All Comments on 'Four Year Itch'

Wow, this is so poorly written it isn't even funny! I've heard third graders tell a story better than this.

Pack up and leave the bitch behind in your dust.

For me this is one of your best stories so far, no cuck, left the bitch and got revenge on the asshole. 5*

That was... brief and terrible. Too much for the reader to piece together. He just got up and walked out? I mean, seriously? It wouldn't hurt to add a little more background to these characters, a little more depth. This was like reading a Want advert for a plumber, and not for a good company. Sorry.

I like the way the main character reacted, but it doesn't leave much room for further plot development and so this story is very short. Perhaps the man's life in his new city could have been interesting. 4 stars

Okay but could have been more. She could have been having some sort of stress induced breakdown but he didn't think to at least talk to her. At that point she hadn't done anything that couldn't have been talked through. After the talk/ counselling, if he couldn't live with it, get divorced but at least he would understand better what happened and why. Wouldn't any husband want to know what was happening with his wife? He heard a few words then disappeared forever. The story - for me - lacked a sense of how a real person would actually react if he really loved his wife. 3 stars

Very good actually. Some more emotions in the characters would have added more flesh to the bones of this story. 4*

real ending

Wow...10 stories posted today...9 by cuck wimp authors and you had to post an unemotional flash story? I guess its time to look elsewhere if this is the quality of non cuck writers one can expect!

"A year went by" is too long before taking action. Change it to a week or a month instead.

Love it . No bullshit just go on with your life.5*

Straight and to the point. thats what a man is supposed to do leave her to herself so she realizes that she fucked up. Now she is going to sleep around like the slut that she wanted to be then think about getting marry but the guys will get turn down cuz they cant mach up to the guy she was marry too. She is going to get marry with the qrong guy or die alone with cats and dogs. Stupid dumb bitch

Short and sweet and directly to the point!

Oh please. She goes with the guy after her husband walks out? Give me a break.

Wish I hadn’t read this to the end, but I hoped for at least one redeeming feature. I was disappointed! Why bother writing something so full of hate from someone who seems completely lacking in empathy? Understanding of human emotions is what makes any story enjoyable - it seems the author is devoid of this basic element. Pity.

Familiar trope, nothing new, or unexpected, looked like author wanted to get story done in as few words as possible, meh

Ending was rushed

A simple, good story. A good way to begin the day.

somewhere east of Omaha

Need more. Joan's a slut and a fool

Not bad. Three stars.

What a stupid woman.

Funnily, although a 5/5 there was so much more to say. Maybe a tad too fast.

Still a 5

Appalling, utter horse cack

Yes she fucked up. But she's now 27 and wont' be haunted for long. He's and idiot and Joan will realise that it was good riddance. Who wants to be with someone who can't ever face a problem but has to run away as a coward/

Truely painful

Given the same circumstances

That's exactly what I would do .....

One small incident and Bill immediately suspects and affair and hires a PI?

Are you fucking kidding? And then after he leaves her: ABSNDONS her, he files for divorce because she cheated?

Well holy SHITBALLS!!! It’s not cheating if he abandons her.

You’re an idiot and I’m surprised you know how to operate a light switch.

Wow - that was well done. No new ground broken, but the writing is impeccable. Sparse, but powerful. I really enjoyed reading your story. Thanks.

I can appreciate brevity, but this felt like it needed a little fattening up. Too matter-of-fact, especially noticeable after he walks out, since up till then, you're still waiting for the hammer to drop. After it does, there aren't any compelling plot points left to hold together the dry style of narration. Also, there are a couple of times where I'm not sure if the commentary is meant to be by a character or the author.

I do like some aspects of the breezy style, though. If you could pick out some important moments and spend some time fleshing them out, and then speed through the rest like so, it could make for quite a good read.

The concept was different, that Jake was going to dump her just because she wanted to fuck someone else, and the story would have been better if she hadn’t fucked the other guy; that would have made it a divorce over jealousy and hurt feelings alone, and different from what we see here.

Of course, we all fantasize about what it would be like to fuck somebody new.

I liked Bill's clear minded response to his wife's stupidity. They are in a life-long commitment and she is already looking for sex on the side? Luckily, they didn't have kids yet so he just moved on. Did Joan get in trouble at work also? She should have.

Beyond that, the story is a bit too "crisp". It felt like a documentary. It was informational, not personal. These stories are about relationships. They need to have an emotional/personal tone.

