Finding Happiness Ch. 05

The thought amused her. She had always hated being alone, loathed having to make all those decisions without guidance, craved to be told what to do. And now that she had to do it, it wasn't so easy.

She sat for almost all afternoon. Her head was nodding and she was fighting sleep when Donna come to her door, "Bob says get your ass upstairs and into the kitchen and do something about that bread dough. It has crawled out of that bowl you put it in and seems determined to take over the kitchen."

Junie crowed with laughter, "Oh my, I had forgotten all about that."

The bread dough had indeed swelled so much that it had tipped the bowl over and then oozed out over the counter. The kitchen smelled richly of yeast. Junie quickly kneaded it back into a manageable ball and then quickly separated it into four evenly sized loaves and put it back to rise the last time. "It won't take very long to rise this time. That yeast is going like gangbusters."

She looked around for Bob and when she did not see him, she asked Donna, "Ma'am, our Master was displeased with a statement I made to him. He directed me to go to my room and think about that. Should I go back down?"

"Actually, he said for you to come out and find him when you get done dealing with that dough monster. I think he is in the garden."

Junie gulped and wondered what else Bob had in mind for her. Memories of garden spades and other hard labor were fresh in her mind. She found Bob on his hands and knees working his way down a row, carefully weeding. She knelt down on the opposite side of the row and began to weed with him, ignoring the dirt stains that were quickly turning her knees brown. "Mistress Donna said I should come out and talk with you."

"Yes."

Junie continued to weed, but she was feeling filled with tension. Finally she could not keep the words pent up inside her. "Sometimes it's just not as easy as I thought it would be. I hated being alone so much; I thought I hated everything about it. I guess I am realizing that there is a lot I am giving up."

Bob continued to weed and did not look up.

Junie continued, "I think I said what I said, without thinking, because I hadn't really thought about what it all meant. I was so happy about everything I was getting; I forgot to remember what I was losing. It's worth it. I would not wish for it to be different. I am happier now than I have ever been. But I need to be aware of the things I am sacrificing so I will be ready for the regrets that are inevitable. If I am thoughtful of these facts, I will be able to be thoughtful of my words."

Bob nodded and spoke softly, "And the other thing I told you to think about?"

"Obedience? Oh Sir, that is the easiest of all. Obeying you is like breathing, I could not live without it. Obedience to me is safety and love. Yes, I know I need to learn the 'without question' thing a little better; hell, I need to learn the 'without question' thing a lot better, but it does not stem from a wish to disobey so much as it comes from a wish to understand. I will need your guidance to remind me to stop the wondering and get my ass in gear."

Bob laughed and then cautioned, "Junie, there will be times you won't want to do what I tell you to do."

Junie laughed with him, "I am trusting that you will make sure I obey. Don't let me down."

Bob reached out and touched Junie's face with a dirty hand, "I promise."

That night they ate slice after slice of the fresh baked bread, dipping it in rich olive oil, balsamic vinegar and herbs. Donna commented. "I think this bread is the best I have ever tasted."

Bob had been spending a lot of time in the workshop the last few days. When Donna had asked him what he was working on he raised a brow and mysteriously commented, "A surprise."

After that Donna had been on a major spy campaign. She found any excuse to go by the garage, her eyes curiously peeking at the pile of carefully measured lumber. But it did not look like anything she had seen. Bob refused to tell her anything and then told her to stop snooping around. She even went so far as to try to enlist Junie to go out and offer to help. Eventually Bob had officially declared the whole garage off limits to both of them.

It was a cool overcast day and the surrounding forest was dim with the light misty rain that had started to fall, when Junie found Donna looking out one of that back windows with a pair of binoculars. "Ma'am, why is this bothering you so much?"

"Oh, it is a game that Bob and I have played for years. He gets a big idea and then starts acting all mysterious and won't tell me what he is doing. He knows I hate surprises and I swear he does this to just bug me."

"He will show us, whatever it is, when he is ready to."

"Of course, but that is not the point." Donna kept looking out toward the garage.

In an effort to keep Donna occupied, Junie spoke up. "Ma'am, you mentioned the sewing shop. It would be a great time for you to introduce me to the lady that runs it. We could look at fabrics for making you a corset and I want to look for something for curtains in my bedroom." The last thing Junie ever wanted to do was go anywhere and this was a desperate move. "Come on, you can drive Aurora."

As Donna drove to town Junie asked her, "Ma'am, you color your hair don't you?"

"I guess it shows. It's vain I guess, but I just always loved the color of my hair and I just did not want to give that up."

"Oh, Ma'am, it isn't that obvious. I just didn't think you could have been that lucky to have no white hairs at all. Heck, my hair is half white. I was just asking because my roots are starting to show and I wanted to know if you go to a beauty parlor in town or do it yourself." "Oh, I go to local woman who works out of her house."

