by PurpleButterfly
It helps if you can give a little build-up. Good start!
A lot of your descriptions are good, but a bit abrupt. Try telling us how they met and how they ended up living together. Tell us how he is different than her ex-boyfriend and how she has felt when she sees him with someone else. Only suggestions.
A lot of your descriptions are good, but a bit abrupt. Try telling us how they met and how they ended up living together. Tell us how he is different than her ex-boyfriend and how she has felt when she sees him with someone else. Only suggestions.