by jessabelkitty
Jess - I loved this. You are a great erotic writer. My cock got so hard and my cum shot out when you climaxed in your story. Looking for the next story. Don't let me down.
This is an awesome short story - emphasis on 'short'. You build the whole scenario and don't leave anything out. Good work!
I loved the story but there is one annoying oops. In the first paragraph she says she was at her friend Phillips, then later she called him Phillip. Small error but annoying.
I have no idea what that was all about. Writers get enough crap here as it is.
So very real. Many friends are afraid to make a first move. It is so much better to take a chance than regret it.
Your writing has a freshness to it and potential. Keep up the GREAT work. Looking forward to more.
Great start. Continue writing, I am looking forward to reading more from you...
Lose the word 'cunt', big turn off! I stopped reading after the second time it was mentioned.
I don't think there are a whole lot of words that would be better than 'cunt'. Vagina sounds too technical, honeypot is just ridiculous, and pussy is overused.