Free Pass

This is an old story line used many times on this web site. This is my feeble attempt at it.

Many thanks to my friend Charlie who provided the editing and some good old fashioned guidance.

Free pass, what exactly does that mean?

Well when I was a kid growing up in rural NZ free pass was a game we played, maybe some would know it better as bulrush or just rush.

These days it has a whole different connotation. Now I am a forty four year old married man with a family and it's been a long time since I played my last game of free pass.

My wife Destiny, yes her parents were hippies; I just call her Dez for short. When we met we were young, I was in my third year of a tool making apprenticeship and she was still at Uni finishing her accountancy degree.

We met as most couples do at a party, I was actually there with another girl, and we were raging away, in the tiny lounge of a student flat. The place was packed and I was dancing with my date for the night when I bumped into Dez who was in the middle of a bunch of girls bouncing around crazily waving their arms and lost in the moment. The moment we bumped into each other, I stopped breathing, she was gorgeous absolutely stunning. My eyes must have been sticking out and I know I was drooling. She was tall for a girl with a slender frame and legs that seemed to go forever.

At the time she had long silky black hair she wore in a ponytail that was flying around like a striking snake, or crazy bushman's whip. It was when our eyes met, that's when I knew I couldn't look away, I was transfixed those deep almond eyes as big as cats eyes, bright like deep mirrors.

I'm not sure about the whole love at first sight thing but I was certain that somewhere on my body there was a small Cupids arrow poking in.

My date caught me staring and yelled, "Hey, eyes on me."

This was my second date with Sam, so I was onto a good thing. I dismissed Dez from my mind and focused on Sam, I didn't want to miss out on a sure thing.

It was later when I saw Dez in a corner snogging some bloke that I felt a different pain, this time it was a knife blade sliding up under my ribs. My very first taste of jealousy, it tasted of bile, horrible acidic vomit, and I didn't like it one bit.

I didn't bump into Dez for quite a while after that, the next time was at Carisbrook, my mates and I were at an All Blacks, game and it was an awesome night. I was pretty pissed but not that pissed that I didn't see Dez, a couple of rows down from us, with a bunch of her friends cheering and yelling. Again my eyes were drawn to her, there was a magnetism she exuded that drew me to her. This was an All Blacks game and I am a huge fan but the game was lost to me, all I could see was her. I don't know if she felt the burning intensity of my stare scorching the back of her head, but she turned and looked up to me. Like in the movies, yes I know it's a cliché but, our eyes met and then for the rest of the game she kept turning to stare back at me.

When I caught her staring her face took on a teasing coy expression she was flirting with me, the blinking eyes, playing with her hair. God she was beautiful.

The game ended and I didn't even know the score, of course the All Blacks won and my mates were full of cheering calls about the game. As we left the ground in a huge horde, I noticed Dez and her friends heading up the road to 'Gardies', the Gardens Tavern was the place all the scarfies went. It was notorious. We only went there when we were looking for birds, generally we stayed away but tonight I pushed the boys and we followed Dez and her mates.

The place was packed as expected but I saw Dez at the bar and pushed my way through the crowd to get to her. It was torture standing beside her, I wanted to say 'HI', or something clever but my tongue had stopped functioning. For all intents and purposes, I was mute.

It was Dez who turned and smiled flirtatiously, "Well are you going to say hello?"

Taken aback by her full frontal attack I croaked, "Hi..."

She laughed, "You've been staring at me all night, you followed me here surely the least you can do is talk to me."

I laughed along with her, the musical sweet sultry sound of her voice was as smooth as molasses.

I found my voice and invited her to our table, but it was I who ended up at her table with all her gabbling friends.

We did the usual chatting although it was difficult with all her friends butting in and dragging her away to dance. It wasn't until kicking out time that we had some time alone. She leaned against me and I slipped my arm around her waist. We were about to kiss when Amanda her friend screamed in our ear that they were getting drinks and going back to their digs.

Dez did kiss me, but now it was a friendly, "Well are you coming to ours?"

I laughed, "Hell yeah." My mates and I pooled what was left of our cash and brought a crate and headed for the party. When we arrived it was a typical scarfies party the place was wall to wall people, mostly students.

