Freddy Fingers

"I'm sorry, Carl, that must have been just awful for Patty and you. How exactly can I help you?"

"You see, Patty didn't say a word. Immediately after, she acted a little withdrawn and tired, but no indication something happened -- other than not wanting to get intimate with me. She was smiling at me while he did those things to her, and just hung out in bed like she had the flu after. No tears, no nothing. After that fucking video came out -- sorry for swearing -- she just left without a word. Not to me or the kids. I found out she went to her parents, but didn't want to talk to us. My daughter tried to reach her, nothing. I didn't try for a few weeks. Next thing, it was almost five months and she still wouldn't even to talk to the kids at all. Just passed messages through her parents.

"Sorry, I'm rambling. I guess I don't understand why she didn't just come out and say she wasn't having affair and that she was a victim? She had to know I'd assume the worst, and she just let me. Is that common?"

I heard Callie take a deep breath. "I'm sorry, that must have been horrible -- especially with how public it was -- I didn't know kids were involved. To answer your question, yes. Definitely. Women's sexuality has had such a stigma for years that when a woman is assaulted her first response is often 'it was my fault. What did I do wrong?' This feeling of shame leads to majority of assaults not being reported at all. They simply withdraw and try to pretend nothing happened, or mentally block out any memory of it at all. With everything public, I can only imagine your wife's shame was only compounded and probably to the point that she couldn't deal with it -- or you who'd she'd feel like she betrayed because in her mind it's her fault."

"But she told her parents right away. I guess she was going to tell me, but only after ignoring us for months and after I started divorcing her. It was too late then, and I wouldn't listen. I didn't believe her." I was a little choked up saying the last words. I knew I hurt Patty deeply that day, and it was no wonder she didn't want to see me again.

"Look Carl, this isn't your fault just like it wasn't Patty's. You're as much the victim as her. In her mind, she didn't betray her parents, she betrayed you. Of course, she wouldn't want to face you knowing what happened and it probably wouldn't occur to her at all that you -- like everyone else -- was assuming the worse." Callie paused for a moment. "You're a hockey coach, right? So you know about physical injuries. Let's say a sprain or something. Your body's damaged and you feel pain because your body needs that area to be left alone so it can begin to heal itself. What your wife went through was an emotional injury -- or trauma. She felt immense pain, so she left it alone. She avoided you and probably avoiding thinking of what you were going through as well because it was too much to deal with -- hurt too much. It was easier to withdraw from everyone and just not think about what was done to her. Probably talking to you or your kids, she would have to address what happened, that would be a trigger. Her mind's solution was to simply not talk to any of you and avoid that possible pain. The problem with emotional pain, unlike physical, is they often don't heal by themselves. Does that make any sense?"

"Yes it does, Callie. Thank you for your time -- I know this isn't really your job."

"No, I was glad to help, Carl," Callie said cheerfully, "A little more advice, I still would really try to get you two into counseling together. As I said what she did goes along with the natural response, but a counselor would get her to confront those feelings and connect with those who could give her the best support. You and your children."

"But, I was told she was seeing one and he was pushing her to cut off contact with us. He even convinced my in-laws to not say anything to me."

"Are you sure? That doesn't sound right." Callie's voice changed from its cheerful tone to sounding a little surprised. "Maybe they're lying about her seeing one just so you'd think she was trying to get help, but in reality she still was too ashamed?"

I sighed. "Maybe, I don't know anything any more."

Callie's voice went back to its cheerful tone. "Even if you are divorced, you are both still connected to each other by your kids. And apologies go a lot better with flowers than tears -- at least I think so. Bye Carl and good luck with everything."

After hanging up, I felt even worse for Patty than better and was convinced my behavior probably hurt her almost as much as Garde. It did make sense why my wife ran away and hid, though I couldn't help but partly blame her parents for not at least hinting there was no affair. They had plenty of opportunity and it not only affected me, but also my children -- and I had a hard time getting past that. Patty was also the type to lie to stop people from worrying about her. So, Callie probably was right that there was no counselor and it was all Patty trying to deal with everything herself.