You NEED an editor! Short, choppy sentences, commas where they shouldn't be, missing letters from words and worse part; there is absolutely NO EMOTION, cardboard characters!

First tense and almost no dialogue, like a manual. Not good.

Short but good. Bill wasn't buying into her BS, not at all.

The real quetion is: why do women like Joan marry jerks like Bill in the first place? 1*

After Joan spoke those stupid words, the poor guy's gut was saying R-U-N!

And ran he did -- no looking back.

This guy would survive any war, when the Sergeant says duck he will be the first one to hit the ground.

/

Again I am SMH why Joan didn't just have a go with Jake Beatty?? The cheaters were both single, they really deserve each other.

/

One thing I can say about the story that although I enjoyed it as it was quite funny to me, but I feel it was hastily done -- no build-up of the drama, no emotional confrontation with Jake and Joan.

But I did enjoy it.

Nice @demander.

Solid effort. Good storyline, could be fleshed out a bit more.

Oh HELL yes!

Do yourself a favor, get an editor.

do not poke the bear if you do not want the bear to react. Finally a story about a husband with balls. no nitpicking from me

The writing was a bit stilted. All of the sentences were very short and choppy, which affected the flow of the story. An editor would certainly help in that regard.

Regarding the story - it sounds like the marriage really had nothing to it. After only four years, one of the marriage partners decides to step out? Things like that generally happen when there are other issues in the marriage that haven't been addressed, yet none of that shows up here, making the characters seem very shallow for their actions.

Justice, but not very emotional

This was awful, like a police report. Third person has it's uses, this kind of a story isn't one of them. I know you wanted to show each person's thoughts and feelings, Tough! Decide whose story moves you the most and write that story.

Too robotic and emotionless. You'll never get that in such a short story (unless you're very good) better make it longer give more insight into motivations etc.

I honestly don't think he'd have walked without at least a final warning 'I don't know if we're over but if you go anywhere other work with him we will be.'

Not as good as others of yours.

4 stars.

Too short.

Average

Great outline for a story. Now take your outline and start filling in the space in between each sentence in each paragraph. The story reads like a summary of a much longer much better story. I’ll bet you can do it!

you decide to check out the playing field and you get burned

Hi Demander. If you want to inject some emotional aspects in to your work, you have to write from a person's Point of View (POV). Look at how you began your story. You wrote as if from an invisible eye in the sky, describing the situation. So, no involvement from the charactures. Then you started to write from the wife's POV but kept getting sidetracked to the overview and the husband. As a narrator, you cannot provide details of what a person is thinking and feeling emotionally. You can only if writing from ONE person POV. But then you have to continue from the same POV, not change to another (husband) unless it is a different section/chapter.

Until that happens a reader cannot get involved/relate to a lead person. Keep writing and good luck. Cheers.

Should have been fleshed out with more dialogue and introspection but the premise is good.

There's the gist of a decent story in there but it doesn't look like you wanted to make the effort to develop it. Sorry, but 2* for this one...

Story was very rushed. You jumped from one scene to the next very rapidly when you could have made it more underestimate by expounding on each issue. The story line is one that has been used many times and that’s ok but you got to give a little something different .

Pretty light on detail, especially motivations for their actions

Ended up being “some stuff happened to some people… the end”

Well worn plot. Not a very good rendition. Lack of interaction between the couple drained it of any impact. Writing is stiff and lacking in emotion —- reads like a book report.

.

Weak 3 ***

Gave you a 4 for a decent story. I could not give you a 5 because it was just too quick. No detail, no 'umph' You really need to flesh out your stories. It would make them so much better.

Good story but too choppy at the end.

Not the best story I've ever read on this site , but grading on the Bell curve of the last few day's , it gets all the ⭐'s I can legally give !

Come on writer's of real stories , post some , can't you see we're drowning in these Sexual Deviant's slop that's taken over !!!

Throw the regular people a life line !

These damn Cuck's with their base need to be emasculated and humiliated has gone too damn far ,, it's a cancer that's slowly extinguishing the life of this category .

No substance. Lacks character development and any form of hook to really reel a reader in. Are all the guys who get cheated on plumbers on this site? All the women seem to be lawyers also, some kind of connection here? All the crap that comes from the Dewey, Cheatum & Howe women types has to have some outlet, soon let's make her significant other a plumber! ... All right, enough ranting. This thing reads like I was the author, and I wasn't, so there! Now try again, you'll get better.

