All Comments on 'Free Ch. 04'

she fucked Manny for years. I don't see how he's still married to her. And I find it funny that in your other stories, women listen to their BF to till it causes a divorce. But in this story, the husband is best friends with a kingpin and somehow his doing so is picking him over her. Things that make you go HUMMMMMM!

I think this writer took over from StangStar for being the king of LONG WINDED.

Very nice ending.

Just wondering how Manny got out on parole before his trial? Wouldn't the D.A. consider him a danger to society, to Rick and his family? How about being a flight risk?

Thank you so much for finishing this story. I *literally* have been going on site at midnight for months waiting for this. It ended the way I anticipated so I am happy. Great job as always and I hope your real life issues are resolved.

Now complete after part 4, I found this story among the best I have read. The reality and emotion of the different characters was exceptionally well done. You have taken me for a ride all through the plot of the story. I now feel good that the main characters worked out happy in the finish. Snitching seems to me as a very courageous thing, especially considering the danger involved.

Thank you,

Art

This was the best chapter yet. You wrote Rick with the smarts and the strength of character to end the story the way I’d hoped. Lots of life lessons in this one.

It was well written, but I don't think I've ever felt more conflicted over a story.

Traci knew that Rick was a criminal and enjoyed the big house, expensive cars, and all the other benefits... so I had no sympathy for her getting mad at Rick for going to prison. Then she fucked his best friend, the one guy that would cause horrific amounts of shit when Rick found out about it. She was basically a worthless whore.

The protagonist used to be a drug dealer. How many lives did Rick ruin in the years he spent working for Manny? It was hard to sympathise with that asshole either.

Manny was a piece of shit, who fucked his best friend's wife... a man doing time for him. Sheryl cheated on her boyfriend to be a slut for a scumbag. Even the MiL was condescending and annoying!

So despite being well-written, I hated pretty much the entire cast. It's hard to enjoy a story when you feel that way about all the characters in it.

Excellent story with great characters who felt real. I'm normally a btb type of person but I think Rick made the right choices here. Nobody was perfect, all had made mistakes and the ending was brilliant.

Traci is still a piece of shit. I wouldn't have taken the stupid slut back and she didn't do shit to redeem herself or make up for backstabbing her husband and family.

I still truly enjoy your writing and appreciate your stories.

Don't be so republican. You guys always like to kick people when they're down. Man up and be human for a change.

So I have to start reading this whole story, again. I know it is about a criminal getting out of jail. His crime boss seduced the wife... Umm... that's it🤔🤨.

All the details of character development, nuanced plot points, are gone in the river of time.

This occurs all the time with you. So I am not going to read serial stories by you anymore javmor79. At least not until all of the chapters are finished🔚❗

Thank you for the effort, hard work and I'm

AMerryman

Could you post a couple paragraphs covering this chapter? Perhaps you should have told the entire story in a page or two?

AMerryman 2.0

A great story,I gave it five stars. I really enjoy your stories please keep writing .

I read all four parts and enjoyed them. At this site I read mostly LW stories and only a small portion of those. When I find stories which hold my attention through their end, I rate them five stars. I figure they are among 5% of total stories, so in my opinion, they deserve high ratings. People seem too concerned with why would a character forgive, or small details in error. I find fascinating the variety of situations and responses to a basic cheating wife premise. This plot and characters met that expectation.

"That's exactly what he did when it came to it; he chose Manny. So, she did too." - When he "chose" Manny, it was out of misplaced loyalty. He didn't FUCK Manny!

"Police raided the butcher shop, which led to more confessions about even more bodies." - Hadn't they already been there, when Cynthia identified Donny?

I liked it. 3*

I appreciate the prologue so I didn’t have to go back and read everything again. It was brief enough to get right back to the story but also informative enough to spark memories from the previous chapters. Someday, I’ll have to go back and read them all in a row. You did a good job of showing the transformation of personalities and maturity in the husband and wife.

