Hard Landing Ch. 05

JO

Jo was sitting in the passenger seat next to Jack as he drove the bus up I-95 well after midnight. They'd made awkward small talk at first but had settled into an awkward silence and now Jo just sat, staring out the windscreen. Jack had taken a long nap in the afternoon, knowing he'd be driving tonight. And Jo, well... She wasn't sure when she'd sleep again.

"Look at it this way Collins; you've ripped the Band-Aid off. Now you don't have to worry about doing it at Dad's."

Jo didn't bother telling Little Voice to leave her alone. It never worked when she did.

She counted mile-markers for a while. She was at forty-two when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She looked back to find Blue standing there. She didn't say anything, but gestured with her head for Jo to follow her.

Jo looked over at Jack, who looked back and said, "Night, Jill," and then picked up his ear buds and started putting them in.

Jack's a good egg, Jo thought. She got up and saw Blue sitting in the far corner of the sofa, hugging a pillow to her chest. Her eyes were puffy. Jo carefully sat down a few feet away from her. Blue impatiently rolled her eyes, then reached out and pulled Jo by her shirt until they were sitting hip to hip.

"Doran, I want to say again, I'm really—"

"Blue," she said.

"What?"

"I'm your Blue Girl, Jo. Don't call me Doran. Call me Blue."

"But... Okay, Blue. I'm sorry. I'm an asshole and tonight I turned my fire on you. And you didn't deserve it. You deserve better than that. You deserve better than me."

Blue took Jo's hand. "It's okay. Well, no it's not okay, I'm really pissed at you. But if you weren't deploying and we were dating, I wouldn't let tonight be the end."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, dummy, that just because two people have a fight doesn't mean it's automatically over. If everyone just walked away the minute they had a fight, the human race would have died out millennia ago. We have one more day together and I'm not going to toss it out the window because you were, admittedly, an asshole tonight."

Jo took a long shuddering breath. "How are you so good at this? I mean... why aren't you happily married with two kids and a dog by now?"

She smiled. "I'm not great at this. I just look great compared to you."

Jo sighed. "From your mouth to God's ears."

"But one of the reasons we're sitting here now is I want you to be better at it. Not for me, but for yourself. You're going to come back from this deployment and I want you to be able to at least try to find some happiness, and you never will the way you're going. It won't be with me, I know that. It'll be more than a year before you get back. We'll move on. But you need to shut down this bullshit cycle you have yourself in and try to BE with someone. Not just... go at them until you bounce off in another direction."

Jo sat in silence. Finally, Blue said, "C'mon. Let's go to bed."

They rose together and went to Jill's bunk. Jo cupped her hands, Blue stepped in them and let Jo boost her into the upper bunk, then Jo jumped up after her. Blue reached across her, pulled the curtain closed and then embraced Jo from behind.

"Blue?"

"Yeah?"

"You're too good for me."

"No, I'm not. You deserve more than you're willing to let yourself have and that's what you need to learn." They laid in silence for a long time, Blue gently stroking her hair. Jo sighed. "You okay?" Blue asked her.

"Yeah. I just..."

"Yes?"

"You make me wish I could cry. I don't know if that sounds weird, but I think I'd like it more than anything if I could do that in your arms sometime."

"Baby steps, Jo. Baby steps."

~~ Front Royal, Virginia ~~

JILL

Steve's voice woke me. "Jo, we're home!"

I lifted my head. The dim light coming in around the bunk curtain outlined Jo's head, resting on my outstretched arm. I reached up with my free hand and brushed it through her hair. I really was in love with her hair. She stirred and looked over her shoulder at me.

"Morning, Blue," she whispered.

"Morning." I grasped her shoulder to roll her towards me so I could kiss her. She was clearly surprised and it took a second for her to kiss me back.

"Blue, are we okay?"

"We're as okay as we can be Jo. I told you, I'm not throwing away my last day with you because you were an asshole."

She cleared her throat. "I absolutely was an asshole... I'm sorry. Thank you."

The bus rocked, throwing me into the wall.

"What the heck?" I said, startled.

"We must be going down the driveway. Let's get up, but be careful." She pulled back the curtain and rolled out of the bunk to land gracefully on her feet, then helped me down.

The bus was slowly crunching down a rough gravel road toward a small cluster of buildings backed up to some woods.

"Home sweet home," Steve grinned from the front seat.

