All Comments on 'Going Goth Ch. 02'

But please use search and replace and pick a name for Niki/Keri and be consistent. You randomly switch between both during the course of the story. Otherwise great job!

Superb, absolutely superb. Can't wait to see where you take this in Chapter 3!

, but I'm with jpb531, Niki & Keri need to be sorted out. lol

I really liked how this story was going and my only real complaint is how quickly everybody seems to fall in love. I get it with the kids, when you're young people often confuse lust with love and are head over heels if you look at them the wrong way, but with the parents? I'm sorry, but I'm just not feeling it. Other than that, love the story, it's a great read and I'm looking forward to chapter 3. :)

This story is an unusual marriage between unapologetic smut (everybody just about gets it on with everybody, not much arguing about it) and starry-eyed, polyamorous Love Forever. Mostly it works, because in spite of the implausibility and occasional archness (sometimes the characters seem to have stepped out of a 1950s pulp novel, but maybe that's intentional?) mostly it's playful escapism with sex scenes that are joyously uninhibited.

That said, it does strain charity to have our sister's name still floating in limbo! There's enough good in this story to want you to give it that last bit of polish!

That was hot as hell

Niki turned to Keri and at one point at least turned to Teri. Had a nice flow until that, but then I had to backtrack to figure out what was going on and with whom.

Brittany and Keri are sisters - Susan's their mother.

Teri is Leslie's daughter.

Brittany and Teri are lovers.

Susan and Leslie are lovers.

Keri's lover has yet to find her, but she will.

TE

next chapter please!

The sister's name keeps jumping from Nikki to Keri to Nikki again. ._. Pick a damn name and stick with it, and edit the name flubbing. ._. Other than that, good story. :)

Besides the mix up from Nikki to Keri to Nikki. This story really got me worked up

I am enjoying your story but wanted to know if you realized you changed the younger sister's name from Niki To Keri all of the sudden. Makes following characters (heres my second issue) hard as you don't describe them very well. You give a general initial description but don't go beyond that. Constantly descibe things about your characters (measurments, complexions, comparisons to famous people, etc).

Not trying to be critical, trying to be helpful.

Why? Was Brittany's sisters name changing from Niki, then Keri. Made irritating. 😢

I glad you left a comment that her final name is Keri and not Niki/Nikki even though it seems a lot of readers did not read your comment after you wrote it. Now what you need to do going forward is either fix the first 2 chapters to Keri and leave a comment stating that you fixed them, or just call her Keri alone from ch.3 to the end so readers will get the point her name is Keri.

Unless the sister has a multiple personality disorder, I don't understand the constant switching of names, especially in the same paragraph, at one point.

Also, the mothers acted like being a lesbian was a sin or a crime, having their daughters investigated, but now they're both ready to leave their husbands to be with each other after having sex just one time?

It’s fiction so anything goes, right? A bit of a laugh if you don’t take the plot and characters too seriously

@dst75 This is 7 years later, responding to you, bud, but I, as well as one of the greatest modern writers in Stephen King, agree that it's best to leave a general, yet not generic, description of a character's appearance or designs, and in making it more general and non-specific, like not having to describe a character's bust size, then it leaves it up to the reader/audience to decide themselves what the character really looks like.

why did you constantly change the name of the sister? sometimes its keri sometimes its nicole. so is it nicole or keri?

bruh the name mistakes are worse than i thought. you dont know if her name is keri or teri or nikki. oe line you call her keri the next you called her teri then you call her keri again then right after that call her nikki. proof reading should have been your friend