FH: Just Found Heaven Ch. 05: Ben AND Sam

I couldn't answer for a long moment. When I did, my voice was rough. "I love you, Addie."

"I know, so I expect to see you tonight. I'm going to go now. Tell Uncle Max I said bye."

Adelyn disconnected the call as Max came out of the bathroom and smiled at me. It wasn't the smile of a happy man, but he didn't look angry either when he leaned in and kissed me lightly. He pulled back first, and the next kiss he pressed against my wrist lingered long after he watched me exit out of the fight reservation screen.

***

Adelyn's smile was slightly lopsided, and I gently goosed her ribs to get her to yelp, and release the nibbling hold she had on her lower lip.

"You're going to ruin your lip gloss," I said, trying to keep things light, but even I could hear the emotion making my voice slightly rough. "And I'm glad I came home too. I'm even happier that I finally found the balls to fight for what I've wanted my entire life."

"Love everlasting with a kinda-hot priest?"

I ignored the tease and instead leaned over to press a kiss to the top of Adelyn's head. She was wearing heels so I didn't have to bend quite as much as I normally did to get my 6'4 frame down to her 5'5 one.

"Cute, but no. Try a happy, fulfilling life with you, Emma, and your mom. A life with the family that I thank God for every day. You all saved me, but especially you, Addie. I know I've never told you that, but when you called me that night when everything went sideways, it changed everything for me because of all the people I'd failed, you were the one who I needed to make it right with the most."

She blinked owlishly at me, her eyes looking larger than normal because of how they were framed by long lashes that I knew were fake only because she and Sofia had talked about it the night before in the kitchen while I'd pretended to be deaf as I'd watched Doc McStuffins with Emma in the living room. The extensions made her already delicate features more doll-like and those protective instincts welled up in me again. She might be looking at boys with a PG-13 rated imagination, but that didn't mean that train of thought was one that the boys would also be jumping on. I'd have to track down Cayden later because I knew that he, along with some of the other kids from Maplewood would be at the wedding. I'd encouraged his friendship with Adelyn over the past year because like her, he was a good kid who'd needed a friend. He was also a former Marine and queer as a Spring parade, so I knew that even if I wasn't around to protect her, Addie would be safe with him in the event that any other adolescent male miscreants ever decided to get bright ideas that would exasperate my agita and make me start looking up endangered plant species that were protected by environmental laws prohibiting any damage done to them, including being dug up so that I could plant them over any bodies I had to bury.

"Why?"

I blinked as Adelyn's voice cut into my thoughts, then smiled at her. "Because I loved you from the moment that your mom trusted me enough to put you into my arms in her hospital room after you were born. Giving you back to the nurse was one of the hardest things I've ever done, because from that moment I knew that I'd do anything in my power to protect you. I swore to myself that I'd never let anything or anyone hurt you and then... I was the one who broke your heart..." I didn't even try and macho away the emotion in my voice away this time because I'd needed to admit that for years and Addie deserved to hear it.

For a moment she didn't say anything, just looked at me with a slightly wide-eyed, almost dazed expression, but then her eyes got that telltale glassy-eyed sheen and I gently goosed her again. "If you start to cry, I will too and my street cred will be completely shot, so let's raincheck those tears for our next Taco Tuesday and we can blame them on the onions we chop."

Adelyn blinked, but then grinned as she freed her right hand from her bouquet to wipe carefully at the corner of her eyes with her thumb. "You're suuuuuuuch a dork, Uncle Sam."

"Yeah well, it's one of my few marketable qualities. Girl Scout troops led by awkward uncles sell a lot of cookies."

"You sell a lot of cookies because the single moms of those Girl Scouts think you're hot and buying your cookies is as close to your goodies as they can get since you're gayer than half of the Glee cast, on and off camera."

Adelyn laughed at my scandalized look. Little shit.

"Oh, come on!"

"What?! You really think that any of those women need that many Samoa or Thin Mint cookies when they're all like a size negative zero in their uber expensive gym leggings? Haven't you ever wondered why Father Ben reallllly heavily suggested that you guys set up shop outside of the church where he can just randomly pop out to say hi?"

She grinned again and it was so genuine that I didn't care that it was at my expense, or that my ears were probably turning red. After everything we'd all been through, I could handle some teasing from a teenager.