"Yeah." Jo turned to me and said, "Listen, fair warning, dad has a weird sense of humor, so it's ok to laugh at anything even if you don't think he's kidding. You won't ever offend him. But keep that in mind if he says anything that sounds weird, it's probably a joke."

"Okay?" I looked out and saw an older man standing on the porch of what looked like the main house, a ranch style with a huge stone chimney on one side. There was an old red barn with a metal roof off to the left, a smaller Cape Cod style log cabin and a square metal building that had a big concrete pad out in front of it with a pole at one corner holding up a six-foot-long orange windsock.

The man raised his hand in greeting to us. He was in jeans and a plaid short-sleeved button-down shirt. He had a full head of cropped grey hair and a neatly trimmed white beard. He looked like an older, more distinguished and worn version of Steve. There was a giant St. Bernard sitting patiently next to his left leg.

The gravel drive ended in a circle and Jack parked the bus next to the barn. As we all came off the bus he came down the steps to meet us, the dog staying close to him.

"Hey Dad!" Steve hugged him.

Sara was next. "Henry, it's good to see you again!"

"Sara, anytime you want to visit, you come on out. I don't care if you bring Steve or not," he said, wrapping her tight in his arms.

"Hey Dad." Jo stepped in and bear hugged him.

"Jocelyn, it's been too long girl," he said.

Jocelyn? Wow.

Steve cleared his throat and said, "Dad, this is Jill Doran, Sara's best friend. Jill, this is our dad, Henry."

That sounded awkward. I wondered if he was hiding the fact that I was... involved with Jo, or if he'd said it because he wasn't sure if Jo would be able to introduce me as "Jill." I suspected the latter.

The former thought was put to rest immediately as Jo put her arm around me and said, "Blue Girl here's been my partner in crime this trip," and then she kissed me on the cheek. Henry barely raised one eyebrow as he shook my hand, then greeted Suzanne, Larry and Jack.

Finally, he turned back to me and said, "Jill, this fine fellow is Hank. Say hello Hank." The St Bernard made a low "woof" in his throat and held out a giant paw. It filled my entire hand.

I looked up at Henry, then at the dog and to my horror I started giggling. I couldn't stop myself.

"Yes?" Henry said with another eyebrow raise and a smile.

"Your name... your name is Henry and you... you named your dog Hank?" I dissolved into helpless laughter.

He grinned the lopsided Collins grin, chucked Jo on the shoulder with his fist and said, "She gets the good whiskey tonight Jocelyn."

"This is how those of us with non-boring naming proclivities get treated Henry," said Larry. "It's a curse."

Jo joined me in my laughter then took my hand and said, "C'mon, let's do the tour."

The inside of the main house was far more elegant than the rough exterior. There was a large open room, with a kitchen on one side. The farmhouse table sat eight. In the living room there was a huge stone fireplace with the biggest dog bed I'd ever seen lying in front of it. In the back of the room was an alcove with a gleaming baby grand piano and several dozen musical instruments hanging on hooks or sitting in guitar stands around the space.

On the piano there was a picture that at first look I mistook for Jo. But the woman was older, with longer hair.

"Is that your mom?" I asked.

"Yeah."

"She was beautiful." I looked at Jo. "She looks just like you." Jo flushed and cleared her throat

She took me around and showed me all the things and told me all the little stories one tells about the place you grew up when you take someone home for the first time.

After a bit, Jo excused us and we walked outside. She led me over towards the little cabin between the barn and the main house.

"This is my house. We'll stay here tonight."

"Your house?"

"Yeah. I came home on two week's leave one year and dad had already poured the foundation. He told me I was an adult and it was time I had my own home. Since I always just lived on base to save money, he said we were going to build me a place I could come home to. We put up the walls and roof that week and weatherproofed the outside and then we finished it together over the next couple of years whenever I was home."

We walked up the three steps to the tiny porch, then she opened the door and let me go in first. It was a cozy little cabin. A tiny kitchen, with a breakfast bar with cast concrete countertops stained a light green and seating for two was to my right, and a small living room filled the rest of the space, containing a comfortable looking couch and coffee table facing a small stone fireplace.

Two built-in bookcases flanked each side of the fireplace, with three of the shelves holding military awards, photos, a rack full of coins with different military themed seals on them, and a folded American flag in a wooden case. The rest of the shelves were taken up by comic books, with half the shelves holding rows and rows of single issues with tabbed dividers separating different titles and the other half, rows of trade paperbacks.

