Halftime

"Hey, I thought you were running errands, how did you really get here?"

"I finished them, stopping here for coffee was my reward, finding you here was an unexpected pleasure, I wasn't planning on calling until Monday or maybe Tuesday, "that smile again, and those big brown eyes were ripping my soul apart," actually, now I'm hungry, would you like to grab some lunch?"

"There's a great sandwich place just down the block," we both said it at the same time, laughing as we got up and headed for the door. Victor took my hand and I stopped him as the door closed behind us.

"Is something wrong?" he turned to look at me.

I put my free hand behind his neck, raised up on my toes and found his lips with my own," not anymore."

Lunch was wonderful, the little sandwich place had a signature sandwich that was made with spiced ham, pulled pork, and bacon, with a spicy sauce and lots of cheese, I ordered first and got the last one for the day, Victor made me promise to give him a bite and ordered the pulled pork Reuben.

After lunch, we walked around the neighborhood holding hands and chatting about stuff, stopping for a kiss every now and then and just enjoying the afternoon, my apartment was about halfway between his house and his office and across the street from the coffee shop, it was a miracle we had never run into each other before, or maybe we had but he hadn't noticed Rick and Rick hadn't paid attention to him, he couldn't take his eyes off Ricki.

It took us forever to say goodbye once we got to my apartment building, standing on the steps so that I was as tall as him and kissing like teenagers, Victor must have pretended to leave five or six times, each time coming back for one more kiss, and it was never just one.

"Ok, for real this time," he had said that twice already, "for real, for real," he laughed, and I put my fingers up to his lips when he tried to get one more kiss.

"Victor, I really like you and kissing you like this is just, well, just wow, it's nice, but I need to go inside and pee, ok? And no, I don't think it's a good idea for you to come with me."

"Ok," he got one more kiss before he turned to walk away, "Um," he turned around one last time," I've got this thing, New Year's Eve, if you're not busy, maybe you'd like to join me," there was that adorable little boy full of insecurities that was so irresistible.

"I'd like that a lot. Call me and we'll talk about it, but I gotta go," he smiled at me and turned to leave. Did he just skip as he turned the corner?

It took me two hours to tell Jenn the whole story, mostly because she kept asking me to repeat the kissing parts. Finally, the voice in the back of my head made itself heard and I crashed, "But what happens when he finds out?"

I was a puddle or tears when Jenn got to my apartment. She wrapped my in her arms and just held me, rocking me gently back and forth. We ended up on my couch, me in some comfy jammies she had picked out for me, eating ice cream from the half gallon containers as we played through the possibilities, Jenn offered two good ones each time I repeated the same bad one that haunted me, "what if he hates me?"

Somewhere in all the preparation for the Christmas party, I had found a new truth, that Ricki was who I wanted, no, needed to be. It resolved so many issues, quelled so many doubts that had plagued me for so long, it was just the right answer to so many questions; when Victor had kissed me, I knew there would be no going back.

The final answer was that I was going to tell him New Year's Eve, it was the ultimate time of transition after all, and I would have already dealt with work and my family, after that, a boyfriend would be a piece of cake.

Work was easy, almost everybody else had taken the entire week off for Christmas, it was me, a couple of developers and Gwen from HR, who just happened to be the exact person I needed to talk to. I had opted for light makeup, jeans, my riding boots with a cute sweater, which wasn't too far from what I always wore, the jeans were a lot tighter, the boots had four-inch heels and I wore them outside the jeans and the sweater didn't even pretend to hide my breast enhancers, other than that, perfectly normal.

Gwen sent a company-wide email explaining that with the new year, Richard Johnson, or Rick, would be referred to as Ricki or Miss. Johnson, describing the policies on acceptance and harassment in the workplace and requesting that any questions be directed to Gwen in HR, she even gave me some information on community resources and where to go for support; it was like she did this every day.

The few developers that were in the office stopped by my desk, as much out of curiosity as to congratulate me on my decision and to voice their support. All I could think about was how Victor was going to handle the news, hoping and praying he was as understanding as Gwen.

Just before lunch, Gwen sent another email instructing me and the other stragglers to finish up whatever we were working on and take off to enjoy the holiday.

