Genesis for Dummies

CHAPTER ONE

Who the fuck locks their pantry? I know a lot of crazy stuff happened recently, but why would you waste a lock on some dumb storage closet when you could slap that shit on your front door and keep all those freaks out? Whatever, mister crowbar was more than willing to help me out and get me into those sweet, sweet canned foods. Kosher crackers, Mexican re-fried beans, a jar of pickled cabbage... whoever lived here either had an interesting ancestry or just spent a little too much time in the ethnic aisles.

Whatever, food's food and I'm sure as hell not that picky anymore. Maybe I'll have a little picnic in the living room with some of this stuff? Yeah, that'll be nice. I can draw all the curtains and I don't think any of the things outside will care if I take a little break from my scavenging. It's strange, you'd think there would be quite a few survivors moping around and shooting off guns and stealing each other's stuff but I still haven't seen a single normal person like myself.

Well, I guess I'm not that normal anymore, considering I might be one of a kind now. Talking to myself isn't helping my case either. Look man, when you wake up one day and the sun didn't come back up and the whole town was abandoned save for freaky-ass creatures wandering the streets, you're allowed to hold a little conversation with yourself here and there for sanity's sake. I mean, I guess I could just keep a journal or something like that, but that shit's for nerds.

Monsieur crowbar was very useful, but he wasn't much of a conversationalist, so that was out of the window too. Not literally of course, I still needed his special talents of breaking and entering. Was it still a crime if absolutely everyone was totally gone? Guess it doesn't matter since there's no cops here to hassle me. Alright, enough thinking about the hard existential questions, time to try and make it home with my precious tin can cargo.

One quick peek out the window confirms that there's no missionaries waiting outside the door. That's good because those guys are always annoying but it's bad because it means I'm still super alone. Oh, I guess there's no monsters either, so that's good. Time to go before any of those things sees me. One caught sight of me a while back when I first left my house and it made some super creepy hisses and shit and started coming for me. Luckily they aren't as smart as velociraptors so the good old 'shut the door' trick stumped it real good. I still sort of want to take a real close look at one of those weirdos but it's awfully hard to do that and be a big coward at the same time. Normally I'd up-sell myself a bit more, but hey, who's here to judge me?

Okay, enough dicking around, time to leave. Town still looks the same. No real damage or signs of chaos, it just looks like everybody decided that living in the same place as me was lame and fucked off. The sun was still hiding and I didn't blame him, this joint was downright unsettling now. The light fog and the semi-permanent dusk really killed the mood. Not that a ghost town is very jolly in the first place, but whatever.

Traffic wasn't too bad. Only a few creeps crawling or shambling around. Thankfully they didn't seem to be too fast or perceptive but I've never seen one sleep or eat or shit or nothin'. They just bumble about and occasionally stop to stand and look around, which is really weird 'cause I'm pretty sure they don't have eyes. They don't have clothes either. They do have titties and asses and pussies though, which kinda freaks me out. They have this smooth pallid gray skin and the general shape of a sexy-ass woman, but a blank face with no eyes or nose or hair. Just a mouth with big lips that they make creepy fucking noises with.

I was certain I'd see a few with big old dicks swinging around since there were obviously females out and about, but they either didn't exist or their weird monster society hadn't discovered dongers yet. Now that I think about it, that's probably a good thing considering how that one that saw me seemed real determined to get closer. Okay, I'm starting to freak myself out so best just to focus on getting home. My laziness had ensured I stayed in my old place, so no moving to a swanky house in a nice neighborhood for me. Nope, my end-times hideout is a small basement apartment under a house that once belonged to a bangin' milf of a landlady named Maya. Shame she wasn't around, I might actually have a chance with her now, being possibly the last man on earth.

Avoiding the scary sexy titty monsters is easy enough if you're patient and don't run, just like mom taught me when I was little. Teaching me not to run I mean; not the titty monster part. I don't think mom had any hot tips on surviving the big-boobed monster post-apocalypse. No tailgaters so I'm free to take Maya's back door like I always do. It's the principal of the thing, you understand. I don't keep this door locked so I can slip in real quick if I have to, but the big chunky padlock I put on the basement door did need one of the keys on my key-ring.

