I'd stayed away from Florida for three years because I'd allowed Connor to get into my head, and make me believe I was protecting my family by not being an active part of their lives. Leaving that hospital room yesterday, I'd told myself the same thing. In neither scenario had walking away turned out well for me. The hitch in my niece's soft breathing didn't point toward the third time being any kind of charm.

"I'm sorry I scared you, Addie. I should've called to let you know I was okay. I'm with Max."

"I know. He called Tara while they were all still in the kitchen. I heard her tell Mami and Father Ben that you were with him and safe." She paused and then said, "I know about your PTSD, Uncle Sam."

I couldn't stop the immediate stiffening of my spine. My denial died on my lips when she added, "And don't try to lie to me about it because you think you're protecting me. I'm not some dumb kid."

There was a hint of the old brass in her voice though her pitch was still soft. I pressed down hard along the bridge of my nose. "Who told you I had PTSD?"

"Father Ben. He heard me moving around outside the kitchen and asked Mami if he could speak to me alone. She said it was okay so we sat in the living room and talked. He doesn't treat me like a kid so he told me that what happened... That you flipped out after you had a nightmare because you have PTSD. I've heard about that on the news and stuff, but didn't know all the details so he let me Google it on my phone, and then we just talked..."

I closed my eyes because I could hear her crying now and in all the time that I'd been back, I'd never seen or heard Adelyn break down like this, not even when she'd admitted how torn up her emotions were regarding Connor. Hearing those tears now, tore my fucking heart out.

"I.. I saw Father Ben's face when I opened that door, and all I could think was that you lied to me, to all of us, and that you were just like Dad after all. But when Father Ben talked to me in the living room, he wasn't mad at you at all. He was just sad and said you might leave again because you were scared, and that you'd rather let us hate you for that than accidentally hurt us, because you love us that much. Is that true?"

"Of course, I love you all, Addie, but it's complicated--"

Her exhale rattled nosily over the line as she cut me off. "Stop it! You said that life is all about choices and that sometimes yours have sucked. If you leave us again, that's going to be the suckiest one."

"Adelyn..."

Words failed me but she filled in the blanks, her voice soft, but confident when she said, "You're nothing like Dad was. I don't know what he did to make you stay away, but I know now that you were trying to protect us. But you don't have to. We love, and trust you. I trust you... Please come home, Uncle Sam."

I'd returned to Florida to right the wrongs that Connor and I'd committed, and had kept up a stoic face in front of my nieces and Sofia, wanting to present myself as a strong figure they could rely on. I'd been so caught up in doing the right thing, that I hadn't realized I'd already reached that goal. They'd given me their love, but it took that gently voiced forgiveness from Adelyn to help me see it. My family needed me, but I needed them just as much. Maybe more.