All Comments on 'First Love Ch. 01'

Very stilted, and you have a habit of flipping between past and present tenses. I recommend an editor.

I don't know what it is that drives people to attempt to write in the present tense. This can rarely work, other than as an aside comment to oneself. Quite simply, when you write about an event, it has happened. It has already occurred - past tense.

The story is well written and hangs together nicely.

Present tense is appropriate in a 'flashback'.

Don't understand the critical comments. They are nonsense.

Liked it, However I hate tease stories, as I have told other writers they are like Prick Teasing Women don't finish what they started leaving you hanging and unsatisfied.

Your time line is completely off, how can she have a 14 year old daughter and have a friend wear a PINK bikini when PINK only started in 2004? If you're going to keep any sort of realism and make references to real world objects and companies, for the love of God, get them right.