Gosford Bloody Tanner's Fault

"Men!" Sally snorted, "I've only seen her for twenty seconds and I know she's serving herself to you on a platter. I've got my work cut out if I've any chance of keeping you for myself."

"Is that what you want?" I asked, "You dumped me once, remember?"

"I know," Sally said quietly, "And it didn't take me very long to find out I was wrong."

"I heard from our old workmates that you were dating again."

"I did go out with a few guys but they meant nothing to me. They were boys, while you're a man, a really good man. You treated me with respect, you were polite, attentive, never pushy or took me for granted. Baby, you spoiled me for any other man alive, unless Brad Pitt goes back on the market!"

I held out my hand, she reached out and held it tightly, pulling the chair close behind her. She pulled my hand to her lips, then laid it down and rested her carrot-red head on my hand. I couldn't see from where I was but I think her eyes were closed.

At the end of visiting time Mandy returned and hovered at the entranceway to the ward. Sally raised her head after hearing the nurse call out that visiting time was over, kissed me passionately and said she would be back to see me at evening visiting time. She collected her helmet, tucked her outer coat over her arm and brushed past Mandy without a word to her.

"So," Mandy began, after Sally had completely disappeared out of the ward, "You certainly got me there, honey. Where the hell did that redhead pop up from?"

I think she was wondering if her new friend Annabel had sold her a pup regarding my relationships.

"I went out with her for a couple of years, then lost contact recently," which was an exaggeration on my part, which I couldn't resist.

"And you still love her?"

"I dunno really Mand," I said in exasperation, "Honestly, you've both of you got me confused, having you here and now Sal turning up has thrown me. I don't know if I am coming or going."

"Can she ... can Sally look after you while you recuperate?"

"I don't expect so, Mand, I haven't even asked her. She used to live with her Mum, I assume she still does, and her Mum didn't like me much. Her Mum's not much older than you and me."

"Would you prefer to be with her instead of with me and your children?"

"No contest, Mand, with Sally I see the possibility of a future, with you and the kids all I see is the past and a past that I don't want to repeat." I shrugged.

"I see," she replied sadly, "Was it really that bad for you?"

"You dissed me for years, Mand, I wasn't totally happy living with you for a long time. Gosford Tanner was just the final straw."

"Well, I'm still bringing the children up with me next Friday so they can see you, are you OK with that?"

"You do what you think best." Thinking that she would anyway, whatever I said.

"I think it is the best thing for them and that is now my only concern, James. Give it some serious thought about coming home and staying with us until you are recovered. Merv has already arranged for an air ambulance to bring you down when the doctors eventually release you. I still think it's your best option, for you as well as us."

I thought time would tell. Not a lot I could do about it, my destiny was no longer in my hands, at least until I was fully mobile again. I had lost my own fixed address and rendered homeless, and Mandy had all my worldly possessions in her hands. I had very few savings behind me and my wage-earning potential was seriously curtailed for a period possibly for up to the next twelve months, so I would likely need every penny of my meagre reserves to fall back on.

Mandy took her leave of me late in the afternoon on Sunday, facing a long drive home in my secondhand car. Mandy promised she would be back sometime on Friday evening with the kids in tow.

Sally visited me that evening. We discussed whether her mother would consider putting me up for at least two months while I was bedridden. She was honest, thinking that it was unlikely but she would speak to her mother about it anyway. Sally didn't know why her Mum didn't like me, she had always been polite but frosty in her dealings with me.

We discussed the problems we had had with our respective relationships, I explained what had happened with Mandy and myself and why I was reluctant to go back to her. We also discussed Sally's relationships over the past couple of years. I had concerns how she felt about us. She said that when we were going out she was conscious of both my lack of commitment to permanency and her mixed feelings of wanting to take the next step to cohabitation. In her mind I had seemed to be steady and reliable, but indecisive. Cooling our relationship at the time she thought would either force me to commit or if I disappeared altogether it would give her the opportunity to improve her chances elsewhere. Well, I disappeared, which confirmed to her that I was not fully committed to her. However, although she had been out on dozens of dates with several different guys, she hadn't felt like turning any into permanent relationships. Sally assured me that I was the only one she loved and wanted to share her life with. When I asked if she had a current boyfriend, she looked at me straight in the eye and said she had finished with her most recent boyfriend a couple of weeks before.

