Give Me a Little Credit Here

Donna stared at her wordlessly for a moment.

Valerie sheepishly dropped her eyes. "I know, I know. My bad, honey. But look, it's all behind us now. Everything's gonna be fine when we wake up. C'mon, Mrs. O'Hanlon. It's bedtime." She reclaimed her hands. "Let's cuddle up...and drift off to Dreamland."

*****

(D) Wow. I'm...speechless.

(V) Yeah, words fail us; that pretty much says it all.

(D) Oh, but you don't have to go; we haven't finished our story just yet.

(V) Unless of course you must; don't let us keep you if you have other plans.

(D) Right—but we promised you could meet my Mom, Carole, so if you want, by all means, stick around a bit longer. She's in the last segment.

(V) Here we are. Twenty-four hours after we began. Sunday morning, 11:00.

*****

Sunday, September 8th, 2013, 11:11 a.m.

The lazy prenoon Sunday reflected the same image of loveliness its Saturday presented. Virtually cloudless heavens, both temperature and rate of traffic just a trifle lower than the day before. Around the corner to NW 3rd Avenue swept a blue Volvo, parking behind the Beetle. Out stepped a woman in a summer dress and her late forties, who bore a slight resemblance to Donna, for obvious reasons: it was her Mom, Carole Gardner. She reached the house and knocked. No answer. She tried the bell. No answer.

A bit curious, she opened the screen door and knocked on the actual front. It creaked an inch ajar. Oh, she thought. ...Maybe they can't answer the door, so they left it unlocked. Which seemed less than secure to her, but...she popped her head in and called.

"Hello?...Girls?...It's me." Carole discreetly wandered a few steps in. "Um, the door was unlocked," she continued calling out. "I hope you don't mind me letting myself in."

Yet still no answer.

"Uh, Donna, Valerie, I saw your car outside, so I figured you were home. If you aren't, I could come back later...but I don't wanna leave your door unlocked..."

Three seconds later, a groggy Valerie emerged, rubbing her eyes. She tossed out a yawn, in the middle of which she noticed their visitor.

"Oh, Carole, hi!" she greeted with a hug.

"Well, hi, hon! There's one of ya. Slept in this morning, huh?"

Valerie stretched with a chortle. "Ho-HO, yeah.

"Hey, uh...how'd you get in? I didn't know Donna made you a key."

"Oh, eh, she didn't," Carole said, a tad sheepishly. "The...door was open."

Valerie stopped pawing at her eyes, raised her brows and remembered. "...Oh yeah."

"I hope it's okay that I came inside."

"Oh, of course it is; we were expecting you!" chuckled Val. "Yeah, we didn't mean to leave it open, just...uh...one thing led to another, y'know. Long story."

"Well, I've got plenty of time," Carole shrugged. "My little girl still in bed, is she?"

Most of her energy replenished, Val perked the rest of the way up. "You bet. Oh, well, hey, sit down," she urged. "Let me get you something. You want a drink? A snack?"

"Oh, that'd only be delightful," Carole accepted, taking a seat in one of the recliners.

"Outstanding." The daughter-in-law adjourned to her kitchen.

Carole called to her, chuckling, as she of course found what she was about to say "cute."

"And you could also get that lazy daughter of mine up while you're at it, young lady."

A few steps into the kitchen, Val momentarily froze in her tracks, letting her face go into that anguished grimace, teeth and fists clenched. She let the irritation pass, took a breath and turned to call back. "You got it, Care!"

"Oh, Valerie, honey, do you have some of those darling little cookies around?" Val heard her ask. "You know the ones I mean? Tiny morsels of heaven; I just love those things."

"Yes, I know," Carole heard her respond. Under her breath, Valerie laughed to herself, "You bought them for us."

Another yawn emanated from behind Carole. She and Val heard the front door open, then shut again a minute later, and two more bare feet padding in. In ambled Donna, big heavy newspaper in one hand, brushing her face awake with the other.

Carole turned to see her. "Well, there y'are, lazybones!" she smiled, playfully ribbing her. "Well, what're you doing sleeping in till 11:00, ya li'l ol' slugabed?"

She opened up for a hug. Donna lowered her gaze and stared ominously a few seconds. Carole, arms outstretched, threw her the "c'mere, c'mon!" gesture with her fingers.

Donna nodded, it being nowhere near worth it to argue. "Okay," she agreed as they 'X'd and 'O'd. "Okay, Mommy, but just one thing: you're not allowed to call me 'lazy' today."

"That's right, Carole, me neither," added Valerie, returning with cookies on a plate.

"Really?" asked Carole, accepting the snack. "What's going on?"

Instead of saying anything, Val sauntered straight over to Donna, took her by the hips, drew her in, and then took her by the lips.

Carole arched her eyebrows. "Well, well...throwing me a little hint, are ya?"

Forgetting her Mom was in the room for a minute, Val broke the kiss and spoke sultrily.

"You want a Kool-Aid, sweet baby?"

Donna automatically replied in her own low and steamy tone. "Yes I do, sex doll."