Callie's parting comment about flowers really surprised me. Considering how things ended between us, and the severity of what happened, I would've thought flowers would be inappropriate. I mean, I've bought Patty flowers numerous times and I'm sure she really appreciated them -- even though she'd act like it wasn't a big deal. Normally, giving my wife -- ex-wife -- flowers usually ended up with her giving me a blowjob at the end of the night with some cheeky comment of that being the only reason I gave them to her. Of course, the main reason I bought them was to make her happy -- especially when I knew she was expecting them. Callie said flowers not tears. I thought for a moment and knew if I waited for a face to face apology there would be waterworks, possibly from me as well as Patty. Maybe Callie meant to soften the blow with a pre-apology of flowers instead of waiting like I planned?

I went online and found a florist in Winfield that delivers. I assumed Patty was still living with her parents and figured even if she wasn't, they'd make sure she got them. I definitely knew that a romantic red rose bouquet was not the way to go. I searched until I found one with yellow lilies and other assorted flowers that was a sympathy arrangement. I thought it looked pretty enough, and knew Patty loved yellow lilies -- they were in her wedding bouquet. I placed my order and typed a message for the personalized card. It said, "I'm so sorry for what you've been through. I couldn't have been more wrong and will regret my last words to you for a long time. Love Carl."

I ended up picking up Reese early. She was excited to see me and didn't ask why I wasn't at work. We played a little street hockey in our driveway, then got started on supper together -- veggie pizza as both Reese and Ty were vegetarians.

We had a nice supper together before I told them the news, letting them watch a replay of the video. Reese was upset before that her ex-best-friend's dad was intimate with her mother. I couldn't imagine how she felt knowing he assaulted her premeditated. I was not surprised that the revelation hit Ty the hardest, as he'd been the hardest on his mother right from the start. Ty and Patty were always really close -- just as Reese and I were. Knowing his anger from his image of her being shattered was misplaced was overwhelming. I hadn't seen him cry so hard since the day he came out to us. I outstretched my arms, not expecting him to accept a hug from me, but figured I better try. I was wrong; he jumped against me and clung tightly as he bawled. Reese started crying too watching us.

"I want my mom back," Ty whispered in my ear.

"You will. You can see her as much as you want. I promise," I whispered back.

I gave my kids some space to process things. I cleaned up the kitchen and peaked at my work email to see if there were any pressing issues. Like I said, my Arizona team knew their stuff. I had a few updates from minor issues that were quickly handled, but nothing I needed to do.

Around ten thirty, right before I was going to go to bed, Ty came into my room. He looked like he'd still been crying recently, but he had a really serious look on his face.

"Dad, can I ask you something?"

I smiled. "Of course, bud."

"Since you and mom, you know, have you had any dates or anything? I know you don't go out much, but like lunch time or anything?"

I was shocked. My sixteen-year-old son was asking about my love life. It just occurred to me, it had been nearly half a year since that mess had started. "Um, not that it's really your business, but no. I've been focusing too much on the family. Getting through that scandal, the move, and settling us in here. Honestly, I haven't really thought much about the fairer sex. And, I think it's still too soon for me after being with your mom so long."

Ty had an inquisitive look after hearing my answer. "Yeah, I kinda thought that. Do you think mom's been dating?"

I felt a little sour in my stomach. I imagine most divorcees have a hard time realizing your place in your ex's bed will be replaced. I honestly never thought of it until Ty brought it up, and now I wanted to stop thinking about it. "Well, it's not really any of my business. I mean we've been separated over five months and divorced almost three. Your mother is a very beautiful woman -- when she is ready to date, I don't think she'll have any shortage of suitors."

"But do you think she has been already?"

I sighed. "I'm sorry, Ty, I'd really not think about that. We're apart now, but that has nothing to do with you. No matter what, you and Reese will always be her babies. Even if she starts a new family, I know Patty will always have room for you."

Ty just smiled and left. I hoped I alleviated whatever was troubling him that he had to ask those questions and got ready for bed.

