Gosford Bloody Tanner's Fault

The evening was fun, actually. I was tired and in pain from all the jostling I had suffered earlier but we played games with a lot of laughs and Sally was very relaxed and seemed to be getting on particularly well with my two girls.

Eventually Mandy could see I was tiring, and it was still a school night for the kids, so they were shooed off to get ready for bed and Sally washed me and helped me clean my teeth before it was lights out. I think I slept sounder that night than I had in weeks.

Everybody was busy getting off to school in the morning, Sally was up early and assured Mandy that she would clean up the breakfast things and make the beds after them, so she packed them off and then got me my breakfast. I was mobile enough now to use the toilet on my own. My shoulder and wrist were able to take the strain of crutches for short bursts but my ribs were still threatening to burst, so I needed a lot of help getting down. There may not have been much of Sally build-wise but she was strong and helped me with that and have a wash down in the downstairs cloakroom, although it was so tight-fitting that we spilled out into the hallway!

I had a health visitor come give me the once-over mid-morning. She checked me against her notes and assessed I was ready for physiotherapy and got busy on the phone getting me booked in daily from Monday.

It was a relief to lie down on the bed again after the examination and prodding. Then Sally went and jumped my bones, God bless her! She was on top and very energetic. The house was empty and we could let ourselves go without upsetting anyone.

Phew! To say I needed that would be an understatement. We laughed like kids afterwards, and she decided I needed another blanket bath. Still giggling, that bath led to a repeat session, only much less frenetic and a lot more loving.

Sally prepared a light lunch while I managed to sit with my broken leg outstretched in the kitchen. I had another lie-down and dozed for a little while, as Sally cleaned up the kitchen. When she came back and woke me up gently, we went for third time lucky and certainly I couldn't believe how much luck I was having!

I think Mandy sensed what had gone on between us when she came in that evening. Sally and I kept giggling, sharing our little secret that didn't appear to be very secret at all. Mandy had a strange look on her face during that evening that I couldn't read exactly but it did make me feel uneasy.

Then I began to feel guilty, I couldn't help it. Unfaithful, I was, Mandy was still my wife and we were living under her roof. She had invited Sally into her home on unspoken trust and I felt that between us Sally and I had let her down. It didn't matter what Mandy had done with Gosford Tanner, that was for her to deal with as I had dealt with it in my own way. This time it was me that had crossed the line and I felt really bad about it.

It was great having Sally there though, over that first weekend out of hospital, and the girls loved her too and when Sally wasn't lavishing attention on me, she was huddled with the girls, whispering and laughing about things that girls discuss that were beyond my comprehension. Those moments made it feel that we were becoming like a family, an odd one, I had to admit, but that is how I felt.

I began to entertain the idea of spending the rest of my life with Sally and enjoying our extended family.

Sunday afternoon Sally said her goodbyes and went off to catch the train home. I got out of bed for a while and sat with Mandy watching a bit of TV, but nothing really took my interest and Mandy clearly didn't want to talk to me, so I went back to bed for an early night. Relations were understandably strained between us to say the least.

Next morning everybody bustled round getting off to work, with Mandy taking my beat-up old car to work leaving her smart and spacious people carrier behind for her mother to use to take me to physiotherapy.

Madge turned up mid-morning and treated me like dirt as usual. I tried to ignore her, but with some difficulty on my part.

I managed to haul myself into the front passenger seat with the seat pushed back as far as possible and was able to get my leg, encased in a single cast, in and nurse my crutches on the journey. We set off in frosty silence. It didn't last long though before Madge spoke up.

"I don't know how you can sit there all innocent-like and bring that woman you are having an affair with to stay under the same roof as your wife and family," Madge said bitterly.

"I didn't invite her to stay Madge, Mandy did. I understood Sally was going to stay in a hotel; they changed the arrangements between themselves. I was not consulted, took no part in the decision process and was, as usual, the last one to know."

"Well, Amanda is a saint, I certainly wouldn't put up with it under my roof. In fact, I wouldn't even take you back in the house, if it was my choice."

