All Comments on 'First Date'

Good first story!

4

Good, but sloppy. Who is Bill? How did Jason undo his jeans zipper while seated, and in a booth no less? There's a dramatic tension and mystery whose mood is broken by Katie's sudden running her finger up his inseam, bizarrely brazen so early in this first date. I'd have loved a longer continuation of the internal monologue or even dialog before practically jumping into the cum shot (and what a mess, under the table!).

Edit and proof, fix broken sentences, follow the laws of physics, and keep writing -- you have a fine way of putting words together and creating atmosphere.

Clever premise.

Had five star potential.

But waaaay too short.

Needed many more details.

No indication about why there was sex of any kind between two total strangers.

Did she hear the sound of his fly being undone? If so, why no comment from her?

No description of how she was handling his cock. Was she also handling his balls?

Did he touch/finger her pussy? Why nothing about it?

No TAGS at end of story.

Three stars.

Great debut - will be very interested to read your next story

Um, who exactly is Bill?

Looking forward to more stories.

Was this a happening or a wet dream? Enquiring minds and all that, 5*s

Okay, crap, I made a name change and left "Bill" in when I should have changed it to "Jason." My apology for the error..