Happy Wife, Happy Life

I started this story as a BTB for the LW category, but as it developed and formed a life of its own, I decided it belonged more in the Romance category. Also, there are absolutely no sexual displays, encounters, or playing around by anyone under the age of 18. I've had this story kicked back twice even though I made sure there was no underage sex, so it may seem a bit repetitive at the start while I constantly mention the characters are 18 or older.

One

When I was growing up one of the more common refrains I would hear from my Father or Uncles was "Happy wife, happy life."

I didn't pay too much attention to it until I got older, but as I began to gain a better understanding of the world, it seemed that the saying was flawed. I mean, you could apply it to any relationship really. Happy Girlfriend, happy life or happy friend with benefits, happy life; the root point being that you need to keep that other person happy at the cost of you being happy in the short term versus the long term.

So to be happy, you need to be willing to eat a shit sandwich now and then instead of putting your foot down. Well, fuck that, you are just training your significant other to believe that if they raise enough hell, you will back down to avoid making the relationship unhappy. I don't know about anyone else, but that seems like it would make me fairly unhappy most of the time. Why don't we ever hear, "Happy husband, happy life?" Is the husband's happiness any less valid?

Now don't get me wrong, I've felt that an equal relationship with two people willing to be able to look at one another's viewpoints on a situation is a good thing. Studies show that the saying, which originated from a 1903 poem entitled "The Work and Wages Party, might actually be key to a long term marriage. I don't recall the researchers or the study, but they found that a man can actually be unhappy in a relationship but still be happy overall if the wife is happy.

I'm not sure I buy into it, but if I did bring up an issue I would expect my woman to tell me how she felt. I wouldn't expect her to swallow her feelings on the subject just to maintain peace in a relationship. That isn't an equal relationship, it is one person catering to another person's whims above their own. Realistically, it sounds kind of like an abusive relationship more than anything else. I would hope my wife gave me the same benefit of a doubt.

I think the biggest problem I had with the anecdote is that my male relatives really bought into it. Their wives rule with an iron fist in a silk glove. If they said jump, my Father and Uncles didn't ask how high, they were just trying to calculate where to land on the way down.

It was my 18th birthday when I had my first real taste of the velvet fist.

"Sam, dress nice, we are going to a party." I heard my Mom shouting up the stairs as I was about to put my headphones on so I could get ready to play the new Call of Duty with my friends.

"What party are you talking about, Mom?" I yelled back.

I heard steps coming up the stairwell. Soon my Mother, dressed in a little black dress, stood in my doorway, fiddling with her earrings. It looked like they were going out to one of their parties.

"We are going to go hang out with your Aunts, Uncles, and Cousins. I need you to get ready, you are coming with us."

I sat up and laid down my headphones, "I would rather not go to any parties with the family, Mom."

"You are 18 now, and you WILL make an appearance. I don't want to have this argument with you, so get ready now!"

Reluctantly I began to lay out some more dressy clothes. She took this as an affirmation I was coming, so she wandered back down the steps. I had no intention of making this trip with them, so once she was out of sight, I quietly opened my window and worked my way down the twenty degree roof. Reaching the edge, I decided to take a chance, knowing the gutter wouldn't hold me if I tried to hang and drop. It was a bad decision.

After a brief sensation of falling, I landed on the concrete walkway by the slimmest of margins, having tried to fall into the lawn. A loud SNAP in my left leg did not bode well for further escape. I tried crawling to the back gate, but they eventually found me. I was in water so hot it turned to steam, as they had to forgo their party and take me to the Austin medical center, where it did turn out that I had a greenstick fracture to my fibula.

"You've made your Mother very sad, Sam. She had planned tonight as your coming of age celebration and you ruined it for her," said my Dad.

"Why is it such a big deal? I am 18 and I didn't want to go?"

"Well Sam, the party was supposed to be your introduction to our family tradition."

"What family tradition, Dad?"

He looked very uncomfortable and was at a loss for words. My Mother decided to step in, although she gave him a glare that clearly said this was going to bode ill for him later.

