FH: Just Found Heaven Ch. 05: Ben AND Sam

I inhaled slowly, breathing in the salty brine of the ocean air before I focused my attention down the length of the aisle when soft, instrumental music that thankfully had nothing to do with the movie Frozen, began to play to announce the rest of the bridal party's descent. Sofia and Max walked down together, both of them smiling and relaxed, unlike my own stiff entry. When they got to the end, Sofia slid her arm out of Max's and leaned in to brush a kiss across my cheek before she stood on what would be Ben's side of the archway so that Max could stand beside Adelyn.

There'd been plenty of camera flashes going off both when I'd walked down the aisle with Addie and then again when Max had walked with Sofia, but when Emma appeared like a miniature version of her mother and sister in her puffy, silver and blue flower girl dress, the clicking of cameras and occasional camera phone flashes started going off like the paparazzi had infiltrated the wedding ceremony. I didn't think that paparazzi photographers would ever use as many awws as our wedding guests did, but I couldn't blame them. Emma knew how to play to her audience as she sprinkled blue and white rose petals with abandon. Her giant wicker basket looked like it'd be more appropriate for summer picnics than flower girl duties at a beachside wedding, but she'd repeatedly told Ben and I that she'd been afraid that she'd run out petals before reaching the wedding arch, so Ben and I had found the largest basket we could that wasn't too big for her to hold.

It might've been just a touch too unwieldy with all the flower petals in it though, because occasionally Emma swayed a little side to side after throwing a handful of petals like she was off balance. Then again, some of the weight might've come from the giant, crystal encrusted silver bow that hid almost the entire top of her head. Beneath the sunlight, the crystals sparkled, giving the impression of a halo resting on top of her thick dark hair that was loose beneath, falling all the way to the other bow at the waist of her dress instead of being restricted in its usual thick twin braids. That definitely added to the aww factor and I grinned when our eyes met and she dropped her basket to one side of the bamboo runner. I could see that there were still plenty of petals in it, but Emma was suddenly more interested in sprinting toward me to close the short gap between us. I caught her just as her sandaled feet left the sand when she jumped up, swinging her securely up onto my left hip.

We were immediately bombarded by more sounds of amused sentiment and the blinding fury of camera clicks from the guests as well as the photographers when Emma wrapped her arms around my neck. Had it been cloudy out or evening dark, we'd be blind from the camera flashes by now, but Emma was oblivious as she announced, "You were right, Uncle Sam. I didn't run out!"

I chuckled and brushed a kiss across her temple, some of my tension released because even if today was a life-changing milestone, some things would always stay the same. One of those things was that Emma was always going to be one of the few people who could cement me into the current moment so that I could appreciate every second of it.

"You sure didn't, though you did a great job."

"Uh huh I know. Now Aunt Tara and Uncle Ben won't get lost when they walk down here to you. There's A LOT of flower petals."

That was the understatement of the year, I thought with a grin, as I briefly looked over the sea of blue and white before my attention returned to Emma when she leaned in to cup a small hand by my ear so that she could whisper into it.

"It's ok if I call him Uncle Ben now, right?"

I grinned again. "Yep. As soon as we finish up here, you can call him Uncle Ben every single time you see him."

Her eyes widened behind her floral framed glasses. "Really?"

"Yes ma'am. Just have to get through the 'I Do's and the kissing.' "

Emma giggled because unlike most little boys, myself included when I'd been her age, kissing didn't make the average little girl throw up in her own mouth. They were all about hearts and romance.

"OK Uncle Sam. Can I stay here with you until Uncle Ben gets here. I'll hold his place for him."

My lips twitched just short of a smile. "Sure kiddo," I said, discreetly waving the hand not supporting her weight, at my hip in Sofia's direction to let her know that she didn't need to swoop in and relive me of my niece just yet. It would make for good photos and Ben would get a kick out of Emma 'holding his place for him' until he showed up.

