Freshman Ch. 02: He Loves Me Not

She cut off in frustration and shook her head.

"I don't know, Josh! I know we aren't-! And I never expected you to-!"

She stopped again and sighed. She shrugged and looked up at him as a single tear rolled over her cheek.

"I just-. Whatever 'we' are, I guess I just really started to like it..."

Josh pulled in his lips and processed the defeat in her eyes. He gave her a few seconds to decompress before reaching forward and taking her hands again. As she looked back up at his face, he smiled.

"Yeah, I do, too."

He squeezed harder.

"Isn't that the whole point?"

Rachel's mouth opened involuntarily and a chill ran down her spine as clarity suddenly washed over her entire system. Josh was often an idiot or a goof and she was sure that she'd never see him on the news one day saving lives in Africa or running for President. But he wasn't dumb. And often, he was quite the opposite. Rachel shivered again. This was one of those times.

It was the point. Had everything not been perfect between them from the beginning? Had they not stumbled upon a glorious arrangement that fit them both like a tailored suit? When had there ever been even the slightest bump in the road? How much more sexually compatible and mentally in sync could two people expect to be?

Their relationship was a room set to the perfect temperature. A stew with just the right amount of spice. And that's why she'd let herself begin to get wrapped up. The perfection was its own worst enemy because it made her think she needed more. It was like reaching the perfect buzz and her brain making her reach for that next drink. Only she didn't need to be drunk. She didn't want it. She had what she wanted and she wanted what she had.

In an instant Rachel suddenly felt like a joke again, just as she had when the bathroom door had opened and Josh had come sauntering out with his little prize in tow. But now she felt stupid because something she'd done. She'd known exactly what he was from the moment she'd laid eyes on his pretty face in that hallway over the summer. She'd read his book. And now she was going to cry about the plot twist?

And ironically, she was just like him. Yes, she'd become smitten, and yes, there was a small (if perhaps growing) part of her that yearned for the normalcy of a real relationship. And it had begun to seduce her more each day. Beyond her lust for him, she craved Josh because he represented a safer path. One less likely to lead her astray. To stick her hand too close to the fires she could never resist chasing.

But that wasn't who she was. And it wasn't his job to save or protect her. She'd just begun this brand new journey, and while she'd paid mental lip service to the concept of turning a new leaf, it made no sense to throw the ship into full reverse. As Josh squeezed her hand and searched her face for some sort of answer to his question, a calming warmth began to cradle her like a blanket. The past few weeks suddenly felt like a dream (albeit a very pleasant one) and the fresh bathroom incident just an awkward mistake. Feeling the air come back into her lungs and blood once again flow through her veins, she squeezed Josh's hand in return and smiled brightly.

"You're right."

She laughed out loud and shook her head like she was finally getting a joke that she hadn't understood until that very moment.

"You're absolutely right. I, uh-."

She paused and took a deep breath to gather her thoughts.

"I like us. 'Us' is perfect. I'm sorry I flipped out. That's not-. I'm not that girl."

Josh smiled in response but a hint of nervous confusion tickled his gut. He'd had similar "talks" with other girls in the past and they almost never went so well. At least not right away. Rachel had been crying when he'd found her just a few minutes prior. Her miraculous about-face seemed too good to be true. He feared she was just putting up a strong front. She wasn't obligated to instantly get over her hurt just to assuage his guilt.

"Rach, stop. You don't have to apologize. I mean, I guess we probably would've been standing here at some point anyway but I was the asshole back there. I'm sorry."

Rachel smiled and shook her head. She arched her back and neck, cracking out the creaks and stiffness from her earlier cries. Reaching up, she touched him on the cheek and flashed her eyes.

"Josh. It's okay. Seriously."

Moving her hand down, she slipped her arms under his and leaned her weight into his. He felt strong and his chest was warm. Shutting her eyes for a moment, she knew she could stay there all night. But now was not the time.

As she pulled back from the hug, Josh again looked down at her with narrowed, earnest eyes.

"Rachel, are you sure that-? Look, I'm really not trying to be a dick. I promise. If you're pissed, you can tell me. If this isn't what you want then..."

