Fly Away

Fly Away

by

littleOneWon

[Fly, fly away]

[Fly away in the morning]

[Fly, fly away]

[Just don't give me any warning]

Remembering:

I stood by the window in the hospital room. If I had a good pair of binoculars or a small telescope, I'd be able to see the house where our little family had been so happy for so many years. I gazed out the window regretting that it had all gone so wrong.

My thoughts were centered on my one and only husband, Tim Sherman. He and I had chosen that house together. We loved it at first sight. The view of the valley from the deck was spectacular. It was a made-to-order house for us.

I remember Tim looking into my eyes and saying, "Holly, this is where we'll raise our family." I agreed wholeheartedly.

Tim was the man of my dreams. He was a good-looking, hard-working man with real moral fiber. He was trustworthy, honest, and loyal. He had a beautiful soul.

He worked for the railroad. I was a high school teacher. In addition to his work for the railroad, he also was a lay-preacher in our church.

Did he have some faults? I didn't notice any for a long, long time. He happily shared parental and household duties with me as we raised our three children. We have two daughters, Dolly and Anna, and a son, Jeremy.

Of course, eventually, the kids grew up and left us with the proverbial empty nest.

First to leave was Dolly when she married a great young man named Christo.

Next came Anna when she married Zeth. He was not a particularly religious young man. While I liked him a lot, I was afraid that Tim wouldn't approve of him. But Tim didn't judge Zeth in any way. When Zeth did the old-fashioned thing and asked for Anna's hand in marriage, Tim was quick to give his approval and his blessing. In fact, Tim ended up performing the marriage ceremony that joined Zeth and Anna together as one in the sight of God.

Finally, we lost Jeremy to a wonderful girl named Elouise. When Jeremy vacated his room, we became empty-nesters. Coinciding with that, I began to change. As the days passed, I began to wish that my life was more exciting.

Tim was a good husband, a good provider, and a great father; but he was kind of a stick-in-the-mud, so to speak. He never did anything to rock my world.

I know that my complaint would be considered frivolous by most people. I'm sure many women would die for the life that I've lived.

When we were raising the children, it wasn't of concern to me that we never went to exotic or exclusive places or did any super-exciting things. Our life together was sort of mundane, but we had plenty of good times. Nevertheless, deep inside, I now wanted exotic. I wanted exclusive. I wanted exciting.

We never did any super-erotic acts in bed either. Our sex life was good but very predictable. Now, I wanted some new adventures, positions, and routines. I wanted some super-erotic sex.

Maybe it was a mid-life crisis. Maybe it was because of our empty nest. I knew my life was getting ever closer to the end. I began to realize that this wasn't the dress rehearsal; it was the real deal. Maybe it's the only deal! What if this is all we get? I don't want to reach the end without doing some spectacular things.

I wanted more variety in my life. I wanted more action. I wanted better sex and more of it. What I had was a boring life and a husband that had developed erectile dysfunction.

Please understand, I wasn't being mistreated or abused. In fact, I didn't doubt Tim's love in any way. He was a wonderful man and was as faithful as an old dog. I just wanted a frisky new puppy. I'm sorry, but that's the way it was.

The biggest complaint that I had was that Tim was the man of the family in a "Christian" way. Our church, and I believe most churches, taught that the man was the head of the family in every way. He was the one responsible for the family.

As such, he had the final say in everything. He made the important decisions. To his credit, Tim discussed most things with me, but we were not equal partners in our marriage. I felt that he was the master of everything, including me.

I couldn't tell him about my desire for new sexual experiences because he would just remind me about the teachings of the church. God had ordained only one way for marriage partners to have sex and only one position to accomplish it. Oddly enough, it was referred to as the "missionary" position.

Also, he would remind me that God made only one cavity in a woman to be used for sex. That cavity served for conceiving a baby and then for delivering it nine months later. He would say that Oral sex is an abomination in the sight of God. Anal sex is the equivalent of boarding a train headed straight to the gates of hell. Both of those were an ungodly misuse of an orifice designed for a different purpose.