We high-fived to more laughter, though it died down as soon as the first notes of the wedding march came on through the speakers discreetly situated behind small potted evergreen trees by the hotel's French doors and the trellis. I barely registered Emma's stage whisper of, "There he is, Uncle Sam," because all of my attention was on Ben.

I'd known that Ben was going to be wearing a twin of my own suit all the way down to the rose and crystal boutonniere in his jacket lapel, but knowing what he'd probably look like, paled in comparison to the reality. Ben's hair was freshly cut and styled neatly, but he'd left the faint 5 o'clock shadow that he knew I preferred on him. It always added a sexy appeal to his handsome features, but right now it also helped add a very visual level of completely self-confident masculinity despite the fact that he was holding a small bouquet similar to Adelyn's. My eyebrow arched when I realized that it couldn't be Tara's, because she also had one in the hand that wasn't tucked into Ben's arm.

I grinned, not only because that meant that someone had decided that Ben was definitely 'the bride' in our scenario, but because looking at the flowers in Tara's hand meant that my attention inevitably went from her hand, up to her arm and then higher until our eyes met when she and Ben were close enough for me to make out their features. Tara looked beautiful in the dress that was ridiculously close to the one that the iconic Disney princess wore. It was probably the envy of every little girl her. She was the perfect blonde arm candy to offset Ben's dark good looks, but her radiant smile had a very specific message for me laced through it; she was going to kill us all.

Ben's smile however, was wide and open. For a brief moment earlier today when I'd been talking to Max, I'd fallen into old patterns and been worried that I might not be enough for Ben. That he deserved better than my baggage. But, seeing his warm smile now was all the proof I needed that I'd been stupid to entertain even a moment of uncertainty. As soon as our eyes met, the rest of the world just faded away until he was finally close enough for him to take my hand once I'd handed Emma off to Sofia after my niece and Ben had fist bumped like they always did when they saw one another.

"You made it," I murmured.

"So did you. I was wondering if I'd have to have someone put out an APB for you."

"That wouldn't have been too difficult considering we have most of the local precinct here along with a whole lot of other people.A lot of other people."

"A lot of other people who are all here because they care about both of us and are as happy as I am that I finally wore you down."

"Hey, persistence usually pays off and at least you can say that with as many times as I made you run with me that--"

"After you," Ben interrupted, his grin both impish and lazily satisfied. My own lips twitched when everyone up there with us within ear reach snickered, including Father O'Brien. All of the people in our inner circle knew exactly how hard Ben had worked to wear down my walls of emotional dysfunction.

"Well, at least you can say that with as many times as I made you run after me, that you're in the best shape of your life to pose for the photographers who seem to share some genetics with both the paparazzi and ninjas."

Even when everyone who could hear our exchange laughed, I could still pick out the sound of Ben's mellow laughter as clearly as if he and I were the only ones on the beach. I guess that's what poets and songwriters always talked about when they said you could be in a crowd, yet not notice anyone there except the one person who mattered to you. I'd always thought that a cliché, but right now, I was living proof it was true.

"I love you," I said quietly, even though I knew that I was technically getting ahead of myself according to the itinerary of the ceremony that our wedding planner had gone over with us last night. She'd been very specific about how events should unfold from how everyone walked down the aisle, to each part of the ceremony, including the 'sweet memory moments,' as she called them. Moments that were supposed to come before our vows and of course our first kiss as husband and husband afterward. But considering that I'd already thrown her carefully planned agenda out of the window by having Addie give me away and pairing Sofia with Max, I considered this a minor infraction.

Regardless of whether it was technically the right time for me to express how I felt about Ben or not, I just needed to say it right here right now, because I'd never meant it more and he needed to know that it came from my heart and soul, not just at the appropriate moment after a carefully scripted vow. As if he knew what I was thinking, Ben smiled and leaned forward to steal a quick kiss that brought amused protest from both the guests in our audience as well as Father O'Brien, though he was grinning from ear to ear. I knew how close he and Ben were, so I was glad that he approved.

