Grandma's Christmas Secret

Kelly had her very immature ex on her mind when she pulled up in her mother's car to her grandmother's house. She didn't welcome the memory of Marcus one bit, but she knew all too well why he'd bubbled up in her memory.

It was to be Kelly's first Christmas alone in a few years, since she'd finally come to her senses and dumped Marcus a few months before. Lonely as she was as she parked Mom's car outside the stately suburban mansion she had so loved visiting as a little girl, she was also thanking her lucky stars there'd be no need to tell Marcus why she was spending the holiday with Grandma. She knew exactly what he would say about it.

She'd heard him play that Adam Sandler CD a hundred times or more during his card games with his pals, all of them reciting their favorite lines and laughing like a bunch of hyenas as if they'd never heard them before. There were a dozen or more lines that made Kelly's skin crawl, but one and one only had been on her mind from the moment Mom had asked her to spend the holiday at Grandma's.

She could just hear Marcus repeating it with drunken gusto, too. "One time I saw my grandmother in the shower. Her bush starts above her belly button!"

Kelly had, of course, never seen her grandmother in the shower. But since she was here to help Grandma through her recuperation from hip-replacement surgery, it seemed more than likely she would now be suffering through that indignity soon enough. As she collected her suitcase from the trunk, she reminded herself it would be a lot more uncomfortable for Grandma than for her.

That didn't help a great deal. But Kelly was grateful that Grandma was still here to visit, after all. Grandpa was two years gone, and with Grandma turned 81 over the summer, the surgery had been risky. If the caretaking was no fun, she owed Grandma that much -- and it certainly beat the alternative. As Kelly walked up the driveway, she welcomed much happier memories of childhood Christmases, running up the walk to hug Grandma and Grandpa, the dazzling lights and decorations all over the house, Grandpa's electric train running around the tree, cocoa by the fireplace, unwrapping one present each for her and her cousins before they were off to bed in what had once been her mother's bedroom. Those nights had lasted forever, but Kelly still missed that sense of joyful anticipation, which she hadn't experienced in years.

Kelly opened the door to find at least someone had put up the Christmas tree, right in the same corner where she had always known it to go. There were only a few presents under it this time and no train and no lights anywhere but the tree, but Kelly welcomed the holiday cheer it offered all the same. The bookcase with Grandma's vast library of Western movies sat majestically as ever beside it, reassuring Kelly that she was alive and nearly well.

She was still gazing at the tree and unzipping her coat when there came a voice from the dining room. "Kelly, is it?"

It took Kelly a moment to recognize the woman asking if it was her, too. "Megan? Hi!"

"Oh, it is you!" Megan, Kelly's oldest cousin, welcomed her with a hug. "Merry Christmas! I'm sorry you drew the short straw, hon."

"Short straw?" Kelly asked. "I'm happy to be here!"

"If you say so." Megan had always been brilliant at playing the disapproving eldest cousin, and Kelly's few memories of her were not the best. "So how's college?"

"Done," Kelly said. "I just finished the first semester of my master's degree. Compared to that, taking care of Grandma should be a picnic."

"Famous last words," Megan said. "God, I can remember when you were in diapers. You're what, 23 now?"

"Next month," Kelly confirmed. "So how's she been?"

"A little cranky, I'm afraid." Megan sat down on what had always been Grandpa's couch and slipped her shoes on. "Don't take this the wrong way, but I'm glad I can go back to listening to my husband and kids whine."

Kelly couldn't help but suspect Grandma felt that way too. But she said nothing as she hung her coat on the rack just inside the front door. "Guess I'll go say hello to her, then," she said.

"Don't," Megan said. "She's asleep, and I'd advise you to keep it that way as long as possible. She stood up, and Kelly noticed she had her own suitcase set by the door -- obviously she couldn't wait to get lost.

"If you say so, Megan," Kelly said. "Anything else?"

"Everything's on a list in the kitchen," Megan said, collecting her coat from the rack. "Oh, and I think one of the packages under the tree is for you."

"That reminds me," Kelly said, "I'd better put my present to Grandma there before she wakes up."

"You bought her a present?" Megan said. "Don't you think coming here to wait on her is enough of a present?"

"Not even close." Kelly was glad she'd found the gift quickly, so she could turn her back on Megan to set it under the tree.

"You must have very different memories of this place than I do," Megan said.