Finally, I was home. Now I could light a candle or two, crash on the couch and eat as much chicken soup as I wanted while I read cool books like 'One-hundred and one ways to tell if a guy likes you' and 'Awesome makeup tips for the modern Cougar'. Maya wasn't the most sophisticated reader. Whatever, she made up for it by being super hot before she disappeared with everybody else.

Alright, the book selection sucked, but I'd heard fables and rumors in the old days that there was an ancient tomb filled with vaults of written knowledge called a library somewhere down the road. I'll trek down there tomorrow and see if I can find any dirty books to whack off to, that'd boost my mood for sure.

Fuck, I can hear something banging or crashing around upstairs in Maya's house. I was just starting to have a good dream too, Maya had found her way back home somehow and was going to teach me how babies were made. Goddamn, whatever's up there is making a shit-ton of noise! I'm going to have to go deal with it. Mister crowbar is coming with me, for moral support of course. Well, that's creepy. The noises stopped when I got to the door at the top of the stairs, but now I can hear something breathing on the other side of the door.

This is fucked, I'm done dealing with this shit and I just want to get a decent night's sleep. I'm going to open the door and then push this asshole down the stairs and tie it up or something so I can figure out what its goddamn problem is. Now or never, better do it quick before I smarten up and pussy out. Okay, door's unlocked, and the knob's turned, but nothing jumped out yet. Still hearing creepy panting. Oh hell with it, I'm swinging this door wide open and- holy shit it's one of those titty monster things and it's gonna fucking grab me unless I get out of the way!

Shitshitshit, quick, flatten against the wall and let its momentum carry it down the stairwell! Oh, that worked. Nice. Wait, I need to get down there and tie it up or something before it gets back up! Um, okay, bed-sheet will work, just have to keep a knee on this thing's back and keep it face-down on the floor while I tie its arms and legs up. I knew that my time in boy scouts learning about knots would help with tying up a strangely attractive lady-thing someday.

Lock the basement door again real quick and now I can actually get a good look at this thing in a safe, controlled environment like a true scientist. Well, it's definitely gray and sexy like I established earlier. It's pretty tall, maybe six foot to my five foot ten? No hair anywhere, no eyes or nose or ears, looks almost like a mannequin with a mouth complete with plump dick-sucking lips. The rest of the body though, goddamn it's got plenty of detail. Big fat ass and rack, legs to die for and nice wide hips. Not sure if it's got a rear passage but it sure as hell has a front one. Admittedly most of the vaginas I've seen were on the internet but this is one pretty pussy. Were these creatures designed by a mad scientist with a life sentence in horny jail or something? Oh, I just noticed it's not hissing or growling or making freaky noises, it's just laying there and breathing. Well, I guess I know they have lungs now too.

Why is this one not flipping shit like I thought it would? It looks just like the others with the mouthwatering bubble butts and the killer cleavage. Damn it, looking at this thing is making me super horny and I haven't even seen another person, let alone bump uglies with one in a long time. Would it be bad to... fuck this thing? I mean, I did valiantly defeat it in single combat and I'm pretty sure there's an unwritten rule somewhere that says to the victor go the spoils and this is certainly war booty.

Alright, I can't take it anymore, my caveman brain says I need to cum in this thing. Goodbye clothes, you're pointless now anyway since no one's here to point and laugh. God, look at this freak's huge fucking ass! I could bounce quarters off this butt! Oh god, it feels so soft and squishy too, my hands are sinking in it like quicksand or something. Wait, did it just moan? Couple more gropes for science and... yep it's moaning! What the fuck is going on? Whatever, penis more, brain less.

Holy shit, these ass cheeks are so big that my cock just disappeared into her buns! There's another scientific note, these monsters are real soft and warm to the touch. God, her ass-cheeks feel so good wrapped around my dick like some kind of horny hot-dog. I'm glad I got this freak tied up, because now I can do whatever the hell I want with her body, like slap the hell out of this heavy duty caboose. The way the fat ripples and jiggles like jello when I spank her is driving me crazy!

More... I gotta have more! I'll stick her giant rump in the air and now I can properly inspect her cunt. Let's see here, clitoris? Check. Labia? Check. Nice and hot and slick with arousal? Check. Any complaints, weird scary sexy creature thingy? No? Alright, I'll just slide right in and- holy shit this feels amazing! It's like her tight hot muscles are trying to pull me in and suck me dry! Oh god, I need to start pulling out and pushing back in, that's what you're supposed to do right?