"This is what happens when you have two priests at one wedding," he announced, evoking more laughter from the audience as Ben pulled back and winked at me before grinning at his friend. "I love to see all this expression of love, but since you technically can't marry yourself, Ben, can you let me have the stage here for a few moments?"

Father O'Brien grinned when Ben moved one hand away from mine long enough to tug gently on his tie to show that he wasn't wearing his collar. I smirked, muttering beneath my breath for Ben to stop being a smartass toward a man of God because we weren't dressed for fire and brimstone. Ben just winked at me in response, then curled his hands over mine again as Father O'Brien smiled at us then looked over the guests.

"I offer a warm welcome to all those here today serving as witnesses to the joining of Samuel Trammell and Benjamin Santiago in marriage. To be present during this exchange of vows signifies your importance to them. Thank you for supporting them on this most important occasion. Today we gather in celebration of love in its truest sense. Love is a universal and immeasurable gift given between and enjoyed by two people who have deepened their relationship beyond that of casual friendship. Love is special and deserves to be celebrated. No union is more profound than marriage, for it embodies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, sacrifice, and family. After entering a marital union, two people become something greater than they were before. Today, Sam and Ben will promise to become that something greater together than they were apart in the eyes of the law, and in the eyes of God in His grace."

He paused to look Ben and me with a warm smile. "Sam and Ben, understand that marriage is never to be entered into lightly, but thoughtfully and with a deep respect to this commitment. This is the moment when your hearts and souls will be joined as one to face together all that you encounter from this day forward. As this part of your journey begins, I'd ask that you both remind yourselves often of the love that brought you here today."

My mouth suddenly went dry because we'd rehearsed all of this last night and I knew what part came next even before Father O'Brien told our audience that it was time for Ben and I to exchange our wedding vows. I swallowed hard, then exhaled slowly. Telling Ben how I felt about him had been difficult the first time and even though it'd gotten easier over the past year and a half, doing it in public like this was going to be a first and that came with its own set of jitters. But, I forced them down by exhaling slowly again and nodding slightly in response to Ben's questioningly arched brow so that he knew I was alright. I'd asked to say my vows first when we were planning out the ceremony. I'd joked that it was because I didn't want to be upstaged by whatever grand fairy tale saga Ben planned to tell. That was mostly true, but I'd also wanted to go first because it meant that I could lay my heart out on the table and then just wait for Ben to come scoop it up and tuck it into his pocket for safekeeping like he always did.

I glanced up at Father O'Brien who nodded after he handed me the microphone that he'd been using. I'd have preferred not to use one, but even though the sound of the ocean was soothing, the crashing of the waves against the shore, combined with the sea breeze made enough background noise that it would've drowned out our voices and kept our guests from hearing us. And if I was going to do this, I was going to do it right.

Ben's hand gently squeezed the one he was still holding and that one small gesture settled me. I'd been the one who'd suggested that we write our own vows, much to Ben's surprise. He'd said that he was happy with us following the traditional format because it could help truncate the ceremony time, but putting our own thoughts on paper had been the only thing that I'd been insistent about other than walking down the aisle without music and wearing a suit, not my dress blues. I might suck at expressing how I felt at telling Ben just how much he meant to me, but that didn't mean that he and everyone else coming out today to support us didn't need to hear me say it.

"So," I finally said, trying for a calm tone, "I asked to go first because I'm not good at big emotional displays and I knew that whatever I came up with would never stand up against whatever Ben is planning to say as soon as I'm done. We all know that he loves romantic gestures almost as much as he loves Spanish soap operas." I paused as my comment earned chuckles from both the members of our wedding party and the other guests. I waited them out, encouraged by Ben's unabashed grin. "Unfortunately, I don't have a lot of experience with happily ever afters. My parents missed the mark by a long shot and my relationship with my brother Connor was always complicated even though I love his wife and daughters, so to me, love always fell into two categories; love of family and love of country. Because I did and still do have a family that I love. It's made up of everyone I willingly chose and I'm happy that they're all here with me today. I was also happy being a member of the U.S. Military and protecting this country and its people. They make sense. Those were the only two categories that ever really made sense to me." I paused for a moment when Ben's gaze shifted ever so slightly from my face to the left, like he was trying to look over my shoulder. I knew who he was looking at and it wasn't Adelyn.

