Freddy Fingers

"Carl!" Patty tried to interrupt, but I was going to finish.

"I told you I don't want to hear your fucking rehearsed story. Only thing I came here was to find out why. Why did you do it? Were you unhappy with me? With us? Was I getting in too bad of shape? I mean Brayden is a lot fitter than me. He's also taller, was his cock bigger?"

"Jesus fuckin' Christ Carl," Patty yelled to interrupt me, tears running down her cheek, "I'm trying to explain to you there was no affair -- not even an emotional one. Brayden and I never even had sex."

"I already had a chat with Brayden," I interrupted and saw a flash of fear in her eye. "Look, he already confessed to you two fucking Friday night and then Sunday during the game, so quit spinning things any different. I did bring divorce papers for irreconcilable differences -- split everything and I'm primary guardian since you're out of work. However, if you fight it and I have to go for grounds of adultery, he will testify."

The last bit was a complete lie and I knew it, but I was hoping to bluff my way into getting the truth from her because I was sure it wasn't what she was telling me then.

"He's lying. We didn't have sex. Not even once," Patty said, her eyes flashing. "Why don't you believe me?"

"Why? Because his story is a helluva lot more believable."

"Why are you being like this?" She switched from anger to pleading, "Let me tell you my side. Carl, I've never lied to you before, please."

I stood up, knowing the whole discussion was a bad idea. "Yeah, that might be Patty, but guess what? You've never bent over in public and let another man finger fuck you before either. I was there, remember, seeing you on the other side of the rink smiling. Guess, I know now what was making you so happy."

"Carl, no, please." She reached for me.

"If nothing really happened, as soon as the story broke you would've told me then and there that you weren't having an affair. 'Carl, I never fucked Brayden. Let me tell you what really happened.' You know what? I would've been more than happy to hear your side then. But no, you take off and ignore me and your kids. Two fucking months is enough time to craft and rehearse a real convincing story -- especially after knowing I lawyered up. Sorry, Patty, we have nothing to say anymore. You apologize for the public humiliation, but what about me? What about breaking my fucking heart? Just seeing him do that to you while you looked at me killed me. Seeing a picture of the two of you kissing like that? That ripped my fucking heart right out. You didn't think of that because you don't even care, so why should I? Accept the terms in the envelope so we can get past this. Bye Patricia Bell. Bye forever."

As I turned around and walked away, I heard her voice but no words. I know she was apologizing and pleading and maybe threw out the 'l-word,' but I was done. I glanced at the envelope with the divorce papers as I exited the condo and then had a good cry in my car before heading back to the house. I still had a few things to do around there before the big move.

I was throwing out last minute things before the movers got there, as well as had everything I thought Patty would want -- or I wouldn't want like our wedding pictures -- in a big stack of boxes in the garage. I already told Bob that if Patty didn't want any of that stuff to toss it and we'd discuss anything I took that she did want through our lawyers.

I expected Bob to drop the kids off at my place after spending some time with their mother -- after what she did, I still did hope Ty at least would give her a chance. I had pizza ordered and was waiting when Bob's cell called.

"Hi Bob, on your way?" I answered.

"Please you can't take them away from me, Carl. How can you steal my babies?" Patty blubbered into the phone.

"You did this, not me," I replied harshly, "It's your fault I had to pull them from school and Arizona is the only option for me to relocate for work and give them a shot at a new life. You'll get Reese for the summer and Ty is old enough to decide to remain with me. If he changes his mind, I will of course let him go see you. If the distance bothers you that much, nothing's stopping you from moving closer to us."

"I can't leave now, because..." Patty stopped and I heard her breathing heavily through her nose, "Forget it. You don't believe me at all and hate me. He was right about you; I should've listened. Here I thought you'd be different. And now my kids hate me too. I can't do this." She hung up.

I figured the 'he' was either Brayden or Bob. At that moment, it didn't matter, all that mattered is getting my kids away from the shit show our lives had become.

