FH: Just Found Heaven Ch. 05: Ben AND Sam

Ben grinned. "True, but do they matter?"

My smirk was smothered by Ben's kiss before I could come up with a snappy comeback. I melted into him immediately, but froze when I heard Emma's little voice ring out.

"Uncle Ben and Uncle Sam are kissing, which was immediately followed by Addie sing-songing, "Uncle Ben and Uncle Sam, sitting in a tree...," before all 4 of the ladies in my heart sang the last part together, Emma's the clearest because she was also the loudest. "K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"

"Frigging romper room," I muttered against Ben's mouth before he stole another quick kiss and moved back with a wide smile, obviously enjoying the loving teasing as much as he did my embarrassed reaction to it.

"And you wouldn't trade it for the world."

I didn't answer though I turned my head to hide my smile. When I did, I still saw only Tara, Sofia and the girls."

"Did you see where Max went?"

Ben shook his head. "Maybe he went to the bathroom or out to the courtyard for a smoke." He paused then said, "Do you want to go look for him?..."

That subtle hesitation in his tone made me shake my head immediately in the negative. "No. I'll send Tara or Sofia to find him. I'm right where I belong."

Ben relaxed immediately and reached for my hand just as I saw movement in my peripheral vision. Emma's voice confirmed my suspicion when she said, "Hi Uncle Max!"

"Hey baby girl. We all ready to move this along?"

I was too far away from Max to catch any hint of cigarette smoke on him or his clothing, but his tone sounded normal, relaxed with no sound of either angst or slurring so at least his brief break hadn't been to charm a bartender into an early start to the party.

Emma nodded in the affirmative just as the on-site event coordinator came over to get us all situated into a line in the order that we'd be introduced. Tara would be going in with Max and Sofia would head in with the girls before Ben and I made our entrance.

I inhaled deeply, then exhaled slowly, blinking when flowers suddenly came into my field of vision. I blinked again as I pulled back a little to focus first on the bouquet, then Ben, who was offering it with a grin. "It'll give everyone something to focus on other than you."

My lips twitched. "Maybe, but it goes better with your outfit."

Ben's grin matched mine because we were both dressed exactly the same. "Fair enough. Then just take a deep breath and remember, beauty queen waves first, then eyes on me as we just let the music take us to a happy place."

"My happy place is in a bed with you in Bali."

Ben's grin deepened. "More reason to get through the dance and move the night along."

I chuckled but then exhaled again when the doors to the reception hall opened. I could hear music and the DJ starting to rile up the crowd, encouraging exuberant clapping as he started introducing the wedding party. Max and Tara walked in with twin grins and though I couldn't see what they were doing as a signature entry from here, by the thunderous clapping and catcalls, I could only imagine. Sofia and the girls went next, Emma in between her and Adelyn as she held both their hands. There was more applause and then it was our turn.

I glanced at Ben and he held up his hand in a perfect imitation of a beauty queen. I rolled my eyes but laced our fingers more securely together his as we stepped into the reception hall.

The next few minutes flew by in a loud haze of applause and called out well wishes after the DJ announced us as newlyweds and told our guests to show their love for Sam and Ben Santiago. Ben didn't do the princess wave, but he did hold our joined hands up high just like he had after the ceremony. It was silly enough to make me laugh because he was completely unembarrassed about hamming it up. My laughter got smothered by a kiss that was almost hot enough to justify the catcalling and cheering. My burning ears were worth it when I saw the completely self-satisfied expression in Ben's eyes. He lowered our linked hands only so that he could pull me toward the dance floor. Adelyn dashed forward to take Ben's bouquet from him so that he could slide that now empty hand around my waist. Our first dance was the only thing that we hadn't rehearsed, but it didn't matter because Ben knew that I'd follow his lead. Once Lady Gaga's voice came through the speakers, our steps synchronized immediately.