"I can do this," I thought to myself as I logged off and packed up my stuff, when Victor called later that afternoon and told me about New Year's Eve, I was convinced I was right.

Reality came crashing down around my shoulders when I got to my parent's house Wednesday afternoon. I had dressed as conservatively as possible, leaving my breasts enhancers in my suitcase, and opting to go without makeup for the first time since that day at the spa, when I told them what was happening, my mom just cried, and my dad threw me out of the house.

My sister informed me that I would burn in hell and my two brothers openly laughed at me. I stopped at a rest stop just outside of town and called Jenn, three hours later, Jenn, Mike and I were in a roadside diner drinking coffee and talking about what had happened. I was crushed, crying my eyes out while they listened and offered all the support they could.

I curled up in the backseat of Mike's car and Jenn drove mine back to my apartment. The next morning, they picked me up and I spent Christmas with Jenn and her family, it was just like Thanksgiving, except the living room had a huge tree surrounded by gifts that filled half the room.

I slept in the girl's bunkhouse over the garage with Jenn and all the female cousins and Mike across the hall with all the guys, it was a huge slumber party, and I was in the middle of it all, we sat around in our pajamas and talked about boys, they were all excited that I actually had a boy to talk about and wanted details; wherever he was, Victor's ears had to be crimson.

It was what I had hoped for from my own family.

When Victor called me, they all ooh'd and aah'd, laughing and teasing me, making kissing noises and laughing. Victor was confused about where I was, I had told him I would be with my parents and I only had one sister, I promised to tell him all about it the next time we saw each other.

"What about lunch Monday?"

"I can do that, how about Halftime? You know where it is?"

We had a date, our first official one. When I hung up and fell back onto my pillow, ever girl in the room burst out laughing, "Ricki's in love." "Ricki's got a boyfriend." They all chanted. I just buried my face in my pillow and screamed because they were right.

Christmas morning at Papa Joe's and Grandma Emma's was epic beyond anything I had ever seen, what little space there had been in the living room was gone as the number of gifts under the tree appeared to have tripled overnight.

All the cousins, from fifteen to thirty, were six years old again sitting in a big circle around the tree in their jammies, Jenn's uncle Herbie played Santa, calling out names and doling out the gifts, it took a couple of hours, somehow, I got five myself, one of them a gold necklace with my name, 'Ricki,' in a cursive script, I looked at Jenn and she just smiled, shrugging her shoulders.

I looked at Grandma Emma, "Santa must have known you'd be here," she smiled at me, and I felt a different kind of tears start to well behind my eyes. I made my way across the room to her and gave her the biggest hug I could.

"You are family now, Jenn told me what happened, you need someplace to be, you come here, no questions, OK?" I nodded, she wiped a rogue tear from my cheek, and went back to my gifts, panties, socks, some very nice perfume and a picture of me from Thanksgiving in Jenn's shorts with the PINK t-shirt just off my shoulder exposing my bra strap and a huge smile on my face.

The roller coaster continued Monday, almost as soon as I logged into my computer at work, I received an email from my manager asking me to meet with him as soon as possible, not totally out of the ordinary, I assumed there was a new project he wanted me to start working on and that always excited me.

When I walked into his office, it was him and me and Gwen from HR, Gwen was not happy. There was a single sheet of paper in front of the chair I was to sit in, I sat and started to read it. I had never been so confused in my life, it was a list of about a dozen 'infractions' so convoluted and petty it boggled my mind. Someone had stayed up late coming up with this list.

"Miss. Johnson, in light of what you have just read, what do you have to say for yourself?"

"Mr. Samuels, I'm not sure what you mean, I mean this list is pretty sketchy, I'd have to go and do some research to even remember some of the dates and times you mention on here. What are we doing here anyway?"

"We feel this list indicates a pattern of disregard for our company policies, of abuse of those policies and we cannot in good conscience continue your employment. Gwen will escort you to your desk and help you pack your things," I was being fired.

If I signed the paper, I would get two weeks' severance, If I refused, I would get nothing. I knew exactly what was going on and it pissed me off. I wadded up the paper and threw it in Mr. Samuels face, storming out of the room, Gwen practically running to keep up with me.

