All Comments on 'Fixing the Past Ch. 04'
by Tomh1966
- 27 Comments
Mwestohio9 months agoDifferent with the nudism and exhibitionism. One issue: Tony Smith changed to Tom Smith half way thru. Now there are two Toms
Anonymous9 months agoI still believe that it would be a better story if you hadn't tried to shoehorn it into a Loving Wives story. To be honest, only the first chapter really fits the category.
Drop the first chapter (or reuse it to write an actual Loving Wives story) and rewrite the rest with a focus on the exhibitionism. It really wouldn't take a lot. The worst scene you would need to rewrite was in an earlier chapter and I already commented with how to rewrite it to better fit the actual theme of the story.
Anonymous9 months agoGot the fidelity and loyalty point loud and clear. The story is starting to get repetitive, and predictable. Guess sooner or later we are going to get the drugged drink, and/or kidnapping/rape, or some other excuse for Allie to fuck some other guy. By then who cares? At least that might make the story a bit more interesting.
Anonymous9 months agoI truly enjoyed it the parody and sarcasm of other stories on literotica were funny and enjoyable. I also loved the fact that love rules the main character's world. I read more of your work please keep it up.
Anonymous9 months ago@Anonymous
re: I still believe that it would be a better story if you hadn't tried to shoehorn it into a Loving Wives story. To be honest, only the first chapter really fits the category.
... I already commented with how to rewrite it to better fit the actual theme of the story.
If you know so much about story writing and categories write YOUR own stories.
enderlocke779 months agoAllie smiled. Exposure was fun and her man had no problem with it until she touched someone and she was never going to allow that to happen. Life was good.
This was typed 100 times too many
enderlocke779 months agoTom thought, "What do you want?"
Allie said, "Honestly I want to do the lap dances."
Tom said, "You will be groped."
Allie nodded, "I would not let them linger."
Wait wth so no touching turns into lap dancing lol lost me there sorry just too dumb for me. Hmm I wonder were this is going lol
enderlocke779 months agoWhen did nude art become a strip club thing. Does that shit happen in real life a nude model doing stripper moves in a restaurant lol god i hope not. Its hard to doubt since it seems stealing from stores isn't illegal anymore or it isn't enforced. Sad times
enderlocke779 months agoIn this world, the Supreme Court decided that women do not have to wear tops whereas men are not required to do the same. In reality, where it is legal in the US, few women do it.
Very sad this just tells me most women are smarter than the supreme court lol I guess most women don't want that rape attempt number to jump up
Anonymous8 months agoI was hoping it wouldn't, but it went off the rails. Stripper. Willing to do Lap dances and groping. Touching intimate parts. Liar and hypocrite. Just go be a whore like you want to.
At least in the first life he had lots of money. Is it too late to go back?
Anonymous8 months agoThis is silly fantasy.
The first one was, imo, the best. From there, it sorta went off the rails and into boboville.
A shame, because you write well.
But thanks for putting an idea out there.
AllNigher7 months agoI'm out. Will check out the rest of your stuff but this one lost me now. The only thing I see is either her becoming a slut after all this loyalty crap, or a rape, or more of the same.... Not interested, sorry. But enjoy your writing so will look at the rest of your stuff...
nixrox7 months ago1 star - it only works this way because this is a FANTASY story.
In real life, it never works for very long.
6King6 months agoIf the author insists on droning on about nudism themes this should be in a different category.
Anonymous3 months agoSorry mate could only get to a 4 Good story BUT if there is a chapter 5 or 6 I can see lots of problems I sure hope not (jaybee186)
Tomh1966@Tomh1966