Wow this was boring and badly written

Good story. I say that because I would have done the same thing. Luckily, My wife of 46 years has been loyal to her marriage, as I have too. How do I know? Trust but verify.

Please include at least one person that people can cheer for. Who wants to invest time reading a story where the most likable character is the unnamed/uncredited dog down the street.

I love the outline. Just add dialogue, and build some depth to the characters, and it will be a solid story.

I guess that was considered a Flash story. Not much to sink your teeth in, just what!, I'm gone. I suppose I would do what Bill did, but not move away from my life and friends.

Good story, needs more details! It was a story of “the facts, and only the facts!”. It’s like the “bare bones” of a good story……. Flesh it out a little. Some character development and back story, etc!

This was far too mired in third person narrative to engage readers the way the plot deserved...it read more like a plot summary than a story. That being said, the plot was excellent and realistic - no blubbering, weak, needy, indecisive husband, which is exceptionally rare for LW. Her going through with the fling is a blemish on the plot. It's unlikely that she would given the way she is written up to that point. It also weakens the plot tension.

A normal man would react the same way as the MC IRL. No rational man with no children would consider staying with a woman who asks for a "fling". Her protestations and recantations would be unimportant in IRL. You can't trust the cunt, and the possibilities for a trainwreck at some point if you had children with her would be horrifying. No discussion; no "counseling"; no compromise; no quarter. This story deserves a higher score, but the author needs to learn how to write more dialogue.

Bill, is an idiot. Unable to communicate with his wife, when a small problem comes up. Anyone who truly loves his wife would have talked and made sure that she understood it was a big NO! Instead he acts like a spoiled child and ran away. Hopefully he will meet a very submissive woman he can control with simple conversations.

sorry man, but no. I hate stories were the guy just runs away. I don't care how well it is written. cowardice. 2 Stars

OK little flash story but I have never been able to understand a wife like this. It is totally illogical to me that a wife would have this little understanding of her husband and the way he thinks. Had he every given her any indication he would be remotely OK with this? She should certainly know that he would not put up with her even thinking about having an affair. I guess in my little black and white world this shit doesn't fly it crashes and burns much like in this story.

enjoyed it, did a pretty good job. found the pacing a little bit too fast, you probably intended it to be a flash story but the plot would shine better with a slower pace/longer story. had a really big opportunity for a nice romance story and character development in Mountain City.

wasn't a fan of Bill leaving straight after the pitch, it's a bit extreme and unrealistic...it would've made more sense if Bill had left and cooled off at a hotel/motel/family home for a few days then came back over the weekend only to find Joan gone and tracked her phone to the resort which seals the divorce.

The plot line was there, but the story read very dry. Emotions were stated, but not really felt. More like a recitation of the facts than the telling of a story.

5. Short, but touched all the bases. In other words, a home run. Joan got what she deserved. Jake, too. As for Bill, he'll almost certainly insist on a pre-nup next time around. Sequel bait?

To short

I liked it but the over all content wasn't there. Needed more depth..

eh looked like for a sec there was going to be more emotion but no. i personally needed more of the domestic interactions to get more involved. as it was, just felt there wasnt any reason for these ppl to be married. maybe immature ppl shouldnt get married lol

Quick read. Could have used a little more detail tho.

Very workman.

It's just a short piece, written amidst writing a longer one. There is a companion piece coming soon to a computer near you. D

Considering the crap being posted on LW lately this story is sadly fantastic. Looking like the days of daily good stories are long gone. Now we're left with daily doses of whores, sluts, cucks and wimps.

By the standards of this site, he overreacted. By normal standards, no wife would request that if she loved her husband. How could he trust her after that? I can see two choices: leave or stay without trust. Leaving sounds far better to me.

Usual crap story about a guy so emotionally insecure he can't even talk to his wife about their marriage where she feels insecure. He runs away like a craven coward and basically causes the wife insecurities to explode. Since he has abandoned her he turns fully to the pursuer. He needs to get a hungry lawyer sue for mental cruelty and abandonment. Take the husband to the cleaners. with a guy like this the marriage was doomed way before she had sex with the other guy.

I would have thought the wife in this story would have been a blonde. She fucks her husband and immediately afterwards springs the idea of her fucking a coworker for a whole weekend on him. He walks out on her but she still decides it's OK to go through with her fuck fest weekend. Bitches this dumb probably have to be told to breathe. Thanks for the story. It's a hell of a lot better than 95% of the stories posted lately.