My Mother patted my arm and sat sideways next to me on the hospital bed. "Sam, for many years, as far back as we can research our family history, we have engaged in grand balls. The young men and women who have turned 18 and are therefore legally able to engage in coitus, are introduced into this as a coming of age ritual. The women of the family that are married take the new 18 year old men and train them on how to properly please a woman. The men of the family that are married and have gone through this training, take the 18 year old women and do the same. Once you have been through the ritual and until you find your partner for life, you are allowed to join up with the others who are also single and over 18."

"That sounds utterly disgusting!" I gasped out in shock. "I have a girlfriend who I am committed to and we are saving ourselves for marriage. I have no intention of cheating on Chelsea to take part in this 'tradition' you speak of."

"It isn't cheating," my Mother hissed, "it is a family tradition for decades, something you need to begin taking part in. We would be glad if you brought Chelsea, she turned 18 before you and you both could have fun learning a few things about pleasing your partners. If you do plan on marrying her and bringing her into the family, she would be soon training the next generation of family members once they turn 18."

I had had enough. "I DON'T WANT TO TAKE PART IN YOUR INCESTOUS CHEATING PARTIES!" I screamed loud enough to make both my parents wince and to bring in a nurse.

He said, "I can't have you disturbing the patient, we need to start prepping his leg for a temporary cast." I think he scared my Dad, since he was a pretty large black guy, but I didn't like the look that came into my Mother's eyes. Either way, he began shooing them out of the room.

Once he came back, he tilted his head a bit and said, "Did I hear you correctly? They wanted to force you into a swing party with your relatives?"

I nodded and pointed at my leg. "Got this trying to jump off the second story roof and make my escape." He laughed so hard he started tearing up. We ended up feeling like we were friends after he finished the temporary cast. Turns out he preferred to bat for the other side, which I am sure would really piss rain on my Mom's parade after the way she was looking at him.

They took me home and blistered my ears, mostly my Mom, about how things were going to be henceforth. If I didn't agree, they weren't going to pay for my school and I would have to get a full time job to pay rent until I could come to learn the law of the land.

"OK, Mother, I will go along with this, even though I despise it. But you are going to have to wait until my leg heals."

She beamed and everything was happy again. What I didn't tell her was I had another plan completely to get me away from this psychotic family.

I kept my nose clean and didn't raise any arguments. Once I knew my leg was good to go, having pushed hard on rehabbing it, I sent a message to Chelsea telling her we needed to meet at the pizza place and discuss our futures.

"Heya, babe!" I smiled and hugged her. We had been dating for 2 years, but had promised to remain celibate before marriage. Her family was Catholic and I wanted to do the right thing. She was everything I wanted, smart, vivacious, and just your perfect all-American girl.

"Hi Sam, I was hoping you would have something to talk with me about soon," She gushed.

I held her hands and looked deep into her corn silk blue eyes. "Chelsea, I love you. There is something about my family you don't know and it is going to make our life very difficult going forward, if you want to stay with me."

"I love you too, Sam. I am ready to do anything to be with you!"

I hoped she would after she knew what was going to happen. Here goes everything, "Chelsea, my family is involved in a very weird sexual swapping thing. I guess the best way to explain it is that all my relatives get together to train relatives in sex once they turn 18. From there I don't know what acts they perform other than normal sex, because I have never went to one of these events. I didn't know about this until my birthday so we need to come up with a plan."

As I paused to take a breath to continue, she excitedly spoke, "Your mother told me about them as soon as I had my 18th birthday! It sounds so dirty, but exciting! You don't know this, and it was hard to keep it a secret, but now that we are both eighteen I was supposed to be at the party the night of your birthday. Then you broke your leg and I had to wait. I just want you to know that I wouldn't leave you and I am totally in!"

I was mute. Words wanted to come out, but I couldn't get them to leave my larynx, travel to my mouth and respond. After a moment or two, she began to look concerned, so I made an excuse to go to the restroom.