Ben murmured, "Keep looking at me, baby" and I obeyed, meeting the loving amusement in those hazel eyes that always seemed to see every secret in my soul. I relaxed as he pulled me closer, our steps easy, keeping time with the beat of the song. Thankfully, Ben didn't try any of the quick salsa style turns I knew he was capable of, having seen him dance with Sofia and Tara plenty of times. We probably looked like two teenage kids at their first high-school dance together, but I kept looking into Ben's eyes and knew that he didn't care.

When the song finally ended, he leaned in for another kiss, this one was more tender as his arms wound up around my neck. We stayed like that for a moment even after we'd broken the kiss, our foreheads toughing lightly as our breathing synchronized just like our bodies had while we were dancing.

"I love you, Samuel Santiago," Ben murmured, his smile obvious in his voice even though my eyes were closed.

"I love you too, Benjamin Santiago," I said, not realizing that my voice was loud enough to carry until I heard Adelyn's voice.

"You guys are suuuuch dorks!"

***

Ben

"Even if we can't find heaven, heaven, heaven, heaven... Hands put your empty hands in mine and scars, show me all the scars you hide... And hey, if your wings are broken, please take mine 'til yours can open too... 'Cause I'm gonna stand by you... Oh, tears make kaleidoscopes in your eyes... Love, if your wings are broken, borrow mine so yours can open too... 'Cause I'm gonna stand by you... Even if we're breaking down, we can find a way to break through.... Even if we can't find heaven, I'll walk through hell with you... Love, you're not alone, 'cause I'm gonna stand by you...." (I'm Gonna Stand by You- Rachel Platten)

Sam and I both glanced up when the soft clinking sound of metal against glass cut through the happy chaos of the wedding reception. We'd been making small talk with the guests who kept stopping by our table where we were seated with the members of our small wedding party, but when Max laid down the dinner fork that had been in his right hand when he'd tapped it against the highball glass in his left, all conversation paused. It looked like it was time for the best man speech and even though Sam's left hand was laced casually with mine like it had been most of the night unless he was shaking someone else's hand or eating, I couldn't help but feel a small guilty moment of irritated apprehension at what might come out of Max's mouth.

Most people assumed that because I was a priest now, it somehow put me on some higher plane of spiritual existence that never knew jealousy or pettiness. Those people seemed to forget that beneath his or her collar, a messenger of the Lord was still human and as susceptible to fallibility as the rest of His children.

To say that I'd been hurt when Sam had confessed to me what had happened between him and Max the night that Max had come home from Afghanistan to make his last stand to try and win Sam's heart again, was an understatement. Sam's confession had emotionally gutted me and I'd had a brief moment of hoping that Max would never come back because of a permanent change of status on this plane of existence. It'd been a horrible thought and I regretted it later though I'd never told Sam or even Tara about it. Roman knew just like he knew how much it irritated me that I had to accept that Max was always going to be an integral part of Sam's life. Even though their romantic relationship had ended, they'd been friends for years and Max had come first. Even though Sam always put me first now, he and Max had been there for one another through some of the best and worst times of their lives and I knew that Max was the only person other than me who'd lay his life down for Sam without hesitation if he had to. They shared a unique bond, so I'd had to accept Max because loving Sam meant accepting every aspect of him including his meaningful relationships with other people.

That night on Sofia's porch had occurred almost a year and a half ago and neither of them, especially not Sam, had ever given me any reason to doubt that it truly had been a one-time mistake. So, I'd let it go because holding onto any lingering distrust about their unique relationship wouldn't have allowed me to forgive either of them and Sam and I wouldn't have moved on and made it to the place we were right now; happily married, among close friends and family, just a few hours away from boarding a plane to Bali.

However, that didn't mean that I ever forgot that Max was still in love with my husband even if he'd never act on it again. I was a priest, but not a saint and a small, petty part of me had briefly wondered right before the ceremony started, if Max would voice an objection when Sam and I exchanged our vows. He hadn't of course, but when Max caught my eye and swept us both with a slow look from his spot across the table before winking as he pushed his chair back to unfold his long, lean frame with an almost sensual grace, I tensed slightly and my fingers flexed in Sam's since he was holding my left hand like he had been most of the evening.