Goddamn, this is beyond anything I could ever imagine. Right hand, you're permanently fired, you suck compared to this monster pussy. Oh god, the way her giant booty gyrates and the wet slaps it makes when I pound her is divine... am I in heaven right now? Ugh, my I think my brain's starting to fry, it feels so good I can't think straight. All I want to do is keep hammering this slutty fucking monster into the floor and show it who's boss.

Yeah, I fought this thing and won, so it belongs to me now! I'll prove it by getting my iron-hard rod as deep in its perverted snatch as I can and I'll fire load after load of hot semen into it and mark every inch of its insides as mine! Just! Like! This! Oh Jesus, I can feel my cock throbbing and pulsing as I fill this bitch up with my seed, and I swear her love tunnel is just milking me for every last drop of DNA. Whoa, she's quivering and shaking now and moaning and groaning like mad! Did she just cum? Uh, I guess she must have, she's... purring now? She sounds pretty happy... I've never heard one of these things make such nice noises like that before.

Now I just want to fall asleep here, my dick's nice and snug in her warm hole and it feels way too good to pull out. Plus her huge fat butt is super soft and cushy... fuck it, I'll just lay on her and pass out, what's the worst that could happen?

CHAPTER TWO

Why do I feel so warm and soft and cozy? Usually I wake up and feel all cold and lonely, but I can feel something malleable with my hands and for some reason my wiener feels especially nice. Oh shit, that's right, I fucked that monster thing! Huh. Well, we're still here, on the floor, covered in sweat and cum and whatever strange fluids her monster muff makes. I think I came inside her last night? Yep, some of it's leaking out now that I've slipped out of her womanly clutches.

Weird, now I feel sort of naked now that I'm not balls deep in her love tunnel. Must be some dumb caveman brain thing, angry that I'm not pumping cum in her twenty four seven. That does sound tempting though... No! Bad lizard brain! I need to go to the library today and find stuff to read that will keep me sane, or god forbid, teach me about important skills like gardening or carpentry. Ah man, this monster lady feels so good though, I just want to sit here and run my hands over every inch of her curves.

I know, I'll just keep her here while I run up to the library real quick. I can try and feed her before I leave, and I'll go ahead and untie her. I'm pretty sure these things can't use doors or locks so she should be safe on her own. Hey, sorry about going to town on you last night weird creature woman, but I just got so pent up and mister crowbar only ever gives me the cold shoulder.

Here, let me untie you and sit you down on the couch. Well, you're not hissing or screeching at me so I'm going to assume you're cool with it. Can you even hear me? You keep turning your head to follow me as I walk around so you must be able to sense me somehow. Some people might find your lack of facial features off-putting but you haven't complained about my ugly mug so that basically makes you a super-model in my books. Your massive boobs and gargantuan booty help too.

Hey, are you hungry? I want to go visit the book buffet real quick but you're welcome to stay here as long as you want, I just want to make sure you don't starve while I'm gone. How about beans, those are a real big hit here with the clientele, they can't get enough of the stuff. Whoa, geez, don't take my fingers off there. Boy I guess a big girl like you gets awful hungry huh? I haven't seen any of your sisters out there ever eat anything, so I guess they must be catching squirrels or rats or whatever. Yuck. I'll have to grab a book on growing veggies or something if I'm going to be providing for our little family.

Speaking of families, can these things get pregnant? I know cross-species stuff usually doesn't work but there are ligers and mules and stuff, right? I'm pretty damn certain that if miss Monsterella here has a womb, I filled it with enough pent-up passion to knock her up ten times over. Guess it'll have to be a good old fashioned wait and see sort of thing. At least I have an excuse to keep nutting in her since I've already done it before, using rubbers now would be a bit too late.

Okay, why don't I give your kind and you specifically a name before I head out. You guys are all gray or close to it so I'll just call you Grays. Then if the internet ever comes back I can claim that I was the only one that successfully raided that secret government base and got to fuck one of you guys. You're tall and thick and super hot, so I'll call you Maya. I already like you way more than the old one, you don't charge me rent and you don't walk around in tight sexy yoga pants and make me feel bad for ogling you.

