All Comments on 'Friends Bring Siblings Together'

This was very difficult to read. The grammar needs extensive work, I tried to keep reading but had a difficult time continuing.

Pretty good for your first story. Next time maybe don’t use the same name for both the lead female characters though lol

Not bad for a first story. Keep the perspective to either first-person, or third person, do not jump back and forth. Also, keep an eye on comments sections for someone offering to proofread. Keep writing!

Why are both females have the same name? *gasp* is that YOUR sister's name?

HOT!

Thanks for the feedback, yea I am not sure why I used Abby and Abigail that was just a silly mistake on my part. I tried my best on grammar and spelling and I thought I did ok but I know its not going to be perfect sorry if it was too bad for you

Great start for your first story. Well done. It is not too long and could have gone for another couple of pages. Not very nice to leave us on a cliffhanger and waiting for you to publish another chapter. Keep going please

Grammical error went from “new” as in meaning “knew” to a shift of character telling the story from 3rd person to 1st. Got to that point and got sooo disappointed I quit reading. It started out so nicely.

Your grammar needs help badly stopped reading before I even really started the story.

Please get an editor to proofread what you've written. I had to stop reading after 2 paragraphs.

I guess the name field for choosing what to call yourself want big enough to hold the entire name you should have used, so you left off "orgood"

Don't count on anyone here to do proof reading for it. I have never seen one thanked that helped enough to make the creak they allegedly worked on readable.

You need to learn English, or hire an editor. Without one, or both or those happening, you're not going to be able to manage anything even remotely resembling writing.

The biggest thing you need to work on is your imagination. This story has been told (usually better than you managed) thousands of times. Think of something that is original and stop retelling the same old thing everyone else tells. It's boring.

Avoid switching perspectives.

Is Cole male or female?

"Cole said trying to sound confident but had more than a hit of nervousness in his voice"

"Cole reached out with her hand"

Don't rely on spell checkers, they make sure the words are spelled correctly but don't check if it is the correct word. An example: "Bides Abigail and Eric there were 16". Bides is spelled correctly but it should be besides.

Lastly, punctuation is free so don't skimp on it!

You might want to read around the site for stories like this one. You have good ideas, just need some practice to pull off the fun parts.

Great Start!

Very good for a first story, keep up the good work! Here are some suggestions that may help:

1. Read the story out loud to yourself, there will be things that pop out at you as not sounding right, change them then and there.

2. Proofreaders are always a great help, use them.

3. Get something like Grammarly, either free or pay (if you can afford it) to assist you in grammar and punctuation. The paid version has a built-in Thesaurus.

and finally, remember, it's your world, draw it out as long as you like or slam your readers with all the sexual tidbits at once. You are the maker of your world to do as you like and have fun doing it!

This is really the best, you 'tried on grammar and spelling'? Way to go...

This is long?🤣

@cageysea9725 you didn't have to do him like that🤣

Hope you continue with this story. love to see what becomes of them.

I agree with the others about needing better proofreading. One thing to watch for is two words that sound alike, but are spelled differently and have different meanings. Example: You used peak for what they were tempted to do, when you really meant peek. You could look each up for a full explanation.

Great story with suggested ending. I have a few sections, below, that I trust you will understand why I chose them, and that my suggestions make sense.

Condone and encourage are singular words when expressing your personal position.

"expensive items in stores there couldn't afford to buy." Yhis could easily be misconstrued as theiron buying the store. Punctuation counts, or trimmed the words.

Ten clocks is a number, ten o'clock is a time.

Cole and Abby's hotel room . . . Should be shown as a passive item; additionally, this would be a suite. A suite usually has a 'lounge are' and multiple bedrooms accessible from that room. Perhaps used by families or wedding parties for the bridal entourage to prepare for the wedding.

After these, I stopped copying your text and suggest a capable Proof Reader AND an Editor. Bother will enhance your work. I have seen it suggested that you record yourself proof reading your text, then listening to the recording while following along in the text.

You do have a naivete which is wonderful, especially in a story of this nature.

Please continue to read literotica.com for a stronger comfort level in this genre. You have an admirable potential for a long, enjoyable career in this, and other, topics.

The length is ideal, spelling or typos really are your nemesis . That and PUNCTUATION.

ok...

“““ If you are looking for a quick jack off or don't like a long story, then maybe look elsewhere I do have quite a bit of story before the sex happens (I dislike stories that just immediately start with sex or go quickly to sex”””

I’m sorry but with 3.5k words this was unfortunately a short-quick Jack off story where the sex also happened too quick. really was expecting a long burner with that declaration tbh :/

Please don't continue.

Don’t need the stupid first paragraph. It’s fictional moron.

Just unreadable. Maybe photography is better suited as a pastime for you.

Learn to read, before you attempt to write. It's that simple. Read your own work out loud. Pay attention and read what you see, not what you think you see. When you do so, you'll find yourself choking on the words impossible to read smoothly. Set your phone to record yourself as you read aloud if you can't realize the failure as you read. Then listen to the recording without reading the story. Then read along as you listen and you'll see where your brain put words or rearranged them to make sense as you were reading. If you're thinking that sounds like a lot of work, you're right. It is and that is the thing that makes writing so hard and pleasurable. Do you think an artist just picked up a brush and slapped some paint on a canvas one day creating a masterpiece having no training, practice, or failures? As an editor and proofreader if I were sent this story to work with I'd have rejected it. Further I can't believe that Literotica published it considering the complete mess that it is.

I think it was a ok story. With that disclaimer, I expected more build up, but pls dont' let yourself be disencouraged by all that hate in the comments. Just work on yourself and try to improve your spelling and punctuation. For a first story it wasn't that bad.

I saw some potential but couldn't wade through the excitable grammar. Please find an editor and proof read.

Unrealistic, Seems like a teen wank fantasy that would never line up the stars that well.

Great efforts. Writing takes time and practice. Don't give up, it was a sweet story.

Maybe learn how to write at a third grade level before doing something like this?

Awful

Interesting story. could use editing and proof reading, but nice start for a first time.

It needs atleast another full page of finding and coming to grips with relationships.

That's not how the female body works !

I liked it. Hope story continues.