"Such a badass, but suuuuch a dork," she said again, her smile fond as she patted my arm soothingly.

I was just about to tug gently on one of her perfectly coifed curls just to get the typical teenage girl, 'OMG nooooo' reaction as a bit of payback, but Max's voice cut into my scheming.

"Who's the dork in question?"

"Uncle Sam," Adelyn said, without missing a beat as she moved to hug Max, unwittingly saving her hairstyle, though I'd probably only have rumpled one curl. Every other female in my life would've made Ben a widower before he became a husband if I'd done more than that.

"Hi Uncle Max."

"Hey sweetness. Your Uncle Sam is undoubtedly a dork, but the best kind; the kind that will sorta lurk awkwardly in the furthest corner of the room during a party when he has chaperone duties, but at least he won't try and get out on the dance floor to shake his spazzy groove thing. That's a plus."

Max grinned at me, ignoring my discreet flip off behind Adelyn's head. "You look beautiful Addie-cat. More and more like your mama every day, which means your uncle Sam is probably secretly having kittens daily. Just stay away from pink lace numbers with any cutouts."

That reference to a particular outfit from Sofia's teenage years thankfully went right over Adelyn's head, though Max did a smooth side step to escape the palm of my hand which had been aiming for the back of his head. Sofia would've done worse if she'd been there, but she was a nurse and Max was a doctor so between the two of them they could've probably sewn his dick back on after she tore it off.

"Thanks Uncle Max. You look pretty hot. I bet you're going to end up in the middle of a drunk freak circle of lonely singles tonight."

"That's a given, but it doesn't mean I may not need an out, so feel free to save your favorite uncle by cutting in to drop the rating to PG 13. Extra points if you drag Emma with you. My two favorite girls will keep the wildest ones at bay."

She and Max grinned at one another and he took his life in his hands by gently tugging just the end of one of her curls. He earned himself a smile instead of the indignation I would've gotten. Addie had a soft spot for Max, who'd been a part of her family for as long as she and Emma had been alive. He'd been a constant for Sofia and her girls even when I'd been an absentee uncle for those three years. I'd dropped the ball, but Max had stayed in the game. I'd always assumed that he'd done it mostly for my benefit like a lot of the things he did were, including taking such an ass backwards stance on our previous romantic relationship. Telling me he loved me only after I was with Ben because he'd been afraid to give us a shot, would've been on trend with so many of the recent romantic dramas with an unhappy ending that Sofia and Adelyn made me watch, but it hurt my heart. I'd always known that Max cared about me more than he did anyone else, but he'd always walked away every single time that I'd wanted him to stay. When Ben had come along, I'd realized that what Max and I'd had just wasn't enough. He hadn't been able to be what I needed, not like Ben was, but then again...

I paused as a sudden thought came to me with an almost physically sharp clarity as I watched Max teasing Adelyn about looking like a cake topper in her dress and laughing when she'd tried to pinch him. Their movements were completely natural, comfortable like family because shit, they were family. Max loved me and if I'd chosen him instead of Ben, he'd have stayed close with them. That was a given. But, we weren't together now and he was still here... More loyal than fucking Lassie and stubborn as Emma when she was ready to throw down in a snit. He'd picked up the hero slack when I couldn't and I'd never acknowledged it because I honestly hadn't consciously noticed it.

Max had been part of my world for entire teenage life till now so his acceptance of and affection for my family had always just been there like it still was now was even though there was occasionally an awkward tension between us that we both pretended not to see. But when Addie had called Max this past June because she needed a ride home after her designated driver got wasted, Max hadn't hesitated to go and get her even though he'd been on a date at the time and could've easily called me or Ben since were home with Emma while Sofia was at work.

He'd just dropped everything the way I would've because, as he teasingly told us later, she was the only girl he'd leave a hot boy for. Making light of moments like that had always been Max's MO, just like when he'd stepped in to help Emma after she'd flubbed the steps to the routine at her dance recital earlier this month. Max had been backstage with her dance teacher--who he'd been sleeping with casually at the time-- and when Emma froze and just stared doe-eyed at her co-dance teacher standing in front of the stage to help the kids with directions, Max had gotten out on stage to do every step of the overly complicated routine with her and the other little girls.