Don't get me wrong, our sex was enjoyable and full of love for many years. Predictable, but satisfying. When the ED came along, it wasn't so satisfying anymore. Due to his reluctance to discuss "private and unmentionable" things like that with another person, even a physician, he didn't seek any medical help for his ED problem.

All of this amounted to a perfect storm that soon led to some thunder and lightning.

Beginning:

My kids were gone and so was my tortuous monthly menstrual cycle. Maybe it was coincidental, but I began to act on my desire to get more out of life. It became a reality when I decided that I needed a motorcycle.

"You want what?" exclaimed Tim. "Do you know how dangerous those machines are, honey? In a contest with a car, the motorcycle always loses. You're a mother. If you won't give that idea up for your own safety, think of your kids."

"Come on, Tim. Our kids are grown and on their own. It's not like they need me now like they used to. I want to do something for myself, for a change. I want to live 'on the edge' for once in my life. I need to try performing without a net."

"Where are you going to keep a motorcycle? There sure isn't any room in the garage for it."

"I've got that covered, Tim. The Browns have agreed to let me keep it in their barn. That's just a hop, skip, and jump from our house."

"So, you're going to take money out of our joint account to buy yourself a motorcycle? Don't I have some say about where our money goes, honey?"

"I'm glad you mentioned that Tim. I've opened a bank account of my own and I think you should do the same.

"I'm putting half of my earnings in my personal account and half in our joint account from now on. You should do it too. Then we each can have some money that we can spend on ourselves without the other's approval."

"Sounds like you are slowly but surely moving out of our marriage, Holly. Is that what this is all about?"

"It depends on whether you're going to let me do some things on my own or not. For instance, I'm not giving up my Harley."

"You've already bought it? Is that what I'm hearing, Holly?"

"You're hearing right, Tim. I have a Hog of my own. Would you like to see it?"

"I'll skip that, Holly. I think we should make an appointment with Elder Simpson to discuss our marriage problems. We've been together too long to just throw everything away. That's where we're headed with your attitude, Holly."

"Tim, I'm not going to talk with Elder Simpson. I don't need to hear him quote scripture to me about how the man's the boss. Maybe that was true when that mythical book was written, but nowadays marriage should be a cooperative effort. Both partners should have an equal say in everything."

"What's happened to you, Holly? How can you refer to the Bible as a 'mythical book?' You, of all people, should know that there's no such thing as equality in everything. That's just not the way things function. Someone has to be the final authority. Everyone should have their input, but ultimately, someone has to be responsible for making a decision in cases where the parties can't agree."

"Why does that person always have to be the man, Tim?"

"You know what the Bible says, Holly. You know the words, but let me refresh your memory:

[ Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.]

"That's from Ephesians 5:22-33, Holly."

"Yes, Tim, I'm familiar with those words. I don't think they apply to the modern world.

After that conversation, Tim moved all his clothes to the spare bedroom. Anything that was left of our marriage was in grave danger.

Leaving:

I joined a motorcycle club and began to attend meetings and take some training classes. I took riding classes, safety classes, and even some motorcycle repair classes.

That's where I met Steffen Barber. He was at least a decade younger than me. I was attracted to him and I could tell that he was interested in me too.

I don't mean to brag, but I look much younger than I am. When I go places with my daughters, we're often thought to be sisters. I don't look old enough to be their mom.

Steffen was really surprised when I told him my age, but it didn't stop him from giving me the full-court press.

We rode together on many motorcycle events and outings. On "buddy-rides," we were always "buddies."

At that point, we were only associating at motorcycle events. We were both married. My children were grown, but Steffen had three pre-teen kids. He had two daughters and a son. We were attracted to each other, for sure, and we had fun together, but that's as far as it went.

Steffen was a car salesman. I'd decided to trade in my old minivan for something more exciting. I talked to Steffen about it. He said that he had just the car for me. I dropped by the dealership and he showed me a bright-red Mustang. I had to have that car!