My swift flare of jealousy shamed me when Sam turned to look at me with an open, loving smile that warmed as he thankfully misconstrued my brief, regrettable moment of insecurity, as a loving gesture. When I felt Sam's thumb sweep gently over the top of my hand, I felt my discrete exhale release my lingering trepidation.

He loves you. He chose you.

Sam deserved the same level of faith he was offering me, so I returned his smile and raised his hand to my lips for a brief kiss before we both turned to look at Max who was now standing with a microphone in his left hand that had been produced from somewhere like a magician's trick while I'd been stuck in my head. The smile already on Max's face deepened when our eyes met, hinting that things were about to get interesting, but this time I focused on the only two facts that mattered; I loved Sam and he loved me.

"Since most of you already know who I am, I'm going to skip past the boring introductions. The people who have no clue who I am, other than Sam's extremely handsome, charming, best friend, can just ask around later because you're bound to get a more colorful, well-rounded character profile on me from other people that will be completely accurate as long as you keep one very important thing in mind." He paused and his grin deepened even more as he swept the room with a look to include everyone. "All the best stories are probably almost entirely true." He paused, deep dimples peeking out as everyone laughed. Max's reputation apparently proceeded him wherever he went.

"So," Max continued, "although I'd originally planned to begin this speech with the traditional cheesy joke or some intriguing stories about Sam's colorful past which I could tell beautifully because I was usually there for the most interesting parts of those miscreant misadventures, I decided against it. Partly because I believe that every man needs some mystery in his life and that most of that mystery should probably remain in the past. Especially when my mama's in the audience and she's already glaring at me over there with that discreet southern gentility that says, watch it. ."

Laughter swept through the room again as Max blew a kiss in his mother's direction. I'd met her last night and today she looked a more feminine version of her son in a soft mint green lace, her honey blonde hair tastefully knotted in a chignon at the nape of her neck. All class, and amused disapproval though there was an affection in her expression that I didn't see in her husband's when my gaze briefly shifted to him. Taller, broader, and much grayer than his son, his face was the definition of retired military stoicism. Sam had told me about the almost paternal relationship he had with Max's father and knowing how Sam had been in the military, and how he still could be when he got into his own head, it made sense, but I couldn't see Max and his father meeting in the middle often. It made me wonder about their family dynamic for just a moment before my attention returned to Max when he started speaking again.

"You're still her favorite, Sam," Max said, grinning when Sam snorted. "You always were, which is why she only makes her award-winning peach pie when you come over." More chuckles followed when he winked in his mother's direction. "So, to avoid a few slaps upside my head when she gets me alone later, let's just jump right into this." Max smiled as he looked around the room to make sure he had everyone's undivided attention before he returned his gaze to Sam and I. His smile included both of us for a moment as was appropriate for the situation, but then his gaze shifted ever so slightly to focus solely on Sam though only those of us seated at the bridal party table probably noticed because it was so subtle.

"Sam, we've been friends for almost 20 years and during that time you went through some hard times, man. And though you know that I'm all in for hard times in certain situations... sorry Mama," he said as people, including his mother chuckled. Max grinned and waited for a few cheerful catcalls to die down, "the kind of hard times you went through were never the fun kind. They were the type that try to, and usually do break even the toughest of us. But you didn't break. You held your ground, maybe a little worse for the wear after some of the storms passed, but you were still here , which speaks profoundly to the kind of man that you are. You never back away from a fight and you always fight like hell for the people you love and swear in your heart to protect, just like Ben said. And if you can't believe me, believe him."

When Max paused, his expression softened slightly the way it sometimes did when he looked at Sam and thought that no one was watching. He'd always been discreet--I was just observant--but it seemed like Max was letting down the veil today. My glance over at Sam confirmed that he was thinking the same thing because he was blinking suspiciously fast and his hand tightened slightly in mine. I lightly brushed my thumb over the webbing between his thumb and forefinger as Max continued.