A Life in 5 Minutes. Go out author

I read the comments about "why didn't he work it out or try to communicate?" Get real!! Your wife tells you that she met a man who she wants instead of you, it is over! PERIOD! You get to be replaced by one, then another, then another until she comes home every night looking like she freshly douched with a milkshake. Even had she not followed through with the physical cheating, the emotional cheating had occurred, the trust is gone and the relationship is dead.

No bullshit, just grab your shit and start over. I give the author 5 stars.

Good clean story. No months or years of dithering like in most stories here. The Hubby knew the trust was gone the moment she opened her cheating mouth. I would handle the exact same way. There are almost 8 billion people on the planet. More than half are women. Why waste time with skanks and Mudsharks? Like my cousin the ladies man used to say "woman are like trucks on the highway once one goes by there is always another one coming right behind it"!

Story was quick, had all the elements that you need. Some women are clueless and some guys will cut bait immediately. Why worry about it happening again. Oh, and what man who values his marriage (and child) acts like that? They deserve each other.

Far better than most of the cuck drivel on here.

When I see something so stupid as a line that " The law suit against the firm settled for $75k," I know that the author is clueless, as there is zero basis for any claim. There are various other holes in the story, including the fact that the author does not seemingly realize that becoming a lawyer requires 4 years of college, 3 years of law school, and then one has to pass the bar exam.

Anyhow, I see two immature people who cannot handle life. Probably both are better off with someone else. Wife will easily find someone better than her ex-husband. It would be hard for a lawyer-plumber marriage would work anyhow.

Nice little flash story but I would have liked to see it fleshed out a bit more. 4 Stars.

3 stars for a quick BTB that followed the standard script by just changing the names and location.

Now that you finished the first chapter, maybe you could continue with 'HIS' & 'HER' perspective chapters.

Possibly include something from their immediate relatives on both sides, and/or close friends etc. etc. etc.

Short and to the point. I liked it very much but i only gave it 4 stars. I was just over charged by a plumber in my town and am a little bitter.

You lost me at him being a Pepsi drinker.

Paper thin story, zero flow and horribly choppy.

The only problem, and it is minor since the whore wanted to sleep with another guy with her husbands agreement, is that is she had really loved him at all she never would have went away for that weekend with Jake. I suppose it could be argued that she knew her husband well enough to know he was not coming back but damn. If you wanted any chance at reconciling your marriage she never would have sent and fucked the guy.

Good story. Just too good to be that short. You could easily flesh that out to three or four good pages of story. I gave it a *5 because I enjoyed it, and even with it's brevity it's better than 95% of the stories posted this week.

Sadly a bit like reading an IKEA instruction manual, no emotion, no real characters, just cardboard cutouts.

The MC didn’t have balls, he ran like a coward. He wasn’t a “real man.” He was a pussy that didn’t fight for his marriage. Why get married if one expects a perfect partner?

So, no thought of counseling, no thought of talking about it, he just cut and run.

.

In a lot of these types of stories, the wife, or someone who talks her into it, tries counter the husband's reaction as a matter of wounded ego, not realizing she's doing it because of her ego. That's not the case in this story. The way you wrote it, she had every intention of dropping it if he said no. There was not ultimatum. But in this case, you wrote a guy who whose ego was instantly shattered by the question and not the deed. Face it, he's a pussy.

Loved it. Great story, just too darn short! I'd have done the same thing; no way to trust her knowing she has such little regard for the sanctity of marriage or the vows she once uttered. Well done.

5 stars, hoping it will encourage you to write a 3 or 4 lit-page story. Thanks for posting.

I gave you a 5* It seems some of the negative comments are just petty for a flash story. I get it if you were writing something longer, but for the flash genre, it was better than most.

A good premise but a bit chopped. I would enjoy a bit more detail.

Way too much of an over reaction. Good people do stupid things for the dumbest of reasons. Bill needed to take his wife to work the next morning, grab predatory Jake, and drag them both into the managing partner's office for a comeuppance. The cheaters get fired, Bill takes a much smarter wife to counselling, they move forward. Any real woman would love the Tarzan approach Bill used instead of running away like he did. More detail might have improved Bill's rationalisation. Way too clean and pat as written. Three ticks.

I like the result. There is no greater punishment than the Ghosting and giving her no option to "explain". It leaves a woman frustrated to the point of insanity. Creates a wound that does not heal.