I planned to take the following day off work, but decided there was nothing I could do and I needed to focus on moving forward. Maybe that was the purpose of Ty's questions? He wanted me to move on with my life, which meant finding a new romantic partner to share it with. For the first time in a long time, I actually started looking at women's fingers to see who was married and who wasn't. At the hospital that I was based out of, there was no shortage of single woman working there. However, most were right out of college and probably considered me too old. There was one, nurse practitioner, Candace, that struggled with technology, so I was visiting her office at least once a month it seemed. We did chat a little bit about our personal lives occasionally. She was close to my age, a pretty redhead with huge breasts -- and divorced for a few years. She was also available, and nothing like Patty. I decided that the next time she was struggling to get her scheduling software to sync up, I would ask her out for coffee.

As fate would have it, I had my chance that morning. I received an email from Candace complaining that her computer was dragging and wondering if I could send someone to take a look. Normally, I only went out to this type of thing when my IT staff on duty -- normally one per health center -- were busy with something else - which was extremely rare in Winfield. However, to get the lay of the land in my new environment, I jumped at a number of these tedious requests since I'd moved to Arizona. I was planning to step back, but the staff was used to me helping out. As well, with my team being so independent, these little trips from my office kept me from getting too bored.

"Oh Carl," Candace said with a big smile when I walked into her office, "You didn't have to come all the way here yourself." Sometimes she was in scrubs, other times, like that day, she wore a nice blouse and pants, which accented her slim waist and full breasts.

"It's fine," I said smiling back, "Besides, I need the exercise." I made my way around her desk to her computer as she rose to make room for me.

"Oh, I doubt that." As she said that, I'm sure I caught her glancing down at my body. Little things like that had been happening since I started working there. I was fairly sure she was flirting, but was it just her being friendly or 'hint-hint, I'm interested' flirting. It was about time to find out.

After ten minutes, I couldn't find anything wrong with her computer -- other than that she neglected to run an update for her word processor that I emailed all the staff about a few weeks prior.

"Carl, you are amazing. Looks like it's running better already," Candace said with her toothy smile, and her green eyes sparkling.

"Glad, I could help," I said, and then felt like my tongue was swelling as I awkwardly got out the words, "Um, Candace, would you be interested in catching coffee during your break sometime this week?"

"I would love too," Candace said and then frowned slightly, "But, that's only if your intentions aren't platonic, and the purpose of our coffee is to discuss our plans for the weekend."

I smiled and laughed. "Well, I guess we're on the same page. I pretty much set my own time, so whenever you're free?"

"Unfortunately, my time is unpredictable. Since your office is by the cafeteria, when I get a moment, I'll just drop by. Sound good?"

"Sounds awesome, Candace. Have a great day."

I think I had a permanent smile for the rest of the day. Our one assistant, Meaghan, teased me asking what she looked like. I just told her that she was a beautiful redhead. In fact, I was so proud of myself for 'getting back on the horse,' that I didn't think about Patty at all until I got home.

That evening, Ty seemed in a better mood, but really distracted. Reese was quiet, but she's been that way for the last half year. No one mentioned Patty, but I could tell they were thinking of her. I suspected both made attempts to talk to her -- especially Ty -- but didn't know if they were successful or not. I knew the flowers had to have arrived and expected to at least hear something from Bob or Mary. Nothing. I was starting to have second thoughts about Candace, with my kids still caught up with the mess with their mother. Was it really the time to announce I was starting to date again?

We got through the evening, and then the morning, but it was clear that there was a huge elephant in the room. My kids knew full well I left Patty because I thought she was having an affair. Now that the truth was out, I thought they might resent me a little for jumping to conclusions and then running away to Arizona rather than fighting to keep our family together. If either of them felt that way, they weren't showing it.

By the time I arrived at work the following day, my brain flip-flopped to being certain it was time for me to date again. Six months with no intimate contact other than my hand wasn't healthy and I was pushing forty. Thoughts of Patty were pushed out of my head as I was looking forward to a 'non-platonic' break with Candace and wondering what we could do on the weekend together.