We worked out a trade. Steffen gave me a really good deal. After the sale was completed, Steffen suggested that we go to lunch together to celebrate. That was the beginning of a relationship that included more than just motorcycle-connected activities.

Over a period of a few months, lunches turned into dinners. Soon, dinner became what could only be called "dating." We had to be very careful. We had to sneak around. It was difficult, but the relationship grew, slowly but surely.

We learned that we both considered ourselves to be in "failing" marriages. I was especially worried about being responsible for breaking up his family. I didn't want to be responsible for hurting his young children.

He assured me that his marriage was already over. No matter what happened between the two of us, he'd be getting a divorce.

Meanwhile, my marriage was getting more and more fractured. When I brought the Mustang home, the proverbial "shit hit the fan."

"What in the world are you trying to do, Holly? Can't you act your age? First a Harley and now a Mustang! Do you think those things make you a young chick again? Who are you anyway? For God's sake; grow up and act your age."

At that point, Tim told me that we were going to see Elder Simpson next week. It wasn't a choice; it was a command.

[Remember: "Wives should submit to their husbands in everything."]

"Look, Tim, I don't buy that crap anymore. You can talk to the Exalted Elder all you want, but I won't. Our children have all left. They were the only glue holding us together for the last year or so. If you try to force me to talk to Elder Simpson, I'll end it right now. I mean it, Tim. Our marriage is in your hands."

The following day when I got home from work, Elder Simpson was sitting in our living room with Tim. I just turned on my heel and walked out the door. I drove to my sister's house and crashed on her couch for the night.

The next day, I decided to fly away. After Tim had left for work, my sister and I drove her pickup truck to our house. It took several trips, but I was soon a semi-permanent occupant of her guest bedroom, and lots of my things were in storage. Most reminders of me had been removed from the house that I'd loved so much through so many years. Without any warning, I had taken the first step out of my marriage.

I soon followed that with additional steps. I contacted a law firm that specialized in marriage problems and divorce law. They assigned an attorney to my case. His name is Alvin Lane. He has a degree in Psychology in addition to his law credentials. I explained my situation to him and told him that I wanted to file for a divorce. He probed my heart and mind for any way to save my marriage, but finally gave up and had his legal team prepare the necessary papers.

Tim called me nearly every day. We talked, but neither of us would budge from our position.

After we had the divorce papers in hand, we agreed to meet at a nearby restaurant.

He was still looking for ways to save our marriage. I told him that I couldn't see any future for us. Since he didn't see our marriage as a partnership, there was no way for us to continue.

He held his head in his hands as he said, "You've charged me with Extreme Mental Cruelty. Really? I would've thought that would mean telling you that you were a horrible wife or that you were not a good mother. Something like saying that you were a bad person and that I was sorry that I'd married you. Or maybe throwing cuss words at you. Have I ever done any of those things? Can you please give me an example of my being mentally cruel to you?"

I answered, "How about saying 'wives should submit to their husbands in everything.' Isn't that a mentally cruel statement, Tim?"

"Those aren't my words, Holly. If you believe the Bible at all anymore, then you know that they're God's words. Are you divorcing me, or God?

"While we're at it, Holly, I'm also charged with being an 'Excessively Controlling Spouse.' Please, tell me what I've done that led you to accuse me of that."

"Well, for one thing, you never let me drive when we went somewhere on a family trip."

"I never let you drive? Well, usually when we went on those trips, you'd already packed a lunch, some snacks, and even some suitcases. You'd already done the things that made the trip possible. Are you saying that I should have made you drive too?

"Holly, I guess I always thought that you'd already done your part. I thought it was my duty to do the driving. I never suspected that you wanted to drive or that you resented me for not letting you drive. Did you ever ask me to let you drive? I'm sure I would've let you drive if I'd had any idea you wanted, or maybe even needed, to do it. I honestly don't remember you ever asking to drive.

"Can you give me some more examples of where I went wrong? Please, I need to know, Holly."

"Oh, Tim, those charges are just lawyer legalese. It's providing some reason for our parting. It's like adultery or abandonment or irreconcilable differences. It's just a reason that the lawyers use."