With that out of the way Sally wanted to know about my kids and what did I think about her getting to know them and, if we did get a place together, having them up to visit so that she could be part of their lives. I assured her that I was more than happy for her to get to know them.

What was more difficult to reconcile, though, was the way I felt about my kids. I recognised that I had missed them and assumed that they had equally missed me in their turn. I was frankly accepting that I didn't miss them as much as I thought I would when I left. Having worked extra hours and days over the years I had allowed Mandy to take on the major share of the child rearing and I didn't have anything like the close relationship with them that Mandy had taken the effort to construct. I confessed to Sally that I was dreading seeing them again this coming weekend.

Nurse Wilma expressed her displeasure of me seeing Sally "behind yo' wife's back" as she saw it. I explained that Mandy and I separated five years ago and that Sally was in my life now. Nurse Wilma couldn't accept that answer and handled me particularly roughly when changing my dressings and bed-bathing me during the week. The same message got through to the rest of the nurses too and I found myself cold-shouldered for the most part.

The week dragged and I was becoming very apprehensive as Friday approached. The lapsing of time spent almost completely inactive in hospital slowed to a snail's pace. The highlights of the two brief visiting periods each day were in stark contrast to the hours of inactivity, where I was left to brood on what has been and what was still to come.

Another highlight was the commencement of physiotherapy in mid-week when I was temporarily relieved of the tension on my knitting broken leg and wheeled down to the exercise suite for an hour or two. This was the modern equivalent of medieval torture, the cheerfully effervescent young woman leading me through the exercises that she wanted me to perform when I was back in the ward. Before guiding me through those she subjected my body to a number of manoeuvres designed to show the mobility of each joint in my limbs and torso. I always thought I was fit as a tough fire fighter but Maddy soon disaffected me of that ridiculous notion and every part of my body ached until long after bedtime that night.

Station Officer Stafford showed up during the week and explained that when the doctors gave us the all-clear, the air ambulance service would collect me from the hospital roof and convey me to the roof of the nearest hospital to Mandy's house and a conventional ambulance would then take me the rest of the way. The Service had even arranged for an appropriate hospital bed to be delivered and set up in Mandy's dining room ahead of the move.

Brendan also showed his embarrassed face, full of apologies, knowing that I was hardly in a position to chase him around the room and dish out the revenge which burned in my heart. At least he split the small fee received from the paper with me, which went some way to repair the damage.

It was Monday early evening though that the proverbial hit the fan again. A television cameraman, along with interviewer and floodlights invaded the tiny ward, with me as its focal point. I was livid! How the night ward sister allowed it without my express approval was disgraceful. I was peacefully dozing, having enjoyed my dinner of sausages and mash with onion gravy, looking forward to visiting time, expecting Sally to come in after work to see me.

Suddenly, there were lights and a pushy female interviewer was thrusting a microphone in my face and throwing stupid questions about how I feel. I think, I know, I used quite a few expletives.

Sally came in just at that point and gave them a telling off using even more choice words than I was accustomed to using or even hearing down at the station. The interviewer, a woman no older than Sally, refused to take no for an answer so the diminutive Sal, carrying a plastic carrier bag of oranges, swung her bag at first the interviewer and the cameraman like an old fashioned mace. The cameraman retreated backwards, keeping the camera going the whole time while Sally kept up a rain of blows with her fruity weapon until the objects of her ire left the ward in full rout. At the final moment, the plastic of the bag gave way and the interviewer, followed shortly by the camera lens itself, were doused in a mixture of orange pulp and juice.

When Sally calmed down enough to sit down in the chair, having dumped her tattered bag in the litter bin, I cheered her up by offering her a single grape. We both laughed heartily in relief as the adrenaline leached from both our bodies.

