All Comments on 'Gary and Jane Go on Holiday Ch. 02'

more please....

More Rum OK for you two he inquired, - Tardiness must be punished the guy said - It will be 20, said the guy - Please count he stated - I should have been shocked said Ella, but the thing was I wished it would have been me lying on that sofa.

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These are all quotes, so should be in quotation marks, and the first is a question, needs a question mark:

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"More Rum OK for you two?" he inquired, - "Tardiness must be punished," the guy said - "It will be 20," said the guy - "Please count," he stated - "I should have been shocked," said Ella, "but the thing was I wished it would have been me lying on that sofa."

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This continued throughout the story, and BTW, it's a "taut ass," not a "taught ass."

There is a category for BDSM/Lesbian

stories I suggest you change category.

Even LW should have rejected this mess.

Should be in Bdsm not Loving Wives. But hey u are new, so a learning process.

I enjoyed the story, your writing is a bit stilted a the plot progressed somewhat too fast.

But l enjoyed it, scores 4/5

Well, would have liked a bit more description on what the stripes looked like on Ella. Was she crying at the end? Did she try to cover her ass with her hands? Did she cry out?