Freddy Fingers

"Carl, not now. I'm sorry, I can't talk about us. I'm not ready, but we will I promise." Patty took a deep breath. "I need to see my babies. I'm staying in town for a few days and want to spend an evening alone with each of them. If you're okay with it, I will pick up Ty right away, and then tomorrow I will come get Reese."

"Of course, where are you staying?"

"Not now, Carl," Patty said vehemently and sounded like she was about to cry, "I can't see you yet. I'm sorry. I made an even bigger fucking mess of everything and need time. I'll drop Ty off before his bedtime. Thank you." And she hung up.

So, it was an evening alone with my teenage daughter, but I was the farthest from her thoughts. As soon as I picked up Reese from the center, it was apparent she already knew her mother was in town and spending the evening with Ty.

I treated her out for supper to her new favorite Thai restaurant, but all she did was talk excitedly about her mother. "Maybe she's here looking for work and she'll move? I don't have to go away from my new friends for the summer and see her all the time"

I didn't have the heart to tell her that I didn't think that was the case. I'm just glad she made no comment about us getting back together. Reese did share that her mother had started to communicate with both of them the same evening I showed them the press conference. Reese also said that Patty made both promise not to tell me anything -- especially about her visit -- and that she needed time before we had our 'talk.' Reese assumed since she was in town, the talk was happening, so she didn't have to keep it secret. I decided it wasn't a good time to mention that I was planning to date someone.

Ty didn't arrive home until eleven, around the time I went to bed. He looked happy, but again still distracted. After Reese explained things, I'd assumed he was distracted by keeping his mother's visit secret, but that wasn't it.

"Dad, can we talk?" Ty said with a funny look on his face.

"Sure. How was the visit with your mother?" I said, smiling because I was genuinely happy for both of them to reconnect again.

"Do you still love her -- even after what happened?"

This was the second time in a few days that my sixteen year-old-son surprised me with a personal question.

"Of course I still love her. She was my best-friend and lover for nearly eighteen years." I answered, carefully.

"Dad, mom's been seeing someone for about a month. I don't think it's gotten serious yet -- she's still having problems and didn't even let me hug her much. He's been a good friend since you left her, but lately he's being more."

"Now, Ty..."

"Dad, she thinks it could get serious, but is unsure if she's ready. Don't you get it? She still blames herself and thinks you still are mad about what happened. I think that's why she was asking about whether you were with someone. I know she still loves you. That's why she's having second thoughts about this guy. If you still love her, you're running out of time to make things right." He started to cry.

I hugged my son, feeling horrible about what him and his sister have had to endure the last half year. "Ty, I know you want us to get back together and be like it was, but life doesn't work like that. Me loving your mom isn't enough. I'm not sure she still loves me. It sounds like she's trying to move on, and maybe I need to do the same. I'm sorry, but things don't happen like we want -- believe me."

"Just try Dad, convince her you don't hate her and it wasn't her fault. Promise me."

I sighed. "If she will agree to meet with me, I promise I will try." At that point, I had no confidence that our talk would happen in the near future, so it was a hollow promise. However, it did calm my son enough to smile at me and go to bed.

I had a restless sleep that night, my mind going over the events of the last six months over and over. I still could only speculate why Patty showed up at my work out of nowhere to give me head, but it was clear why she felt it was a mistake. What she did was cheat on her new boyfriend with me. Even though it shouldn't matter, it bugged me that I didn't know how serious it was. Did that mean they haven't started sleeping together yet, or that he hadn't proposed yet? The guy had been around for months when all she really had were her parents -- last I heard from Heather, Patty ignored her as well -- so enough foundation of a relationship could have been set to move things along quickly.

I probably should mention, since exchanging numbers, Candace and I had been small talking by text -- a little flirty but nothing too forward. I didn't mention my ex-wife was in town, instead used her as a distraction. I upped the volume of texts at work the day Reese was spending the evening with Patty because I really needed the distraction. Candace still hadn't had time to take a break with me, taking whatever breaks she could dealing with being short-staff due to a flu going around the nurses. When I said I upped the volume, I meant, as soon as I received a reply text from her -- between 30-60 minutes after I sent my last one, I immediately replied and waited for her reply.