A minute-long severely-edited version of the "interview" appeared on the regional news programme at nine o'clock, but a viral edition with hardly any editing soon showed up on YouTube which apparently had so many hits worldwide it was featured, with its unbelievable rat-tat-tat of covering bleeps, on a weekly television programme devoted to the most popular Internet clips of the week. It featured in the top ten clips for the next two months. The final shot of the lens completely covered in orange juice with pips sliding down, was magical.

Friday evening came and quite late on in the visiting period, with Sally perched on the arm of the chair holding my hand, Mandy showed up alone at the entrance to the ward. She smiled briefly, offered Sally a hug, thanking her for looking after me during the week, and then gave me a small hug. While she hugged me, Sally pulled a chair over from one of the other beds that had a spare and sat herself down on it. Mandy had brought up some more sets of pyjamas, expressing gratitude to Sally for looking after the laundering of my two threadbare existing ones during the week. With my leg now permanently out of traction, it was easier to wear my bottoms, so I was a lot more comfortable.

Once the initial pleasantries had been exchanged, Mandy brought up the subject of where I was going to be spending my recovery. Sally spoke up before I could, although I already knew the answer. Sally's mother was not in a position to help in that respect so we had agreed that we would happily fall back on Mandy's offer to put me up during the months of my convalescence. Sally would come down by train on Saturday morning, stay in a cheap motel for the night and go back home on Sunday afternoon.

That out of the way, Mandy cheered up and I was then able to ask where the kids were, had she changed her mind about bringing them up? No, they were at the hotel checking in and Mandy would bring them over the next day. The younger kids particularly were tired and hungry after the long journey on a busy Friday late afternoon and early evening. Mandy had already spoken to her ally, the ward sister, and would be bringing them over in the morning, after breakfast but before I was wheeled away to the gym.

Mandy's mother, Madge, was with them and was currently settling them in for the night. What is it with me and the mothers of the two women in my life? Neither of them could stand the sight of me.

Madge was particularly strange, she was absolutely great while Mandy and I were kids, in fact she was virtually a second mother to me. Once best-friendship between her beloved daughter and me turned into courtship and love, however, daggers were drawn and she did everything in her power to question my suitability as a potential spouse. She had a point, Mandy was bright and clever, did well at school; I was strong and active, hated being cooped up in a classroom, so left school as soon as possible. I thought I did the best I could for Mandy. I saved hard so that we could get a place of our own while she continued her further education. Even after we married, Madge kept up her wheedling, forever undermining our relationship. Ultimately, I believe Madge's sniping at me led to Mandy losing her respect for me as a husband, setting Mandy's attitude towards me, which led to what happened with Gosford Tanner.

Visiting time ended all to quickly and those awkward thirty minutes when the three of us were together was brought to a close by Sally saying goodbye to me particularly passionately, further establishing her ownership rights in Mandy's presence. Mandy was able to stay another thirty minutes beyond the prescribed period, having been granted privileges over and above other visitors. I never found out how she managed it.

Josh was the first of my children to visit the next morning, just after breakfast, walking straight up to me and giving me a high five. He had shot up in size and I wouldn't have recognised him if I saw him in the street. He was going to end up taller and better built than me. Then he sat down and played with a game console he had brought with him and ignored me like the teenager he was. I was just touched he turned up at all.

Josh was immediately followed by my little girls who were very shy and it was quite a while before they would come close and give me a hug, despite my encouragement. They were petite and delicate, taking their appearances and hair colouring from Mandy. My ex-wife accompanied them, of course, but she had to go off and talk with the consultant for over an hour to discuss my case. It appears I was wrong, they do sometimes come in on Saturdays. So, I was left in company with Madge, who was put in charge of the kids, and me as well, probably. Actually, she seemed quite warm and cheerful, which made me even more wary of her.

By the time Mandy came back, we had been joined by Station Officer Stafford, I still couldn't call him Merv. Mandy and Merv greeted each other as old friends, giving each other better hugs than I had had from her after virtually five years' absence. Stafford gave her the low-down on what was arranged regarding getting me down to the south and Mandy told him that she had already met with the consultant in Portsmouth who would be taking me on as well as the physiotherapy department. I felt like the excess baggage in the group without the luxury of being able to walk off and leave them all to it. Madge was smiling at my discomfiture and made a point of rubbing it in with little asides.