Well written, well thought out, it sang!

You really managed to bring out the depth of characters and wove a very credible tale.

You also brought out his humanity. In this world of anonymous cuck-fearing, absolute BTB trolls, that takes a touch of courage.

Well done!

Fine ending to an excellent story!

What I like most in your stories is that the characters are real - not just totally good or totally bad, super clever or incredibly dumb.

Thank you for sharing! 5*

The wife who fucked manny got a reprieve ,that in itself was a change of pace from a man who was a top dog criminal ,he didn't kill her or worse. Stuck it out in his world almost a impossible to do. As for going to the police ,he could have had his sentence expunged.and name changed,gotten in to witness protection . No longer looking over his shoulder with a new life. So I do not know why you ended this the way you did.

Javmor

Unlike some I enjoyed the story, I like happy endings better than the other. It was neither a cuck story or an I/R in disguise. A few errors but hell that's what makes a story sometime. Though I still don't know what a 'drug drafficking' is.

Manny probably got lose when he turns State against the Sanchez, and was sent into WITSEC...

But, evidently, the Columbians still managed to track him down before he started ratting them out in court.

Just another day in the crime business.

'Can't wait until we'll be along to self-edit our own posts...

Good. Though I really thought Manny would go witsec and come after him for one more showdown

Yep only one winner the self serving slut traci. No justice she should have been burned and yep kicked to the curb and Rick settled with his daughter and found someone new. Long long story with poor ending.

chock full of adventure, drama and romance, too.

I enjoyed all 4 chapters of Free. I don't mind the lengthy ones as long as they hold my interest all the way thru. This story did that. Keep up the good work. I look forward to your next endeavor.

Wonderful ending to a great story, though I wish you’d invested as many words in reconciling them as you did in defeating Manny. The part of the story I was most invested in got the shorter straw.

I find it funny that some people come to this story site and then complain about there being too much story. If they think THIS is long winded, imagine how they feel about a novel.

Having been a longtime fan of javmor, I enjoyed this series immensely. I did get impatient to the point of forgetting about it until this morning, but also understand very well how life happens, no matter what your plans are. Keep your head high and keep the words flowing. The only nitpick I have is that this last chapter felt like you rushed it's release and didn't really proof it much. Still an easy 5* for me. Thank you and I look forward to your next work! If you ever wanted assistance with a review, I'd be glad to help any way my limited abilities can ;)

Rnebular

This was a very good action story.

And well written too.

But, to me, it had shitty morals.

And what do you do with a story,

that leaves a bad taste in your mouth?

You give it 1 out of 5.

The line about the cops and Narnia was hilarious. Author kind of telegraphed the way out early on, but the story is still enjoyable. I usually don't liked RAAC, but in this case his love for his daughter overpowered everything, and that is OK. Well done.

You never did bridge the gap between Traci fucking his ex best friend, and him forgiving her. You just threw some word salad justifications like, "he cheated on me first...cuz his job" That was literally it.

They're not the same thing, and we never got to see HOW she won him back. We did see him win over everyone around him. We saw a man grow his inner strength, we saw him cry, we saw him fight, and we ultimately saw him grow. All we saw his wife do was yell, moan, bitch, justify, and a whole lot of nothing. I'm perfectly fine with a tale of forgiveness, but only if it feels vaguely earned. This story....was not that story.

But everything else was fantastic. No lie, you're a great story teller. I still read this story cover to cover. I did expect the main emotional plot of cheating to be resolved, but all you did was time skip over it. I mean....okay. I don't have anything but a 'meh' feeling about that.

Great character development. When commenters complain about the "reasoning" of the characters they have forgotten that in real life a lot of "reasoning" is flawed. In this case, all of the major characters are flawed, which is part of what makes this story so interesting.

