All Comments on 'Hall Pass'

Some of the terms you used....vittles...instead of vitals.... spelling etc....just really threw some of the context out. You gave it a disney ending, okay fair enough it's your story, but I keep coming to the spelling blowing the context out.

Keep writing but remember spell checker finds mispelled words, but probably won't find words that are completely out of context but are spelled right.

All characters too dumb to remember to breathe. So many inconsistencies.... Maria's boyfriend was druggie and now was a dr.?

Susan would have diseases including herpes if she screwed that many slutty guys, but I guess not

No dr would risk their license and jail by treating someone with brain injury at their house. Would not even go to house, but send ambulance.

Really a poorly thought out and written story.

Not bad but pointless? I like that you made the 2nd girl go back to ex that was a good twist, however, the reconciliation was ok but felt unecessary, why would he stay wity her? Good story but maybe more explanation of why and their arguments afterward

and not even well written

I REALLY LIKED MARIA AND WAS QUITE UNHAPPY WITH THE TWIST AND HIM SEEING HER WITH HER EX-FIANCE'. WHAT MARIA DID WAS SIMPLY UNFORGIVEABLE AS WELL...

StarTrack????? Obviously his slut wife brought home an andorian to bang!

This is so Pathetically awful that the author should be in jail. Every other thought in paragraph the loser wimp husband goes around saying I Still love my wife.

The husband and the author never explains why the loser pathetic sad sack husband still loves his lying cheating ignorant slud wife. Instead we just keep reading the same sentence over and over again as if it means of justifies the ending

The husband filed for divorce. The wife did not care anything about what he was going to because of her actions.

The fact that the wife was beaten up Has nothing to do with anything regarding this awful story and it's ridiculous ending. The beating not only was well deserved but Only happened because of her actions.I suppose what the mentally retarded author is saying is that because the wife was being not by one of her lovers that she's paid the price and they can go back to having a marriage again

This is just so unbelievably Stupid that Mind simply shut down after reading it a second time

Even Worse are the actions by Marie who apparently is also A deceitful lying woman. She obviously had developed some sort of feelings For the husband and they had sexual intimacy. So she in particular new in full detail how psychologically hurt and emotionally damaged the husband was. But did she ever mention the fact that she was engaged to her doctor ?

Come on, a reconciliation?! You've got to be kidding!

Susan fucked dozens of men! She screwed his friends, his clients... she was spreading her legs for anyone with a cock! She moved in with a guy who pimped her out, turning her into a whore for months. No man would take her back after suffering that level of disrespect and humiliation! He should have divorced that crazy slut the minute she walked out the door for her fuckathon.

"I was still married after all."

He stopped being married to Susan when she abandoned the marriage to fuck other men. The idea that you'd still love someone after they hurt you that badly is ludicrous. Hate the bitch with a fiery passion... Sure. But still be in love with her? No way.

Then you spent all that time developing Maria, just for her to betray him too and start fucking her old fiancé? This was like a double cuckolding with the dumbass protagonist betrayed twice.

The self-pitying protagonist combined with the constant switching of tenses made this a really painful read.

Two solid months of fucking multiple men, many of whom are his clients. Pretty fucking disrespectful if you ask me.

Then after the divorce she basically became a prostitute, and the only reason she returned is because her pimp beat her savagely.

He takes her back because another woman cheats on him and his confidence is ruined. Give me a fucking break.

If your goal was to make Russ into as much of a wimp and cuck you succeeded. About the only thing you didn't do was having Russ clean up Susan and Maria cunts after their lovers fucked them.

"It donned on me" and she thought he would leave her at the "curve". Did Archie Bunker write this?

It was a good story but, No., after what she did. No

Way take her back. No way!!

You paint a very vivid picture and bring out heavy emotions. It’s your world and can be populated as you see fit. No one in this story is likable but I could see it happening in the real world.

I would like to say not in mine, but was never that deeply in love that I would condone it past the first walk out. Out is gone and done. Been there got the scars.

So she fed him a cum filled burrito, and he still took her back

I'm never a fan of reconciliation, and this would push almost nobody to reconcile but the story wasn't bad in itself. Some serious spellers...vittels are different to vitals etc. But good effort...if you had sold her to a Mexican whorehouse instead this would be scoring 4.5 at least.

