Growth and Lust Ch. 05 - Hurt

Perta glared at her, pursing his lips as he was trying to figure out how to get out from under her.

"I have claimed you." Bakaree said, she wrapped her lower arms around his midsection. "I will keep you safe." She watched the gulp of fear run down his throat, his brow turning to form a more sympathetic look.

"Bakaree, these people-"

She pulled him into herself, feeling his face land in the crook of her neck. His arms wrapped around her and she felt him squeeze her, not wanting to let a gap linger between them. She put her upper arm around him and guided him to lay down, both of them laying in the bunk and staying silent.

Ginrar and Teloo both returned to the shuttle, silently smiling and ready for the next step, they jumped to the entrance. Teloo gaining entry after Ginrar, looking at Reedus and Saffee in the front area of the shuttle.

"We're heading towards Curserours 7, the informant said the tower there was the first one to get pinged. Once we're there he should have more information on where we actually need to be." Reedus said.

Ginrar looked at Gresh and saw he had made it back to the shuttle, she had completely forgotten about him until now. "You made it back."

Gresh nodded, "I believe something in there did not have the inclination to speak with me."

"That fucking thing." She grumbled, "Did you, see anything?"

Gresh looked up to her, seeing a mix of confusion and anger, he shook his head and wondered what she meant.

"It said someone vouched for me?" Ginrars eyes searched the air around her like she might find an answer. "I do not understand what happened in there, you really did not see anything?"

Gresh averted his eyes to look at the floor, sealing his mind shut and ensuring the thought didn't arise. "I do not know what you saw in there, but I can assure you. I myself saw nothing."

"Thank you."

Gresh didn't turn his face but moved his eyes to look at Ginrar, seeing she was facing away but positive the comment was for him. He didn't know how to respond, instead turning his eyes back down and staying silent.

"For trying to help." Ginrar said.

"Where are the two now?" Ginrar asked, looking over her shoulder back at Saffee and Reedus.

Saffee looked at her and responded, "I showed them to the bunk room they'll be staying in, first one on the left...Don't go in there."

Ginrar was about to ask why she would add the last comment but decided to leave it, not wanting to come off as aggressive over it. Instead she sat down in the main cabin and waited for the ship to begin its trip towards the first station.

Reedus flicked through her maps and got ready for the new trip, seeing the informant had already lined out there path again. She worked the stick and turned the shuttle towards the sky, wanting to leave before any locals wandered over to see what the commotion was about.

......

Ginrar sat silently as she watched the hull of the ship, it hadn't changed for hours but she couldn't bring herself to move from her position. She didn't feel bored, at the moment she didn't feel hate, she just felt vacant instead.

Gresh read a small book, passing the time in quiet contemplation, Saffee had stood to be by Reeduses chair. Stroking her hair and ensuring she wasn't feeling drowsy or tired, Teloo was coming back from the kitchen. Resting a plate of food in the seat next to Ginrar, offering the other to Gresh and seeing him smile as he took it.

Saffee and Reedus came to join the three in the main cabin area, both receiving a plate of food from Teloo and sitting to enjoy. "Should we get the other two?" Reedus asked.

Saffee looked at her, "The woman, Bakaree, she seemed extremely frazzled by the idea of joining us. I left rations in the rooms with water, let them rest and they'll join us when they're ready den."

The five Tallhee sat in the cabin of the shuttle, mental notes of the delicious flavor flying back and forth as smiles were exchanged. Ginrar finally moved her hand, taking the plate in her fingers and holding it in front of her, she looked down at the quaint meal. A thick chunk of meat with two bones still protruding from it, a mash of vegetables and chunks of bread mixed in on the side. She picked up the eating utensil, seeing it was in the shape of a humans cooking spatula. She had been accustomed to forks and spoons for so long that she only stared at it for a while before squeezing it in her grip and using it.

The first bite took her to her childhood, warmth mixed with love as it steadied her bones and rested her mind. But only for a moment, then being taken to a more familiar landscape, the food resting on her tongue as her jaw refused to chew it.

Teloo heard it again, the sound of wood popping as it burned, a cool nights breeze blowing across an empty landscape as tall plants danced with one another. She swallowed, pausing and hoping it would not be too painful to ask, "Ginrar." Teloo said with caution.