He trailed off, his gaze twitching. Rachel smiled up at his handsome face and marveled at the tiny creases in his forehead borne of his concern. That power that she'd been looking for, the sway over him that she craved, that was it. He was concerned. Because he cared. And that was honestly all that she needed from him right now.

Smiling deviously, she shook her head and began to step past him. Flipping her hair and shooting him one of her best pouts, she spoke in a playful, sultry tone.

"I'll only be pissed if you don't pick up the next time I call."

Josh felt the wind rush from his lungs as Rachel's response threw him for a loop that he certainly did not expect. He smiled automatically and shook his head. He should be used to this by now; Rachel was nothing if not unexpected. Raising an inquisitive eyebrow, he called out as she began to walk away back towards the house.

"Rach, are you playing with me? For real."

Rachel turned back around and licked her lips. There was only one response that fit.

"Maybe..."

***

"Oh my God, are you fucking serious? He was in the bathroom with some girl?"

Rachel grimaced as she felt the splashy alcohol-burn coat her throat and slide into her chest. Shaking her head and slamming the shot glass back on the counter, she swallowed a final time and shrugged.

"Mmm-hmm."

Rebecca instinctively narrowed her eyes and scanned the room as if she could locate the boy who had hurt her best friend. Glancing back at Rachel, she chewed her lip and tried to assess her apparent nonchalance.

"Well, look, like we can get out of here if you want. Seriously, I'll tell Liv and we can just-."

Rachel smirked and brought a hand to Rebecca's wrist to cut her off. She loved her best friend's protective nature but none of this was necessary. Smiling and shaking her head, she killed the merciful plan.

"Bec. Stop. For real, it's fine. You don't need to leave. I'm totally okay. I promise."

She paused as Rebecca cocked her head and shot her a suspicious look. Laughing, she indicated back towards the living room and flashed her eyes.

"Will you stop worrying about me, please? Go back and find your little friend. I shouldn't have even interrupted you in the first place."

Rebecca held her analyzing glare for a few seconds before softening her expression and letting out a breath.

"Are you sure? I'm serious. I don't need to stay."

Rachel released her fingers from her friend's wrist and gave her a reassuring pat. Straightening up and flipping some hair behind her shoulder, she nodded confidently.

"I'm sure. I'll go find Liv or something. I can take care of myself."

She grinned pointed emphatically once again towards the hall.

"Now go!"

Rebecca hesitated for a moment but grinned back and did as she was told. Blowing Rachel a quick air kiss, she turned on her heel and made her way back to where she'd left the boy she'd been chatting with when Rachel had showed up and pulled her aside. Rachel watched her curvy friend bounce through the crowd and eventually disappear. She still felt very on edge from the emotional roller coaster that she'd just ridden but overall she was okay. At least okay enough.

Chewing her own lip and turning back towards the party, she tried to make a plan of what to do. Despite what she'd told Rebecca, it wasn't like she was totally into being at the party anymore. That wasn't to say that she wanted to leave, just that the buzzing energy that had been building all evening had sort of morphed into idle anxiety. It was like she'd been all geared up to give a presentation only to find out that her teacher was sick when she arrived to class.

Deciding that she could at least do a few laps through the party before she threw in any towels, Rachel moved back to the kitchen to get another drink. Her traumatic encounter with Josh had temporarily sobered her up but her buzz was back and growing once more. As she filled a cup and settled into a spot, she found herself staring out the window into the backyard. There were dozens of people out there talking and laughing and playing games. The scene made Rachel involuntarily smile. Perhaps some fresh air would be exactly what she needed.

Stepping out onto the deck, she smiled again as the cool night breeze greeted her face and tickled her senses. It was still early enough in the fall that the weather was mild but it wasn't as if her outfit provided much coverage. She absent-mindedly tugged at the hem of her dress and brought a hand to her shoulder to rub her chilled skin. Knowing that the alcohol would continue to warm her, she brought her cup to her lips and took another drink.

"Squeaks!"

The shouted word came accompanied by a sudden touch to the backs of her ribs. Shrieking in response, Rachel spun around and almost coughed her drink out onto her playful assailant. As recognition reached her brain, she smiled incredulously and jabbed her palm into Will's chest, pushing him back.

"Jesus! What is wrong with you? You scared the shit out of me!"