The Unoriginalist is one of the finest writers on this site. If he praises your story, you know it's good. His suggestion is also helpful. Let me add that you need to tweek the bit at the end about Manny. There is no way that Manny would have been anywhere except in police custody. No bail would have been allowed. It would have been more plausible to have him found murdered in prison.

This story would make an excellent screenplay. You really ought to consider doing that.

LOL the comments. They're so entertaining.

I must admit it took me a bit to get back into the story after the delay. Sorry to hear that you have had troubles J. Life loves to kick us in the ass at the most inconvenient times.

It was a good story. Solid plot and characters. I always like your stories because they're always so well reasoned. Keep it up. Looking forward to your next effort.

Gripping read

There was no way to save this. All the characters, with the exception of his daughter and his mother-in-law, were worthless, unlikable people. The old saying "honor among thieves" does nothing for me. They're still thieves which means they lack honor in the first place. Even his turning Manny in doesn't change his nature. He's one bad break away from being back in prison. I shouldn't have read this past chapter one. Like I said - I like your writing. But you have a tendency towards leaving your lead male characters up the creek or, in this case, writing about someone with no redeeming or interesting characteristics. I watched the "Godfather" movies. Brilliant movie-making. But if they had all died in the end, it would have been fine with me. That's the way I felt about this story. Great writing, but if they had all died in the end, I wouldn't care. I finished the story the way people can't turn away from accidents. Next time, something entertaining please.

You are very talented

Definitely the best installment of the series.

There is no way they can keep Rick's involvement in Manny's arrest quiet. First, he would have to be a witness to their what was recorded. Second, they would have to explain in court how the microphone came into the warehouse, and who they were confessing to. Which could have earned Rick and his family into the witness protection program, which would have gotten rid of his criminal past which hampered his employment opportunities. Interesting stat: Recidivism amongst general prison population is something like 65% (going off of memory), but amongst people in witness protection (a large majority of whom have criminal background) it's single digits. Big part of that is believed to be because they are not weighed down by the felony background getting in the way of future employment, along with associating again with their criminal associates.

On one hand I really like Rick. You paint him as a great character with a lot of self-awareness and moral character, who is working to change his life around. On the other hand he is a murderer, large scale drug dealer, enabler and enforcer of a psychopath like Manny. Also, he didn't snitch on Manny because of all shit he was doing to the community and hurting people, but he did it for a very selfish reason- to protect his own. Very bipolar presentation of the character. Had a hard time reconciling the two sides of Rick being the same person.

Last, if the news bulletin was right, and Manny's criminal enterprise was bringing in 3-4 million dollars a week, and his margins were 70% (selling $750k product for $2.5 million), how is it that he didn't have the cash lying around to pay off the $750K he owed the Columbians? He could have paid that off from one week's profits.

Fun read. I would have liked the story more if the cheating was like 10% of the story, to show the moral disloyalty of someone like Manny, and the rest about a man trying to come to terms with his upbringing and trying to redeem himself. This chapter was that, along with the action, which made it much more interesting for me. I had a hard time giving a shit about Traci cheating on someone with all the things Rick did. It's like trying to empathize with Jeffrey Dahmer because someone stole his car.

I am a big fan of javmor79's writing and appreciate this story very much. Jackie can tell a story, and he takes the time to build characters that you have feelings about. Rick was a flawed man. He had been a criminal, but served his time and was trying to be a husband and father. Traci was a weak, selfish woman who betrayed Rick in the worst way. Manny was just evil, with no redeeming qualities. In four chapters, javmor told their story. It wasn't pretty, it wasn't really a happy ending although Traci and Rick seem to be doing well. But the story was well written, compelling,and exciting. I was hoping that Rick would be able to physically end Manny himself , but in the end I think that he came close enough. Javmor's stories don't always leave me feeling good, but they do always leave me feeling entertained. This was the case here.

Well I loved it. Some don't and they are entitled to their opinion but for those of us who do, thank you for the effort taken to write and complete this story. I think reconciliation in this case was quite acceptable. 5 stars from me.

because the "ark" he came out of had taken in two of every animal on the streets.