Ginrar turned her gaze to her mother, hoping her slow consumption didn't offend her.

"Please. Show us." Teloo said, leaning forward in her seat.

Ginrar felt her throat spasm for a moment, she slowly chewed the food before swallowing, taking a deep breath she cleared her mind. Opening it and replaying her memories, special little moments that kept her soul swaddled in love, now sharing with the other four.

*

Ginrar sat in her fold out chair, her arms laying on the arm rests as she wore a large thick covering over her top. Roke had called it a sweatshirt, it was many times bigger than usual human sizes, but he had it made and delivered special for her. The pouch on the front was easily able to accommodate both of her large hands. The hood of it pulled up as far as her horns would allow with her hair spilling out from either side. The fire was warm, but the nights breeze would cut threw now and again, tempering the coals and causing the flames to pause their dance and lean instead. The higher elevation of this area was on their list of places to travers and send out bots, using hydro generators on the mountain streams that cascaded down.

She figured it would be too high to plant wheat, but the company always said to send the bots out anyways. Sometimes a different grain would grow with different soils, making something new that might be sought after. She looked at Roke, seeing him wearing a sweatshirt as well, the sleeves pulled up and over his forearms. She watched as he put the nights dishes away and went to the small refrigerator in his camper, pulling two cans from it. Then walking to her he extended a hand out, the can grasped in his grip and offering it to her.

She smiled as she took it, "Thank you." She said softly, appreciating the sentiment, seeing him sit down across from her. She was accustomed to seeing Roke lean back and let out a small sigh as he settled into his cozy seat.

She shifted in her own chair, snuggling into her sweatshirts a little more, feeling the plush fabric against her skin. She did enjoy how humans would put a cozy bit of comfort in most things they made, she looked down at it and thought of the garment. Remembering a time when she looked through the campers window to see Roke napping through the mid-day sun. She had felt a warm smile cross her face when she found him cuddled up in his bed with her sweatshirt. Seeing his sleeping face with the collar near his nose, she thought of how he could go from a cool-headed man, too a needy lover so effortlessly.

She looked up at him again, smiling and then opening the drink he offered, touching it to her lips and sipping it. Letting the foam and brew wash away the remnants of the meal he had made for her, a quiet burp escaping her chest before she sipped again.

*

Teloo smiled, her plate finished and resting in the empty seat next to her, she watched as Ginrar took a bite of the Horker meat. She remembered how she loved it as a child, she hoped she was feeling better than before.

*

The fire died down till it was only warm coals, but the moon light spilling around them illuminated the entire area. Mountains on the other side of the valley, dancing grass and leaves of trees waiting for the suns warm light that was currently shining on the other side of the globe.

"Roke." Ginrar said, breaking the silence, she watched as he turned his head to where he heard her voice. She always wondered if he could see her well in these instances, as she could see him fine, his carefree smile just barley gracing the edges of his lips. The unruly brunette hair blowing intermittently in the wind. "Do you have another song, to serenade me with?" her voice was low; but angelic and hopeful. These sensual moments were slices of delight she thought she would treasure just for herself.

*

"H-eE-" Ginrar tried to speak but her voice cracked, clearing her throat and trying again, "He can't play an instrument, but his memory is sharp." Ginrar tried to blink away the burning sensation that formed in her eyes, not wanting to taint the moment for the others. "Humans...can have a tie to music, their body can react to it. Roke told me that not all of them feel it, but he was one that did. It connects and sends chills like ice down your skin, raising little bumps across your cheeks and arms. The hair on the back of your neck stands on end as you try to memorize the lyrics with the chords."

Reedus tilted her head, "Like, when danger is approaching?"

Ginrar smiled, "Yes, but instead of fear...it's like awe, like wonder. It's impossible to describe as it is uniquely human. Roke-" Ginrar took a moment to taste his name on her tongue, "Roke was human- is human. I know he would carefully choose what he would and would not listen to, as some songs would bring pain. I never pushed for those ones, instead I reveled in the ones that he enjoyed. He would open up to me and allow me to feel it through him, it...hits in a way that is indescribable."