In the corner, next to the bookcase, sat a white enameled Yamaha acoustic guitar with gold tuning hardware. It had a black fret board with a mother-of-pearl design of vines inlaid all the way up the neck.

"That's pretty," I said. "How come you don't take that one on the road?"

Jo chuckled uncomfortably. "That's Belle. She, uh, she has some baggage."

"What do you mean?"

"I got her for a specific performance. And it didn't work out so well, so she just watches over my place for me now."

"I don't... wait. You bought that guitar to sing to Amy, didn't you?"

"Yeah. Twenty-four-year-old me thought I needed to look the part of a white knight or something."

"I can't believe you didn't get pissed when I asked you about it." I said, looking at her thoughtfully.

"Well, like you said, baby steps."

There was a door in the back of the room that led to a small bedroom with a simple queen-sized bed covered in a big fluffy quilt, with a small in-suite bathroom. There was also a ladder in the living room, leading up to what looked like a loft with a futon over the bedroom.

"Jo this is... this place seems so you."

"Thanks. I love it here. Last year I had a week's leave, Dad was traveling and I came up here and spent the entire week sitting around reading and playing. I feel more at home here than anywhere else, except maybe the cockpit. C'mon, I'll show you the barn."

Next door to Jo's little house was the old wooden barn. Jo had to lean her weight into the big wooden door to get it to slide open. The inside was not what I'd expected. The walls looked to be weatherproofed. There was a tractor the far end of the barn facing a set of double doors, with a workbench and a weight rack next to it. But most of the barn was open space with an old wooden floor.

An old black Pearl drum kit sat in the middle of the space. On one wall there was a cabinet with glass doors and I could see six or seven guitars hanging inside. There were five amps around the space with guitar cables coiled up on each one, and three microphone stands in a semi-circle around the drums. Against the far wall was an upright piano, the finish beaten and rough, but the keys were gleaming.

"Is this where you played with your mom?"

"Mm-hmm. We'd do homework, have dinner then come out here and play until it was bedtime. When Steve and Larry became friends, dad found that used drum kit for the barn and we had a full band."

I walked over to the piano.

"After she passed we stopped playing for a couple of years. But then Steve and Larry met Suzanne when they decided to do a song for the high school talent show. This was their practice space. Within a month we were all back playing together again most nights. Dad, even, after a while."

I looked at her. "Can I...?" I gestured to the piano.

"Sure, that's what it's here for."

I sat down and breathed in. The scent of old dust of the barn. The oiled wood of the piano. I closed my eyes and could picture Jo standing next to the piano on her guitar while her mom played with her. I felt myself wanting to cry.

"Go ahead, Blue. I want to see what you got."

I opened my eyes and cracked my knuckles. I did a few scales to get the feel. It'd been a few weeks since I'd played around on my keyboard at home.

I started just playing a random melody. The piano still had great action for as worn as it looked.

Finally, I looked up at Jo and said, "Ok, here I go."

I had decided on a piece that both seemed like it fit into the Rotor's taste in music and also one I had played a lot just because I really liked the tune.

The chords of Bruce Hornsby's The Way It Is echoed through the barn. I was surprised by how good the sound was in the space.

I started just humming when I got to the words. I was focused on not messing up the notes. After I hummed past the first two stanzas I started singing the chorus the second time around.

That's just the way it is,

Some things will never change,

That's just the way it is,

A-a-a-h, but don't you believe them.

When I finished the song, I was startled to hear applause behind me and turned to see everyone standing in the doorway.

"Dang Jill!" said Suzanne.

"Seriously, you should play with us sometime," Steve said.

I looked back at Jo and she was nodding at me with approval. "That was great, Blue."

Henry came and over and leaned on the top of the piano. "Jill, I'm not sure how long it's been since someone played these keys that well out here. I enjoyed hearing that."

I blushed. "I didn't know you guys were listening."

"Is Bruce Hornsby your favorite artist to play?" asked Jo.

"No, Billy Joel is. I like his piano better. I just thought I could get through that song easier without a warm up."

"Oh shit!" Steve laughed. Henry was grinning and opened the door to the instrument cabinet.

"What?" I asked, confused.

"You've just made a friend for life of my dad."