Will smiled back and shook his head as he offered Rachel his most innocent shrug. It had been a few hours since he'd seen her last and he'd done a fair amount of drinking in that span. As the buzz cradled his senses and lowered his inhibitions, he reached back in and poked Rachel in the ribs once more.

"Easy, tiger! Just saying hi! I saw you standing alone."

He paused and cocked his head.

"Why are you standing alone?"

Rachel recovered from his second teasing jab and stood up tall once more. Shaking her head at the unprecedented boldness from her calculus classmate, she shrugged and took another sip from her cup.

"I don't know. Was just getting some air. Not sure how much longer I'm gonna sta-."

Will quickly guessed where she was going and jumped in to quash that train of thought. He wasn't at his sharpest point but he clearly understood that the idea of Rachel leaving the party had to be stopped. And fast.

"Whaaa? What are you talking about? Shit's just getting going!"

Rachel smirked as Will twisted his face into an incredulous smirk and shook his head from side to side. In any other moment, she'd be the last one to leave a soiree while it was still in full swing. But her spark just wasn't there. She wasn't mopey and depressed or even all that upset. She just felt off.

Will's smirk faded into an inquisitive squint as he read Rachel's emotions on her face. He'd never known her to be anything but an upbeat, perky kind of girl. He hadn't interacted with her much outside of the classroom so perhaps he just hadn't been privy to her full personality. But he wasn't going to let her just shirk away.

"Wait, hold up. Are you sad? Why are you sad?"

Rachel studied her drunken acquaintance for a moment before letting a smile slip out from her lips. Will was cute and he was pretty sweet, too. She was sure that he had his own motivation for keeping her at the party but it was nice that he was at least making a token effort at engaging her about her apparent gloominess. However, she wasn't going to simply dive into the whole exhausting story. Neither of them needed that.

"I'm not sad. I'm just-. It's fine. I'm fine. Just not really feeling it tonight, I guess."

The gears in Will's brain spun as he absorbed another 'meh' response from his pretty classmate indicating that her interest in sticking around was on life support. He didn't know Rachel well enough to know how she thought but he knew he had to do something to shake her out of her funk. As his mind raced and his eyes darted around, suddenly he found his plan.

"I know exactly what would cheer you up."

He spoke with an unexpected tone of confidence and Rachel paused briefly as she considered his words. Deciding to play along for the moment, she cocked her head and shot him a silly, disbelieving smile.

"Oh yeah? And what's that?"

Will took a sip of his drink and swirled the cup in a circle in front of him. Swallowing and flashing a bright smile, he indicated back over her shoulder.

"A little hot tub, girl! Can't nobody say that they don't like that hot tub action!"

Rachel turned her head to follow his gaze and she smirked as she looked over the now-occupied jacuzzzi in the far corner of the deck. It was a pretty large tub but it looked to be filled almost to capacity. Several guys and girls were submerged (and undressed) to various levels and the excitement seemed to be in full swing. It did sound kind of tempting but...

"Haha. Nah, maybe some other time."

Will took in Rachel's rejection but he barely batted an eye. Smirking again, he shook his head and fired back.

"Bullshit. Tonight's perfect! Stop being such a downer and have some fucking fun!"

Rachel smiled in response and was about to politely put him down again when Will cut her off with an exuberant yell to past her shoulder.

"Yo! Everyone! Make some room! Rachel's getting in!"

His exclamation was greeted with some cheers and shouts from the direction of the tub. No one really knew who Rachel was, but the jovial spirit of the party was in full swing. 'The more the merrier' was certainly the theme.

Rachel laughed nervously at the encouraging crowd and turned back to Will with an incredulous grin. But before she could object, he once again cut her off. Whipping his t-shirt up over head in a smooth motion, he stepped in close to her body and grabbed her by the waist.

"Come on, Rach! Either you're coming in or I'm taking you in!"

His touch was once again unexpected and Rachel squealed in sudden protest.

"What?? No, no! I'm not going in! Will!"

But her objections went unheard and Will quickly made good on his threat. Leaning his weight into hers, he lifted her off the ground and onto his shoulder. Balancing her slender frame, he supported his grip on the back of her thighs and began to walk towards the jacuzzi.

Rachel was beside herself and she screeched out loud in a combination of laughter and expletive-laden objection.

