Girlfriend Types 01

Girlfriend types 01

Hello there, I'm Brad and I'm that guy that you knew of back in the day or that guy that you remember playing a sport with once or twice, but you struggle to remember much else about me. Or maybe I should just come out and say that I was a loner growing up, but not so much of a loner that I never owned a ball glove or a pair of spikes, both of which I have for sale online and yes, they are both in that good of condition and the claim in my ad that they were only used once is absolutely true, so.

So, here's how those years went, I graduated HS without fanfare, I graduated from CC with about the same amount of fanfare, but here I am at 22, back in Middleton and earning a living by providing a tasty snack to any and all shoppers at the local mall.

Now before you chuckle at me for buying into a national franchise chain for a Hot Pretzel kiosk counter inside of the local mall food cantina court, well, I mean, my bank account may not be overflowing just yet, but it does enjoy positive contributions on a regular basis and that's what I chuckle about. And I'm an employer too. I mean, none of my kiosk positions are lifetime employment opportunities, but I offer paid work and I have a city plaque to proof it, LOL. Um, well, I have been told that I have a "type" when it comes to hiring, but I dismiss that with those who would be interested in earning shoe money by working at a mall kiosk counter and that's all I have to say about that.

Oh, and it's not all a bed of roses though. I mean, malls, right? Seven days a week from 9 to 9. Well, it's more like 10 to 9 for my Hot Pretzel kiosk because my main day shift employee, Darla, insists that she has proof positive survey results that show most shoppers don't need a snack until 10 am, so.

So, other than that, my life is pretty good right, my awkward appearance from the past have smoothed out and working at the mall offers so many opportunities to meet other people, so, life is pretty good and I spread it around too. I mean, I eat and drink at the other cantina counters and I don't say anything to any of my employees when they do the same. I mean, a tasty soft pretzel only goes so far, right?

"Welcome to the Lava Java Hut, where our coffee is thicker than road tar, so, how can I help you today, oh, um, hi Brad, I mean, should I go get Kelsey from the back because she's the only one who can make your coffee your special way, Brad? Mm-mmm?"

"Carli, what makes you think that I don't come for my coffee when I know that you're working, huh?"

"Because everyone knows that Kelsey is your Lava Girlfriend and I may or may not be reminding you that her 20th birthday is this weekend, so she's just right for you, so. I mean, if there was ever a reason for you to have a small celebration mixer for a few of your favorite mall rat workers, I mean, what better reason then, right Brad? Also, is Darby working this evening?"

"Well, if flirting is the same as working, then yes, Darby is on the schedule for this evening. And keep your voice down about Kelsey. She may not appreciate being referred to as a Lava Girlfriend and all, so."

Um, folks, I may have left a few things to be read between the lines above, but at least I didn't lie about my love life experiences. I mean, it's not zero, but it's a long way from knowing how to have and treat a Lava Girlfriend, so.

"Well, I don't think that Kelsey minds and some of us in the food court may or may not have begun hash tagging "Lava Girlfriend", but you heard me when I said that she's this close to turning 20, right Brad? That's prime, Brad, that's prime. Besides, I also noticed that you "liked" her most recent posting on Chang that said "a Lava Girlfriend? Who, me?" and all, so. I mean, that was a lot of emojis, Brad."

"Well Carli, I never said that I didn't like my Lava Girlfriend, I mean, Kelsey, so."

"Well, I'll just make your special bold double-double with one and one tar coffee and give you a moment to think about having a quiet mixer to, you know, maybe heat up the lava flow. I'll also mention that she's on her break right now and she's shopping at the Red Bag store, so."

I mean, I mean, I mean, the Red Bag store, well, the Red Bag store rules!

"Alright, boss stud man Brad, one cup of pipe cleaner to go and two fair warnings."

Oh, wow, I never noticed before how a counter worker uses her eyes to direct your attention to the tip jar, but it seemed to work, so good business practice, I guess."

"One, LOL, check your phone for an announcement of your small mixer."

[Ping.]

"And two, I mean, you're done with that little fem boy date night stuff, right Brad? I mean, make your Lava Girlfriend a few promises about that and think about the Red Bag store, Brad, the Red Bag store."

Well, I said that there were a few things to be read between the lines above and all. But in my defense, well, he's, oops, Gee G "was" cute as hell and he tricked me into letting him blow me a couple of times a month and insert nine other excuses here and let's just move on, alright folks?

"Well, this quiet mixer notification that just came across my phone seems to have originated from my phone, so."