At one point, Candace texted: Sorry so long to get back. Crazy here. Off Saturday for sure. Any thoughts on plans?

I replied: Maybe nice dinner somewhere. Quiet place we can talk?

That time she replied right away: Lol. How about my place I order pizza you bring beer and a toothbrush. Your kids are older and can be alone all night right?

I wanted to get back on the saddle, but not jump right into bed. I replied: Tempting but I do want to get to know you a bit first. New getting back into dating.

I didn't get a reply for a few hours later, almost three in the afternoon.

It said, Carl, I'm sorry I wasn't clearer. I like you and definitely am attracted to you, but I'm not looking for a relationship where you clearly are. I wanted to have fun and have no strings sex. I still do want that with you and if you are okay with that let me know. Otherwise, take care.

I rolled my eyes. How I changed. At the time when I met Patty, I would've loved to meet a woman like Candace. I knew the physical wasn't enough for me anymore. I needed the emotional connection, otherwise, I might was well go back to picking up one-night-stands in bars. I didn't reply to Candace, which gave the her my answer. We went right back to how things were before -- except it was evident she was no longer flirting.

I went home, halfway across town to pick Reese up before I remembered Patty was taking her for the evening. I pulled up to my house thinking it had been such a long week -- and it was only Thursday. I was looking forward to an evening alone with my son, though at supper Ty asked to borrow the car so he could go to a movie with friends. Of course, I couldn't say no. Instead of father-son bonding, I moped around the house feeling sorry for how lonely and pathetic I'd become. I was once Coach Carl, with his beautiful wife and no shortage of friends to hang out with on weekends, and was now divorced Carl who couldn't accept a sure thing hook-up with a beautiful nurse with big tits. I thought of Patty, and how her life went to hell, but now she's happily moving on. Why couldn't I? Easy answer: I still wasn't over her even though she was over me.

Ty was still out with his friends when a jeep dropped off Reese around nine. I looked out and it looked like my ex-wife rented it for her visit. I couldn't clearly make out Patty's face, but I could make out Reese's when she jumped out and headed inside. My daughter was crying.

I opened the door and she said abruptly, "Don't want to talk about it," walking right past me to her room, where she slammed her door.

Immediately after, I received a text from a number I didn't recognize: Carl. It's Patty. We should talk.

I saw the jeep was still in the driveway. I replied: Sure, come in.

Her response was, No. Alone. Follow me back to my hotel?

I shook my head. Did she see a garage? Obviously my car was gone. Ty has my car. He'll be back probably in hour or so. Where are you staying?

I looked out and Patty also seemed to look a little frustrated, shaking her head and gesturing with her one arm. She replied, K. I can drive and you can cab home?

I sighed and typed, Fine. Give me a second.

"Reese, sweetie, I'm going to go have a talk with your mother. Ty should be back before too long. You know when to go to bed. I'll see you tomorrow morning, okay? I love you," I called out through my daughter's door as I texted her older brother to let him know where I was going.

I headed out and, as I approached the jeep, I noticed Patty clenching the steering wheel tightly and deliberately looking straight ahead not even glancing at me.

I opened the passenger door, without her even turning her head. "Look, if this is too hard, I can take tomorrow off and meet somewhere."

"No, we need to talk tonight. Just not here," Patty said in a soft voice and started backing up as soon as I shut the passenger door. I got her hint and didn't say a word as she drove.

I was surprised when we arrived at a motel that was right across the street from where I worked. It wasn't a dive place, but definitely not up to her usual standards. Obviously, she picked it for its location, but for what purpose? Spy on me?

As she opened the door to her room, Patty said coldly, "Don't get any ideas."

My mouth was opening to say, "That's rich coming from you who had my cock in your mouth before I could say hello," luckily my brain stopped it.

The décor was about thirty years out of date, but other than that, her room was nice. A king-sized bed with a couch right by the table. I imagine for that place, it was their honeymoon suite.