What angered me more than anything was on my first date with Victor, and I was going to be a bitch from hell. "Oh, well, maybe he'll dump me, and I won't have to tell him my secret," I thought to myself as I loaded my box into my car, that just made it worse.

Victor was already at Halftime when I got there, I didn't even say hi, I wrapped my arms around him and buried my face in his chest, "I just got fired, I'm sorry if I'm a bit of a bitch this afternoon, they just pissed me off."

He put his arms around me and held me, "fired, why?"

I wasn't thinking clearly, the words just came out," because I'm transgender and I came out at work. They made up a bunch of bullshit reasons," I froze when I realized what I had done.

Victor just continued to hold me, not saying a word.

"Victor, I..." I tried to pull away, he didn't let go, he just held me.

"Well, this is awkward," Jenn came up to the table.

"She just got fired, can you give us a few minutes," Victor's voice was soft and sure.

"Um, yeah, Ricki, we can talk when you're ready, ok?" I could hear the concern in Jenn's voice.

I nodded, holding onto Victor like it was the only thing keeping me afloat in a sea of despair, I knew if I let him go, I would never get him back.

He said 'she.'

I slowly relaxed my hold on Victor, he matched my pace and after a few seconds, we were just standing there looking at each other, "So, you have a thing or two to tell me, right?"

I sat down and looked at him, he took my hands across the table.

"Just take your time," he smiled at me, and I opened my soul, telling him about Thanksgiving and Mike and Jenn's great conspiracy and how it all played out, opening a door that I never knew existed to a place I had never imagined, and then I met him, and it just got worse, or better, depending on how you looked at it. I told him about my family and how Mike and Jenn had rescued me, Jenn taking me home to her family for Christmas and how they all loved and accepted me. I showed him the necklace and told him about the meeting with Mr. Sanders.

He sat and listened, "after all that, you have to be hungry, what's good here anyway?"

I looked at him like he was crazy," I just poured my heart out to you, told you I was trans, and you just want to ignore it like that? I'm a girl with a dick, that doesn't bother you?" I was raising my voice a little.

Victor looked at me, "I publish erotica, soft and hard-core porn without the pictures, a lot of it is gay, lesbian, fetish, transgender, cross dressing stuff, some of it so explicit it makes me blush, but it pays my bills and very well, I'm also very good at marketing it. I do it for two reasons, first, not many publishers serve the market I serve and there is a very nice market for my books; second, I do it because it feeds my own fantasies and fetishes. I'm sorry if you didn't get whatever reaction you were expecting, I've just kind of seen it all, or read it all, I guess is more accurate," I got the feeling that Victor was offended that I expected him to be offended, the whole interaction had turned so awkward and uncomfortable so fast.

"Um, the burgers are really good, you should try the sweet potato fries, too."

We ordered and then sat in silence, letting the tension slowly fade, "if you don't want to take me to New Year's Eve, I'll understand," I offered meekly.

"I was thinking, I have a red tie and cummerbund for my tux, if you wore a red dress, we'd match," he smiled at me, "the party is at Robin and George's by the way, Robin would love to see you again. I'm pretty sure Mike and Jenn will be there, too."

"You're really ok with me being, um...?"

Victor took out his phone and opened his picture catalogue, picture after picture of me, all discretely taken, some from the party, some from the coffee shop and even one when I walked in the door today, all very tasteful and all displaying a beautiful young woman, "that's who I want to spend New Year's Eve with, I'll figure out the details later."

He was either going to lock me in a closet in his house like a Barbie Doll or he was falling for me as badly as I was for him," I have a red dress, it's not quite as conservative as the purple one though," I smiled a wicked smile at him, he didn't say a word, the reddish hue rising from his neck to his cheeks spoke volumes.

Jenn dropped off our burgers and I told her about me coming out at work and getting fired and how they made up a bunch of crap to fire me. She told me not to worry about it that, I would find something, and I could always move into her spare room if I needed to.

"Actually," Victor took a deep breath, "One of the reasons I wanted to have lunch with you today was to talk to you about your job situation, the websites you gave me, did you write the content or just edit it?"