"Well, she's not you, is she?"

"You don't deserve Amanda," Madge snapped, "Why she allowed you home and is prepared to look after you, is beyond me."

"Well, I don't know why either, and I don't have any choice in the matter. I don't want to be here any more than you want me here."

"So what the hell are you doing back here anyway?"

"I don't know that either, you'll have to ask Mandy. She was the one that had me evicted from my digs, she even stole my bloody car from me. I would have been more than happy enough to have gone back to my digs, because I didn't have to move out for another four or five months. Any of the lads from the service would have ferried me about for a few weeks until I got back on my feet."

"Amanda must still be in love with you, then, Lord only knows why. She rang me in tears on Saturday morning because she knew that you and that girl had had sex in her house. She should divorce you just for that alone, even forgetting about the desertion for the last five years."

"She'd had plenty of time in those five years to divorce me if she wanted to."

"So she should have done, especially when she found out where you were, then she should have claimed all the back spousal support that you owe, especially for the kids. It must add up to thousands."

"There isn't any back support owing, Madge. I started sending money to her from week one, in fact since Mandy saw me in hospital the other week and gave me their account numbers I've been sending their money directly into their trust funds."

"Oh, I didn't know, she didn't say." Madge was getting quieter.

"And as for spousal support, I should be getting money from her!" I grinned.

"No, that's not right, not right at all!" she exploded, "You left her and the children for no good reason other than whatever shenanigans you were getting up to and then carrying on an adulterous relationship with that floozie behind her back!"

"Except for the fact, Madge, that Mandy was the one who committed adultery first-"

"What?!" interposed Madge, who almost put her foot down and was close to colliding with the car in front.

"Yes, Mandy had the affair, with Gosford bloody Tanner, so I was left with little choice, either accept that Mandy didn't love me any more and hadn't for a long time, or I move on with my own life. I moved on."

"But when did she have an affair?"

"When? After you had spent every single opportunity you could to split us up ever since we became a couple. Eventually Mandy thought the grass was a whole lot greener elsewhere, so that's when she started sleeping with her boss."

"What?"

"Gosford bloody Tanner, her department boss. I caught them in bed together at a party. She told me it was the first time, but they looked like they were getting a lot more practice together than I ever got. I left them to it, packed my bags that night and left. I hoped I would never return."

"I know she did have some trouble with someone bothering her at work and put in a sexual harassment against him."

"Perhaps the grass wasn't so much greener with her boss than she thought then. Maybe Mandy wanted to spread her net wider?"

"But she's never been out with anyone since you left, I babysit whenever she does and it is usually for functions at work or because she has to attend courses. She's never brought anyone home that I know of and the children have never said anything."

"Well she certainly doesn't want me back other than nearby so that I can see the kids, she had made that clear over the years before that last straw broke the camel's back."

"But she's always loved you," Madge insisted, "Even when I-"

"Yes even when you where poisoning her mind against me, I know. Every time she came back from seeing you she used to snipe at me, especially about improving my job prospects. Everything I did wasn't good enough for her ... or for you. I lived with it for a while, but once she started sleeping with her boss, that was the finish as far as I was concerned."

"Well she certainly acts as though she still loves you, I can't understand why. I never could understand why."

"Whatever she felt about me at one time, it is definitely all over and done with now."

Madge was quiet for the rest of the journey, that was a blessing. She dropped me off at the hospital and I was left to run through the various exercises again, this time it was a different woman who thought it was amusing to torture me. I thought the Maddy and Gaynor, the physios back in Lincolnshire, were bad enough but Mel manipulated me like I was silly putty. After two hours with her, I was put through to a nurse who decided that I needed an X-ray. I suggested some oxygen would be good too, she just laughed. Nobody takes me seriously any more. Once the X-ray photo was sent through to her office, she decided the single cast could come off and be replaced by a jointed one. She booked me in to have that done on Tuesday before my next physio session.