Forgetting her Mom was in the room for another minute, Valerie took her right hand...

"You wanna go get some..." And smacked Donna's bottom with it.

"...Cinnamon buns today?"

"You bet your..." Donna spanked her back. "...Sweet ass I do."

Carole looked down to the cookies, a bit awkwardly. She did a little thumb-twiddling.

"Would, um...would you two like me to leave?"

"Oh, no, no, Mommy; just gettin' it out of our system," said Donna.

"Well, for these couple hours," Valerie added, skipping on tippy-toe back to the kitchen. Carole watched Val prance like a gazelle till she disappeared from her line of sight.

"I see..." Raising her voice to be heard, she called, "Why, Valerie."

"Yes?" came the cheerful voice.

"Take advantage of my little girl, did you, young lady?"

The mother and daughter heard a pot clatter loudly to the kitchen floor.

"Uh, Val?" Donna called.

"Nothing!"

She produced a glass of Kool-Aid twelve seconds later and served it to Donna.

"Oh, good, you got the paper."

"Yup, Sunday edition." Donna tossed it to her. Val caught it, almost falling on her butt.

"So, Vally! Let me ask you," said Carole. "How's my favorite American daughter-in-law?"

"Uh...hm. Well, that's an interestingly-phrased question, Carole. I feel pretty wonderful right now, thanks. And yourself?"

"Oh! Simply ditto."

"Your favorite 'American' daughter-in-law?" repeated Donna. "As opposed to what, Mommy, your favorite Yugoslavian daughter-in-law?"

"Nope! Canadian."

Donna's eyes widened. "You're kidding me! Jimmy?"

Valerie turned back to Donna. "Your brother's married??"

"That was my question!" Donna whirled back on Carole. "My brother's married??"

"Yup; it's official. He and Suzie tied the knot."

Valerie was astonished and elated. "SHUT UP!" she shouted. "No way!"

"Way."

Gasp. "Oh my gosh, that is so awesome!" Val squealed. She tossed the jumbo Sunday paper into the unoccupied recliner—which almost made it recline completely on its own—and again hugged Carole jovially. "Congrats, Mrs. G.!"

"Thank you. Donna, sweetie, I'm so proud of both of you."

"Whoa!" said Valerie. "So wait a sec! That means a month ago I was a single only child...now I have a wife, a brother and a sister??"

"Indeed," said Carole. "I have two daughters-in-law: one American, one Canadian. My son and my daughter now both have wives."

"...Wait a minute!" exclaimed a not quite as ecstatic Donna. "When did that happen?!"

"Tuesday."

"TUESDAY?!"

"Well, Carole, why didn't you tell us before?" Val asked.

"Well, you were on your honeymoon. Jimmy said he was sorry you couldn't make it."

"Ho-ho!" Donna laughed sarcastically, hands on hips. "I'll just bet he was..."

Valerie remained delighted. "Well, that...oh my gosh, that is so cool!" she said. "Where're they going on their honeymoon?"

"Paris," crooned Carole.

"OOOOoooh! Was it a beautiful wedding?"

"OH my, yes."

"Awwww!"

Donna was turned the other way. "Oh, he just could not stand it, could he?"

"Oh, Donna!" Carole turned to her. "Your getting married had nothing to do with it!"

"HA! I beg to differ! All of a sudden, I'm in the spotlight, I'm getting all the attention, everybody's congratulating ME...and that was just gnawing away at him, wasn't it?"

Carole gazed back to Valerie. "Sibling rivalry rears its particularly ugly head."

"Oh, Donna, stop it!" said Val. "Aren't you happy for them?"

Donna made a motion with her mouth to spit out an automatic "NO," but she didn't. She took a moment, letting her heart soften and warm, smiled, and chuckled.

"Of course I am. No kidding, Mommy, that really is fantastic."

"Oh, Carole, you finished your cookies," noticed Val. "I'll go get you some more. Babe," she turned, addressing her bride. "What would you love for breakfast?"

"Aw, I love anything you whip up, Rachael," said Donna, blinking her butterfly kisses. "Surprise me."

Valerie beamed back at her. "You know what? You, are, perfect."

"No, you are."

"No, you are!" insisted Valerie, resuming the kitchen.

"Okay, have it your way! You win; I'm perfect!"

"So, what's this you were saying—you slept in today but you're not lazy?" asked Carole.

"OH, geez." Donna picked up the card from the table. "A'right, well...y'know, my, uh...new credit card came in the mail yesterday."

"Oh, that's terrific, hon," said Carole. "Congratul—"

Donna held up a hand to halt her. "...Not quite."

"What'cha mean?"

"We...sat on hold, six-teen hours...trying to get it authorized. And we were so tired, we got ticked off...well, I did...and we...kinda had a little fight. And when we DID finally get someone on the phone, we...missed it—please don't ask me how—and they hung up."

Carole's countenance turned a bit worried. "You stayed up all night?"

She turned away from her mother again. "Felt like dead crap on toast six hours ago."

The reaction provoked in the wives by the next thing Carole said had yet to be defined.

"Well, why didn't you just do it online?"