Around ten, Meaghan called, "Hey Carl. There's someone here who wants a word with you in your office alone."

"Okay, Meaghan. Who is it?" I figured it might be a software vendor. Other hospital staff didn't come to see me, I went to see them or sent one of my team.

"A beautiful red head. I'll send her right in."

My instinct was to look around and see what last minute cleaning I could do to make my mess of an office presentable. I was so surprised that Candace was coming to my office -- I fully expected her to email me to meet her. As surprised as I was that Candace wanted to see me in my office, I can't even put into words how I felt when Patty walked in instead, shutting the door. The only thing I can say is that I was shocked to the point that my body felt numb, almost frozen.

Patty looked good, she still had her short, died dark red hair, though her dark brown roots were now showing. She was wearing a very nice short dress, and her make-up was fully done. She definitely looked as beautiful as ever.

After Patti entered my office without saying a word, she approached me quickly, almost as if to slap my face or tell me off. I opened my mouth, but couldn't think of anything to say. I flinched a bit in my chair when she headed right around my desk and before I could react, she was on her knees and reaching for my pants.

As soon as my dick knew what was happening, it became erect almost instantly, while the rest of my body was still in shock. Not even ten seconds from when she entered my office, Patty had her lips around my cock, eyes closed, and sucking as enthusiastically as she ever had in our time together. Her one hand was on my knee, while the other was wrapped around my cock by the thumb and forefinger and stroked in conjunction with Patty's bobbing, sucking and licking.

It had been so long, probably even a few weeks since I even jerked off, it took almost no time at all until I was getting ready to blow. Normally, my ex-wife could read the changes and either backed off to edge me or we'd switch and I'd pleasure her orally and then we would usually orgasm around the same time while fucking. Patty was showing no signs of slowing down, if anything, she sucked harder.

"Shit, I'm going to come," were the first words out of my mouth. And with a grunt I came as Patty sealed her lips around the tip of my cock and swallowed me for maybe the fifth time ever in our years together.

I looked down at her, and she was still the most beautiful woman in the world, as she released my spent cock and wiped the edge of her mouth with her hand.

As Patty opened her eyes and started to stand up, I reached to touch her cheek and said, "Baby..." It was instinct, coupled with the after effects of orgasming and the fact I truly was really happy to see her.

Patty flinched like my hand was a hot poker, almost falling over. She quickly moved away from me, and regained her balance.

"I'm sorry, Carl, that was a mistake," Patty blurted quickly and she flew out of my office just as fast as she'd entered, leaving me still in shock and thoroughly confused.

"What the fuck just happened," I muttered out loud to myself. I gave her flowers so I get a blowjob, like before? She actually traveled 700 miles to give me a blowjob for flowers? But then, why was it a mistake? As I thought about it, this blowjob was different than any Patty had ever given me before. Besides the silent treatment, she wouldn't even look at me once, and there was no emotion. She sucked me off to suck me off, no different than I imagine it would be for a hooker hired in the alley. That blowjob convinced me that my ex-wife didn't love me any more. Maybe that was just her way of letting me know -- giving herself closure? I sent Patty a text, but it bounced back. I forgot that she canceled her old cell and if she had a new one, I didn't know the number. I was going to text Bob, but wasn't about to explain why I wanted to contact her. I hoped if she was in town, she must want to see Ty and Reese and decided to just wait for her to reach out again.

Around two, Candace sent me an email apologizing for not being able to get away that day, but letting me know she was still interested. She also gave me her cellphone number and I was free to call or text her. I responded by sending her mine, and received a kissy emoji shortly after. At least I clearly knew what was going on with her.

Just as I was getting to leave, a call was transferred to my work phone from reception.

"Hello, Carl Stanos, IT Manager, Sun Valley Health District," I answered in my cheery professional voice.

"Carl, please don't hang up," said Patty in a soft, nervous voice.

"Patty, of course. Look, I need to say..." I started rambling before she interrupted me.