Madge took me back home to Mandy's house. She was a hell of a lot quieter on the return leg than she was on the outer, which was a blessing. I was feeling like I had been pulled through a ringer backwards.

Mandy wasn't much better than her mother communication-wise in the evening. I felt like I had been sent to Coventry.

Josh filled the void, though. He had spoken with me as soon as he got in from school, mainly about fire fighting and showed me a book on the subject he had got out of the school library. It was quite old and didn't reflect what best practise was in the modern service, which I tried to explain and this appeared to interest him. Josh disappeared to his room to play on his play station straight after tea, the girls missed having Sally around and Mandy had a load of marking to do. I felt like a spare wheel again.

Left to my own devices I went to bed early.

Madge picked me up next morning and was actually rather chatty, both at the house and in the car. I had told her the day before that I needed to go in an hour early because of my change of cast and she came round just before the kids left for school. Mandy had left half an hour before the kids as she taught at a different, distant school to them, actually in the next county.

When we got to the hospital, Madge insisted on coming in with me. I told her she could please herself. So she did and came behind me. The nurse cut off the cast using a small circular saw, unwrapped the bandages and cleaned up the leg, it smelled sweaty and the skin was very pale. Then she put on a walking cast that was articulated so that exercising the leg would be a lot easier. Once the cast had hardened I went through to the physio again. This time Mel was gentler, or maybe I was just becoming more conditioned to the rough stuff.

Madge took me down again on Wednesday and sat at the side of the gym again, while I went through my paces.

"You are really putting in some effort on your rehab training," Madge commented on the drive back to Mandy's, "I've been very impressed."

"Sooner I get back on my feet, the sooner I can get back driving my car and I can be independent again and move back to where I belong and out of your lives again. Simple as that, Madge."

"Oh." she said, "How long before then, do you think?"

"Two weeks hopefully, three tops."

"Good luck, then."

"Thanks."

Mandy finished her school term on the Wednesday early afternoon and was already home by the time Madge dropped me off. Madge and Mandy had a conspiratorial chin-wag in the kitchen while I enjoyed a lie down to recover from the torture for an hour or so. Then I got up to wash myself down and get myself changed in the downstairs cloakroom. I could just about fit in there on my own. Once I got changed I got out my crutches and shouted through to the kitchen from the hall that I was going out for a walk and some fresh air. Mandy came out of the kitchen and decided to join me when she heard what I was doing.

We talked a little as I swung my body around the roads in the estate around about. Nothing serious was discussed between us although we touched on the conversation I'd had earlier with Madge, that I was working so hard to enable me to get out of Mandy's house as soon as possible. Mandy said she understood my reasons for that and hoped that I would try and keep in contact with my children. Josh was old enough to cope with my absence, she said, but the girls had been talking to their grandmother about how much they were enjoying having me around.

When Mandy got around to what she wanted to say, eventually, was that she had found that she was happy for me that I had found Sally. She had decided that she liked her despite her original feelings and thought we were good together, even with the gap in our ages. Mandy said she didn't to pry but would like to know what I intended to do in the future.

I told her that I was thinking of moving back to Portsmouth on a permanent basis, with a place of my own that had room for the kids to stay with me from time to time, and generally see more of them. Well, that was my plan. I would look to find something local if possible on the island or nearby on the mainland. Mandy nodded. I added that I hoped that Sally would be a part of those plans but I hadn't discussed that with her yet, it was far too early for that. I wasn't sure if she would be prepared to move so far from her family.

"I suppose you want a divorce, then," she said quietly.

"It's the logical step, I guess," I said, "But I don't want to rock any boats here, like us having any unsettling arguments over who has the kids and when. I would prefer us to be on good terms as parents."

"Of course, that is what I have wanted all along," Mandy replied, "You being out of contact for so long was horrible and then finding you living so far away was another shock."

"I had to get away," I said, "As far as I could get. I loved you so much before ... that I knew if I stayed in the house I would stay ... and in time I would hate you for what you did to us."