Bob and Mary pulled up seconds later with the kids. Reese ran to her room crying without saying a word. Ty told me that his mother spent the entire time in a bedroom, and wouldn't even come out to see them at all. Reese was crying banging on the door, but Patty wouldn't even say one word to her daughter. They hung out in the den, while Bob and Mary reassured them Patty would be down shortly and tried to convince them everything was a big misunderstanding. They also said her avoiding contact with them was for her own good, and they should love their mother enough to want what was best for her. Needless to say, Ty was almost as angry at his grandparents as he was at his mother.

*

The move went smooth, as did the ending of my marriage. Patty ended up signing the divorce papers as is and took half the proceeds from the sale, and, for all I knew, all the boxes I left for her. The only thing she asked for was a picture of Reese and I playing hockey when she was five that hung in our hallway. I found that weird since I knew she had plenty of pictures of Reese without me. Anyway, I sent it to her parent's house by courier.

We had been in Arizona for three months and the kids and I hadn't heard any mention of Freddy Fingers from anyone -- even though a mention of the story occasionally popped up on social media, no connection to us was ever made. The people were just as nice at work as back home, and I actually found my new team more knowledgeable and self-reliant -- like I had an entire team of Sunja's -- ability-wise not culturally. It ended up being a great fit for me. Reese hated the fact that had to repeat grade eight all over again after missing so much, but Ty was able to start classes right away and could be caught up if he took summer school. I was also very happy to hear that his new school was quite tolerant of his lifestyle choice.

Since Reese couldn't attend school until fall, and I didn't feel comfortable leaving her alone all day in still a relatively new city for us, I made arrangements for her to attend the youth rec center which had a before and after school program that had a few kids her age. During school time, Reese was free to do activities (sports, board games, etc.) and was moderately supervised by staff. It wasn't ideal, but Reese accepted it. We've had no contact at all with Patty, though Reese talked to her grandparents regularly. However, I was starting to have reservations of sending Reese to spend the summer with her after no contact at all for almost five months-- it was less than a month away. Poor Reese was so excited that she was counting down. If she travelled back to just be shut out again by her mother... My heart hurt for her.

I was working on a software upgrade schedule when I received a text from my ex-father-in-law. It was a link to Winfield local news station there with the message, live news conference starting right away. You NEED to see. I was just told by her therapist.

I asked my assistant to not disturb me for a bit, and closed my door and typed in the link on my work computer. It was a news conference at the Winfield sheriff's office. The sheriff was there, some older woman in a suit, and standing in front of the podium microphone was Patty. She was wearing glasses now with the same short red hair like the last time I saw her. The title was "Woman from Freddy Finger Video Revealed."

I missed the very beginning, but it sounded like Patty had just start speaking.

"When I found out about the release of the video, I was at the hospital getting tests done, which I will go in about later," Patty said in a quiet sad voice, "I was devastated and humiliated. It's not an exaggeration to say that I had a complete mental breakdown. That video cost me my job, my marriage, and my children. I'd like to say it's a big comfort that the person responsible will be punished, but really it feels like a shallow victory."

There was a rush of talking from the reporters, until a female voice clearly said, "Mrs. Stanos, are you saying you were a victim?"

"Miss Bell now," Patty said sadly, "What everyone saw was just seconds of what really happened and unfortunately everyone made their own minds up of what they thought was the truth -- even people who knew me for years. Because of an ongoing investigation, which started the day the video was released, I was not permitted to say anything in public. My counselor that I've been seeing since that day recommended not telling anyone except my parents, who were caring for me while I was too bad to really care for myself. Just talking about it was a huge trigger for me.

"I can now say that what everyone watched online was me being sexually assaulted. Two days before that video was released, the man from the video, Brayden Garde, approached me and a female friend drinking in a lounge. He brought us drinks, and then convinced me to leave with him and do things. Things that, in a normal frame of mind, I would never do with another man because of my faithfulness to my husband. I did stop things that night before it turned into oral sex or worse, but I still carried a lot of guilt and shame -- and was physically ill from it.