"Please Brad, Darby hacked your cell phone codes long ago. I mean, she's your best employee and all, so. And Brad, I promise to keep things small and quiet, so Darby and I will attend as mixer dates, so???"

"Carli, is that same as saying that you and Darby already have "plus one" dates lined up?"

"(And Lillianna too.) Well, just one hard ice tea each and we won't stay too long, so???"

I mean, work life in a mall, right? There is never a dull moment, so.

Also, woo, I mean, wow, wow, the Lava Java Hut should change their neon sign to include "Storm Drain Cleaning" too! I mean, ahh, a piping hot road tar lava, right? I mean, OMG, why in hell do I drink this stuff? Oh yeah, because my Lava Girlfriend lures me in.

"OMG, boss, boss Brad, everyone is talking about it and you're hash tagging all over Chang, boss!"

"Darby, I've told you plenty of times, we always start with "how's business" here at my Hot Pretzel kiosk counter before we jump into all the silly gossip, so?"

"Please Brad, look at my adorable face, will you? Nobody can resist me, which means everyone just has to grab a hot pretzel, which means you stack more paper and I bag more tips, so???"

"Fine, so, I mean, if the people were talking and all, I mean, what might the people be hash tag saying, Darby? And don't forget to interpret for me. I seem to get lost in the hash tag lingo, so."

"Well, you didn't hear this from me Brad, but your small birthday mixer for your Lava Girlfriend has amazing odds in your favor, if you don't start to convulse and get the shakes. I mean, you are kind of a catch all, boss. Also, and you're hearing this directly from me, boss, I mean, I should take a quick break and pick up a little something from the Red Bag store too!"

"(You're not sexing up your date in my house, Darby!)"

"(Yes, I might, Brad. I'm 19 and a grown woman, so.)"

"(I still object!)"

"(Glare at my still growing boobs, boss.)"

"Well, did you at least invite Darla from the day shift?"

"Fine, we can have an "adult" at the mixer, but is she starts balancing cocktails on her shelf boobs and all, you better keep paying attention to your Lava Girlfriend, so."

I mean, that never entered my mind that Darla could do that and I swear, if Darby hadn't locked me out of my own phone, well, I would have forwarded the invite myself! I mean, I mean, every mixer should have an "adult" present, right?

Anyways, um, yep, I had a small Friday night mixer about an hour after the mall closed and to my surprise, it was small, it was somewhat quiet and manageable, so.

"I like your place, Brad."

"Thanks, Kelsey, I mean, I'm not so much about the modern decorating and all, so."

"Well, it's obvious that a guy lives here and all, but it could be worse. So, is the birthday Lava Girlfriend going to get a birthday kiss or what, Brad?"

"I mean, Kelsey, I mean, um, well, sure, I mean, but not in front of these folks, alright?"

"Oh, um, it doesn't have to be at this moment, Brad, but I'm looking forward to whatever happens a little later then, so."

"I mean, you look amazing tonight, Kelsey and um, I like you out of your work apron and all, oops, I mean, I mean, you look, well, I mean, I mean, you look great and all in your work apron and I just meant that, um."

"Relax, Brad and breathe. So, with all the photos being taken here, LOL, I bet we trend right behind Darla's boobs tomorrow, LOL."

"Oh, well, I'm sure that we will be the talk of the mall's water fountain tomorrow and all, so."

"I'm OK with that, Brad, so, yes or no, I have a small overnight Lava Girlfriend bag in my car, so???"

"You mean the bag that Lillianna already snuck into my bedroom? And seemed to spend quite a long time in there for just placing a Lava Girlfriend overnight bag down? I mean, yes, I'm down, Kelsey, but keep your Casanova expectations on the lower side."

I mean, I wasn't complaining about how long Lillianna spent in my bedroom. I'm only complaining that there aren't more Latino girls like Lillianna. I mean, just her hair, right? It's as black as midnight, but somehow reflects light with it's shine, even when there aren't any lights on! I mean, it sparkles!

"(Mwah), Brad, maybe it's time to start thinning out the mixer and all. I mean, Saturday 10am is still yet to come, right? And we all need a good night's sleep, so."

"Well, I mean, I mean, you're going to send a group text with all that reasoning, right, Kelsey?"

"Sent, Brad, now go bid your guests good bye. (And don't simp for Lillianna on my time, stud.)"

Huh, is it just that easy to clear a house out? Or is that how it works with smaller crowds?

"Bye boss, and oops on all of my nip slips tonight, boss."

"It's fine and it might help me from being the talk of the mall tomorrow anyways, Darla, so."