I knew going in, by the author, that he'd be taking Trashi back. But having her still blaming Rick for her actions after the argument in front of her mom was over the top. He took accountability for his misdeeds, and did everything within his power to make things right. Why couldn't she take responsibility for her own? I mean, it's realistic for someone who would behave as she did, but we're supposed to be rooting for this reconciliation, and that made it more difficult to like her.

At least at the end, she was aware that she deserved to lose him, even though she didn't and he still had her up on a pedestal for some reason.

I do have to praise the action scenes. Very well done, and kept me reading even though I was dreading the inevitable conclusion. Nice work.

Thank you for sharing your talent.

Cog

All four chapters of the story were very well told, and they hung together tightly. I didn’t really like any of the characters other than Rick’s mother-in-law, so that kind of put me off of the story. I gave it five stars, however, because it was so well told.

Javmor79, I hope that this chapter being published means you’re doing much better.

Chur m8 awsum story

I really enjoy your work.it helps that it is really well written. Keep it coming.

Good story, great writer, ending left me a little flat but still worth 5/5.

This was good, but didn't keep up to the level of the earlier chapters. The part after Manny's arrest didn't maintain the tension; it seemed more like some afterthoughts. Did we meet Cynthia in an earlier chapter?

The omniscient POV, where you go from inside one characters head to inside another character is difficult to pull off. It flowed well in this story.

Anyways, taking all the parts as a whole, a very enjoyable story.

Thank you for one of the better stories we have had here for a while. We’re sorry for whatever family difficulties you have been going through. Take care of yourself and your family.

I went back and read it from part 1. It was well worth the time. Excellently done. Thank you for your work. If any criticism at all it would be that I would have liked to know about how they managed to get past the long-term affair and move forward.

Enjoyed this immensely.

Great story with very gripping characters. I really enjoyed it. Thanks for revising the ending.

I enjoyed the story. but it didn't have the emotional impact that your previous stories have had. I would have liked to have seen more of the interplay between Martha and Rick, but I think you did a good job of portraying Rick's desire to make himself better for Traci and Anna. Traci left me feeling a bit shortchanged.

There were a few minor plot points that I had a little trouble with, particularly finding Manny in pieces in the water. I can't believe that a known murderer/drug dealer would have suddenly found a way out of prison through deals, and it probably would have been easy enough to have him killed in prison by "the Colombians" if they wanted him taken care of, without the complications of having him smuggled out. There were a few other plot points that bothered my a little, but since you ended the story with this one, it moves to the forefront.

I am still a little bothered by the "voice" of the story, but not being a writer, it is a little disingenuous of me to complain. I imagine that writers tell a story in whatever voice allows them to get the story out, but I have always considered you one of the best storytellers on the site, and I was just not as comfortable with it as I have your previous stories.

This comment turned into more of a criticism than a compliment, so let me finish by saying that I enjoyed the story and I am happy to have spent the time to read it. I hope that the worst of your problems are over and I look forward to reading ore stories in the future.

It occurs to me that a comment like this should probably have utilized the feedback function so that you could respond if you felt like it. I don't need a response, but if you feel like it, you can contact me at notmenopenotme@mail.com. I have tried a couple of times to establish a profile on this site, but never got the authorizing email and I am too lazy to contact the webmaster here.

it seems like most people reading on this site, don't actually rate the stories. They decide if they like it or not and give it 1 or 5 stars. Maybe they should just change the voting to thumbs up, thumbs down... btw, I said most, not all.

..the end came too quick. How Rick and his wife repaired their relationship? Who did the mother met? In the end..what was his job? The end left many questions unanswered. ****

I liked this story on the seedy side of life. Like there are no honorable politicians, there are few honorable people. Like politicians, they divide themselves into the very bad to bad, and the good to the bad. Like these people, they do bad things to hang on to power, truth is never present. Politicians control all of our lives, and one side, whether they know or not, will destroy the US. I think if they can gain unlimited power, they don't care.