Saffee thought of what she was saying and tried to understand, Reedus just listened and began to be swept away by the feeling Ginrar shared. Flowing out like water and inviting to the mental touch, she felt hesitation for a moment. Having a realization that a human can be the most dangerous thing in the galaxy, because if one could take Ginrar. Where all Tallhee so susceptible to the charms humans offered so carelessly.

"They tie memories to these songs, when that happens they can relive these memories and feel it again. But for every time they do this, the memory fades slightly, becomes more distorted or tarnished. Till eventually they can no longer grasp it." Ginrar gulped, "Some painful memories...some never leave."

'Shhhhh CLICK'

Everyone felt their bones rattle as the simple noise ran through their minds, broadcasted from Ginrars with such power. A spring being wound with a metal catch engaging, no one understood what it was, but the presence was ominous.

"Some form when two instances collide by striking a similarity that doesn't appear to anyone else but the beholder." Ginrar thought of the look in Rokes eyes as he watched her, she could feel the air in his lungs cease as he remembered. It was a song by a human woman that had a voice like no other, powerful vocals that showed conviction. ~ 'Cause if there's a god dammit she won't mind, if there's a god baby she won't mind' ~. It hit him hard, Ginrar smiled to herself as she blocked out the rest of the memory, spasming hips and gasping breath in the backseat of his little home. No, that full memory was just for her, one for Ginrar that she would relive from time to time. From then on, she always smiled when she saw the title, 'I like it heavy' come across the trucks radio.

Ginrar thought back to the original memory.

*

Roke sank into his chair a little more, he began to imagine the notes being played on the guitar. An acoustic strum by a talented hand that he could never hope to match.

Ginrar heard the melody and smiled, the song wasn't his personally, but the feelings it provoked were strong and shaking. He used to hide these times from her, singing them in his own mind and feeling the chill that came along with it. Humming the tune and catching her curiosity, he was good at that. Giving little clues to her that would pique her interest just enough to come enquiring, seeing a delighted smile when she didn't chastise or judge his explanation. The first time he sang for her it was low and bashful, but with a bit more praise he'd sing a little louder. She couldn't lie to him; he wasn't on par with the human musicians he emulated. But these felt like sweet gifts just for her.

~ "Daddy worked like a mule minin' Pike County coal" ~

Ginrar could tell he was trying to mimic the original singer, his voice coming across with a smooth tone that was touched with slight pain.

~ " 'Til he fucked up his back and couldn't work anymore

He said one of these days, you'll get out of these hills

Keep your nose on the grindstone and out of the pills" ~

Ginrar felt the warm words wrapping around her, she watched as his eyes were closed and he concentrated on getting the tune right. Not wanting to disappoint; not realizing he never could.

~ "See, the ways of this world will just bring you to tears

Keep the Lord in your heart, and you'll have nothin' to fear

Live the best that you can and don't lie and don't steal

Keep your nose on the grindstone and out of the pills" ~

Roke timed his breathing, not rushing through it but keeping the tempo, a vision of disappointed blue eyes looking down on him. Ginrar could see the eyes weren't his own, he pushed the thought down and tried to seal it away. An older mans visage of facial hair and anger berating him for a mistake that Roke could never take back.

~ "Well Daddy, I've been tryin', I just can't catch a break

There's too much in this world that I can't seem to shake

But I remember your words, Lord, they bring me the chills

Keep your nose on the grindstone and out of the pills" ~

Ginrar heard his volume drop slightly, feeling pain as he tried not to crack under the memories he kept locked away. Only opening up like this on dark nights when he felt no eye on the planet could see him, like he was hiding from whatever omnipotent power might be in the sky.

~ "Keep in mind that a man's just as good as his word

It takes twice as long to build bridges you've burnt

And there's hurt you can cause time alone cannot heal

Keep your nose on the grindstone and out of the pills" ~

Ginrar could see the pain in his mind, the song was one of his favorites, but that didn't mean it didn't hurt him to share it. In turn the lyrics cut her as well, thinking of bridges burned and bonds broken.