The fact that the flat was all girls meant there were lots of guys and they were all on the pull.

I found Dez and she was cornered by a scruffy hairy bloke. I couldn't tell whether she was into him or not, it was very intimate and he was all over her. I was about to walk away when she spotted me and waved screaming out my name.

The guy leaning over her gave me the dagger stares like, 'piss off mate I'm in here.' But I ignored him and walked up pushing between them. She threw her arms around my neck and kissed me passionately.

It was like falling off a cloud, I was in freefall my mind swimming in thick gooey testosterone.

That kiss, it was deep and sensuous, wet, sex personified, her tongue ravaged my mouth searching out my own and I was pleased to enter into that dance. Our tongues collided and slithered together, like snakes mating.

Her arms circled my head, even the fact that she tipped her drink down my back didn't deter me.

She held me tight laughing, "Sorry, now you're all wet."

I kissed her back, "I don't care just don't stop kissing me, I'm in heaven." Where the hell those words came from I'll never know but it had the right effect. Her embrace tightened and she kissed me again and when she stopped the place was emptying out. My mates were all gone, her friends had mostly either gone to bed or were caught in their own sexual entanglements.

She stepped back from our kiss and led me by the hand into her room. The party was winding down but there were noises all around us, but we were locked in our mission.

It was cold, a typical Dunedin student flat, an old villa which was bloody freezing. There was no sexy strip, we quickly threw off our clothes and dived under the covers.

Her body was exactly as I imagined, slim, smooth porcelain skin, it was like running my hands over silk she was so smooth. Her boobs were small barely filling my cupped hands but the nipples were huge. I slid my head under the covers to enjoy the delights of suckling those gorgeous fleshy orbs. She squealed delightedly as my mouth closed over each one individually and sucked and nibbled. My hand found its way between her legs and she was already open and moist. My fingers slipped easily into her slit which brought out a contented purring moan of pleasure.

As my fingers slid in and out, her body writhed beside me. I added first one then another, pushing in and out and as her feverish body responded I went faster and faster until she shuddered wildly in a ferocious orgasm.

Then it was a mad grab for a condom before I was between her legs. If the kiss was heaven then I was now in the garden of Eden. She engulfed me, sucking me to the root and god she was wet and hot.

My cock was now embedded in a burning inferno and as her legs circled my waist and her wet breath panted against the side of my neck, I knew this was going to be over way to quick.

As we lay together I apologised but she laughed me off, "Surely that was only the first?"

Her words were the liquid inspiration. She was right it was the first of many. By morning neither of us walked easily, I'm sure her pussy burned and my balls definitely ached.

Over the next month or so we dated, not exclusively but frequently. I hated those six months, and I found that even when I was out with my mates, I always steered us to her favourite pub hoping to catch a glimpse of her.

She wanted this casual no commitment thing, but I was smitten and wanted nothing more than for us to be a couple.

On nights when she said she was busy I headed straight to her favourite pub in the hope of seeing who she was with.

She always hung around with the scarfies crowd, and she seemed attracted to the ones who were there on mummy and daddies money. Guess it meant she didn't have to pay for drinks.

She was there on her own and survived on a student loan so for her money was tight.

On nights I did see her with other guys it gave me an insight into how Japanese warriors committing Seppuku felt. Watching her sitting with her arm through theirs was the Tanto sliding in, watching her dancing and flirting was the twist of the knife, watching them kiss was the final cut and then of course watching them walk arm in arm back to her place was my intestines being ripped out and the final swing of the Katana.

She was her own person though, strong willed and determined, but on top of that was a burning sexuality. Other girls I dated paled by comparison. Dez was so open and daring sexually, she wanted to try everything and nothing I did fazed her.

I mean it wasn't that I wasn't enjoying the gifts of other girls, I had my share of other girls, in fact I was quite the lothario, the benefits of living in a University City.

When we did bump into each other and I was on a date with another girl it was obvious I wasn't the only one feeling the pangs of jealousy.