"At the time, I did not know that Mr. Garde drugged me that night and I was not at all able to consent to what happened. Days later, at the hockey game, Mr. Garde said there was a video of us from the other night and he would show my husband if I didn't have sex with him then and there. He was bluffing: there was no video, but I didn't know that at the time. When he left the stands for a moment, I escaped to the other side of the rink. I told a worker that I needed to be alone. However, Mr. Garde snuck up behind me and told me if I made a scene he'd make sure everyone saw what we did. Brayden would say, 'keep smiling. Act natural or everyone sees,' as he shoved his hand down my pants and molested me. Ironically, I stood paralyzed in fear of my husband seeing a video of me kissing Brayden while he groped me at the dance club, and I just let it happen hoping that he'd be satisfied and just leave me alone after. He then said, 'keep smiling and relax. Don't care you're not that wet, we're fucking. Now, come on.' I told him no and never to touch me again. He started to leave and still motioned me to join him. I ran the other way and hid in a women's bathroom stall, waiting for the game to end. When Brayden didn't push the matter when I saw him after the game talking to my husband, I suspected there was no video."

Again there was loud discussion from the reporters. The woman in the suit gently guided Patty aside and stood in front of the microphone. "One thing I'd like to add, we had an expert analyze the video when Mr. Garde is seen whispering to Miss Bell and he confirmed it is as Miss Bell stated. In other words, he was threatening to rape her as well as using the threat of blackmail to assault her.

"Now Miss Bell claims that she was drugged actually was our strongest evidence against Mr. Garde. He is a registered nurse at West Hope General Hospital. Earlier this year, they took part in a drug trial for Ferediton, an experimental drug expected to be a female Viagra to women in menopause. In women who are still virile, it could cause loss of inhibition and even disorientation at higher doses. Mr. Garde was one of the few people with regular access to Ferediton, as he helped administered the drug. Our investigation found that one patient who was supposed to be receiving the drug only received half the dose and a placebo for the rest. That and the fact that a blood test revealed Miss Bell did have traces of Feredition in her system proved Mr. Garde stole the drug from the drug trial with clear intent to assault Miss Bell. We then began building our strong case for both the sexual assault of Miss Bell, but also the theft of the Feredition.

"After presenting our evidence, including Miss Bell's testimony, to Mr. Garde's defense attorney last week, we also made an offer to avoid trial and spare Miss Bell any more humiliation. Our office felt she'd been through enough with the online mob-mentality attacks on her character. This morning, at nine, Mr. Garde pled guilty to third degree sexual assault and accepted the sentencing terms of two years with conditions that..."

I heard enough, I switched off the video. I grabbed my phone and texted Bob, my eyes watering: Why didn't anyone tell me? Or the kids?

After a few minutes the long reply came: When we picked her up from the hospital she was mess. She was so ashamed and blamed herself. Her counselor said that is normal of sex assault victims. He made us promise not to tell and she would when she was ready. After weeks of counseling and realizing everyone was convinced she had an affair, she wanted to talk to you. She figured you'd be mad but was so surprised that you might divorce her. Her counselor warned that you would be too angry and talking to you about it would only set her recovery back. He was right. You wouldn't listen when she tried to explain what happened and already planned to move, so she gave up on you and the kids. She's still in a rough place and we're really worried about her. I know she isn't your concern anymore but at least try to forgive her. It could help her move on.

I started to type 'if I knew', but what good will that do. I replied, I want to talk to her. Please tell her that. I will tell the kids and I am sure they will want to talk too. They've always wanted to talk. I wanted to talk. She shut us out. You should've told us the truth if she couldn't. Our marriage ending is on you as well.

I knew the last part was harsh and unfair, but didn't care. All I thought I knew was wrong, and I'd slut-shamed my wife after she was essentially raped. I also regretted that I didn't hurt that asshole Brayden more than I did. I threw his lies in Patty's face and threatened to have him testify against her in divorce court. She had to know I was wrong about that if an investigation was going on. Here I didn't even give her the chance to tell me the truth when she finally wanted to. No wonder she gave up on me.