Henry had pulled out an acoustic guitar and put it over his shoulders. "Okay Miss Jill. Show me what you got on my man Billy." He strummed it once and turned one tuning key a half turn.

"Oh no, no I—"

"Jill, relax," said Suzanne. "The barn's the place for messing around. Don't stress."

"You don't have to if you don't want to Jill. But if you're feeling it, pick any song of his you want for me," said Henry, patting his guitar.

"Come on, Blue. Be fierce," Jo said.

Fine, I thought, Be fierce. Okay, Mr. Collins. Henry. I'll throw a deep cut at you. I caught Larry moving over to the drum kit out of the corner of my eye. Shit. This was turning into a real thing. Okay.

I took a moment to concentrate and remember how the song I wanted went. I looked up at Henry. Then I looked at the keys and started playing.

Summer, Highland Falls was one of my favorite songs to play. It was almost all piano and vocals, and the melody was such a joy to play. I started the notes, working the damper pedal with my foot.

Henry laughed and waited for me to finish the intro. When we got to the lyrics I wasn't sure I could do them without messing up the piano, but as I drew in a breath Henry beat me to it. His voice was like Steve's but raspier, richer. I was relieved that I could just focus on the notes.

They say that these are not the best of times. But they're the only times I've ever known.

And I believe there is a time for meditation, in cathedrals of our own.

I looked up once to see Suzanne and Sara smiling and nodding along. I didn't dare look over at Jo, I'd flub the notes for sure. I looked back down at the keys and focused.

Now I have seen that sad surrender in my lover's eyes,

And I can only stand apart and sympathize.

For we are always what our situations hand us,

It's either sadness or euphoria.

Henry started playing his guitar as Larry joined in, filling on the drums.

I only messed up once, when we reached the saxophone solo. Henry startled me by starting to whistle the part and I missed a few notes. It was so oddly beautiful it threw me.

As we reached the end of the song, Henry took us all the way out.

Perhaps we'll help fulfill each other's fantasies.

And as we stand upon the ledges of our lives, with our respective similarities,

It's either sadness or euphoria.

I let the notes die away and everyone clapped and whooped.

Henry smiled and patted me on the shoulder. "That was really nice Jill. Okay, everyone else is on dinner and dish duty. Jill gets a pass from chores tonight!"

"What?!" exclaimed Larry. "Don't I get a chance to pull an old deep cut to get out of doing the dishes?"

"No dice, Lawrence. Jill, you really played that beautifully. Thank you. Come on gang, let's get dinner started!" Henry led everyone out of the barn, Hank padding along at his heels. I finally looked up at Jo.

She had a broad smile on her face. It was a mirror of her dad's. "That was pretty fuckin' fierce Blue."

I heard Henry yell from the yard, "Come on Jocelyn, you're on the hook for dinner too!"

"Better get going Jo." I grinned at her and started playing the Linus & Lucy theme from the Peanuts cartoons to accompany her walking out of the barn.

JO

Jo stood next to the sink, leaning against the counter waiting for Steve to pass her the next item to dry.

"This is making me nervous," she said.

She was watching across the room as her dad and Blue stood together looking at a photo album Henry had laid on the top of the piano.

"Why?" Steve asked, as he passed her a frying pan.

"I don't know."

"Most people like it when they bring someone home and the someone gets along with their dad."

"When was the last time I brought someone home?"

"Never?"

"Exactly Bro. At least not when dad was around." She put the pan in the drying rack and took the next pot out of Steve's hands.

"So, what are you going to say to her tomorrow?"

She sighed. "I don't know. These last two weeks..." she trailed off and look at the floor.

"These last two weeks have been what, Sis?"

"Unexpected."

"That's not a bad thing," Steve said, and carefully handed her the big chef knife. She dried it and dropped it into the knife block by the stove.

"No, but I still don't think I can... Holy shit."

"What?" Steve looked over and saw Blue sitting on the piano bench in front of the baby grand with Henry sliding in beside her.

"Blue—" Jo started to walk over, but Steve put his hand on her arm.

"Wait, Jo. I think it's ok. Dad's smiling. Let's tread lightly." Jo handed her towel to Steve, who dried his hands and they walked over together.

Henry had opened the leather folio on the music rest above the keys to display a piece of sheet music, which Blue was running her fingers over, murmuring to herself as she read the notes.