"What are you talking about?" Kelly couldn't hide her irritation any longer. She looked at the couch and said, "Oh my God, did Grandpa ever..."

"Oh, of course not!" Megan snapped. "He was a gentleman. It was Grandma I had a problem with. And frankly, now I'm thinking if anyone in this house was a pervert, it was her. Good luck, Kelly." She saw herself out without another word.

Kelly heaved a sigh of relief and brought her suitcase upstairs. She didn't know whether Megan had slept in Mom's room or Uncle Jerry's or Aunt Frannie's. If it had been Mom's room, in any event, Kelly had to admit she'd done a good job of cleaning up after herself. The room was spotless, still adorned with the ancient Zenith television set in the corner that probably didn't work anymore, but which Kelly loved because she recalled pictures of her mother watching it. The pictures of Grandma and Grandpa and all three of their kids were splashed all across the room as usual (covering the scotch tape spots from her mother's John Travolta posters, as Kelly never missed a chance to recall), and the bed was made with the same blue and white quilt she remembered from all those long-ago Christmases. Kelly set her suitcase down and kicked her sneakers off, and allowed herself a few minutes lying on her back and drinking in all the ambiance before she got back to business.

After changing into dry jeans and socks, Kelly walked carefully down the stairs -- her very earliest memory was of falling down them when she was two or three -- and padded out to the kitchen. There was the list, as promised, written out in what looked like her mother's handwriting. She perused the list quickly -- not fun, but nothing unexpected, and at least she wouldn't have to help Grandma to the bathroom. Kelly chuckled as she realized she'd been thinking that an awful lot ever since Mom had called to ask her to help out.

Kelly made a sandwich for lunch, and was glad to find a bottle of milk in the refrigerator. She had a nasty memory of Grandma criticizing her for drinking too much soda, and was looking forward to never touching the stuff this time around. There was a sixpack of Coke in the refrigerator, and Kelly proudly left it right where it was.

She had just enough time to eat and wash her dishes before the first call came from the bedroom. "Kelly, is that you?"

Kelly hastily dried her hands on the towel and went to what she still thought of as Grandma and Grandpa's bedroom, under the stairs and off the dining room, where she had rarely ever ventured as a little girl. "Hi, Grandma. Megan's gone."

"Can't say I'm sorry to hear that!" Grandma sounded remarkably chipper, and when Kelly got to the bedroom door she saw she looked it too. Seated up in her bed in a pastel blue nightgown, she looked just as vivacious as Kelly had ever seen her. "I know you're not supposed to say it about a granddaughter, Kelly, but your cousin is a brat. Now come give your granny a hug!"

"Glad to!" Kelly went to the left side of the bed, to avoid jarring Grandma's right hip, and leaned over and hugged her. "And I noticed about Megan. I'm so sorry."

"Don't be. I'm glad you're here, dear. How's grad school?"

"I'm still catching my breath." Kelly sat down on the vacant side of the bed and took Grandma's hand in hers. "But I got two A's and two B's. And earned every point!"

"Good for you, dear," Grandma said. "Your mom and dad are very proud of you. I just spoke to them yesterday."

"I know, I was there," Kelly grinned. "I mean, I was outside shovelling snow, but Dad told me you'd called.

"Any cute boys at grad school?"

Kelly laughed. "Lots, but I'm too busy to think about that. Besides, I just kicked Marcus to the curb a few months ago and I'm kind of enjoying being on my own!"

"Good for you, dear," Grandma said. "Excellent attitude. You know, your grandfather and I were very lucky, both of us just out of college when we married. We happened to be a good match, but we could so easily have guessed wrong when we were so young! Your generation is smart not to get tied down so easily."

"Just out of college?" Kelly asked. "I thought you and Grandpa met in high school."

"We did. But we were only friends back then. I had a Marcus of my own, and your grandfather was smart enough to let me have my own time to recover. We got together right around this time of year, too."

"Oh, gosh, Grandma, I hope you can still have a merry Christmas without him!" Suddenly Kelly felt horribly guilty.

"Don't you worry about that, dear," Grandma said. "This will make three Christmases on my own, and I know he's just as lonely without me as I am without him, but I also know he's waiting for me up there." She let out a wistful sigh. "Probably in a setting that looks a lot like the Christmas we fell in love, too. I do miss those days, nearly as much as I miss him. Oh, but you don't want to hear about that, do you, Kelly?"

"Of course I do, Grandma!" Kelly said. "I mean, if you want to talk about it. I'll understand if you don't."

