All Comments on 'Haley's Ladder'

The journey through a stoned girls mind on a party night. A taste of odd and distorted compulsion or a drug fueled memory. Tell us more

I typically gravitate toward (enjoy writing) dark-fantasy, horror and science fiction; as well as more traditional reprrsentations of those genres. I plan on submitting a more traditional "sex party" for the site shortly since I'm taking the audience *here* into account, but if readers enjoy these types of stories I'll certainly be writing them more.

Comments are important to me. All comments. Thanks again,

I like your style - breathless, breezy, and sassy - perfect for a short story. I like that Haley isn't built like a perfect sex doll and has a little muffin top like a real person. The only suggestion I might make is to ease up on the adverbs and adjectives. Mostly they don't add much and just clutter up the story. There are a few editing errors, but nothing major. So, yeah - I liked it!

I'm smiling right now because I just removed a few adjectives from my current work that were so vanilla I wound up scolding myself (and I'm sure I can still improve on that). That's to say, your comment reinforces the direction I need to force my brain to follow.

Glad my comment was helpful for you! I realized I shouldn't have offered a critique without giving at least one small example of what I meant:

"This place really is sick," he insisted as he led her down a sparsely populated hallway. He brought her to a half filled room, spartan but furnished with serviceable futons and love chairs."

I don't even know what a "sparsely-populated hallway" means, but, IMO, this would be better as something like this, and it loses nothing of the meaning:

"This place really is sick," he insisted as he led her down a hallway to a room furnished only with futons and love chairs."

More words are not always better. ;)

This is awesome! I need more!