Financial Domination: A Warning

I'm sure that for many of my old fans, when my username popped up in their Literotica notifications, they may have been excited about the prospect of my return. "Is he ready to finish Darkness Rising?" "How about The Reckoning?"

Truthfully, it brings me great joy to see that people still appreciate my work. I log in every once in awhile to look through my notifications, and I love seeing your comments and favorites. The works I published on this website were a labor of love (and lust) and I'm proud that they are still relevant and appreciated by you.

But today, I'm not here to release a new chapter. I'm here to explain why I stopped writing. Why I disappeared.

This is an extremely difficult thing for me to discuss, mostly because I've never told anyone about it. Not even those closest to me know what I've been dealing with for the past 3 1/2 years. It's a secret I was ready to take to my grave, until I realized that I could be a force for good in preventing others from falling down the same slope I have.

So please, read this with the knowledge that I am doing this to prevent you from sharing my fate. And for those already rushing down to the comments section to make fun of me for "dramatizing" something they see as futile, please save your breath. This is not for you. It's for that one person who may be curious enough to fall into what I did, and find themselves never able to get back out.

I'm 25 years old now, but when I was 18, Literotica helped me to discover my sexuality. Reading stories on here helped me to figure out what I was attracted to, and it helped me make sense of my submissive desires. I only ever started writing on here because I was inspired to give back to the community that helped me grow. To help others discover that they liked being the submissive one in the story, too.

But for me, and maybe you as well, it began to not be enough to just read submissive stories. Tales of brave knights and adventurers who gave in to the seductive call of a siren, or surrendered their minds to a succubus. I didn't want to just read about it. I wanted to experience it. And for most people, they seek out a romantic partner who can fulfill that for them.

But I was already in a romantic relationship, and we weren't sexually compatible. We didn't want the same things. Whether it was because I was too afraid to explore them with her or not, I took on the role of being her dominant, suppressing my submissive desires to make sure she felt loved and cared for. Literotica became the escape where I could live my submissive truth, but as I continued to suppress myself, it just wasn't enough. I needed more.

In August of 2019, I somehow, probably accidentally, discovered the online financial domination community. It hadn't blown up on TikTok or Discord yet, so it was still pretty new, but I was sucked in so quickly. If you've never participated (and it is my intention to make sure you never do), it involves women (and sometimes men) creating online personas and luring submissives into sending them money. It can be an exchange-type system, sending money to receive video or audio content. Or, as is mostly the case now, it can be a complete power exchange, where submissives send money just because of the thrill. The danger. The completely broken desire to destroy yourself and lose everything you've worked hard for to feel a rush of dopamine and turn off your mind.

Sound familiar? It's the physical embodiment of giving into a succubus. Letting that monster girl turn your brain to mush. All the things that exist on Literotica, made real. I could finally experience what the submissive characters on Literotica were. To submit to a succubus requires sacrificing ones life, which makes the submission sexy. The idea that someone could be so beautiful and alluring that your mind decides it would be wrong NOT to give in. Financial domination, known as "Findom" on the scene, is exactly the same. But, unlike a story on Literotica, it has real world consequences.

I started off by dipping my toes into Findom, so to speak. I found women who shared my fetish and went for a session or two, nothing over $20. I only indulged in it when I felt like it. If I couldn't find a good story on Literotica, I'd move over to it and just browse. Let myself feel the thrill of knowing that any of these women could take advantage of me and turn my own mind against itself at any moment. That dangling fishhook of seduction and sacrifice, always there, shifting my thoughts and changing my desires.

About 6 months later, I went through a very tough period in my life. I graduated college and entered reality. I started working a job I hated, my relationship wasn't going the way I wanted it to, and I was miserable. Life wasn't going my way.

That's when Financial Domination took over my life.

I was in a weak spot. My brain was malleable, searching for an escape. And so I started to spend more than $20. I began to allow people I didn't even know to lead me into the darkness. They took advantage of my mental-state and brought me into a new world. As I searched for connection and peace, I found a masked version of it, masquerading as something it wasn't. While I did all of this willingly, I wasn't in any sort of headspace to be making decisions for myself. There's going to be a lot of people who read this and think "Who could possibly be stupid enough to pay money to get off when porn exists for free?!" That's the logical way to look at it, but once you get swept up in your own submission, logic goes out the window, and all that matters is chasing that high.