It came together, because Martha could help Rick see himself in a better light. The ending for Manchester was so fitting. And now Traci and Anya and Rick wait for Noah, oh yeah, Martha too. A "10".

Been looking for this final installment for awhile. Well worth the wait. Very well done, start to finish.

Manny's end was interesting. Was expecting something more like a jailhouse shanking.

5 Stars.

I am happy to see that you are writing again. You are a gifted writer and your stories don't fit the normal LW story frameworks. You know yourself, I would encourage you to finish your stories completely before submitting any chapters. It is not fair to your readers to have big gaps between chapters. This story was so different that I didn't have to go over previous chapters to remember them but it is still wrong.

The main characters in this story are Rick and Manny. Traci is not really developed and seems to have gotten off too easy. Rick was a serious criminal who worked for an even more dangerous criminal. Traci chose to marry Rick and have a child with him knowing who he was. She is as responsible for Rick being separated from his family as he was. If she chose not to be with a gangster, she wouldn't be alone when he goes to prison. When Rick got caught, he lost everything. He followed the code of the streets and didn't snitch. Manny should have protected Traci and provided for Rick's loss. There is no justification for Traci having a sexual relationship with Manny and without a miracle, should have been the end of their marriage. Rick and Traci had plenty of time to figure out what was going to happen while he was in prison.

Rick rehabilitated himself. He earned a better relationship with his mother-in-law and his daughter but Traci never changed. It was always about her. I predicted that Rick would use the police to get his revenge on Manny and your description of the whole take down was perfect! Rick was in grave danger after the arrest and should have been given witness protection. The government could have given him a new identity and got him off probation. Traci would then have to decide if she would give up her own identity and relocate with him and earn a do over. Without the protection, Manny would have had him knocked off within a few weeks.

Thanks again for your work! I hope you have time to write more stories.

reasonable man

Bad news is this chapter was disappointing. Good news is I didn't read the first three parts so this chapter was a time saver. No need to spend time on the others.

She cheated because she was petty and angry at him for being exactly what she knew him to be when the married him. Her reaction to him finding out included being angry at him.

There is no reason to want to be with her or have more children with her.

You tied all loose ribbons up, in fine form at that. Great job. Sorry for whatever has been troubling you, hope that gets resolved in a satisfactory manner.

This one, not so much. For one thing, the story line didn't really fit the topic. For another, the story itself was too convoluted.

Worth the wait, get to work and write another good one. We love it!

For finishing this one. I waited for the complete series to be posted before starting the story, and I'm glad I did.

I hope that your real life issues are resolved and that we'll see more from you in the future.

Very well done. Could have been one long story but that is a very minor quibble. A very good story and a good ending that tied it all up. It would be worth reading again. I can’t give it a higher compliment then that for a story or book.

Please do keep writing and I will keep reading.

One of my favorite stories on LW is Javmor79's Weekend series.

As much as I like it 5he ending was a touch contrived.

Not so in this story. Chapter 4 is excellent. Wraps the whole story up nicely.

In a believable manner. I am not a RAAC guy. But this one made sense.

Yes sir. Very good story.

Thanks Javmor. Well done. Again.

Lue

A measure of the effectiveness of a story teller is the extent to which he/she stimulates emotion in the reader. Well done.

Didn't make a lot of sense, but its just a story. Hope it was useful practice.

Edit, edit.

Great story, very believable. Thank you for the happy ending for Rick and his family, and karma for Manny

No way Manny would escape a lengthy prison sentence for a vicious murder, even if his providing state’s evidence against the Sanchez cartel was successful. Not even get put into witness protection. Also, WitPro was mentioned for Hubby during the raid and was almost a sure thing because of the same cartel, and instead he had a lengthy struggle until Deus Ex Machina worked to give MiL a tonsorial-chain owner as a beau!