"Do you think she would have time to do mine sometime soon?"

"We can call her and make an appointment for both of us. She is quite good. I usually let her give me the whole treatment; facial, manicure and pedicure. She also has a friend who does massages out of her house as well. They are talking about maybe opening a shop someday."

Junie nodded and pushed past the little spasm of dread about meeting someone new. "Let's do that."

The little fabric store was just that, little. Junie looked around at the small selection and tried not to frown. There was a pretty nice selection of designer and natural yarns but the fabrics seemed to be limited to the basics and a strange selection of fleeces with patterns of the local animals and trees. Donna joyfully greeted a younger woman who came out from the back carrying a curious toddler, with big brown eyes and a wild tangle of thick curly hair. "Mary, I just was coming by to introduce a friend who has come to stay with us. Mary, this is Junie."

Junie forced a smile and then caught the baby's curious stare and felt the smile grow genuine. "Hello, nice to meet you. And who is this little cutie?"

Mary turned to look at her little girl. "This is Miranda." Her voice was just a little exasperated. "Her babysitter did not show up and I had to bring her in today. It wasn't so hard to have her here when she was littler but now she is in to everything. I can't put her down for a second."

Junie laughed, "How old is she?"

"She just turned two."

Junie felt all her shyness evaporate at the young woman's predicament. "You must have your hands full with her. We were just stopping by to say hi. I like to sew a lot and Donna mentioned your store. I am sure I will be stopping by all the time to pick up the little things I run out of."

Mary looked around. "Well I haven't been able to have the variety of stock that a really good store should have. I just don't have enough business to support a large overhead. I end up running into Seattle at least once a week to get half the stuff I need."

Junie nodded, "Yes, it must be hard. How do you manage to keep this going?"

Mary laughed, "Well it sure as hell is not from the profits from the front. I spin specialty organic yarns and weave. I sell on the internet to pay the bills. That is, I spin and weave when this little one will let me put her down." Mary was looking at Junie carefully. "You made your clothes didn't you?"

Junie looked down at her new gray slacks and the carefully tailored white blouse with embroidered ferns on the collar. "Yes, I make all my clothes. I have always had trouble getting stuff I like that fits, so I taught myself to sew when I was just a youngster."

"You are good."

Junie blushed and shrugged, "Thank you."

"It's not just the craft but I can see how you have altered the pattern to compliment your figure. Most large sized women hide behind tents, those slacks fit you perfectly."

Junie gulped and giggled. She put her hand up over her mouth and gasped. "I am sorry. I am just not very accustomed to compliments. Thank you." She stifled another giggle and blurted out, "I am sorry, I giggle sometimes."

Donna cracked up. "She giggles all the time."

Junie turned to Donna and made a face, "Only when I am nervous."

"And you are nervous most of the time."

Mary laughed too. "It is all right. Come on into the back. I want to show you what I am working on now and we can talk about sewing."

Donna nodded at Junie, "You go ahead. Bob gave me a list when I told him we were going to town, a whole bunch of stuff from the hardware store. I will come back for you after I get done there." She dug a piece of paper out of her pocket and was looking it over as she walked out. "I wonder what this stuff is all for..."

When Donna came back to the little fabric shop, Junie had Miranda on her lap busily braiding her hair in neat rows. Both women were talking a mile a minute about plans to go to Seattle to pick up some sewing materials from a wholesale dealer. Junie looked up and smiled happily, "Did you get everything?"

"I still can't figure out what he is making."

Junie shook her head in wonder at Donna's persistence. "You will find out soon enough. Mary and I want to go to Seattle on Monday if you don't have anything planned for me to do that day. I told her I would drive."

Mary looked at them a little curiously.

Donna looked surprised and then shrugged, "I think that is a good idea."

Junie gave Mary a hug and handed back the little girl. "Do like I suggested, make her a place that is hers, put some toys in it and keep putting her back there. Sit close, work on your work and when she tries to touch something off limits, just hand her one of her toys. She will learn soon what she can and can't do. That's what I did with mine and they learned fast enough."

Mary nodded and hugged the baby, "Thanks for the advice, and thank you for braiding her hair. She won't let me even comb it half the time."

Junie laughed. "The only reason she let me, was the candy I gave her to suck on, and the fact I was new enough that she did not know how to fight with me."

As they drove home, Junie spoke up. "Mary is such a sweet girl. I am glad we came out today. Her husband is in Iraq. She doesn't have any family nearby and she has been really lonely."

Donna nodded, "I knew you two would be good friends. Though, I must admit that I was surprised you are planning to go out to the dreaded big city."