The biggest shock I got was the night I saw her down town with a couple of guys on her arm, they went into a small pub and I followed unseen. The two blokes were flashing the cash and the drinks were flowing. As I watched on nursing my beer the guys were both all over her and she lapped it up snogging them both at different times. When they got up to leave I was even more shocked to see her walk off with them both draped all over her. I followed unable to keep my eyes off what was unfolding before me.

All the way back to her flat they kissed and there were plenty of stops for a feel up. At her flat there were no preliminaries I saw the light go on in her bedroom.

I walked away my stomach churning and my head spinning. Fuck it was like she had no boundaries; didn't she care about me at all?

For several weeks I didn't call her, she called me though always bright and bubbly as if nothing was wrong. Each time I put her off and the calls changed from once a day to once a week and then she stopped all together.

I couldn't stop thinking about her though, yes it hurt and I hated the fact she dated other blokes. That didn't change the ache I felt inside, I missed her damn it.

We bumped into each other for the first time in over a month at Gardies, she was with her mates and I was there with a couple of blokes from work.

She spotted me first, but ignored me, not even acknowledging me. Inside my stomach was knotted and I felt gutted.

I tried not to look but that was impossible, I'm sure she was being extra flirty to piss me off and it worked, I wanted to go over and slap her.

Then just before throw out time I got a tap on my shoulder, when I turned it was her and she was pissed, "What did I do? Why did you stop going out with me?"

I was shocked, but with her arms draped over my shoulders and her wet mouth so close I lost any resentment. "Because you stopped calling." I offered weakly. This was the time I should be putting my foot down, telling her how I felt, but my little head was now raising it's influence and her closeness was driving other urges.

"No you pushed me away." She burbled incoherently.

"I was busy that's all, block courses and stuff."

"So you don't hate me?"

"God no, I could never hate you."

And just like that we were back on.

After a few weeks and it became obvious she felt something for me because she called every day and we spent most evenings together I decided I wanted this to go to the next level. I wanted her for myself, I was sick of that gnawing biting ache knowing she might be out with some other bloke.

It was that gut wrenching jealousy coupled with the knowledge that I knew she was supposed to be mine that drove me to ask her to move into an exclusive arrangement.

The moment the words were out of my mouth I regretted it. The look on her face scared me, I thought she was going to say no, but then her arms flew around my neck and she kissed me harder than ever.

We entered into our exclusive arrangement, girlfriend and boyfriend and we were locked together. It was love and I knew it. Cupid's arrow was still deeply imbedded in me somewhere.

Now I had dated a lot of girls, but unlike the others, Dez didn't mind it when I stared at other girls. That shocked and disconcerted me because the other girls hated it, Dez seemed more at ease and confident in our relationship. Dez didn't care, or so it seemed, in fact she openly teased me about it. Comments like, "Mine looks OK but yours looks dodgy," Were common place. Our friends were a bit stunned at our friendly banter about who we were perving over.

Dez took it a bit further than me and occasionally pressed a little harder with more biting comments like, "Ooooh he is dreamy, bet he's got a nice big cock."

I never quite took it that far but I accepted her teasing was just teasing and I never once doubted her faithfulness.

It was after I proposed and we became engaged properly that I got a bit of a jolt. We were making our wedding plans, which included writing our own vows that things took a little twist. I made the mistake of making a joke of it and included some stuff I knew she would hate. That ignited her sensibilities and she wrote hers as a reply including that she wanted a free pass. It was part of her vows....

When she saw the stunned look on my face she laughed, adding quickly she was joking.

The concept of a free pass kept reappearing, mostly when we were drunk, it never worried me because at the time I was young and stupid figuring it could work in my favour.

One night in bed Dez giggled, "The free pass might be really fun...It could be really exciting. At the time her hand stroked up and down my very erect member so the last thing I wanted to do was ruin the moment.

We joked about it a few more times and we were young and stupid with the undefeatable bravado of youth on our side. Nothing could affect us, nothing could hold us down. During one of those discussions I agreed, "Yeah it sounds hot, when you're old and grey I can find myself a hottie."

She laughed you won't be the only one."