"I ... loved you too," Mandy admitted, "I was lost for weeks when you disappeared. Your Mum wouldn't tell any of us anything about where you were and how you were doing. She said she didn't know anything."

"She didn't. I didn't trust ... anyone. You know I don't really get on well with my mother."

"Oh. Well, the only way I knew you were even alive were the payments that kept coming into our joint account. The way the amounts varied showed it wasn't simply a standing order and that you were still thinking of us."

"The amount varied depending on how much work or overtime I got and how much I had left over after my expenses and a little bit of savings for emergencies like tyres and servicing. I guess you can close that joint account now that I am paying direct into the kids' accounts."

"I didn't realise you started doing that."

"Yeah, once you gave me the account numbers I was able to set up up the payments on-line. It was so easy using that old PDA the Murrays gave me, I should have done that years ago. I was thinking that when I get back on my feet I'll go shopping with Josh and get myself a better model."

"He'd love doing that!"

"Yeah, I know."

With Mandy, Josh and the girls all at home with school out for the summer holidays, we were able to have days out together. We went for walks, which was tiring for me but it was also helping me to strengthen up again. Just getting the blood pumping again helped my ribs heal up so much faster. One advantage of being tired out at the end of the day, too, was that no matter how uncomfortable I was lying in bed, I went out like a light every night.

On the Friday morning Josh and I went to the local fire station. I had spoken to Watch Commander Squire earlier in the week and he was happy for me to come down, bringing Josh with me to have a look around.

One of the fire fighters cheerfully took Josh under his wing and showed him round and let him take part in some of the training they were doing. Josh seemed to be having a great time, maybe he was a chip off the old block after all. Meanwhile, I had a chat with Alan, as WC Squires insisted I called him. I wanted to sound out the possibilities of transferring to his station and he grinned widely. Apparently he had spoken to Stafford after I had called him and between them they had worked out that I was most likely to want to transfer.

"I could do with a new Crew Commander once you are fit and well," grinned Alan, "On Blue Watch."

"No," I said, "I think Stafford may have confused you when you spoke, I was just a basic firefighter, we still called our crew managers Leading Fire Fighter up there, and I wasn't one of them."

"Well, you are now," said Alan, still laughing, "Mervyn said you probably haven't got the letter through yet, but he recommended you for promotion and it came through on Tuesday. He sent me a copy. It'll be back-dated pay-wise to the start of July."

"I'm gobsmacked," I said, "I didn't think Stafford would do that. I never really had much to do with him."

"He sounded rather old school, I admit," laughed Alan, "He thought you'd be surprised, but he wanted me to tell you that you fully deserve it and will make a fine Station Officer in time. I guess they haven't got used to the new role titles down at your old station."

"No, unofficially we still used the old ranks, we could never have got away calling Stafford, Mervyn!" I grinned back, "We always called him Sir, only my wife calls him Merv!"

"We are a lot more relaxed here," Alan said, "I suppose having a stable family life is always a plus when it comes to having a more responsible role in the service, maybe that was what was holding you back before. So, you interested in both the transfer and the new role?"

"Yes, absolutely," I enthused, deciding to say nothing at all about the state of my family life, wondering exactly how much Station Officer Stafford had told Alan.

"OK, I can get that arranged pretty quickly. The next question is, when can you start light training?"

"Well, I've been exercising in addition to my physiotherapy for about three weeks now. The hospital changed my full cast for this lighter one at the beginning of the week and hope to have this one off in three or four weeks at the outside, then I can really step up the gym work."

"Let me show you our gym," he said, getting up, "You can come down day or night to use it, just sign on in the staff book at the entrance, so if we have a fire here, the Crew Manager on shift knows you are in there!"

I got up and he showed me the fully-fitted gym, I guessed that with these facilities the guys were pretty fit. I could see I had my work cut out to get back to full mobility and strength as soon as possible. I shook Alan's hand and said I would definitely make use of the gym and looked forward to getting back. Just keep me up to date he said and when I was ready I could return to light duties, and start training with the guys.