"What the FUCK?" I thought to myself. This was utterly against every single thing I thought she and her family believed in. I suspected her family didn't know, but she had sat on this secret up until my birthday. I couldn't let her know I had no intention of becoming a member of this fucked up family "cult" and that I had asked her here to see if she wanted to go away with me. I washed my face and hands, then returned to her at our table.

"Chelsea, I must be coming down with a stomach bug. I kind of puked in the bathroom. I'm going to go home and rest, but here is some money for pizza if you still want it. I'll feel better soon, I am sure, and we can go to the next party."

She seemed to be split between being concerned and raring to go to be trained on how to provide the best sex by some random family member of mine. Not to mention the fact that if I did marry her, she would likely also be keen to repeat the process from the other side while I either watched or had to train someone myself. I actually did feel a bit dizzy from revulsion now.

"Sure, Sam, get better soon though, I am SOOO ready for this!"

I managed to let her kiss me on the cheek without having to projectile vomit for real, then beat a hasty retreat. I jumped into my old beater truck and headed to my next destination, the one I had planned on going to if Chelsea had agreed to leave town with me.

Which just so happened to be the U.S. Army recruiting station a couple of miles down the road.

Two

The Army wasn't sure they were going to take me, since I had just gotten better from a fractured leg. It took some pleading, telling them why I wanted to leave, and a full checkup from their doctors to get me in. After Basic, they sent me to Commo school. I didn't have any real preference, I just wanted out of town and a way to earn money for my education. I slept in the barracks, didn't spend any money on frivolities, and banked my combat pay for the two trips they sent me on to Afghanistan. They wanted me to re-up, but I had accomplished what I needed to do and had a deep purse from my frugal ways.

I thought about returning to Texas to sign up for College on my G.I. Bill, but I wouldn't be able to go to any large one near Austin, so it was a moot point. I definitely didn't want to go to a school like TCU, SMU, or Baylor where they had a religious outlook. Houston was too fucking humid and I think you have to have fucked a few farm animals to meet A&M's requirements for entry.

So I went north a few miles and became a Sooner, which I found wasn't much better than A&M was purported to be. In any case, I settled in and started grinding on my engineering degree. I had met a couple of guys from Raytheon over in the 'Stan who had told me I could combine my communications experience with the engineering degree and make really good money in the defense industry. Sounded good to me, so that is what I did.

It was my senior year in college and I was 21 now when I first met Andrea, a five foot eight fireball with dishwater blonde hair and eyes that were grey blue like the sky after a storm. She was a couple of years older than me and studying to be a veterinarian. We fit together like two peas in a pod. I knew I had experienced that moment like in The Godfather, the "Colpo di Fulmine", the moment I saw her for the first time. Then I crashed directly into a pole I hadn't seen as my head twisted. She noticed and I heard her lovely giggle for the first time.

I managed to get enough sanity back into my poor brain to immediately ask her out.

"How could I not go out with a handsome man who runs into sign posts when he sees me?" She laughed. Taking my phone, she punched in her number and tucked it back into my pocket, casually brushing her hand back across the erection I hadn't noticed I had. "Give me a call soon, big boy," she said as she walked away still chuckling.

I must have stood there like a fool for what seemed like hours. I finally headed back to the off campus apartment I was sharing with a couple of other students, dressed up as nicely as I could, and then called her.

"Hi, this is Sam. We met earlier and then I hit a pole. I may have a concussion, but is it too soon to call you about dinner tonight?"

She let loose with another one of those deadly, throaty chuckles and asked me to pick her up at six o'clock. Which put me in a bind since I hadn't bothered getting a car since I had been in school, just walked or rode the bus.

"Andrea, please don't think I have no money, but I live close enough to school that I haven't bothered getting a car. Would it be ok if we walked or rode the bus to dinner?"

"Honey, it isn't a problem. I am a student too and I don't have a car either. You just think of someplace close and we will get there however we can." she said matter of fact.

Our dinner was amazing and we talked until the staff was giving us the hairy eyeball. I walked her back to her dorm and gave her a light good night kiss. I know it was probably static electricity, but there was a big spark when our lips met. I could tell by her eyes she noticed it as well.