"Even when some of those people broke your heart because they couldn't give you everything that you deserve and only knew how much they loved you once they let you go, you didn't let it make you bitter. You knew deep down that you deserved more than being with someone to avoid being lonely. Granted, you did try to ignore that truth because emotions make you squirmy," he said with a smile. "Trying to get you to open up is sometimes harder than getting between a nun's l--" he paused again as he deliberately cut himself off with an impish smile. "love for the Lord."

An impish played at the corners of his mouth when the guests erupted into laughter again until he held up one hands to stop the catcalls. "Anyway, even though all of the people who care about you tried to push you down a path to finding real love, you were as stubborn as a toddler being told that they needed to get into their snowsuit. You didn't want to hear or accept the truth that everyone in here can always agree on; that truth being that you're a man who's good, loyal, and solid. A man who'll do everything and anything he can for the people he cares for. Someone that people feel privileged to know. Frankly, you're the best man I know, and you're well aware my friend, that I've known many, many men and a few lovely ladies, though generally not at the same time."

Beside me, Sam snorted to hide his smirk as the room exploded into snickers and a few more catcalls. Max's mother leaned her face into her hand, half hiding her mouth as if she was trying not to smile. His father just shook his head. Max played to his audience, letting the teasing continue for a moment until the laughter died down once again.

"But," he continued, holding up one finger for emphasis. "Out of all those men, you're the only one whose bravery, love, and loyalty I've never questioned before, or after we served in the military together. You joined the Army for many different reasons, but mostly because you wanted to protect the innocent who couldn't defend themselves. You stand tall for causes you believe in and the two causes that have always motivated you the most, who you've fought for the hardest, are your family, and your friends."

Max smiled again, but seated right across from him I could see a new, subtle tension in the way he was holding the microphone. "I know you think you've stumbled a few times, but you always got back up and did what was right, even when it came at high personal cost. And you did that because when you care about someone, Sam, you can't help but do it deeply and completely. You give every piece of yourself and that's a gift that should always be seen and cherished as the precious thing that it is." Max's expression softened again and this time it was probably obvious to anyone with eyes. "Sam, for too long you doubted that you deserve every happiness this world can offer, but in Ben, I think you've finally found a safe haven-- your own spot in heaven on the other side of all the pain that's way back in your past now, exactly where it should be."

I glanced over at Sam for a moment when Max paused to lay down the microphone and pick up his water glass for a brief sip. Sam's fingers were still laced with mine, but his gaze was unblinkingly trained on Max. His beautiful blue eyes were subtly glassy, and I squeezed his hand gently again before I followed his line of sight back to his best friend as Max set down the water glass and switched out for the microphone again. He was still smiling, but after spending so much time around him over the last year and a half that Sam and I had been dating--most of that time spent keeping a less than trusting eye on him--I'd learned to read some of Max's subtle tells of tension. Most of the time, he just rotated the titanium band on the ring finger of his right hand with his left, but since he was currently holding the microphone in that hand, he discreetly shifted his weight from one foot to the other as if he was physically resetting himself before he turned his gaze straight toward me.

"Ben," he said, "I have to admit that when Sam told me he was getting involved with a priest, I wasn't completely sold on the idea. Not because I ever doubted the good intentions of a man of the cloth," he clarified with a slight smile. "But let's face it, we both know the ridiculous shape Sam is in, and that he can run like the devil himself is chasing him when he isn't sure how to handle the love and acceptance everyone knows he deserves. He's a fast--" Max paused as he looked down at Emma whose chair was right next to his where she'd insisted it be. Her little face was all smiles and dimpled adoration as she looked up at the man whom she considered another beloved uncle. Max set down his microphone again, leaning over to gently cover Emma's ears as he silently mouthed, FUCKER, at Sam and I before he removed his hands and blew a gentle raspberry against Emma's cheek to make her giggle. Although he hadn't said the word aloud, laughter broke out from all the tables around ours who'd been able to read his lips because being blatant even when subtle was Max's specialty.