He'd learned the steps by practicing them with Emma when he spent time at Sofia's for game nights with me, Ben and the girls, and the connection had shown when he'd twirled Emma around for the finale. Her face had lit up and he probably could easily have gotten laid by the dance teacher of any other single parent in the audience for playing hero, but instead, he'd helped to pack Emma into my SUV after the show and we'd all gone out for pizza. Some of the other families had met us there. Emma got extra cheese and the coveted place of honor on his lap as Max entertained his giggling court of first grade groupies.

My lips quirked slightly. Max wasn't incapable of unconditional love or devotion. He'd always given it to my family and to me. I just hadn't seen it because it hadn't been what I needed, though I hadn't seen that at the time. I'd always told myself that I hadn't had the balls to call Max out on his bullshit romantic dysfunction because I'd been afraid that if I pushed him too hard, or actually flat out told him what I wanted with blunt words that couldn't be misinterpreted or ignored instead of tiptoeing around my feelings which I'd felt should've been obvious, that Max would walk away from me permanently. Watching him goofing off with Adelyn now, the same way he did with Sofia, Emma and me, brought new stupidly obvious clarity on the heels of hindsight and put a 20/20 floodlight on our past relationship to highlight how fucking ridiculous those fears had been. Walking away from me would've also meant walking away from the people that Max considered his family too. He'd never have done that. I should've known that.

I felt my expression softening slightly. As much as Max may have hurt me by not being able to man up and act in a way that would've let me know exactly how he felt, I'd also let him down by never being truly transparent with him either...

In the hospital in Afghanistan, I'd told him that I'd be willing to out myself for him, but I'd also been traumatized and high as fuck at the time and hadn't let him say anything back. I was the one who'd told him that it wouldn't mean anything if he said it then and there, but maybe it would've. We'd never know and even though Max could've tried again the next day, so could I, and neither of us had. That night in the hotel when I'd wanted to go bare, I'd told Max that I loved him, but I didn't tell him that he was being a jackass when he made a joke instead of telling me exactly what I knew he'd felt in that moment. I should've challenged him like I always did about every other fucking thing we disagreed about because I'd never been submissive about anything else with him, or any other partner. Now that I was reflecting on our relationship backwards from where we were now, I realized that I hadn't ever fought for Max in the same way that I was willing to fight for Ben...

As I watched Max teasing Adelyn about her lash extensions by batting his own short lashes, I was seized with a new sense of determination to push harder at doing my part to get us past our current awkward situation than I had with our failed romance. We couldn't go back to the way things had been, but we could find a new normal as the friends and family we still were, because the girls and Sofia needed him as much as I did. I knew it wouldn't be easy, but I'd learned how hard I could fight for something that mattered past my military sense of loyalty by being with Ben. Max would benefit from that though, because it was my turn to take the lead and be his hero the way he'd always tried to be mine both in the past and now. I knew how hard it was going to be for him to walk me down that flower covered runner on the beach only to step aside for Ben, but he'd do it because our bond had survived all these years not because of romantic love, but because we gave a shit about each other's entire worlds, not just the parts we played in them. His being here meant everything and he deserved to know that.

"Hey," I said, keeping it general so that both Adelyn and Max stopped their silly verbal sparring and looked at me. "I have a favor to ask. A big one."

Max looked at me curiously then grinned. "How big are we talking Sam, because a getaway car covered with rubbers and the words 'Just Married' scrawled on the trunk isn't exactly subtle."

He waggled his eyebrows and I chuckled. "I still have every intention of making my way down the aisle. I was just wondering if you wouldn't mind trading places with Addie, and walk down with Sofia instead. Let Addie be the one to give me away?"

Max looked just as surprised at Adelyn did, but when she said, "what?" Max was silent. He held my gaze for a long moment, but instead of anger or confusion, I saw what I'd been hoping for; the slightest softening of his expression into grateful relief. He couldn't have known my thought process to getting us to this point, but we were alike in so many ways that he'd probably had a similar idea pop into his own head at least once.

"Sure," he said, not missing a beat. "But I still get to do the best man speech because there is way too much quality material in there not to share." His words were teasing, but his eyes expressed a silent thank you before he turned to Adelyn and tugged on her hair again.