Junie froze and her eyes got big. "Oh my god, I didn't even think about that." "Well now you have to do it and I am sure Mary is not going to tell you stories or hold your head while you vomit."

Junie gulped and strangled down a convulsive giggle. "Ma'am, I am not sure if it wasn't the story that made me sick. Or at least the... um... demonstrations that went along with it."

Donna gave Junie a sharp look and then burst into laughter. "You know that was a hell of a lot of fun, doing that to you. I liked the look of absolute terror on your face."

Junie made a rueful face, "I'm glad you liked it. I can't really say I did." She looked at Donna a little shocked at her own words. "I am sorry, Ma'am, don't get me wrong. I know it was for my own good and it did really help. I don't think I could have made it clear into town without your help, but it was awful."

Donna glanced over from the driver's seat. "You didn't find that erotic at all, being exposed, afraid that someone might see you?"

Junie shuddered and shook her head violently. "No, Ma'am, not at all. I know other people really do like the idea and it is erotic for them, but it just terrifies me and it is not a sexy terrified at all."

Donna looked over at Junie and asked, "And if I told you to unbutton your blouse right now, would you?"

Junie gasped and whimpered, when she finally could answer her voice quivered, "Yes, Ma'am." Her shaking fingers went to the top button of her blouse. Her face was scarlet and her eyes were clenched closed.

Donna laughed, "Good lord, Junie, I did not say to do that. I just asked you a question. Hell, we are in town, what are you thinking about?" Her tone was teasing.

Junie's eyes flashed open and she looked over at Donna. Her eyes were huge with shock and then a tiny bit of temper. Her voice was soft. "I was thinking that I must obey and trust you no matter what. I was thinking you are my Mistress and the hand of my Master and if you told me to do something I must do it. I was saying over and over inside my head that I had to do this because I loved you."

It was Donna's turn to flinch and flush red. She pulled the little yellow sports car over and lowered her head for a moment and then looked over at Junie. Her eyes were large and filled with tears. "I am sorry, Junie. I am such a bitch sometimes. I don't know what gets into me. It's just sometimes you are so soft, so vulnerable and it somehow tempts me to be mean, to just hurt you because I can. You give me your trust and look at what I do with it. I play with it carelessly like a baby."

Junie reached across the car and touched Donna's face. "It's okay. I understand. It is part of who you are and it is another thing I love about you. Don't worry about breaking me, baby, I am tough as nails. I am baby proof."

Donna laughed through her tears, "And that is the most tempting of all. I know you can take it. In many ways you are much, much stronger than me, certainly more understanding, patient and loving than me."

Junie wiped the tears from Donna's face and countered, "Mistress, you are full of love. I feel it whenever I am with you. Even when you tease and torment me, I feel your love. That is how I can be understanding and patient. I just let myself feel the love coming from you and give it back."

Donna turned to Junie and took a deep breath and blurted out. "Junie, I have to confess something to you. I... I... have been jealous as hell lately. I watch Bob with you and I get so fucking jealous. It isn't the sex, it's the way you can be so good and I can't. You have filled a place in our circle that I could never have. You anticipate his every need before I can even think about it. It seems like you are always there ahead of me and I can't keep up."

Junie sat looking at Donna in shock, and then a look of horror began to grow on her face. Her voice was grief stricken, "I... I didn't mean to. I don't want to compete with you. I never wanted to come between you and Bob. He loves you completely." Her voice caught and she fought back a sob. "I will go away if you want me to."

Donna was suddenly angry, "No, no that is not why I said that. You can't go. You are our girl. I fucking won't let you go. I would keep you chained in the goddamned kitchen first. The only reason I told you that is so you could understand where some of the bitch is coming from. Sometimes I just wish you could back off on being such a fucking paragon of virtue." She paused, looking at Junie, her eyes fierce and then a tiny giggle broke through, "You can't go."

Junie found herself laughing and crying at the same time. "Yes, Ma'am." She took a deep breath. "I will try to be not so good," her eyes twinkled, "but it won't be easy you know."

"Maybe you could give me some pointers on this paragon thing now and then. Instead of rushing to do something yourself you could give me a hint."

Junie looked at Donna, "I could try, but you don't need to be any different, Ma'am. Our Master loves you for exactly who and what you are now. Why don't you tell him how you feel?" Junie paused and then smiled with a sudden idea. "In fact, on Monday you will have him all to yourself. You should plan to do something special together."

*

You might recognize this story as one I had up in the past, under the titled Northwest Hunters. I took it down for revision and a brief flirtation with possible publication.

Book One of Northwest Hunters, title Joining the Circle is already posted.

Thank you for taking the time to read my story. Please take the time to rate and leave a comment if the spirit moves you.

Enjoy

xantu