I have seen this same story parodying real life situations. The characters were well built to give a good feel to what was happening and who the actors involved were. I could feel the story, which in my humble opinion is the true litmus test of a true writer. Quality is the word that comes to mind in my impression of this author's work presented. It is so gratifying to find a real author in the midst of so many presenters of ideas. Thank you for sharing your effort.

I always have your latest story sitting on an open tab in my browser waiting for it’s conclusion because the wait no matter how long will always be worth it

You are a great writer

Great dialogue back and forth with all the characters. But, for the daughter, I was cheering Rick to dump the wife, but felt this was headed in reconciliation by the end.

I will certainly have to read this again from the beginning because I want to understsnd why Rick loves her so much to stay with her.

I get he wanted to protect her from Manny and doing the things he did. Maybe I'm jaded from reading so many LW'S stories, but she seemed unworthy of Rick's love and devotion.

Protecting her yes, staying with her...that's a big question mark.

Brilliant story and all 4 chapters: *****

For those unbelievers who cry foul at Manny being 'out' so quickly. Read the story and note two things 1. That many cops were 'bent' and involved with Manny and

2. The repeated warnings as to the Sanchez cartel's likely revenge.

It would be in many cop's interests to have Manny loose and accessible to the Sanchez folk - that is if the cops themselves didn't make Manny gone to as to protect themselves. There would be enough impetus on many fronts to put Manny the snitch out on the street whether he wanted to be or not - in 'protection' or not there would be many cops emailing Sanchez with Manny's whereabouts. Darn fine job Javmor and well worth the wait (although I was also pissed off at the time).

I have made similar comment before about javmor79's stories; he has a knack for bringing us such nuanced characters that we can go back and forth over whether we like them or not. There are many styles of storytelling on this site, but few authors have a knack for developing their characters from all angles the way javmor79 does.

We entertain ourselves with stories about superhero antics and raw action, comedies, romance, horror, erotica and drama. We get the raw drama with javmor79 and this story may be the closest one of his characters has gotten to being a superhero. He reminds me of the relentlessly tough Parker character from the Donald Westlake (aka Richard Stark) series, only changed after having a child. For those unfamiliar with the series, the 1999 Mel Gibson movie Payback was based on the Parker character.

I didn't associate javmor79 with that gritty world of crime fiction, but this story definitely puts him in that territory. I have seen CaffeineFetish explore that corner from the police perspective with some success lately and can only say that it isn't a bad area to explore. Of course some of my favorite authors carved out careers in that genre (Raymond Chandler, Elmore Leonard, etc.), so I am a bit biased. Just keep bringing me the real characters and real emotions like you have in the past and I will remain a big fan of yours (but family comes first, always! We can wait).

Thank you all for reading. it means a lot to me that you chose to spend time with me. You could have done anything else, but you chose to read my story. Thank you.

On the issue of Manny being loose, I just have to say that I never specified where he was. News bulletins only give the sensational points.

For his crimes, there is no way a judge would set bail. He would have been locked up while all this was going on. When he finally decided to "snitch" he would have still been in police custody until they finally had enough to go after the Columbians. He would just get moved to a secure location, hence "didn't know where he was for a year". That doesn't mean loose on the streets.

If he was loose, there is no way he would have gone undetected, being the most famous criminal currently living.

Also, it never said WHEN he was killed, it just said when he was discovered. The Sanchez's could have had him the whole time, the police could have handed him over the moment they got the opportunity, or they could have killed him themselves on the word of the Sanchez's. You just never know.

These points weren't specifically nailed down for a reason. There is always grey area of unknown behind every big time murder. The theories are endless, but they still remain that; theories.

Great stories - real characters - introspective and expressive - well done - but you always earn well done!

Very good. Thanks for sharing.

Thanks!

I always enjoy your writings. Keep 'em coming!

This was an interesting and intertwined story but for the very end, why was Mannie out of jail/prison at that time to be sliced and diced?