With that realisation sinking in I added "Yeah, but we should only get one."

She gave me one of her cute coquettish smiles, "Yep, one should be enough."

We didn't exactly write it in our vows but we accepted it as an unwritten rule. Yes it was dumb and stupid, but we were young and I was definitely stupid.

Well fast forward twenty something years later and we were happily married, two wonderful kids, a home, debts and all the tensions that go along with it.

I had my own little engineering business, Dez had gone back to work the kids were well and truly old enough to look out for themselves. With them now half way through secondary education and almost ready for University themselves she made that decision herself. I supported it because well, we needed that second income. The kid's maybe gaining independence but god they were expensive critters.

Bailey our daughter was becoming quite the fashionista, Her wardrobe was bigger than her mother's, Joel on the other hand was no longer looking at mountain bikes and canoes he was now looking at cars and motorbikes, much to his mother's consternation. Added to that of course he played sports. All in all they were costing a lot. When Dez announced that she was going back to work, I greeted it with a silent cheer, 'Thank god.'

She had been lucky enough to find a position with a small but friendly accountancy firm run by her friend Marylyn.

The firm had three other accountants and they mostly worked on domestic tax returns and small businesses, I used them myself. They steered away from the corporate giants.

Dez made a good income and the financial release in pressure was amazing. It was like a weight had been lifted. With the extra money we were now able to do some of the things we had been missing out on. Disposable income is wonderful.

It didn't take long for Dez to become Marilyn's most valuable asset. Before the kids were born she was the senior accountant at Mc Gowans. She only gave up that position when we decided to have kid's, well actually god made that decision for us.

Over our married years the free pass thing popped up occasionally, we both used it as a tease, sometimes when we were out with friends and one or the other of us would spot a hottie we might comment on it, but it was always good natured.

Life can sometimes be like a whirlpool sucking you under its fierce eddy.

Like most couples we felt the pressures of life, bills, family strains, and work commitments, all of the above can drag you under.

For us it came at a time when we were both heavily focused on work. I had a huge project on that had been taking up way to much of my focus and time. This was the biggest job I had ever undertaken and the cash benefits were huge and for the last few months it had been my biggest concern. I worked incredibly long hours including weekends and I guess I wasn't paying attention to Dez or the family.

Unbeknownst to me we were drifting apart, the love of my life was slipping away and I didn't even notice. Our lovemaking suffered, we went from making love four or five times a week, to maybe once or twice a month.

Couple that with the fact I was never there to talk in the evenings, and Dez was carrying the load at home meant she was feeling the pressure.

I missed the kid's sports games, I was never around to help them or even talk to them.

The kids were now young adults, with their own lives and I didn't see it as a problem. Dez on the other hand saw me as being absent and missing in action.

We stopped talking, evening meals were eaten alone and I could never clear the work issues from my brain. I was always balancing problems of one sort or another. That meant I missed the little clues, the pained expressions when I fobbed them off, the snide remarks went over my head and of course the guilty look.

The kids were never around, they were always off hanging with friends and rarely home anymore anyway, spending time with their parents was the last thing they needed or wanted.

What I should have realised is how deeply that affected Dez. She hated that they were getting ready to fly the coop and she didn't want to let them go. She was clinging on tightly trying to maintain at least some involvement in their lives.

There was a chasm opening between us as wide as the Great Rift Valley of Africa.

In hindsight there were hundreds of little clues that slipped by unnoticed.

I should have noticed that she dressed sexier for work,

I should have picked up on the texting and phone calls she left the room to answer.

All the little clues that an eagle eyed husband should have seen from a mile off.

One night we finally found a quiet spot and I managed to forget about work.

For the first time in a long time we were cuddled together enjoying the beauty of a quiet moment. I was exhausted, it had been a stressful tiring few weeks and Dez and I hadn't exactly being seeing eye to eye over some things. So it was important to me that we found this space and could just be together. We sat, me with a beer and her with her glass of chardonnay, her feet curled up beneath her, our bodies touching warmly, then out of the blue she offhandedly threw out. "I think I will cash in my free pass this weekend, if you don't have anything planned."