I was debating on how to word everything to Reese when I received another text from Bob: Sorry, but Patricia just wants to move past things. You know the truth now and that's enough for her. Sorry. You're right we should have told you the truth. She made us promise and the prosecutor wanted as few people to know as possible so they could get a conviction. Her counselor said the best for Patricia was to keep it between us and he knows what's best for her mental health.

Just like I did when I first saw the Freddy Fingers video, I just zoned out and stared at nothing in silence. The reality kept hitting me. My wife, the best friend I've ever had, and whom I'd been together with for more than eighteen years, was trying to tell me that she was sexually assaulted and I basically called her a slut and walked away without even letting her talk. I had a feeling Brayden was a bit of sleaze, hearing rumors of why he divorced his wife. Why was I so ready to believe him and not even hear out Patty's side? The answer was that I already judged her and he confirmed what I thought happened.

Of course, I was hurt seeing her allowing him to touch her like that. However, I knew I acted more in anger than pain. I had to admit to myself the real reason why I was so dead set on leaving Patty was because the video went public. I refused to be the pathetic loser cheated on in front of the world that just rolls over and takes his cheating wife back. Attacking Brayden in public, that was revenge but also a statement that I was no cuckold loser accepting what he did. A lot of my reactions were a response to being humiliated by that video, while buying in to the public opinion that Patty was a cheater, and how her 'time away' made the kids feel abandoned.

In my defense, what I told my wife when we last spoke was true. If Patty had come right out as soon as the video dropped and plainly said there was no affair then, I would still would've been hurt and angry, but I also would've been more open to hearing her side. If she explained the truth then, I would've been standing right by her side through it all. After she ignored us for months, letting everything stew like she did, I doubt I would've believed anything she said if I let her talk. How stupid was this counselor for not knowing keeping me in the dark from the get-go only would've had me thinking the worst. Even one text from Bob explaining the truth might have saved our marriage.

One thing I knew, I would be useless at work that day. I let people know I was taking the day off, maybe the next day, and headed back to the townhouse I was currently renting.

Once home, I paced for a moment trying to make sense of everything. Even though the divorce was final, it still did matter to me. I debated on sending Patty an apology for not believing her, but that would feel a little hollow at the moment. Besides, I thought she'd deserve it in person. I decided I'd fly back to Winfield with Reese and have the apology there. Once he knew the truth, Ty probably would want to see his mother too -- so I hoped.

Being in IT, I was so use to having a clear solution to every problem. If I couldn't find one, I needed to research more information. I was at a lost understanding Patty's actions and how to help. Desperate, I ended up going through the online phone book and calling a phone line for sexual assault victims.

"Hello, my name is Callie. How can I help you?" said a kind young woman's voice.

I took a breath, "Hi, my name is Carl and my wife was drugged and sexually assaulted."

"I'm so sorry to hear that Carl, is she there now? Does she need medical attention?"

I sighed thinking the call was stupid idea, but I already made it. "No, Callie. The assault actually took place months ago, but I just found out about it. Do you know the Freddy Fingers video? That's my wife."

"I'm sorry, but I think you and your wife need to speak to a couples counselor. This line is a women's crisis line." Callie sounded a little uneasy.

"Look, if you get another call and it's a crisis, go ahead and hang up I'd understand," I said almost pleading, "I'm sorry I need to understand why Patty acted like she did and if I made things worse for her. Please, we're divorced because of this mess, but I still care. I still love her."

"It's a slow night, so I guess a few minutes would be okay," Callie said her voice sounding more sympathetic, "So that video was a sexual assault? Sorry, but I always thought her reaction was strange, too unemotional. Nothing like two lovers messing around."

Of course she knew the video and would be curious. Besides, I hoped giving her information could help her explain why Patty acted like she did. I said, "The assault was a few nights before, he drugged her and took advantage when she couldn't consent. In the video, he was basically blackmailing her to go along with him or he'd make sure I found out what she did. She didn't know for sure that she was drugged at the time."