Things proceeded at a breakneck pace from there. I decided to get a decent used car and we were together any time we weren't in class or studying for a big exam. It was our 5th date when she asked if I wouldn't mind getting us a hotel room so she didn't have to feel embarrassed about my roommates knowing we were having sex. I immediately drove to the nearest decent hotel, trying not to bang my dick on the steering wheel.

Our clothes were flying as soon as we closed the door. She was slim but not athletic, just curvy enough in all the right places, and so soft. I guessed she had C cup breasts and a cute little landing strip above a very wet pussy. I half walked, half carried her to the bed and laid her down so I could feast on her dripping core. Her clit was already peeking out and she had nice meaty lips, one of my turn ons. I slowly kissed up her thighs, trying not to tickle as she writhed in torment.

"C'mon honey, don't tease me, I can't take it!" she whisper-screamed.

I went directly in, licking and pulling her lips in with mine, sucking on them as I slowly inserted one finger, then two, into the tightest, hottest sheath I had ever felt. She began rolling her hips, trying to mash her clit into something to get that extra bit of sensation she needed to take her over the edge. After a few more moments, I showed mercy and let her grind it against my tongue as I lay it flat over the top of her clit.

"Ohh, you're making me cum, you are making me cum!" she shrieked and then clamped down on my head with her legs. Her pussy nearly broke my fingers as she continued to have wave after wave of orgasmic joy.

"I don't smoke, but I can see why people used to have a cigarette after that," she breathed out. "Now get a condom on that cock and put it in me now!"

It was so hard I wasn't sure the condom would fit, but it did despite my crazy overestimation. I wasn't porn star size, but I had a good solid seven inches with a decent girth. I knee walked up and slid the tip up and down her sopping wet gash a few times before sliding in. God, she was so tight and I could still feel the burning heat through the latex walls of the condom. It had been a while and I could tell if I wasn't careful I was going to seem to be a two pump chump.

She pulled me down and began kissing me, ignoring the remnants of her fluids on my face, as I oh so slowly slid fully in and back out. I tried to grind my pubic bone on her clit a little every time I went all the way in, hoping the extra sensation would bring her along as I knew I was not going to last despite my best attempts. Thankfully it worked, because I could tell by her breathing and her walls clenching that she was almost there. Just before I felt my balls tighten up and cum beginning to surge out of my tip, I felt her break through again, pulsing around my dick as I shot blast after blast of semen into the condom.

We fell apart and got our breath back before cuddling on the dry side of the bed. We talked of shoes and ships, of sealing wax, cabbages, and kings before we were rested enough to go again. I had never managed to go more than twice in a night before, but by dawn she had wrung four goes from me. I stopped counting how many times she came by then. I didn't tell her, but I knew from that moment she had to be my wife, my ever after.

Time passed, as it always does, slipping into the future as Steve Miller sang many years ago. We learned more about one another. She was from Texas as well, the Abilene area, and her family was into ranching. She was very keen on having children, at least two. She said on more than one occasion that family meant everything to her.

Because of this, I hesitated to tell her about my family, but she finally dragged it from me. It almost led to our breaking up. As I finished the sordid tale, she looked at me and asked me, "Why didn't you talk to Chelsea? She might have seen things your way if she knew you didn't want to be involved. It seems like you just ran out on her."

I gaped for a moment. "She WANTED to be part of it. She would have tried to talk me into it and I wanted nothing to do with them or her after that."

"I'm just saying that it was sort of cold to leave someone you had cared about for years because she seemed interested in swapping. If you had told her that it was a no go issue for you, she might have changed her mind. I'm just worried that if I tell you something now that you might walk out on me and never give me a chance to talk about it with you." She continued, "I mean, it is to my benefit you left, because I love you and can't imagine being without you. But I hope you will give me the benefit of the doubt if something ever happens like that."

For the first time, I felt numb around her. How could she not understand? It wasn't like Chelsea had said she was sort of interested and how did I feel about it? She wanted to go, would have gone that night if something was happening then.