"I get that, Holly, but the reasons you've given aren't true and they're very unfair and hurtful to me. If you want to be rid of me that much, then I don't want to deny you your freedom."

Saying that, he picked up his pen and signed the divorce petition. Then he handed the papers to me and left the restaurant.

The next time I saw him was the day we went to court. The judge granted me alimony and half of all our assets, which included our house. Even I thought that it was extreme, but I knew that Steffen and I would need the money.

Steffen's divorce resulted in him paying child support and alimony in addition to giving the house to his wife, at least until the children were eighteen years old. Steffen had to pay half of the house payment but wasn't allowed to live there. Go, figure!

If his wife re-married, much of that would go away. For that reason, I can guarantee that she'll never remarry. She may be a wife to someone in every way possible, but she'll never make it legal. She's smarter than that. So am I.

As I walked out of the building, Elder Simpson intercepted me. I'd seen him in the courtroom, but I sure didn't want to talk to him. He just put his hand on my shoulder and said, "When you wrong one of God's servants, it never goes unpunished. You may avoid the punishment for a long time, but it will come. It will come."

Crazy old fool! If he's trying to scare me, he failed. I felt bad for Tim, but not because of what Elder Simpson had to say.

Message:

Steffen and I didn't live together after our divorces. I bought a small house with the money that Tim gave me when he bought out my share of our home. It was like Steffen and I were still dating. We were more than friends with benefits, but less than husband and wife. Getting married would be stupid for us since it would end my alimony. Much of our "exciting" life was being financed by my alimony from Tim. How incredulous is that?

Steffen and I did lots of exciting things. We attended many major league sporting events together, including a World Series Game, a Super Bowl, and a basketball final-four game. There's no doubt about it, we were moving in exclusive circles and living the very definition of an exciting life.

We went on fabulous vacations. We even went to England and France. We have pictures of us visiting Big Ben and the Eiffel Tower. We went to the best National Parks too, sometimes on our motorcycles.

The excitement was there both in and out of bed. Much of what we did in bed would be considered sinful by Tim. Steffen took me to heights where the air was so rare that I often came close to passing out. He introduced me to many things; the most mind-blowing of which had to be my introduction to multiple orgasms. Tim always considered the job done when he had made his deposit. Quite often, that meant no orgasm for me. Neither of us ever had more than one! That was then, this is now.

Unlike Tim, Steffen recognized no sexual limits. He was not above using any or all of my orifices for anything he desired. It didn't matter whether or not that was their originally intended purpose. While Tim was always gentle, Steffen was aggressive. His performance bordered on roughness. He dominated me and I loved it! In a way, I was fulfilling my biblical role more with Steffen than I had with Tim. I was submitting to my man completely, just as the good-book ordered! Having said that, I'm sure Elder Simpson wouldn't see it that way. He would have abandoned me to the devil and sent me streaking straight to hell.

At first, all my children turned on me. That was the one real price that I paid for what I did. As time went by, my two daughters accepted the reality of my new life. Only Anna forgave me. Dolly didn't forgive me, but she accepted me and allowed me back into her life. My son may never accept what I did, let alone forgive me. He sides entirely with his father and refuses to even talk to me unless it's absolutely necessary.

The first dark cloud in my new life appeared when a hail storm came through town. It damaged the roof of almost every house in town. Mine was no exception. I needed a new roof, but I had insurance, so it was no big deal.

When the crew came to do the roofing job, they discovered that part of the roof supporting structure was rotten. Upon further investigation, they found that one whole wall was rotten and covered with toxic mold.

The cost of repairing the house would be $20,000. I bought the house for $80,000. If I were to repair it, I'd have $100,000 tied up in an $80,000 house.

I consulted a lawyer about suing the former owners for non-disclosure of the rot and mold. He said that we would have to prove that they knew about it before the sale. That might prove to be difficult.

Upon further investigation, he discovered that the sellers had gone through an expensive divorce and there was probably no way to get that kind of money from them.