I went from spending $20 per session to $100 pretty quickly. And this isn't done on any sort of regulated website. It's all through social media and payment apps like Cashapp and PayPal. So once that money is sent, it's gone. That's where the thrill comes from, of course, but when you get sucked in, there's no way of fixing it. You're fucked.

After about a year of doing this consistently, I felt my brain begin to change. Findom went from a coping mechanism to a literal need. My brain began to associate it with the cure for sadness and stress. Whenever I had a tough project at work or found myself arguing with my girlfriend, I would immediately find myself thinking "Log onto Findom and sink for awhile". 15 minute Findom sessions became an hour long. And then two hours long, until it reached a point where every waking moment of my free time I would spend scrolling through it, letting myself metaphorically dangle on a tightrope, knowing that if I fell off, I would feel the bliss I was seeking. Feeling like I was being hunted by some of the most beautiful women on the planet. Experiencing the thrill of surrendering my mind and financial status to someone I didn't even know, who would never know the real me.

The real problem began when I didn't want to do it anymore, but couldn't stop.

When I would send money to women even when I wasn't turned on.

When my brain could no longer find a reason to hold back.

I've thankfully never been a drug addict or an alcoholic, but that's the closest thing I could compare it to. Your brain adapts to it and begins to use it as the only way for you to escape the pains of your reality, and without it, life becomes too scary. I have legitimately gone through withdrawals when I try to escape it. Turning off my phone and hiding it results in my entire body heating up and my mind begging me to go back. It's completely out of my control. The harder I try to escape, the bigger the relapse is, and the more I lose.

It pains me to even type this, but it reached a point where I would spend $600 a month just to feel the rush. That's $7,200 a year. You don't realize how much you're spending because a single session of $50-$100 doesn't add up in your mind. You think "Well, atleast I stopped myself from going WAY overboard." But in reality, you ARE going overboard. Just not in a way that you can see until you look at your bank statement and find that you can't pay your bills anymore. I stopped participating in my hobbies, and over time, things I used to enjoy doing lost their appeal. Why bother with them when you can lay in bed for 4 hours straight riding the dopamine wave?

I wish I could say that this story has a happy ending, but it doesn't. This is still happening. I lost my girlfriend last month after 5 years together. She didn't leave because of my addiction, in fact, she never found out about it. I was an expert at keeping it a secret. Instead, I became so absorbed by it that I stopped spending time with her, and even when we were together, my mind was elsewhere. I deserved to lose her. And how did I react when she left? I went and spent more. My savings are dwindling. I still have enough to get by, but I am in constant fear that I will go over the edge and lose everything. And that could result in the loss of my life.

The other day, I had a moment of clarity. When all of the money I've spent added up in my head and I began to realize what I could have spent it on. A vacation for myself. A new Xbox. VIP seats at a concert. Things I could've done to improve my life and my circumstances instead of pushing myself deeper.

I don't want to be an addict anymore. I'm afraid of myself. There is a demon living in my head that doesn't want me to escape. He wants me to lose myself completely until I am nothing more than a shell of my former self.

I'm hoping that writing this will provide me with a sense of peace, knowing that it may stop even one person from descending into the pain I feel. It feels like the confession I need to get off my chest in order to begin healing. Typing it out helps me to see the damage I'm doing to myself and the people I love.

Maybe someday I'll come back here and share with everyone that I'm clean. That I left my addiction behind and chose life instead. I have hope that I'll be able to pull myself out of the darkness and return to the light. I have purposely kept the details of the Findom community vague because I do not want you to seek it out. I want you to hold your loved ones close and give them all the attention they deserve. Don't you dare let a single thing distract you from giving them every last bit of yourself. And if you feel yourself slipping into something similar, get out of it while you still can. Life is too precious to not live it to the fullest. I'm just now realizing that.

Maybe it will be the key to helping me escape.