All Comments on 'Getting Candy After Company Picnic'

Needs a cut/paste edit?

So grammar problems in the first few paragraphs that I just gave up trying to figure out what you would have written, had you actually been literate.

<editing required for sure!

Could have been an interesting story!

Good story, but check your last few paragraphs look like they’re doubled copy/paste.

DEFINITE issues!!

Also, could open with where it falls in the stories, due to all the other references!

once they got in the house, he was all over her. She had to run into the bathroom and lock the door while she peed."

I reached my hand under her top, undid the front bra clasp and played with her bare nipples. "Did she say he fucked her hard?"

"Not so crudely but she said she was sore this morning.""""""""".... "But I didn't give a shit. I kissed her on the cheek, patted her ass and told her to go brush her teeth while I started dinner. The rest of the evening was spent relaxing in front of the TV. into the bathroom and lock the door while she peed."""""""" .....

I reached my hand under her top, undid the front bra clasp and played with her bare nipples. "Did she say he fucked her hard?"

"Not so crudely but she said she was sore this morning."

I undid her pants and slit a hand inside down to her pussy. She was soaked. I whispered in her ear. "I'm sure it wasn't her he was thinking about while he fucked her." She sighed as I started rubbing her clit.

"She told me she didn't know what had gotten into him. This is a prime example of why cut and paste, is But I didn't give a shit. I kissed her on the cheek, patted her ass and told her to go brush her teeth while I started dinner. The rest of the evening was spent relaxing in front of the TV. into the bathroom and lock the door while she peed."

I reached my hand under her top, undid the front bra clasp and played with her bare nipples. "Did she say he fucked her hard?"

"Not so crudely but she said she was sore this morning."

I undid her pants and slit a hand inside down to her pussy. She was soaked. I whispered in her ear. "I'm sure it wasn't her he was thinking about while he fucked her." She sighed as I started rubbing her clit.

"She told me she didn't know what had gotten into him."""""" .... I AM GLAD IT WAS A Short story, otherwise he would be caught in the Ground Hog' loop.