Grief, Lust, and Consequences Ch. 01

Katy leaned into Jeff and kissed him softly, but passionately. Her eyes closed and she felt him kissing her back eagerly, the stubble of his beard against her chin, his arm wrapping around her back. They held the kiss for several moments before she broke it.

"Any time you need release... you can come to your fucked up little slutty sister," she said seductively but sincerely.

He cracked a smile and responded, "I'll have to remember that."

The two laid there for some time, neither of them able to sleep after that. Jeff held Katy close and caressed her body and Katy ate up every moment of it. She thought to herself that she wasn't sure if she could be satisfied without this kind of bed treatment and aftercare now that she'd had it. The sinking realisation that he was, in fact, still married to Bethany crept back into her consciousness when the bed above them in the loft squeaked and the pair froze in place. After several moments of breathless silence and no further noise from the bed in the loft, the two were satisfied that Bethany had just turned over in her sleep.

Katy could see the look in her brother's eyes go from satisfied to concerned as if the noise from the bed upstairs had also reminded him of the reality of the situation and the gravity of what he and Katy had just done. She reached up and stroked the side of his face, tracing her fingers through the hair of his short beard in an effort to comfort him.

"It's okay," she whispered. "Don't worry."

He leaned his head over and kissed her again and stroked her hair. Katy felt truly satisfied for the first time she could remember in the previous months. She felt cared for and loved in a way she didn't expect, especially from her big brother. She felt desired, and lusted after, all of these things from the same person. Against the crackling of the fire she began to drift off into a sound sleep.

Seemingly the next instant she awoke to the familiar sound of her brother in the kitchen and that sweet aroma of fresh coffee brewing. She never could understand how Jeff always seemed to wake earlier than anyone. He had done so since they were young. She also had a hard time understanding how he could be up and productive after their session of drinking and romping the night before. She stirred inside the sleeping bag and was reminded of the taboo encounter by the slick dampness that lingered in the scant fabric of her thong. All at once she hopped up and snatched the lounge trousers she had shed the night before and bent forward to step into them. A quick glance toward the kitchen saw her brother sneaking a gaze at her ass while in the compromising position. She grinned to herself and hoisted the clothing over her hips.

"What's for breakfast?" she said, sauntering over toward the table and sitting down.

"Just some eggs and sausage, I think. Didn't want to create a big pile of dishes to clean up before we leave."

Jeff stopped to pour a cup of coffee for his sister and walked over to set it in front of her. Katy looked up at him in a way that a schoolgirl might look at a crush walking by. She caught herself and thought that it must be the same look that Bethany had a distaste for since their sibling wedding dance. She smirked at the notion that, in the end, Bethany was right to grow weary of the bond that Katy and Jeff shared.

"Well I'm planning on enjoying it! It will probably be a while before a handsome man makes me breakfast again!" she replied, smiling as she hoisted the steaming cup to her lips.

"Oh, certainly not very long?" Jeff shot back at her before returning to the cooking.

Katy looked back toward the heap in front of the fireplace and then shot a look up toward the loft. She thought it a wise plan to roll them up before Bethany made an appearance.

She unzipped them back into two separate sleeping bags and grinned to herself when she saw the wet spot still underneath where she was sleeping as evidence of what happened. Soon enough she had them rolled and neatly strapped and returned to her spot at the table.

"Um... you better let me take them back to the house and wash them." She said softly toward her brother. He looked toward her confused, but after seeing the look in her eyes, responded with a chuckle and began to plate out the morning meal.

"You think she's the one who does the washing?" he said, pausing to grin while setting the plates down. "But you're probably right anyway.

Katy rolled her eyes at that notion just as Bethany descended the stairs and sleepily sat herself down at the table. As much as Jeff was inclined to rise early, Bethany was not, and she sat and ate her breakfast and drank her coffee gingerly in relative silence. She also had the classic squint of someone who was fighting off a hangover as she seemed to be constantly adjusting to the light.

