All Comments on 'Frisky Risqué Lynne'

I like your writing style and the way you present your stories. And your scenes are very believable. However, even for such a short story, this lost me early on. I understand in the real world, families do the all-L name thing, and it's great when the characters are developed over time, but in this case there isn't enough time to develop them in a way the reader can differentiate, especially when all the like letter names belong to one gender. I like your writing style, but having to go back and forth on a one page to get the characters straight lost me.

As a general suggestion, your story should have about five hundreds words per key character in order to develop them enough that a reader can tell who is who. This story would have been great if you'd limited the explanation of the family dynamics, and kept it centered on the key players. Keep writing!

Thought this was a wordy beginning to some internal family tryst. Not so. Wordy, yes, family tryst, no/not yet.

I agree with the previous comment concerning too much family, too much similarity with names. Unlike that comment though, I might prefer the introduction of key players with others briefly mentionned and later introduced more fully.

Length is good, could go a wee bit longer were the situation dictating the need.

Confident that this will become much better, looking for more. Please.

Blah, blah, blah

What were you planning when you started writing this? This is a porn site, not a peek-a-boo site. Now, if you add some hot chapters to this, we will be happy.

XYZ