"Will!! What the fuck are you-? Oh my God, I am not-! Put me down! I'm serious!!"

But Will had already passed the point of reasonable return. He had the scantily-clad object of his Calc 102 daydreams literally in his grasp and he wasn't going to let go.

"Nope! You're either getting in or you're getting put in!"

Rachel choked through her laughter as her soft hair fell haphazardly over her face. She couldn't see how close they were getting to the hot tub but she knew it couldn't be more than a few paces away. Giggling uncontrollably, she smacked Will between his shoulder blades and let out a final plea.

"Will! You're going to ruin my dress! I'm so serious! Please!"

Rachel's appeal to mercy on behalf of her wardrobe finally softened Will's resolve. He wasn't some kidnapper; he was just playing around and didn't want to actually put her out. Stopping his advance just short of the raised deck surrounding the tub, he craned his neck back to face her as best he could in her slumped-over position.

"Well then you better take it off, huh?"

Rachel felt her stomach flutter as she processed his words and their meaning. Obviously, had she been planning to get in the jacuzzi, it would have been in just her underwear. But hearing Will put out the casual statement that she should strip down made her fingertips tingle. It felt more intense than if she'd proactively suggested it herself.

"Will, no. I'm not getting in! Come on! This is-!"

Will cut her off as he moved quickly to call her possible bluff.

"Then I guess we're getting wet!"

Rachel shrieked out loud and threw up the white flag.

"Noooo!! No! Okay! Oh my God, okay! I'll get in! Just put me down!"

Will wasn't sure if he could trust her but this was about as far as he was willing to push it all anyway. He wasn't going to physically force her into the bubbling water. He'd just been trying to give her enough of a push.

Easing her down slowly from his shoulder, he stood up tall and grinned at her flushed and hair-strewn face. As she cleared the sandy blonde mess from her eyes and glared at him with a playfully menacing smile, he shrugged and crossed his arms.

"Well? Let's go."

Rachel glared at him through a gritted grin and shook her head. The exciting rush of the moment combining with her buzz had left her head a spinning mess. She turned towards the hot tub and gave the scene a quick once over as she contemplated whether or not to go through with it. Smiling, enthusiastic faces greeted her gaze. She smirked. Fuck it.

Turning back towards Will, she rolled her eyes and slid the strap of her purse clutch from her shoulder. Without waiting for a response, she deftly lowered the zipper on the back of her dress and began to peel the skin-tight material down over her body.

Will swallowed hard and almost dropped his cup as the gorgeous girl who had occupied his class-time fantasies slowly revealed every inch of a body more immaculate than even he could've imagined. In her bent-over position, her full, perfect tits spilled forward offering a view that was practically overwhelming. He simply held his breath and waited for her to finish sliding the yellow fabric past her toned calves and finally off her feet.

Rachel rose back up to a full stand and inhaled confidently as she took in the reaction that she'd known was coming. Accentuating her already unfair assets was the certain sexy matching set of underwear that she'd worn for the benefit of a certain someone who was now certainly not in her night's plan. She smiled as she folded her dress neatly and set it onto a bench with her clutch. Smoothing her hair and running her hands down over her tight stomach, she grinned at Will and shrugged her shoulders.

Will's eyes were glazed over but he finally forced himself to recover. Shaking the cobwebs and letting the air back into his lungs, he smiled approvingly and nodded his head.

"Fucking fuck. Yeah that's a little better than the dress."

Rachel rolled her eyes and shook her head. Behind her she could hear the muffled murmur of similar compliments from the boys already in the tub. The hungry reactions sent a rolling wave through her system, and before she knew it, she was tingling all over once again. She hadn't been sure about the whole hot tub thing but it suddenly felt like the most perfect idea. The orgy of attention on her the most effective antidote to her Josh-fueled funk.

Feeling shivery and buzzed and turned on, she stepped back into Will's body and gave him a sultry smile. As she kept him frozen with the stare, she slyly snatched the red cup from his hand and brought it to her lips, emptying the remaining contents with an even swallow. She grinned at his reaction and tossed the cup over her shoulder unconcerned with where it fell. Giving him a final wink, she stepped back and swung one leg up over the jacuzzi's edge.