I wasn't feeling too good to be honest, surrounded by my family: mother-in-law chipping away at my confidence, my wife happily chatting to my boss about me as if I wasn't even there, my son playing on his console and my two girls playing together with some stuffed dolls they had collected from the play area down the corridor. I was just the spare dick at the wedding, just like I had been the last few years of my marriage.

To cap it all, Nurse Wilma walked past, seeing my miserable face, and smiled as she rolled up her eyes. Yes, I felt like the last five years had gone by and I was no further forward than the day I threw up my old unsatisfactory life and walked out on the lot of them.

At least Sally came visiting in the evening and seeing Mandy, Sally and Madge dance around one another was something to behold. Sally sat in the chair next to my one free hand, holding it as if her life depended on it, while Mandy sat on the other side of me, next to her mother, both of them staring daggers at the pair of us. The kids seemed happier going back and forth between the play room and the ward, begging spare change for the snack dispensers in the Reception. Mandy wouldn't let the girls go on their own so Josh was roped in reluctantly. At one point Sally offered to take them and Mandy even let her with a barely noticeable hesitation on her part.

The next day was a repeat of the Saturday with an uneasy peace reigning over both afternoon and evening visiting times. At some point, Mandy asked Sally to speak to her in another room and Madge and the kids gave me their undivided attention. At least the girls had softened in their attitude to me. Towards the end of visiting time, Mandy got up to take her leave of me, saying she would next see me when I was delivered to her home in the next three to five days. The kids all squeezed and kissed me, well Josh submitted to a hug, and off they trouped.

Sally naughtily drew the curtains round and, well, with her hand made sure I would look forward to her next visiting time.

A couple more days with the physio Maddy manipulating my limbs and she signed me over to my new physiotherapist team in Portsmouth. She said she was sorry to see me go and was sure I'd be fine if I kept up her programme of exercises that I could do on my own. I had a purpose in completing those exercises, I wanted to get away from Mandy and back to the work I loved doing as soon as was humanly possible.

I was wheeled into a private ward on my own on the Wednesday morning which made it easier for visiting times. The guys from the station all came down that evening as they came off shift. Stafford came too and let me know that the move was all on for the next morning. I teed up Sally and she said she would come down to Portsmouth by train Friday night and stay in a hotel nearby for the two nights and travel back on Sunday. she had already looked up train times. It was much too far for her to travel down on her little scooter.

Chapter 4 - Home Alone

I would like to say the trip down on Thursday was painless, it wasn't. I definitely had my meds before we left, although it seemed to wear off damned quick! All the guys from the station were outside with the fire engine's blues and twos going while they saw me off. The guys in the air ambulance were marvellous, I can't praise them high enough. Soon I was back in my old home town and among familiar southern accents again. The place even smelled like home. I knew that whatever happened, whoever I ended up living with, I wanted to be back in Pompey again. I guess the whole trip took four or five hours but to me it seemed like it lasted the whole day. I was exhausted by the time I got to Mandy's house, my old house, in the late afternoon.

They were all there to greet me when the ambulance brought me from the general hospital, Mandy, Madge, the kids, naturally. The big surprise was that even Sally was there. Later, as Mandy and Madge shooed the kids away to do their homework before tea, leaving Sally and I alone for a few minutes, Sally owned up that the surprise was all down to Mandy. On the Sunday before Mandy departed she had suggested that Sally come down and she had agreed, taking a couple of days off work.

Mandy brought our meals through to the old dining room where my bed was set up and left Sally and I alone to talk. Sally was going to be sleeping in the sitting room, Mandy had a sofa bed in there, for Sally to use on the Friday and Saturday nights she came down to visit, with the addition of Thursday night this first week. Mandy had to work for one more day this week and three the next week before the schools broke up for the long summer holiday. Sally would look after me Friday, then they would share the nursing duties over the weekend before Sally travelled home on the train on Sunday afternoon and evening. Apparently, Mandy had arranged for Madge to look after me on Monday through to Wednesday. I groaned, not looking forward to that.