....remember he caved and gave her permission with this hall pass. He should have divorced her when she first suggested it. Maybe I'm wrong, but I thought a hall pass was for one encounter, not unlimited encounters lasting months. Not only did she screw the 8 guys he knew about, but everywhere he went guys she screwed kept turning up. Did she fuck the whole town? He is such a loser he got cucked by two women. I don't recall a main character who is a bigger wimp than this guy. What a mess....a swing and a miss on this one...

Loklie

the typical LW male cuck-out, the story completely failed at the point the severely injured slut was kept at home rather than being taken to the hospital. No one would do that, both for medical and liability reasons.

This story is far from believable even in fantasyland. Reading this story was far from enjoyable! When you narrate a story you should speak to your readers in the past tense. When speaking to another character in the story you should use the present tense. You constantly changed tense without consideration repeatedly. Two stars for effort, but you need an editor, or some form of assistance, if you ever hope to improve.

It is a good story, filled with a lot of twist and turns. It goes full circle with a "Hall Pass" that last for months. It's really a separation and divorce. He rescues a damsel in distress and saves her, than she dumps him. Finally six years later he back living with his ex and the beat goes on.

The story was good but the editing and dialog were not as good as it could have been.

You need someone to proof your writing. Errors all over the place.

4* good but uneven

Pretty good story that could have gone BTB, but you really need an editor

I was enthralled with this story and it took some twists and turns but people really do find ways to make things work. The problem is that they have to go through hell sometimes to realize what they have, and some people never do. I can say this from first hand experience.

No way. I am not against reconciliation in the right circumstances but this was so far away from that I actually feel sick. I also hated what you did with Maria. They would have been a great couple so why you had her do what she did is a mystery. The wife had no redeeming features and he should have kept her dumped. If she had slipped once and expressed real remorce then maybe but she was a disgusting person who only cared about herself. How he could say he still loved her I can't get my head around. This was heading for 5 stars but I can only give a reluctant 3.

Can’t believe I wasted my time reading this shit.

You've got the makings of a good STORY here but you really need an editor. At times your STORY was hard to read. The cadence was too mechanical and there were spelling errors. But the story was good. Personally I would not have RAACd it but it's your STORY.

The husband is one big pussy

what a pathetic cuck

he goes back to the gang bang slut who fucked over a score of guys in less than a month, becuase is new girlfreind is a whore as well, and then gets pissy when the men she fucked think he is a wimp?

No one knew susan left with him, I'd have killed her and dumped her body off the highway, waited a few years and hired a hooker to seduce Maria's husband and send her the pics

Cuckold, at least as used in LW isn't compatible with reconciliation.

Great story and writing enjoyed

Switching of POVs, even in the same paragraph.

Typos all over the place

Not sure if it's a typo or ignorance, putting your bum on a chair is sitting, setting is what jelly does.

Throughout the grammar is a mess.

Get to know F7

Get Grammarly

Get a proof reader

Pretty standard RAAC rather than a car crash or sudden illness she was raped and beaten.

More cuck rubbish

Your plot and writing are fine. But do some research before using some occupations on which you have no information. A C.N.P. has a 75-100K income and would not need to accept a room from a deadbeat, and later would not be so homeless and penniless as to need the MC to buy her clothes. etc.

That was an awful story. Two stars.

A well written story. I could not have done what your main character did. I would have burned every one of the assholes who screwed the wife. Th one thing that bothers me is there was NOTHING done to the assholes who beat her so badly. No bullet in the head, no criminal recourse etc. That set me back.. so I only gave you a 4.

gamblnluck

Absolute BS.

And he was the Captain. I'm not going to pick at this mess. It was simply horrible.

1 star

Non of the characters were worth a spit

What a stupid story about a cuckold, whose wife left him without explanations to become the newest town whore. I have no idea what kind of love he refers to, when this author talks about Russ' love for his ex-wife. Ibenton kind of love is something that doesn't change and evolves. Love turns to hate and later indifference when a man has been hurt badly. When Susan came back into his life beaten by the same lovers she chose to bed, it's not Russ' responsibility to take care of her. Call 911 and ship the whore to a hospital. Later you can visit her to make sure she's doing fine. Not dear Russ the wuss, he let her mess his life again, and when she offers him her whorish cunt with the promise it will be only his, he takes her back. How long will her promises last this time? A day, a week, two months? The story just doesn't make sense, even as a fantasy it's a rather a nightmare. It's said, once a woman learns to enjoy group sex like Susan did, no single man can ever satisfy her sexuality fully.

Pure shit. No way do you even touch that diseased whore.

I hit the wrong button. Should have hit the one instead of the 4. This was a shit show of a story.