~ "Well Daddy, I've been tryin', I just can't catch a break

There's too much in this world I can't seem to shake

But I remember your words, Lord, they bring me to chills

Keep your nose on the grindstone and out of the pills" ~

~ "...Keep your nose on the grindstone" ~

Ginrar had been wrapped in the melody, feeling the night was coming to a close and it was time to rest. She watched as he sat silent in his chair, his steel trap of a mind staying locked as quiet contemplation took hold. She watched as his eyes flicked up to where he thought she should be, she wanted to speak and assure him she was still nearby. Opening her mouth but seeing him fill his lungs once again, then exhaling to let her name dance across the wind and to her ear.

"GINRAR!-"

The vision a sobbing man in the dirt clawing to freedom with one good hand, begging her to come back before he was stolen away.

*

There was an echoing clang of a plate hitting the shuttle floor followed by a shuddering gasp, Ginrar held her hands still after the plate slipped from her grip. "My- I'm sorry, but I believe I should go lie down for the time being." Ginrar reached for the plate.

"I'll take care of it." Gresh said as he was kneeling to pick it up, then using his fingers to scoop up the remnants of food and put them back on the plate.

Ginrar wavered as she felt sick to her stomach, rising to her feet and going down the hall to her bunk.

The four Tallhee sat in silence for a time, each had felt the warmth of his melody, each had felt the cut of his lyrics. Each had felt the anguish the guide had showed her in his final moments. They waited for a time, Teloo finally standing and going to the bunk room, pausing at the door as she didn't want the night end like this.

Ginrar heard the door open, lying on her side and holding the pillow in front of her, she hadn't realized how hard it was to sleep without a smaller bit of company in her bed. Now forced to hold the inanimate sack of feathers instead. It reminded her of how truly alone she was before he stepped into her life. She buried her nose in it, like she once did when he was in her lap and reliving her past. How she dragged his scent across her nose for so long, determined to memorize it and ensure it was always with her. But now it seemed too far away, vacant, devoid of touch and leaving her hollow.

"We'll find him...Baba." Teloo said, then closing the door.

Ginrar closed her eyes, burning tears falling down and soaking the mattress as she wished the pain would end soon.

......

*

Samaran sat on her favorite seat as she listened to the steady rhythm of thunder, she felt him shift under her as he got more comfortable. She had been traveling with Desher now for years, hitting every planet they could that resembled the one known as earth.

Desher rubbed his eyes in frustration, he learned that the humans that Samaran hailed from had not entered the galactic stage. That being the case, their worlds coordinates had been kept secret from common folk. Samaran shouldn't have even been here, stollen in the night and held as a piece to auction off to the highest bidder. Her skin had kept its pale complexion, but her long blonde hair had been allowed to dance freely around her. Desher couldn't deny that she was a gorgeous being, an angelic voice that could catch a man with ease. But the smile that followed with it was dangerous.

Not in the sense he was accustomed to, no fang or pincer that could paralyze someone before consumption. But instead, it was dangerously enchanting, not stealing your soul but making you offer it up willingly. The first time he had seen it was when she just finished slurping up a mouth full of noodles. A creamy broth bathing them with small battered and fried crustaceans dotting the bowl. She had smiled at him then, not even realizing how she attacked him in that moment, driving claws into his heart and claiming it as hers.

'I will die for you.' He had told himself then, throwing all his time and effort into fulfilling her wish of returning home. He understood he wouldn't be accepted among her people; he would ensure she was delivered home safely and after she was in good hands he would leave. Diving back into the stars and vacating her life, plagued by memories of that cursed smile she consumed him with.

But the task had been out of his grasp, he was unable to find the water planet she was born on, no smuggler or thief would tell him. To go to the higher chain of authority would mean she'd be taken away and put into the cloak of protection. But Desher didn't trust that, if he couldn't be the one to hand her off to the safety of her own, then it was just the same as throwing her into darkness.

'My people would accept her, how could they not?' he had thought, but that would be presumptuous of him. There was a way to bring her into the coven, but it wasn't his choice to make, so instead he protected her like this. Letting her sit in his lap as he scrolled through endless star maps, she was a full-grown woman by her peoples standards. But his body was much larger than hers, she often said the shuttle was cold, and sitting in his lap was the warmest seat in the house. Desher could also sense she felt safe in this seat, he didn't investigate her mind too much, but he had informed her he could. She didn't seem to mind though, sometimes thinking her wishes or questions to him.