"I wrote a lot of it after interviewing the customers and what I didn't write, I edited pretty heavily."

"Have you ever thought of editing books and short stories?"

"Not really, I never thought that was a field I could break into, I just didn't have the connections, and it scares me, the thought of taking something so personal and ripping it apart. The few writers I've met are like expectant parents with their work."

"Yes, they are," Victor smiled at me sliding a flash drive across the table, "there are a few short stories on here I'd like you to review, if I like your comments, we have something to talk about. And this is not because you're my girlfriend and just got fired; I don't do that. I need someone and you seem to have the skills, this is your audition, if you want it."

I picked up the flash drive and dropped it in my purse, "so tell me more about this girlfriend thing," he laughed out loud.

We finished our lunch with Jen dropping by probably a little too often, I questioned Victor about his company and the target audiences for various kinds of publications, as I sort of suspected, his books were mostly purchased by women, even the more fringe works; there were a lot of very kinky housewives out there and possibly a lot of very lucky husbands, too.

He walked me to my car, letting me know he'd pick me up at my apartment at seven thirty Thursday evening, the party started at eight thirty and after dinner, we should be getting there about nine, nice and fashionably late, perfect for me to make an entrance and steal every man in the room's heart.

"Are you sure...?"

Victor didn't let me finish my question, he pulled me close; lifting me to my tip toes, kissing me hard, driving his tongue into my mouth and sucking mine from mine, burning his answer into my very core, leaving me standing there with a silly look on my face as he walked across the lot to his car.

In between editing the stories Victor gave me, I tracked down the spa Jenn took me to and made an appointment for Wednesday afternoon for a repeat of the entire waxing process, deciding that love made you a masochist and then laughing at how many ways that was probably true, I also called several of the resources Gwen had given me to find about more about what I was going through.

One of them was a free clinic that dealt in all kinds of LGBTQ issues including counseling and hormone treatment for men and women in transition, I made an appointment for Thursday morning.

I read the first story twice before I went to work on it, not just because I wanted to get a feel for the story and what the writer was trying to accomplish, but because I genuinely liked the characters and the sex was so fricking hot, I imagined how Victor could spend some serious time with his cock in his hand working with stuff like this all the time.

I also identified with Charli, the main character. He was like me in some ways, smaller than most men and decidedly feminine features, he also had a serious panty fetish; I didn't think I qualified as having a fetish, but I loved the feeling of the soft fabrics against my butt and crotch and the way the lace on my cheekies toyed with my ass.

Andre was Charli's neighbor and the picture of an alpha male, tall muscular athletic with a huge cock, "ten inches, full and thick, with large balls and a huge purple plum for a head," that Charli somehow magically could deep throat with ease and slide into his 'boi pussy' at will.

"Really?" I thought to myself, "Oh well, it's erotic fantasy." The image of Andre shoving his massive piece of meat into Charli came to my mind and I caught myself squirming in my chair.

Charli and Andre met under odd circumstances with Andre discovering Charli's secret, a relationship flourished with Andre slowly taking more and more control of Charli, something Charli seemed to want and need in his life, there was some back story about Charli never really having a father figure in his life, being raised by a dowager aunt.

As the story progressed, Andre feminizes Charli, slipping him hormones so that he grows modest breasts and so that his 'clitty' becomes smaller and ceases to work, rewarding him for behaving and punishing his misdeeds; Charli finds he enjoys being spanked by his new 'Daddy.' "Daddy" is evidently a technical term in some sub genres, so is "Sissy". Ultimately, Charli is ecstatic in his new role as a walking talking sex toy for Andre, even happy letting Andre share him with a few of his friends with similar attractions to "Sissy Boi's."

Unlike Charli, my attraction to women's clothes wasn't sexual at all, it was more of a confirmation of something deep inside me. I wondered if Victor had chosen this story for me to review as an indicator of what some of his fantasies were, did he expect me to turn into his 'sissy' or was it just a work project? I hoped it was the latter because I just couldn't see myself being subjugated the way Charli seemed to crave, finding Ricki had been liberating, empowering, I was a more complete person as Ricki, and I wasn't going to give that up.