I don't even read these idiotic hall pass stories any longer. Only a fool would give a spouse an pass to cheat. No read, no score on this one.

I guess insane people like to fuck too? Might as well be a story about beagle hounds. If she had met a decent guy who just wanted to keep her for his cum dump she would have never returned. If she stays it will be only because she hasn't found a preferred alternative. As soon as she does she'll be gone. If she meets one of her better fuckers somewhere by accident and thinks she can get away with it she'll be fucking him in a heart beat.

He thinks she's special because she has become his private whore? She's been a whore since she left him, but probably before that. He's just her only customer, for now.

And the loser husband she left for some decent cock will deserve whatever shit she piles upon him. And I hope she does. I only regret they had children. Darwin weeps.

Thanks for the effort.

Story was pretty stupid, but please get an editor, there were just so many mistakes!

A few hints. 1) Put all expository narrative in the past tense. 2) Put all dialogue and associated narrative in the present tense. These aren't merely my suggestions, this is how it's done.

Not a bad story about sin and ultimately forgiveness. But why is every MC in these first person, cheating wife stories a heavy drinker with a penchant for running away from problems? And why did a long-married woman change from faithful wife to crazed slut overnight? Her friend's malign influence seems insufficient reason. The narrator is not telling us something. Perhaps his own drinking and abusive behavior? Or does his wife have mental health problems? These questions would be answered in a 'five' story.

That should have been the title.

This might have got a 2* rating.....if it were not fag cuck shit.

1* .......and that is one too many.

So the story began with this:

"she told me that her best friend and colleague had divorced and Kathy (her best friend.) had been going out on the weekends to pick up men. She took them home and had sex with most of them. She has been telling my wife Susan about it and now Susan is all turned on by the idea of having sex with random Wifey seemed to miss the important part of that statement. It wasn't the sexual adventures that was the critical sentence. It was that her best friend Karhy was DIVORCED.

KB

..well...personally I would have left the place and never looked back...leaving also the whore behind....she did not deserve that chance

I am conflicted, the betrayal, disrespect and pain are tremendous. But on the other hand why is she not eligible for redemption and forgiveness...a quandary

why Susan is beyond redemption? No woman who did what she did should EVER be rewarded for the betrayal of her husband. As written, all she had to do was eat some crow, offer sex, which she wanted anyway, and she managed to complete her overall object of having her cake and eating it too.

Why do here authors endlessly write husbands who are pathetic, weak, low T, cuckish males who don't even rise to beta male status?

IT'S NOT INTERESTING. IF IT EVER WAS, IT BECAME OFFENSIVE AND BORING AFTER ABOUT THE FIRST 50 STORIES IN WHICH THE HUSBAND CUCKS OUT. THAT WAS DECADES AGO.

Ok. I finished it.

Sigh. i hate to say it, but very little made sense. There were so many bizarre and illogical things. Some were minor and others major. Tons of mistakes and errors, too.

For example, you called it AL-subs and All Subs (which served burritos) but the stores are called Allsups. Another: you made a point of going to Pier 51 which is way better than Landry's Seafood.... then ordered Shrimp Landry....

You said he went to the doctor's office and OVERPAID the bill and marked it paid in full, but then later said the Doctor footed the bill and tbe hubby wanted to write jim a check!

You said he had to sneak a burner phone in to Susan to avoid Maria and he called his wife. Then when Maria left, Susan never called him to let him know Marianwas gone AND asked where have you been??? She had the burner phone and could have callled and asked!!!

You said he had PI reports and that she had been fucking every man with a bone. Yet then you said she only fucked 8 guys.

Only 8?

then you said she only fucked 8 guys and several of them were his customers. she showed up at the house with one unknown. fuck. then he had one guy sit down with them and 2 more laugh at him. And he says he can't live there anymore because everywhere he goes he runs into people who fucked her. That sounds way worse than 8! Did the 8 include the 3 who beat and raped her?

And oh, nothing racist about the only 2 black people in the story being gangbanging, abusive rapists.

Uhhh and no hospital?

Her brain almost "exploded" and Maria / Maia plus her ex and future fiance doctor treat her without the hospital???

Maria can only afford ratty jeans and torn clothes yet turns out she is a highly paid nurse practicioner???

Maria is the perfect loving woman who saves the MC yet doesnt love him? She meets ex and within days is back together and cheating on the MC???

And most bizarre of all... he still loved his ex after all she did to destroy their marriage? She could fuck anybody. She CHOSE to fuck his clients! she did everything she could to destroy their marriage.