The trio finished eating and Jeff cleaned up the kitchen and took care of the sealing up the cabin for the remainder of winter while Katy and Bethany packed their things. Katy packed her luggage into the backseat of her brother's truck, and upon reentering the cabin, found Bethany's things stacked by the door while she sat on the sofa, engrossed in her customary phone scrolling. Katy glanced around searching for her brother, but seeing his long shadow moving across the window of the door to the back porch, she concluded he was closing the hot tub. With an annoyed grimace, she began to lug Bethany's things out in the cold so her brother wouldn't be left with it.

Soon enough they were all heading out into the snow toward the vehicle. Both Katy and her brother took one last look at the landscape and soaked it in. The taboo deeds of the previous night aside, concluding their first visit to cabin without their father both weighed heavily on their thoughts. Katy's eyes scanned the lake one last time, the mid-morning sun was clear and the light reflected from the frozen lake in a way that was difficult to look at straight on. A tear was forming in the corner of her eye. She lifted her mitten covered hand to her face to wipe it away and suddenly felt her brother's arm wrap around her.

After a moment in her brother's embrace, Jeff spoke. "Let's get home sis."

She could tell from the waver in his voice that the moment was equally heavy for him and she slipped her arm around his back to return his side-embrace. The moment was cut short by the sound of the door of Jeff's truck being shut with more than adequate force by Bethany. Katy rolled her teary eyes and the siblings made their way back into the truck for the drive back to civilization.

The ride back to the town where they all lived was no more comfortable for Katy than the ride up the mountain had been. The journey was prolonged by the frequency of stops that were requested by Bethany who was still recovering from the evening of drinking and not handling the trip well. It was while parked during one of these requested pit stops that Katy had the opportunity to talk to her brother in privacy.

"So..." she began as her brother peered up into the rear view mirror. "I was thinking of not going back for the spring term."

Jeff turned around fully in his seat to look at her directly. The look on his face was the very same "concerned" look that their father had given them both on occasions where something didn't meet his approval.

"Don't look at me like that!" She quipped preemptively.

"Are you sure that's a good idea? It will be harder to start back up the longer you're out."

"Listen... I haven't been able to focus since... well... since Dad died. It's basically a train wreck in progress anyway."

Jeff's "dad look" persisted but he said nothing and allowed her to continue.

"Besides, I've got no debt, the house is paid for, I don't really need anything at the moment and I'd like to focus on counseling before getting back to studies." She stopped and locked eyes with him. His visage was one of a concerned guardian, much like when she was younger and he was watching over her. She continued, "And... I'll be closer to you."

The look in his eyes softened and the muscles in his face relaxed before he responded.

"You know I'd love nothing more than to have you around all the time... especially now... but are you sure that's the smart play?" His eyebrow raised as if pleading with her to reconsider.

"Jeff, I'm not exactly asking your permission," she said trying to suppress a mischievous grin. "As long as you want me around as much as I hope you do."

"Oh God, Katy... you know I want you around. Even before... well... all that. I'm just trying to make sure you're not making any rash decisions."

Katy could hear the multiple tones in his voice. The familiar tones of support and genuine love were mixed and colored by the new tone of desire. But there was another that her senses detected that worried her. It felt like guilt was bleeding into his voice. She couldn't tell if the guilt was over what had transpired between them the night before or if he thought that he had something to do with her not going back to school in the spring.

"You know that I was planning on taking the term off even before this trip... it's got nothing to do with... us."

It felt different using the term "us" to describe them. All at once she was bombarded by the multitude of real life impacts their continued trysts might cause. The thought bothered her but did nothing to reduce her desire for them to continue.

Jeff kept looking her in the eyes as if he could read everything she was thinking. Katy had never been able to hide much from him.

"Just wanted to be sure," he said with a grin. His eyes softened into a sparkle and he reached his arm around the seat to lay his hand on her knee and give it a squeeze.

Their conversation was cut short by the return of Bethany. She climbed into the passenger seat, sunglasses donned and a fresh bottle of sports drink in hand.