I squeezed his hand gently to recapture his attention, my smile warm and steady. It was rare when Ben was insecure, so even though I knew that the impulsively ad-libbed lines that I was about to add to my carefully scripted vows might hurt Max, Ben needed to hear them.

"No one else ever encouraged me to think about a life past the present moment. I never really considered marriage, or having my own family until you came into my life. Now, I'm looking forward to my nieces having a cousin to play with in the near future and growing old with you as my partner."

I smiled slightly and Ben's expression softened as he gently squeezed my microphone free hand.

"You changed everything for me when I met you at the absolute worst time in my life. My world had been flung sideways and I couldn't figure out a way up. You found me though and once you grabbed my hand, you didn't let go until I finally got my footing to help me find a different path than the one that I'd been on before. One that led me to a new category under that love umbrella." I paused again before adding, "Forever."

I murmured that part, targeting Ben's ears even though the microphone amplified my words for everyone. Ben's eyes were suspiciously shiny though his smile was radiant. That fleeting moment of uncertainty when he'd looked in Max's direction was gone. This was the first time that he was hearing these words because we hadn't shared our vows during the rehearsal dinner. It was also the most that I'd ever spoken in public about anything this sentimental. "Although, if I'm completely honest, having someone so invested in taking the time to get me to accept their love also scared the piss out of me. So, I tried to run. Fast. Like really really fast".

Ben arched an amused eyebrow, then laughed along with everyone else. I offered him a grin that I knew was probably goofily lopsided. This much self-revelation was embarrassing and awkward as fuck, but Ben was worth it. He'd always been worth it and now we were both playing for keeps.

"But you caught me every single time because you committed to not letting me get in my own way. You never let me go wander too far and if I started to, you'd just tug on that rope before I could hang myself with it and keep pulling till I found my way home to you." I paused to swallow hard around the sudden lump in my throat even though the microphone would pick up on the subtle sound. "The military taught me about love, loyalty, honor and respect through obedience because it was expected. You're the person who made me see and believe that love, honor and even obedience don't have to be given, but when they are, when you're able to so completely submit to someone else that you know longer know where you start and where they end because you trust that person, your person that much... well, it's everything."

There was another paragraph written on the note cards that I'd left in my top dresser drawer at home after I'd memorized them, but the expression on Ben's face made me decide to end my vows there because nothing else that I could possibly say would be able to drop the mic like that had. Ben could read between the lines of my words. He'd told me once that everyone has three lives; Public, private and secret. To the public, my vows were a display of commitment to a man who was worthy of it. In private, they were an intimate and sensual love song. My secret life was a perfectly blended combination of both those things, plus the fact that before Ben, I'd never been able to truly relinquish my strict, military ingrained sense of control, or submit to anyone else so that they'd had complete power over both my mind and body when it was just us and no one outside the room mattered. Devlin had gotten my loyalty, not my heart. Max had gotten my love, but he'd only ever had access to my public and private lives because while my love for him had been real, it hadn't ever been right. Not the way it was with Ben. Like Ben had said over a year ago, he was the only man who'd ever found the key that unlocked the doors to all three of my lives.

"And...that's all I've got," I said after another long pause, my smile widening into another goofy grin when Ben took the microphone out of my left hand and covered the top of it with the palm of his right so that the brief rustle of electronic static drowned out his murmured, "22 hours to Bali equals some major red rosing."

Max and Tara snickered softly. I've never told them about that part of my proposal story, but considering that between the two of them they could probably create a dirty love language dictionary as well as a modernly inventive version of the Karma Sutra, it made sense that they'd be the ones to pick up on the naughty joke. I didn't care and neither did Ben. He just grinned and turned slightly so he could accept Tara's fist bump when she leaned over.