I sat on the couch and Patty sat on the edge of the bed. She was wearing frayed tight jeans and a light blouse. Her make-up probably looked amazing, but had ran a bit from her crying. I assume for the same reason Reese was crying -- or because Reese was crying.

"Okay, talk. I promise to listen this time," I said calmly.

"You were right. All of this was my fault and I no longer blame you for hating me now," Patty said in a low calm voice, looking down at the floor.

"No, I was wrong. Completely wrong. I was angry with you because I jumped to conclusions and blamed you for things that clearly weren't your fault. I should've known better -- I knew you better to think that. I was hoping to apologize in person," I started.

"You said you'd let me finish," Patty said forcefully, "Let me finish, please. This is so fucking hard for me. I can't if you interrupt or else you might as well just go."

I didn't respond, I just held out my hands in an 'I surrender' gesture.

"What happened with me and Brayden only happened because of me. I caused it." Tears started running down her cheek. "We were settling into middle-age, fuck I was starting to get a few gray hairs. I was starting to feel old and didn't feel sexy anymore. Things were good between us, but it felt like we were going through the motions. You flirted with and complimented me because that's what you always did -- not because I deserved it."

I opened my mouth to disagree with her, but remembered to not interrupt. Also, I was having a funny feeling about what she was trying to say.

"Enter Brayden Garde, the charismatic divorced dad that all the other hockey moms were swooning over -- especially the few younger single ones, and he only paid attention to me, not them. At first, I thought it was just because our daughters were such good friends, but I soon figured out it was different. I'm sure I wasn't the only one who noticed Braden acting differently around me when you weren't around. He was flirting, and not 'just being friendly' flirting, but 'he wanted me' flirting. I'm so sorry, Carl, but him making those comments, lightly touching my arm or hand. It was subtle, but I enjoyed it. It made me feel sexy to be wanted. I figured, he had to know there was no way in hell that I'd cheat, so I did nothing to dissuade him. Sure, I'd make comments like, 'I'm very happily married,' or 'I'd never cheat on my husband,' but I never said stop. I liked the attention, and he knew it."

Working around mostly females for a while, I admit I was flirted with as well -- like how things started Candace. When I was married, I knew nothing would ever come of it, so I flirted a little back. If I knew that was happening with Brayden, I wouldn't have been upset other than giving the asshole a reminder she was with me.

"After a while, I was so used to his flirting when you weren't around, I actually flirted back a bit. Nothing would ever happen, so it was harmless. Harmless until I invited him over at a bar, and flirted and drank with a man that I knew wanted to have sex with me. If I had acted appropriately for a married woman, Brayden Garde never would've had the opportunity to drug me. I never willingly cheated on you Carl, but I don't think I can say I was faithful. I apologized to both our children for wrecking our family and now I'm apologizing to you. I'm so sorry" She completely broke down crying, wiping at her cheeks with her hand.

I got up and went into the bathroom and grabbed a face towel, and handed it too her. She took it and wiped her face. I went to touch her shoulder, and she flinched, so I just went back to the couch.

"Brayden did this to you. Nothing you did justified what he did to you. Patty, I need to apologize for not understanding or listening when you were ready to talk. I don't hate you, I never did. I jumped to conclusions and said awful things I really wish I could take back."

"Of course you thought I was fucking him," Patty howled, "A bunch of people already thought we were fucking before the video came out. I let that happen."

I was silent for a moment, letting her cry, and not knowing what to do.

Finally, Patty said, "Are you really not dating anyone? Both our kids say you've been single."

"Really not dating? You think I'm so pathetic that I can't just be happy with my hand for a few months?" I said at an attempt at a joke.

"Dad helped me hire an investigator. I was worried about the kids and needed to be certain you already moved on -- like he said. That's how I knew where you worked and about Reese's daycare. The PI was certain that you were having a sexual relationship with someone from work. Short brunette with lots of tattoos."

"Aimee? She's one of my team, based out of Quance Memorial like me. You know I hate meeting in my messy office. We have lunch meetings and stuff, but nothing remotely romantic between the two of us." I shook my head. "Is that why you're staying here? Hoped to catch me red-handed kissing in the cafeteria? What the fuck difference would it make? You shut me completely out of your life, remember?"