Just a very frustrating read.

KB

Forgot 2 others.

Its self-righteous not self-riches.

Convenience store not connivance store.

I did like this story. The single Anon constructive comment was spot on about tense. I would also seriously recommend an editor. Vittles vs Vitals is an excellent example of a incorrectly spelled word that is missed by spellcheck... Further lots of sentence missed words that should have been in the sentence.

I like your writing so keep it going.

WIMP!!!

Forgiveness?

For the nonsense she put him through?

Sure, maybe in the Disney movie version soon to be released.

But reconciliation? Awe, come on! Seriously?

...and the cow jumped over the moon.

I grew up on those burritos. Then after one too many drunk burrito nights I’ve never wanted them again. lol.

I hate it when they can't see it is just a work of fiction.

But personally, I hated that he took her back. Suddenly all those wimp, cuckold, and worse, comment fit

No F'n way would i act like this cuckold. Jeez what BS.

I hated this, its demeaning, no one would ever really take her back and no one actually wants to live with a sex slave ! Get out of your parents basement and get a life !

Curious to know how the people buying his house didn't like his leaving date and why Susan never filed assault charges.As for Maria he should have thrown her out as soon as he saw her kissing the doctor and had nothing more to do with her.What an ungrateful bitch she was,he picked her up,got her back on her feet and that's the thanks he gets.

So much of this story that isn’t credible. She must have taken on most of the town if so many men recognize her. She’s the town bike and her husband takes her back after she destroyed his life? Grammar, syntax, etc are as bad as the story.

Hard nope. Getting together with Maria might have been predictable, but getting back with Susan... how addicted to a person do you have to be, to put up with that self-loathing for the rest of your life?

LOL at the image of him chasing her beau out with a Bat'leth, though. Good stuff. Also, being pimped out was okay for Susan, but fucking black guys was over the line? What a prize.

Well written. Holds your interest. Lost of love, disappointment and romance. Well done.

24 and 6 don't make fortieth anniversary.

For over six years Susan asks you to have her fuck someone else?

Oh yeah, it'll be your idea cuz she just won't drop it from her mind.

This bitch wins in every way proving what a loser you are.

Why wasn't who ever beat Susan up not charged?.Also why at the end is she his wife,they got divorced?.

Imagine if someone wrote an actual intelligent woman into a story that wasn't just cookie cutter.

Nothing good in this one at all.

Amazing that it takes you four pages to tell a gritty, bad cuckold story! But it seems that the authors are not getting better and worse!

It's a shame and that could really happen. Taking everything for granted. BUT, WHEN DID THEY GET REMARRIED? Excellent, though hurting, story. Excellent writing!QHV1Db

When Susan was set on leaving to have random unprotected sex, he should have handed her divorce papers on the way out the door. As for Maria to sleep her boyfriend one night and let ex-fiance kiss and grope her at another man's home is low. If Maria wanted to go back with doctor be honest especially knowing how bad boyfriend was hurt. It seems he is happy in the end

Maria and her fiance have a good story. That is the only good about this. I know stories about people who acted like susan. Some of them manage to go back to their SO but they are not the same person. They become too submissive and people pleaser. I guess the casual sex and depression cause them to lose part of their soul. It takes time for them to return to normal.

I enjoyed the story. I am so sorry that Russ is so insecure about his sexual abilities. He has had a really hard life. He is back together with Susan, something i would never have done but it seems to be working out. Funny how things work out really. Good story. I gave it 5 stars

The only way any of these types of stories can work (and I use the term loosely) is if the author creates a weak willed character as done here.

Using the BS excuse of still loving your wife just might work if it was a one night stand.

But enrolling in slut central and passing her exams with straight A’s makes statements like ‘dammit I still love her’ totally delusional, perhaps he needs the medical attention, maybe get them to check his vittles instead of his vitals lol.

Written as well as can be expected on this site, the odd missing word or miss spelled words plus absent prepositions seem to be the norm, but hey it’s free so who cares.

You really need an editor for example chapter 10 is headed a 'A Few Months Later' then in the first sentence of the chapter you say it's been 6 years. There were other spelling and gramma mistakes e.g. you use 'vittles' instead of vitals when talking about Susan's condition after she was beaten up.

And that should have been the case here. How anyone could take her back after what she did is beyond me, especially when he kept bumping into guys she slept with many times, to the point he had to move. Pretty ridiculous. I liked that he was moving on with Maria but then you went and ruined it by having Maria choose her ex over him, with zero confrontation, only to write and RAAC ending with his ex wife. No thanks.