Beyond that, this was a reflection of how difficult it is for many to make the adjustment back to civilian life with the stamp of a criminal and trying for a second chance.

T.T.

I've always enjoyed your stories. This one could be an episode on CSI, New York!

Great way to end the story. Your "hero" was totally believable.

This story was on of the best in a long time. You took us on a adventure with suspense and action. All the writers that did that before you are now long gone. This story put you up there with Stangstar. Daniel Q. Steele. and the others. Thanks

Very good, very well written and a great & suspense filled ending. Thank you!

Great story. I was so worried that somehow it would end bad for Rick and family. But it didn't. Thanks for writing this.

I don't get it. Why is this on LE???

It is not sexy, erotic or entertaining.

First part was really good, then it dropped off dramatically, like the author couldn't keep it up.

Story was so trite and predictable, and long and truly awful.

How is this a LW story???? I really don't get it. At best, it belonged in Romance.

The character development happened, but the author felt they had to describe it explicitly rather than letting it show. The emotions shifted, but again the author had to describe it and why it was happening, rather than showing it.

Just CRAP!

Enjoyed it. Nice to get past the oversexualized stories for a change and actually see someone dedicated to developing a plot, a theme, and invest in character development.

I don't understand how users like Artie88 can read multiple chapters of well thought out writing and bitch and complain the whole time. There's literally a million other stories on the site, pick through the litter to find the amount of sex you want/need to feel fulfilled or even better...write your own and then MAYBE you'll appreciate someone dedicating their time and effort for a free service.

My only critique is the epilogue was too long. We got the gist of it at that point. Nonetheless, THANK YOU.

For 4 years... While he was in prison...hell no...no comeback from that..in thise years, its imposibile to not get pregnant... Sooo its another cuck shit wimpy macho

I really like the longer stories that make me think!

This story could have been played out in real life in any large city anywhere. However, it is sad and a poor commentary on our society that people choose escapism in drugs, and selfishness in sexual expolation rather than honest work and lending others a helping hand.

We all need to be very thankful that are still a few Mrs. James's left in the world to nurture some who drift into the dark side of sex and "easy money".

This is a real-world story, well told. Please write some more.

Thanks,

detroitdave

When I read a multi chapter story on the let's chapter. I really enjoy the story very much and I hope you continue writing stories like this it was very good had good story had a good plot good characters protagonist was excellent.

Great story!

I know you had trouble wrapping it up in the end. However it is my belief you had trouble finishing it, I suspect u gave up and just wanted it over. You rushed the ending.

We went from the warehouse confrontation to the end in huge leaps that just did not flow coherently. He sees something on the floor of the warehouse, next he, Martha and Cynthia go to the cops with All the “evidence”.

What evidence?

The ending is so disjointed and explains nothing as to what led where.

I loved the story tho and will rate it 4/5 u lose a point because of the unsatisfactory ending.

A whole lotta fun to read.

and outstanding during the warehouse scene. Truly deserving of a thank you.

Very good story, all of it, not just for this chapter. Not what I am used to seeing in LW but damn good!

Loved the storytelling

Wow! Good enough to make a screen play out of it. It is all there - emotions - good bad guys - bad bad guys - good good guys - sex (not graphic, thank you) - a mother-in law, of all things, thrown in as the savior - cute little girl that found her daddy - true love put to the test - lots of suspense - and a happy ending...

Thank you for providing me a few hours of entranced enjoyment with this really, really great (and believable) effort on your part.

Agroundagain

Next time you have an appointment for your haircut or simply encounter a barber in conversation, ask him/her about licensure requirements. A minor thing overlooked in this story, but a big deal to your barber.

Thanks for sharing, javmor.

Keep 'em comin'.

Yup, a damn good story. Sometimes not too smooth, sometimes a little too smooth. But always, in my humble opinion, well thought out. Bottom line, good story, well written, and held my interest to the last word.