"We've got three days before your mother takes over," Grandma said. "I'll tell you all you want and maybe more when the time is right."

"Right." Kelly stood up. "Do you want lunch now?"

"Yes, as soon as I've been to the bathroom," Grandma said. "You'll be happy to hear I can handle that on my own."

Kelly laughed and collected Grandma's walker from the other side of the bed, so she could grip at it as she stood up. Kelly was surprised at how quickly she was able to get to her feet. "Doctor Burton told me, you'll be walking normally in three to six weeks. Here we are at four and it still hurts, but I'm seeing a light at the end of the tunnel."

"That's great, Grandma," Kelly said. She stood close by in case she was needed, but soon it was clear Grandma could shuffle out to the kitchen on her own.

"There's tomato soup in the fridge," Grandma said as Kelly followed her. "And some turkey and ham for sandwiches. Feel free to make yourself one too if you want."

"I already did," Kelly said.

"And you washed the dishes," Grandma noted with approval as she shuffled past the sink on her way to the bathroom. "Good for you, dear. Megan let them pile up all day first."

Kelly did decide to have her share of the soup, which was almost ready to serve when Grandma came out of the bathroom and settled herself at the table. "Remember when you used to help me wash the dishes at that sink?" she asked.

"I've seen the pictures," Kelly said, setting a sandwich in front of her grandmother. "Need me to cut that into smaller pieces?" she asked.

"No, this is fine, dear. There's Coke in the fridge if you want."

"No thanks." Kelly was nearly bursting with pride as she said it.

She thought she saw a glint of pride in Grandma's eye, but couldn't be sure. In any event, Grandma's appetite wasn't injured and she made fast work of the sandwich. There was little conversation while they were eating, but Grandma picked up with lots of questions about her studies while Kelly washed the dishes. Kelly remembered what was next on the list, and Marcus' goofy repetition blared through her mind until she wished she would never finish washing the dishes.

Finish, though, she did. As she wiped her hands dry on the dish towel and reluctantly turned around, Grandma saved the day. "No need to feel embarrassed, Kelly," she said with that ever-present smile of hers. "I changed your mother's diapers and sometimes yours. Let's go get me washed up."

"I guess I don't mind if you don't mind," Kelly said as Grandma stood up, laboriously but determined as ever, and led Kelly into the bathroom.

"You guess?"

"Sorry!"

Grandma laughed as if she'd just won an argument. "Relax, sweetie. I know it's awkward. But it's not like you didn't already know what I've got under my nightgown."

In the bathroom, she set the walker to the side and then grabbed onto the reclining washstand. "You might need to help me onto this," Grandma said. "When I can do that myself, I'll know I can go back to showering in private. But I'm not there yet."

"Okay." Kelly welcomed a few extra seconds of leaving something about her grandmother to the imagination as she helped her up onto the waterproof seat. Reluctantly she asked, "You don't need help undressing, do you?"

"No," Grandma said, gathering up the hem of her nightgown. Quite matter of factly she pulled it up over her head and handed it to Kelly, who did her best to pretend she couldn't see anything.

She tried not to look, but failed. Then she tried not to gawk, but failed at that too. Once again Marcus' favorite line roared through her mind: "One time I saw my grandmother in the shower. Her bush starts above her belly button!"

So, to Kelly's morbid amazement, did her grandmother's. The hair was the same silver-gray shade as the hair her head still sported in a most regal fashion, and Kelly could only assume it had thinned out a bit with age as well. But it was still abundant, and it did indeed reach up to her belly button.

Kelly tore her eyes away and set about wetting the sponge in the bathroom sink. But the damage was done. Grandma laughed, making Kelly feel even more ashamed. "I know what you're thinking, dear," she said in a gentle tone.

Kelly turned to see she had reclined on the washstand and seemed to be resting comfortably, heedless of her nudity. "I'm sorry if I stared, Grandma."

"Don't be, dear. I can imagine this is very awkward for you, and I'm sure you weren't expecting this." She patted her giant bush. "I know what's in style these days, when it comes to intimate grooming. It's hard to miss no matter how you might want to."

Kelly laughed nervously and did her best to relax. "You've got that right. I confess, I was thinking of my swimsuits...I couldn't wear a bikini if..."

Grandma laughed. "Well, they had bikinis in my day, but girls like me never wore them. I assure you I never let that bother me."