"(Mwah), sounds like a raise to me, so, nightie, night. Bye Kelsey."

Huh, do boobs just stand up and out like that? I mean, that's a bra chipping in, right?

"(Mwah, mwah, mwah), good night, Brad."

"Darby, you mean good night, right?"

"I mean the Red Bag store works and I mean that Carli and I will be gone before midnight and I mean that Carli and I will clean up our mess from your spare bedroom, so? Now, stop worry about us and play nice with your Lava Girlfriend. By the way, there's an opening in the front and just underneath, so."

Smart ass! I mean, I've seen videos on Chang and all, so.

"Hah, you wish I was your Viaduct Girlfriend, boss. Now, if you want me to pick up the pretzel dough from the warehouse in the morning, well, I'll take the key FOB for your red truck tonight, Brad. By the way, there's an opening in the front and just underneath, so."

I mean, do I need to play the videos that I know from Chang on repeat?

And by the way, Lillianna and her crew have one of the coolest hang outs in town. They have claimed the Stillwater Bridge viaduct as their place, so they have parking, concrete and a roof, LOL.

Also, huh, she didn't peck kiss me good night?

"(Mwah), oh, Brad, I was wish Darby and I could stay all night to make you a very special cup of coffee in the morning (mwah), but I heard Darby promise you that we would be gone soon enough, so. And by the way, there's an opening in the front and just underneath, so."

"Carli, I know some stuff!"

"(Mwah), LOL, no you don't, but your Lava Girlfriend will be very forgiving about that tonight. Also, butthead, stop watching Lillianna walk to your truck! LOL, even though it's making a lot less work for your Lava Girlfriend, so."

Well, I mean, I mean, Lillianna is just so tall and really knows how to walk and all, so.

"Hmmm, as your first time Lava Girlfriend, I'll let that one go, for now, Brad."

"I mean, Kelsey, I mean, you worked it out with her to bring your overnight bag in here and to change the sheets on my bed and all, so."

"Relax, Brad, I'd slap that a little too if I had a dick, so."

Anyways, the Red Bag store rules! And Kelsey's body rules! And Kelsey's female attitude and her very much welcomed "take charge" mannerisms ruled! And I don't mean that to sound sexist or anything. I'm just saying that I didn't have to experience to get the ball rolling, so experience rules!

"Well, I must say, Brad, that was a little more than I was expecting. I'm also saying that I never said that I was an expert at sucking a hard cock, so?"

"Well, I'm saying that was amazing, Kelsey and I might be saying that you should repeat that other part, so."

"LOL, you have a fine hot pretzel, Brad and it's all a good Lava girlfriend could hope for, so."

"Ahh, I mean, ahh. However, um, I mean, I have zero experience with if I recover or not."

"LOL, liar, I can feel you "poking" and "throbbing" already, so. I mean, spoon me, Brad and we'll let nature take things where they go and all, so."

Well, that's something that someone should put in a book or something! Also, huh, that opening is also available from the rear! Which is another thing that someone should put in a book!

"What just happened, Kelsey?"

"LOL, you just smashed your Lava Girlfriend from behind, Brad! And smashed her raw, by the way."

"I mean."

"I mean, you still owe me some kissing, Brad."

I mean, I suppose that should be in chapter one of the book. Oh, and the book sound be a battery powered book because the sound effects, right? I mean, that is some super sweet music to the ears, am I right folks? And it leads to more chapters in the book.

"Ooh, I'm just locking my legs around you, Brad, I mean, ooh, ooh, just keeping going, stud, ooh."

"I mean, {huff, puff], it's good, it's good, it's good [huff, huff, huff], right Kelsey?"

"Oh, it's good, Brad. I mean, it's not so good that I see four eyes peeking at us through your bedroom door, but we're going to be the talk of the mall anyways, so, ooh, stud, ooh, oh, love me, Brad, love me good."

I mean, even the best books have one bad chapter, right? LOL wrong! My Lava Girlfriend made it clear and I made her say it again that I (we) had nothing to be ashamed of with our youthful bodies and that it may or may not have been a shame that the lighting wasn't better for the way that Darby and Carli were holding their cell phones through my bedroom door.

Now, just to finish up, LOL, the last chapter of my quiet mixer book concluded in the morning where I found two cups of coffee on the Breakfast Bar, cold of course because the girls made them before they snuck out in the wee hours, but it was symbolic just the same as a job well done! I think.

I mean, I'm right about that, right?

End Girlfriend types 01