Donna froze in her tracks. The sound came from the kitchen of several cooking items crashing to the floor at the same time, including a plate wobble-spinning for several seconds. Certain impulses entered Donna's mind...impulses that did not reflect her nature as a person: throwing something, striking something, kicking something, shooting something... She slowly, very very slowly pivoted her feet 180° to face her mother—her face a mask of utter disbelief—held up both index fingers, shut her red-seeing eyes, and ejaculated one single, sharp, biting, barking word.

"What?"

Valerie slipped out of the kitchen, wearing her apron and a dish towel over her shoulder.

"Did...she just say...what I thought she said?"

Unaware there was anything amiss, Carole elaborated. "Well, yeah, sure. You can go on the site, process the information through, do it in just a couple minutes." Her smile remained, but as she looked back and forth between them, it faded.

"You...didn't know that?"

Donna let one more moment go by before she screeched. "...WHAT?!!"

Val shut her eyes, but could not shut her mouth. She whipped the dish towel off her shoulder and whapped herself in the face with it three times. "OH...MY...gosh."

Suddenly, the situation came clear in Carole's mind. "OH, dear..." she uttered. Her daughter extended an arm, beginning to totter unsteadily. She went for the wall just to stay on her feet. Val sat on the recliner's arm. Carole turned back to the phone.

"And, the two of you sat awake all night long waiting f—..." She looked back again.

"Oh, honey!" she lamented. She took Donna in her arms and gave her a warm motherly hug. "Oh, no wonder you slept in so late!" She let go of Donna and went to hug Val as well. "I am so sorry you guys went through that!"

"Hell, how sorry're we we went through it?" Donna grumbled.

Valerie looked at her. "...Really, babe?"

"Huh?"

"Well...are we?" asked Val. "Are you actually really sorry that happened to us? I mean, aside from the whole sleep deprivation thing. I mean, yeah, I could've done without that. But other than that...how sorry do you really feel?"

Donna needed a sec to think about it.

"Do you honestly feel like it was all just wasted time?"

Donna considered. "Hm...y'know, for some reason...not really, no."

"Me neither!" Valerie agreed. "Sweetie, I think last night you and I got about as close as two people who love each other can possibly get. If not more. I mean, to me...that's a true declaration of our love: we ended up staying up all night together, for the pure heck of it! Just because we could! Can Jimmy and Suzie say that?"

Donna chuckled, not having thought of it this way. "Yeah, true; let them try it!"

Valerie took her hands and kissed them, one at a time. "Y'know, believe it or not, Donna, I'm glad we had that fight. I didn't think it was possible to love you any more than I did, but...I do. I really do! I love you even more now."

Donna couldn't help but smile big and beautiful. "I love you too."

"You two are so adorable," Carole remarked. "Valerie, honey, why don't you sit down, and I'll make you guys some breakfast. You shouldn't have to lift a finger after that."

Val's voice jumped a little. "Oh, that is really sweet of you, Carole, but, I, um..." She cleared her throat, not quite sure how to phrase this. Donna did it for her.

"She doesn't let anyone in her kitchen when she's cooking."

Valerie nodded. "That's...about it, yeah."

"Well, all righty," said Carole. "Hey, Donna, why don't we get on the computer and get your card authorized?"

"Oh, Mommy..." Sigh. "It's not unpacked or connected online yet, and...even if it was, I..." She handed it over. "...I kinda don't even wanna look at that thing right now."

Carole took the card. "Well, can't say I blame you," she agreed. "But if you'd like, I could take it with me and do it for you."

"Oh, would you, really?" smiled Val.

"Aw, Mommy, thanks so much, that'd be awesome," said Donna.

"Of course, no problem! Well...guess I'll get going then."

"Well, you don't have to," Donna said. "I mean..."

It was Carole's turn to hold up a hand. "It's fine, girls. Even if I wasn't aware of last night, I can see now, you two could really use some rest. Why don't you go back to bed?"

"...Maybe after breakfast, we'll see."

"Okeydokey," said Carole, starting for the door. "Love you guys. God bless. Oh, and Valerie?...Take good care of her, young lady."

Val forced herself to smile, trying not to sound like her teeth were clenched. "Will do!"

"Give Daddy a hug and a kiss for me."

"You have a wonderful day now, bye-bye!"

*****

(D) Y'know, while it might sound utterly in(s)ane...looking back on it...I think I'd say that was one of the best weekends of my life.

(V) Same here, babe.

(D) Well, again, we really wanna thank you so much for coming; with you here it feels more like home already.

(V) Yes, and we hope you understand, we're gonna have to say goodbye for now. But feel free to come back sometime! We'd love to have you over again.

(D) Oh, yeah. Hey, Mommy! Come back here a second. Say goodbye.

(C) So long, you all take care now! Sweet dreams!

(V) Donna, my sweetheart...my love...you, are, exquisitely, perfect.

(D) No, you are.

(V) No, you are.

(D) No, YOU are.

(V) NO, YOU ARE!

(D) Okay, you win.

(V) Kiss me, you fool.