It's Star Trek, Not StarTrack

This is a wimpy cuckold story. That's all this is. It isn't worth anyone reading it, or reading it again. It isn't even worth one star.

There comes a point when you figure that 90% of the writers here are wannabe cucks (if not for real.) And the rest write RAAC shit because of no self respect.

Pathetic....

....in this below average story are about the most mixed up that I have ever seen. And the syntax and the spelling? One example...connivance stores for convenience stores. Maybe a poor student in third grade wrote this?

"check her vittles", "don't be gentile"? That was pretty funny.

My only real problem is that I can't understand a wife that loves her husband making such a huge mistake, or even wanting to, and then again being a dedicated wife. It's just too much of a change.

Part of me wants him to take the equity of the house and line up escorts every weekend for a while rub it back in her face. She destroyed there life, so if he ever slips she should roll with jt.

What a completely wimpy, dissuaded, piece of shit cuckold! And a slimy, good for nothing but a cheating sleepy whore! One of the shittiest RAAC stories on here. Too bad this can't be deleted off the site. This author must be a slime ball of the worst kind.

Interesting plot twist and misdirection. Keeping the reader on edge and fully involved. A good writer evokes emotion in the reader and this did that. Love or hate any or all of the characters but dare to feel

Success

It is actually kind of interesting that people can forgive even the worse pain that a relationship can sometimes inflict. Like hearing it or not, in most marriages, there is deception and even a lack of trust. The spouse that tells an intimate secret to her significant other, only to have that one tell someone else (even unintentionally), keeping a private savings account (even with good intentions), not being totally honest of where you are all the time (even if you are planning a party) and that does not include the occasional name calling, evil thoughts or insane arguments. But for any of the above listed, if one wanted a divorce because of it or vowed never to trust their partner again, the other would probably think their were being way to sensitive or petty. Why then can a person who commits a grave physical act (and in this case, not done behind her husband's back) not be given the chance to make amends and in any way the hurt party desires, especially where the love is so deep. Anyone who truly says that they could never forgive a sexual transgression, is not that "deeply" in love. One rule I have always found true... are you really better off without the other?

Had to skip passed it after he let her go and fuck other men and kept asking when she was coming home. And surprise surprise, you reconciled the slut with the wimp. Another story for cuck lovers out there.

An interesting tale! AA++

Make her a mistress or hurt her back. I'm all for forgiveness but she never truly shows regret and he never gets back. She in a way cost her his second love by forcing her to go back to the doctor, she destroyed him twice over all because they could leave her to die.

1 for this story because it sucks

Cliche after cliche after cliche, all more than once repeated on LW. Plus the story is too long for what it has. Not worth much.

Disgusting RAAC... Slut with a WACC... Not one likable character in this story. ...

This story was full if crap. He should of left the whore alone and got along with the better woman

Complicated story.

Come on people it is just a STORY. I give it 5/5 base on all these life styles we have today it fits right in. Please give us some more of your work. thank you great work.

4 as while I enjoyed it the story had some problems. There was a few grammar and spelling errors but nothing to knock down the score, the thing that hurt the story was the reconciliation. The ex-wife was hit by the "magic slut ray" pretty bad and I couldn't see a reconciliation happening between them especially with Maria betraying him too. Susan betrayed him in the worst way and no amount of sex is going to fix that, he had to give up his entire life, his house, and career because she was slutting around.

Could you have written a husband character with less self respect and esteem? He is the wimpiest and most idiotic one in a while. His wife goes full blown whore, screwing several men including ones he knows and he still pines for her. She humiliated him and threw away her marriage but he still loves her. Are you crazy or just wanted to have a milk toast man as her husband. Wife went way over the top and there isn’t a happy ending for her. Too stupid and ridiculous

zerozzerozerozerozeroZERO!

Absolutely, the worst drivel I stopped reading halfway through. The stupidest characters, the worst grammar, the most senseless story line, the most pathetic excuse for human beings ever presented.

The only positive comment I have is that they deserve each other.

This was an extreme RAAC story because she certainly did as much as one could to inflict as much pain as she could on someone she supposedly loves and yet still get taken back. Didn't like it at all

Every man could use a good Whore just like every Whore Needs a good man. LOL Enjoyed the story.

Ahhh, no. Didn’t liked it, at least the end. He should have never take the slut back. Or he should drive her over the border and leave her in a mexican brothel.

The harlot got away with her fuck fest and he’s the sorrow cuck. Puke.

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