by HazelRah
Thx Drizdart. I really like that suggestion.
The paragraph about Damien realizing his immature action in high school was laid out in Pt. 1 & 2. In Pt. 1 the flashback ended with him at the end of freshman year in college with depression. In Pt. 2 there was a flashback on the first night of his job right before Loretta woke up.
I realize I may have not done enough to describe his regret. It was difficult to gauge just how much I should write about it. I was worried too much description of his personal feelings would burden the readers. I also tried to use more action than words to describe Damien's maturity, but of course, that may have been too subtle.
If I do go back to the earlier chapters again, I would try to be more specific "he did X instead of Y and this was because he's no longer an asshole" hahahaa
Pt. 04 and the "bonus" story is pending approval. At the end of the "bonus" story, I describe the thought process for creating Damien.
I'm working on another story right now that is also a character full of regret and this time, there is a LOT of thinking going on (since, well, it's a drama and not an action story) Maybe I am improving over time :-)
the tension resolves a great deal with the reunification and vindication. If you are going to tweak this at some point, I think you likely would need Damien to offer more of a personal, fulsome description of his life, his regret about high school behavior, and an explanation of how his maturity has changed him.
Great to hear you are enjoying the story!
Pt. 04 (the final in the 4-part series) has been written but I'll probably go through it one more time before submitting it.