"Please let's go before I need to stop again," she said in a quiet and pained voice.

If Katy had been marginally annoyed by Bethany's voice prior to this trip, it had now grown into full-on loathing. She found herself having to intentionally control her facial expressions whenever she heard Bethany speak. Her taboo liaison with her brother only cemented the idea in her mind that Bethany didn't deserve his devotion or the pleasure that he offered to her. Katy had to chide herself though, and wonder how much of her ire that Bethany earned and weigh it against any jealous feelings she now had since she and her brother had opened that door. She knew better than to think that she and her brother would ride off into the sunset and be a couple, but also could not deny that the desire for exactly that was beginning to take its first root in her heart.

By the time that Jeff had pulled his truck into the drive of their father's house, Katy had already reasoned her way in and out of how things could and should play out several times. Each time she determined that pursuing any further "grief relief" sessions with her brother would be foolhardy, she would then remember the pure satisfaction and love she felt in his arms on the floor next to the fire. Then quickly thereafter she would find herself fighting off waves of guilt for allowing her grief and frustration to put her brother in a situation that would jeopardize his marriage and well-being.

Katy extricated her bag from the pile of luggage next to her and reached her arm around the driver's seat to hug her brother. She didn't even bother to check for any cross looks from Bethany as she felt his arm cover hers before she opened the door of the truck and stepped out into the cold. As she left the vehicle, her brother followed and brought the sleeping bags while Katy dug out her house keys from their place in her pocket.

Her brother helping her carry things was not something that Jeff hadn't done many times over in the past. Their father had raised them both to be helpful and considerate and especially hammered that ideal into Jeff. Katy thought to herself that Bethany must not have received similar instruction. But this time felt more personal. The sly grin he wore while he followed her to the door belied the burgeoning level of closeness that they had begun to experience the night prior. Katy felt her heart flutter even at this simple gesture in its new light.

She opened the door and reached for the sleeping bags from her brother's grasp, incidentally touching his hand. The jolt of electricity that followed up her arm was unmistakable and her big hazel eyes looked up at him.

"Don't be a stranger, yeah?" she said softly, but playfully.

The grin on her brother's face widened as he responded. "Oh, I'll be around. I'm sure you'll need help around this place for something soon." He turned to leave, but looked back at her with a mischievous grin on his face and followed, "Probably best neither of us mention this in therapy."

The pair giggled and hugged, Katy reaching her arms up and around her brother's neck and Jeff stooping to return the embrace around her torso.

After they bid each other farewell, Katy retreated out of the cold and into the house. She flipped on the lights and dropped her bag on the sofa and stretched her muscles from being crammed into the truck next to her sister-in-law's tower of luggage. After the emotional and sexual whirlwind of their weekend getaway, she found herself alone in her father's house and fighting off the emotions that came with it.

Her head snapped around down the hallway and she briskly walked down it as if possessed by an idea. She walked up to where family pictures hung on the wall in the short corridor and stopped at a particular photo. She looked up and gently raised a photo of from the dance that she and Jeff had shared at his wedding and clutched it to her chest before marching back into the living room and placing it prominently at the center of the mantle above the fireplace.

She looked at it with a level of fondness that hadn't existed prior to now. Not that she hadn't often looked at this picture with fond memories, but at present it was a comforting reminder of just how alike the siblings were, and how Jeff was there when she needed him, even if that meant a taboo sexual escapade in their family cabin. The day of that particular photograph was also when she caught the first of Bethany's jealous looks which was no small part of the reason why Katy decided to display it so prominently.

Katy's rational mind knew better than to allow herself to get emotionally wrapped up in what amounted to having an affair with her own brother. She knew there was no probable ending for such a notion other than shame and catastrophe. But here she was in her father's house smiling and feeling hopeful for the first time in months and escaping out from under the weight of her grief. The feelings she had from her deepening connection with her brother seemed to be the first effective remedy to her constant state of grief and guilt in a way that neither therapy nor her casual sex encounters at university were able to provide.

