All Comments on 'Girls' Night Out Ch. 01'

Sorry Mate, it was all over the board. Yeah, it had some hot parts, but the story made sense only to the writer, not the reader. *Who* was talking about that night? We never met them. *Why* were they talking? Did Harold tell his buddies about fucking his wife of fifteen (years?) If so, who did he tell? What did the big black man whisper?

Re-read your story, out loud. You'll find a couple of errors, and be able to hear it from the reader's perspective. It works, trust me.

I hate those slamming "reviews" so I won't leave you hating me, or insult you for the sake of an insult. The sex scene was hot, but you needed to draw it out. What did she do to make the blow job so great? Was her asshole shaved, or hairy?

Remember, a good writer engages all the senses. Touch, taste, sight, and smell. Share all that, it will bring the reader in, and let them leave with their thigh sticky with cum.

Try again, cause you have something there.