"Well...that's good." Kelly soaped up the sponge and set about scrubbing Grandma's body gently. "I hope...I hope it never bothered you any other way either."

Grandma laughed harder, and Kelly started to feel a bit more comfortable as she sponged her torso, reluctantly lifting her breasts to scrub under them. "Quite the contrary, my dear!" she said. "If you'd like to hear the truth of how your grandfather and I fell in love -- even your mother doesn't know, or her brother or sister -- but I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

"Well..." Kelly couldn't deny that she was curious, and it wasn't as though she could ever un-see her grandmother's body. "If you feel comfortable with it, I'd be honored."

"Thatta girl!" Grandma said. "Once you've got me cleaned up and rinsed, I'll tell you anything." Noticing that Kelly had washed her belly and then moved on to her legs, she added, "But first, you will need to wash it, I'm afraid."

"I guess that's true," Kelly admitted with a nervous laugh.

"Like your grandfather always said, such a wonderful excuse to spend a bit extra time working on it in the shower!"

"Grandma!" Kelly felt her face flush.

"Oh, don't expect me to believe you thought I was a nun, Kelly! I had three kids, didn't I?"

"Fair enough," Kelly acknowledged. "It's just...you hear how much more innocent those days were." She reluctantly ran the soapy sponge through the hair.

Grandma laughed again, harder. "Yeah, you hear that all right, from people who weren't even there! Look, I'm sure your mother has made you sit through hundreds of Happy Days reruns..."

"Her favorite show, I know," Kelly admitted. "And yes, I've seen plenty of them."

"Has she got the whole series on DVD yet?"

"Only up until Richie left. She doesn't even like to talk about after that."

"Yes, well, have you ever asked her what I had to say about that show?"

"I never asked," Kelly said. "But I suppose what you had to say is being a teenager then wasn't really anything like that?"

"Not much," Grandma said. "Of course Hollywood never gets anything quite right. In any event, no, the fifties weren't that innocent. Let's go in the living room when we're done here and I'll tell you all about it, if it doesn't make you uncomfortable."

Kelly was more curious than uncomfortable by then. Now that she was over her shock, she had to admit her grandmother's body had a wonderful dignity about it, unusual as it was. If she looked this good at 81, Kelly decided, she'd be quite pleased. And she couldn't deny her wonder at the story Grandma had hinted at.

Nevertheless, she was relieved when she finished rinsing Grandma and patting her dry, and had sponge-mopped and dried the floor. With that out of the way, she gratefully helped Grandma on with a fresh nightgown. "Let's go into the living room for a bedtime story unlike any you've ever heard," Grandma declared.

Kelly laughed. "As long as you're up to it," she said.

On their way through the kitchen, Grandma suggested Kelly pour some eggnog for them. "You know where I keep the brandy?" she asked. "I know some of your cousins knew."

"Not me!" Kelly exclaimed. "Even now, are you sure..."

"Kelly, you're almost twenty-three! There's no need to pretend you haven't grown up. I mean, if you don't want any brandy in yours, that's fine, but..."

"Thank you, Grandma. But I really don't know where you keep it."

"Cabinet under the breadbox," Grandma said. "I'll see you in the living room."

When Kelly got to the living room, Grandma had just finished settling herself in her chair. "Everyone asks me why I don't take over the couch now that your grandfather is gone," she said. "That's exactly why I don't take it. Easier to imagine he's still over there."

"I miss him too, Grandma." Kelly set one glass on the side-table and helped herself to a seat on the chair by the door -- neutral territory, and an old favorite from when she was a kid.

"I've got to admit it's hardest this time of year," Grandma said. "Not just because of all the constant saccharine ads on TV -- they're no fun, but..."

"But it was this time of year you fell in love?" Kelly prodded.

Grandma nodded and took a drink of her eggnog. "You will see why I never told your mother the whole story. Or her brother or sister. I did my best to raise them all to be openminded and have a healthy attitude about sex, but...I guess some of my own generation's prudishness rubbed off even though I tried not to let it. But you're not like your mother in that regard, are you?"

"How do you figure, Grandma?" Kelly was almost afraid of the answer, but she just had to ask.

"I would never intentionally violate your privacy, dear," Grandma said with a grin that made Kelly's heart beat fast, "but that summer you spent here in high school, well, when I hear a bed creaking in rhythm, I know just what it means!"

"Oh, no!" Kelly laughed to keep from yelling, and buried her head in her hands.