All Comments on 'Gypsy Designs Ch. 01'

This is a great start, I personally didn't mind that there wasn't any sex. Please continue....

Great start... please continue!

I'm enjoying the backstory to what I hope evolves into a romance between Gypsy & Caydn, & eagerly waiting for the second installment.

I'm definitely hooked! I cannot wait for the next chapter! Please post soon!

I'm reading pt 2 now. The only thing I can say is -- you need more punctuation. More commas. I know I actually can be comma-happy, but your sentences tend to run on. I think the length is fine, they just need to be "broken up" a bit with commas, semicolons, etc. Occasionally one long sentence could break down into two, but I really think just with some commas, you'd be fine. The dialog sounds "rushed" when I read it, if that makes sense. but I like the characters and I'm very curious to see where this goes.

Good start, with an interesting premise. I agree some sentences could use commas, also watch to/too.

Cynthia

I appreciate the detail and pace you use in building what seems like a good story, with lots of twists and turns to come. In between the heat resonating between the two you've begun unpacking little bits of who they are. I've just come across the story so I'm going to hurry and read the other chapters you've posted.

this seems like it could be a good story. there are too many punctuation and grammar errors. i hope the next chapter is better