"So I wouldn't feel so fucking guilty moving on with Brad because I didn't ruin you," Patty blurted out and began sobbing again. "But I guess I did. I ruined everything and you'll never forgive me and always hate me like Brad said."

"That's why the talk with the kids. Here I thought it was to reconnect. Really, it's to get everyone's blessing about you and your new man," I said coldly.

"No, not exactly. I missed my babies, but I couldn't," Patty shook her head and wiped her eyes, "I finally felt at a place to reach out to all of you. Being with Brad and thinking you also found someone was part of that."

"If I knew the truth from the start, you never would've need a Brad, you'd have had me," I said coldly.

"No, you'd still resent me. My counselor explained psychologically men never recover from someone else being with their woman whether it was consensual or not. Telling you would've just made things worse. And it did, remember when we talked at the house, you reacted just how I was warned you would."

I rolled my eyes not even wanting to argue. "So, I take it Bob and Mary know this? About Brad? Does your counselor or therapist or whatever approve of him?"

She nodded. "He's a cousin of Mark Berdly, one of their old friends."

I closed my eyes and rubbed my forehead. So, maybe I never did earn my in-law's friendship and respect after all. Not only did they keep me in the dark about my wife's assault, but now found her the type of guy they wished I'd been. I knew their friends; ol' Brad would be old money.

"If you knew the truth, you'd still have hated me for causing this. And you probably would've killed Brayden and be in jail right now."

"For fucks sake Patty, quit saying that. No, no, I never hated you. I was heartbroken thinking you had an affair, and humiliated about how it came out, but never hated you. I wouldn't have been mad about the flirting -- disappointed you did it behind my back but not upset. And I would've done nothing to stop that asshole getting locked up so he can get fucked every night in the showers by some guy named Bubba. Fuck, Patty, after all our time together, did you really have that little faith in me? That's what this is. Not victim's guilt, but no confidence in me, you husband of almost twenty years, being able to help you? So you shut me out of your life?"

"Brad said it was the best for me to do," Patty sobbed, "I needed to not discuss what had happened and avoid all of you until I was ready."

"Why the fuck would your new man know what's best for you and your family? Wouldn't that be up to your counselor to say?"

"Brad was my counselor -- up until a month ago."

My mind nearly imploded. Patty's parents got her into counseling right after the video came out. Now, he just happen to be related to a close family friend. And he's who convinced Patty to ignore her children -- and me -- at least until I was going to file for divorce, under false pretenses because I didn't know what happened. The reason for that is he convinced Patty to not tell me the truth.

I took a deep breath and was careful with my words. "When I came over to your parents, Brad and them didn't know you were going to tell me everything, did they?"

Patty shook her head. "I should've listened to them, but I was just thinking I couldn't lose you and maybe I could save us. I was told it was too late and you already hated me and I needed to think about myself and not cling to hopes of my marriage. They thought I was just going to push for primary custody and tell you the video was the only time I cheated. They were right, you'd never believe me."

Things were starting to make a bit more sense to me. "Patty, in my office. Why did you do that? You don't love me anymore, was that just some pity-head before I lost you for good?"

Her lip quivered. "I don't know. I saw you, and was thinking about how good we used to be. I remembered the flowers, which was so sweet, and just thanked you like I always did for flowers. I knew it was wrong as soon as I started, but I just went with it. I wasn't thinking about what happened between us, only how much I liked sucking your cock and wanted it in me. I lost control and wasn't thinking with my head until you started talking to me and I remembered we weren't together. But, when I tell Brad, he's going to be so mad and yell at me again. He warned me not to come here. Like everything, I just fuck everything up." She began crying again.

"Patty, you said Brad was your counselor until a month ago. I take it that's when you too started sleeping together." The last two words felt vile coming out my mouth.

"I'm not ready for that. I can barely be hugged, but Brad understands. We go on dates and spend a lot of time together mostly talking. He's been so patient and I reward him by cheating again."