Freshman Week Ch. 05.0: Homesick

Natalie was clearly there to talk to him, but she wasn't looking at him. Her eyes rested on the snow near his feet. Adam took a deep breath and steeled himself. Planting his shovel into the snow out of the way of the driveway, he approached the porch.

His sister's feet shuffled a bit as he stepped near her. She didn't pull away though. He took that as a good sign.

"Are you okay?" he asked after a moment of pondering.

Nat nodded. "Totally. You?"

"Yeah. But I guess we need to... sort this out now, don't we?"

She nodded again. "All I want is for us to be okay."

"Well, we both said we were."

"Not just individually. Us."

Adam didn't say anything. Her statement could be interpreted in too many different ways.

Natalie cleared her throat. "You probably know that last night didn't just happen. I've been thinking about it for a while. I don't know how long. I've been attracted to you for a long time though."

Something about that made Adam's heart hurt. He remembered what Shana said about him being "aloof."

"I didn't know that, Nat."

"I know," said Natalie. "How could you know? I never said, and you never really took notice of me back then. Not that I'm blaming you for any of this. Not that blame is needed! Everything is totally cool. I am-" She caught herself and stopped. "What I mean to say is that I've been attracted to you for a long time, and I also love you. That is, as my brother."

"I love you too Nat."

She smiled and wrapped herself in a hug. As Adam watched his sister rub her shoulders, he realized she wasn't wearing as many layers as him. She had to be cold. "I know you do. Even when I was a kid I know you did. When you came home for Thanksgiving though, I saw how things had changed. You could look at me as a person. And then, when we started messaging after, I got it in my head you could see me as more."

Natalie giggled, a pleasant high-pitched sound. "Guess I was right. When it seemed like things were going well, I roped Shana in for social support."

"I wanted to ask about that," said Adam, "You and her. Are you dating? Or was that all to get me interested? It really wasn't needed, if that was why."

She bit her lip and considered her words. "Shana and I aren't dating. Not necessarily. It wasn't for show either. My friends and I do things sometimes. I do things with her more than the others. It's fun, lets off steam, and there's less risk than doing things with boys."

"So you aren't into girls?"

"Somewhat. Maybe I'm bi or pan or something. I haven't given it too much thought."

"Fair enough," Adam said.

Natalie took a second to remember what she was trying to say. "Anyway, I know you're a good big brother. You want to help and protect me. Um, I think I like that."

Adam grinned. "That was clear."

She blushed but kept going. "I need you to know you don't have to protect me from this. I won't date you. I'm not stupid. You're in college meeting new people, you're as attracted to Shana as you are to me if not more, and we could never be together in the end. I don't want to be your girlfriend. I love being your sister, and I'm happy that I got to share myself with you."

"I understand. I'm glad you're my sister too, Nat, and that isn't ever going to change. Given all that, should I assume what we did was a one-time thing?"

Natalie glanced back toward the snow and her blush deepened. "Um, that part is... negotiable."

Adam laughed and wrapped his sister in a tight hug. She hugged him back. Overcome with the strange relief of the moment, Adam lifted his sister off of the ground like he had used to when they were kids and spun her around. She made mild noises of protests at first, but they soon deteriorated into a giggling fit. The front door cracked open as Dad headed out to heat the car, and he smiled seeing his adult children act the age they would always be in his imagination.

When Adam set his sister on the ground, he looked over her shoulder to see his father shoot him a second conspiratorial wink. The son didn't know what it was for, but he didn't much care. He had never been so happy to be home.