This theme continued as the weeks of winter wore on. Katy found herself to be in better spirits. Her secret meet-ups with her brother continued, and though not as often as she would have liked, had been leaving her satisfied and most importantly had been an effective relief to her grief. Even the counselor noted her progress, though Katy never divulged the true reason behind it.

True to her word, she didn't return to university for the spring term, but took the time to gather herself in addition to engaging in illicit trysts with her brother. Katy busied herself by picking up some part time work as an office administrative assistant near to the building where her brother was employed. The proximity had its advantages as the two grew more bold and risqué in their meetings. More than one lunch break was spent in some secluded car park or lay-by ravaging each other. They still had regular outings as they had grown accustomed to since the passing of their father. The outings now just bore the extra benefit of additional heat. Katy kept up spending at least a night per week at Jeff and Bethany's flat, but quickly realised their uncontrollable desire for each other in that setting might cause a problem.

One of those particular sleepovers, Katy was on the sofa watching the tele when her brother crept out of his bedroom and ended up fucking her mouth with her head over the arm of the sofa. As incredibly hot as Katy and her brother found the situation, she was admonished by her brother the next day that Bethany woke as he returned to bed. They were still in the clear, but both agreed to put a halt to shenanigan's in the flat.

In Katy's honest moments, she knew that her incestuous relationship with her brother had now grown past merely a means to deal with her grief. She found herself becoming more singularly focused on him as the primary object of her affection. Her days of settling for the boys her age seemed to be coming to a close. Beyond her uncontrollable attraction for him, she was always left physically and emotionally satisfied by him in a way that none of her other partners had been able to match. At the beginning she thought that the forbidden nature of their affair is what set her brother apart from her other experiences, but over the months she became convinced it was something deeper than just the thrill of something that should never be. She was attracted to him on a primal level, secure enough with him to be completely uninhibited, and out of bed she felt completely adored and appreciated by him. It had been nearly 5 months since the weekend at the cabin and the more time passed the more attached she became to her big brother.

Though the sibling pair never addressed their deepening sexual relationship openly, there were signs that led Katy to believe she was not the only one growing overly fond of what they had allowed themselves to explore. The way Jeff looked at her and spoke to her, though not obvious to everyone, was different. She could feel the longing and hunger in his gaze and hear it in his voice. She could feel the desperation and desire in every touch of his skin on hers. This was a new layer of their relationship in addition to the love and care that had been ever present. Over time, she was ruling against her previous judgment and beginning to blur the lines between their sexual chemistry and emotional attachment.

There were still plenty of times that Katy looked at what was going on between them and felt that it was the most fucked up thing she could be doing and had no chance of ending well in the real world. But something kept her craving it. Something kept her hoping. In the midst of all her hope and craving was the fear that one day her brother would wise up and end their meetups over some sense of guilt or simply due to the absurdity of the situation. She could hardly blame him if that were indeed to happen. As much as she had grown attached to him, the arguments for the virtues of a sexual and emotional affair with a sibling were weak at best. Even still, she found herself trying to navigate the line between enjoying their taboo affair for what it was and something as ridiculous as falling for her brother.

Their continued shenanigans also opened her eyes to a whole array of exploration that up until now were only theoretical and reserved for Katy's private imaginations. She took no small amount of pleasure in exploring her brother's kinks as well as her own. More often than not, the two remained in lockstep in that manner. They seemed to share a curiosity of mind and depth of depravity. Katy learned that Bethany was in fact as unimaginative as she was disingenuous and her brother leaned into this new creative outlet in a powerful way. As if the taboo nature of their relationship didn't bring enough heat of its own, the possibilities of exploration between them seemed endless. She learned that as sweet and caring as her brother was in his natural state, he could be equally animalistic in his sexuality. Katy enjoyed pushing her brother's buttons until he engaged in some new and more intense form of taking her. Their romps evolved to include varying degrees of bondage and consensual non-consent and both of them drank it up like they could never get enough.