Alright, well don't smash anything, don't throw any parties and do your homework while I'm gone, okay? Onward to the library, brave hero. Yep, sun's still fucked off to who knows where. Not too many grays wandering around though, same as yesterday. What determines their numbers anyway? Sometimes they pack the streets like a can of sardines and sometimes there's only a few here and there, like today and yesterday. It can be a bit hard to tell, but it does get slightly lighter during the 'day' and darker during the 'night'. Not as much as when the sun was still here of course, now it's just this weird slightly lighter twilight or slightly darker dusk. Haven't seen the moon either, now that I think about it. Man, even the sun and moon abandoned me, fucking assholes. Hey, there's the library, looks like it's in good condition too. More evidence to support my theory that everybody just up and disappeared, if there were any stragglers like me there would be way more signs of looting and killing and stuff.

Huh, library's not locked and the door works just fine. Probably won't be any Grays in here either, they aren't the smartest peas in the pod. Better check the computers real quick. Hey this one's working! Can't do much with it though, Internet's down. Guess I can search for some books on gardening and woodworking though. I'd like to stuff new Maya with more types of veggies than just my personal pickle at some point.

Man, I'm funny and I know it, someone should be writing all this down and- wait, what the fuck was that? I head something move, like footsteps or something. Was it deeper in the bookshelves? Did a Gray wander in here somehow? Well, I want those books something fierce so I guess I'm going to have to find out what else is in here with me. This sucks, I'm going to have to train Maya to detect danger with her nipples or something and bring her with me like some kinda erotic radar. Shit, I'm so nervous I'm not even making sense to myself.

Slowly move step by step, just ease my way over and take a peek. There was something making noise behind this bookshelf... Hey, there's a book just lying open on the floor. Did something drop it here and then run off? Better take a look at this thing I guess. 'How to populate your new world: a beginner's guide for young deities' What the hell the kind of title is that? The page it's open to is illustrated, oh wow, this is some seriously lewd art. There's a man and something like a woman furiously copulating... wait that looks an awful lot like a Gray!

Alright, this is way too much to process right now, I don't even want to think about what this shit means. I'm just going to grab the books that I originally wanted and this weird fucked up one and get the heck out of dodge. I don't think I've ever physically run from existential problems before but I'm pretty sure I'm doing it now. I don't even care that some of these grays are seeing me and making those freaky ass noises, I'm getting home and locking the shit out of the door for while.

CHAPTER 3

Honey, I'm home! Good, Maya is still here although she decided to crawl up on my table at some point. Not that I'm complaining, I don't think she's so heavy that she'll break it and she makes for a pretty good centerpiece. Finally got some decent reading to keep me occupied, been meaning to do that for a while so it feels good to strike that off the list.

I think old Maya had some gardening stuff in her house somewhere so I can set up a little vegetable patch. Hopefully the crops will somehow get enough light, I mean, there's enough to see by so it's not pitch black out there or anything. There's a little creek that runs through the neighborhood nearby too, so I can get water from there for the plants and I can eventually boil and filter some for myself as well.

That will be another book to look for, how to properly clean water. I've got a real nice supply of bottled stuff though so I have plenty of time before I have to worry about that. That reminds me, I should take a closer look at the book I found on the library floor. I think I'll sit at the table with Maya while I examine this thing, I can use her big old honkers like a stress ball if the existential dread starts to get too crazy.

Forget book, this thing's a tome. The cover is some kind of aged leather and the pages have the feel and smell of old parchment. Eh, most of the first half is these weird runes and scripts that start to make my eyes hurt if I look at them too long, but the second half seems to be legible. I'll just skim through and see what some of this stuff is about.

'When creating life for the first time, the new god or goddess is encouraged to take inspiration from other successful deities. There's nothing wrong with adopting another template to get you started and then developing it into something truly unique to you! An empty world wouldn't be very fun or interesting so getting some basic form of life set up is a great first step in your new universe. If you're feeling confident or are anxious to get started, creating a basic form of humanoid can get you a head start on a living, evolving world with individuals reproducing, forming societies, and developing cultures and beliefs.