"Alright Addie-Cat, he's all yours. Make sure that he keeps his chin up so the photographers get his face instead of the top of his head when he gets shy because there's like a million people out there. You know your Uncle Sam gets squirmy, so feel free to hold his hand and let him hold your bouquet. Gives him something to fidget with. It also really helps with the whole man-bride image."

Max ducked out of my reach again as he and Adelyn both laughed. I started to add a flip off as a consolation prize, but ended up wrapped in his abrupt embrace instead. Max hugged me hard, briefly, just long enough to murmur against my ear, "Go get him."

Max winked at me more for Adelyn's benefit than mine when she made aww sounds that dissolved into loud indignation when Max bussed her cheek with a smacking kiss, protesting that he was going to smudge her makeup. Apparently, ruined makeup was in a different category than mussed hair, and a line that not even Max was allowed to cross. He grinned at her unabashed, and blew her a second kiss before disappearing to find Sofia and tell her about the change in plans.

Adelyn shook her head. "He's another dork."

"Yes, yes he is," I agreed and she smiled before she threatened her lip gloss by trapping her lower lip between her upper row of teeth again.

"You really want me to be the one to walk you down the aisle instead of Uncle Max?"

"Yes."

"Ok...but why? Uncle Max is your best friend."

"He is, but like I said earlier, you're the reason that I'm even here. I came back because you asked me to, not because anyone else did. You helped me to see all of the reasons that I had to stay, including our family and Ben. If it weren't for you, none of us would be here today. You wouldn't be getting another uncle and I wouldn't be marrying the only man who gets me even when I'm at my absolute dorkiest."

Adelyn released her lower lip and smiled at me. "Ok...but only if you return the favor one day."

"Baby, I'll be there with bells on, though those bells will remain in storage for at least another decade, or at least until I can find a second storage bin big enough to hide a body in if your one-day-that's-far-far-away-forever guy messes up and breaks your heart in any way."

Adelyn giggled and I found myself briefly engulfed in a cloud of some overly sweet perfume and the scent of hairspray as she hugged me. I hugged her back, secretly and stupidly delighted that I had to be the one to break the embrace first for once when Father O'Brien suddenly appeared to tell us it was time for the ceremony to begin. He gave us a thumbs up and a grin before he opened the French doors and headed out to the beach.

With the doors open, my eyes adjusted to the sunlight within a few minutes and I took in the sea of white chairs bracketing every inch of either side of what looked like a ridiculously long bamboo runner. Guests were standing up behind the chairs too and I recognized people from every aspect of my life including work, the police precinct Ben sometimes did fund raising work with for Maplewood, and people I'd grown close to in my grief support group. Rows upon rows of people who had all shown up to validate Ben and I as a couple.

I swallowed around the sudden emotion in my throat, distracted only when I felt the soft petals of the flowers in Adelyn's bouquet as she pressed it into my left hand with a grin. Then she took my right hand in her now empty left, the right loose at her side. I eyed her sideways and she grinned wider as she squeezed my hand.

"You got this Uncle Sam and Uncle Max was right--the bouquet does finish off the look."

I didn't have time to protest that indignity because Adelyn stepped outside into the sunshine, and dragged me along for a few seconds like a toy duck on a string until I fell into step beside her. I'd been worried about sinking into the sand, but whomever had thought of the bamboo runner had obviously planned a beach wedding before because it kept a relatively stable surface for Adelyn and I to glide down as everyone who'd been seated stood to watch our progress with wide smiles. I managed to keep my head up like Max had suggested, though I didn't look side to side because I just wanted to make it up to the elegant, arched wooden trellis that was draped in evergreen branches and twinkling white Christmas lights that miraculously showed even in the sun.

Father O'Brien was waiting at the front, right in the center of the archway. His smile was bright as we approached and he gestured for us to stand in the places that had been pointed out for us during the wedding rehearsal last night. Adelyn kissed my cheek and took her bouquet back with another grin and a gleeful thumbs up that drew laughter from the watching audience before she took her new place as my best person at my left. I rolled my eyes then turned to face forward so I was looking straight down the length of the bamboo runner. Standing at quiet attention with my shoulders back and my arms crossed in front of my body was a stance I'd learned in the military so it felt comfortable. That was the easy part. Not giving in to a panic attack before Ben got here was the harder part.