Harem House - a Big Brother Parody

'Harem House' -- a twisty homage to 'Big Brother'

Copyright 2021 by Limnophile

Permission granted to print or repost for non-commercial use if author is credited.

----------

I only offer this to entertain. If at least a few people get their feelings tugged around, I consider my mission accomplished. If I can give somebody a few laughs, or inspire an orgasm, that's even better.

Thanks to the editors and authors who have helped me improve my writing from 'Painfully Godawful' to 'Average'. I hope at least one of them will look at this and smile.

----------

Signing Day - Sunny

This was the big day! I finally completed all the auditions and medical checks. It was early afternoon, and I had until 6pm to decide if I wanted to compete on the show and finish the last of the forms. Of course, I wanted to! I glanced over what I had filled out earlier, to make sure everything was right.

Name: Sunny Samuelson

Age: 19

Gender: Female

Height: 5'6

Weight: 140lbs

Bra size / Package: Natural 34F

Hair: Natural Blonde

Eyes: Ice Blue

Ethnicity: Swedish / Norwegian

Orientation: Bisexual, prefers large groups

Education: Grade 9

Favorite pastimes: Sex, Oral Sex, Anal sex, Sex Toys, Kissing, Massages, Dancing, Makeovers

Relationship status: 6 Casual Partners, Never Married

Children: None

Occupation: Model

Smoking: Menthol 120s or 150s

Alcohol: Wine

I felt bad when I saw "Education" again. It wasn't like I was stupid. I wanted to be a doctor, I just wasn't any good at math, or science, or concentrating. My agent explained 'casual partner' sounded better than 'fuck buddy', and that I shouldn't mention I went to a few orgies a month. He told me 'Cage Dancer' wouldn't look good as a job, so I should say I was a model.

It wasn't my fault I got bored easy, with my ADHDTV or whatever. I was pretty, and hot, and fun to be around. I'd do whatever it took to get some hotties in my bed and make them happy. That's what counts, right?

My agent was really smart. I was glad I could pay him with blowjobs twice a day for the 2 weeks before the show started, instead of a bunch of money I didn't have. The show wouldn't let him be my agent after Signing Day. He needed a union and a license or something. I didn't mind that, since he was kind of cute. I thought it was odd it said "Pizza Pete's" on his car, though.

I hoped there would be some girls with small boobs on the show, not just big like mine. I like small ones sometimes too. But the guys should have big dicks! Dicks should always be big! My agent had also told me what the other stack of papers meant. I'd get paid $1,000 a day until I left the show, which would last about 4 months. I could leave any time I wanted, and most weeks one person would be voted off.

Even if I only made it a third of the way through, I'd get around $40,000! If I was one of the last five, I'd get to live with the other four winners and a billionaire. The six of us would be like a family, a rich, sexy family! He was careful to explain that in certain situations, I might be required to kiss or even have sex with other contestants to stay on the show. I thought that was just part of the fun.

-

Signing Day -- Dwayne

I filled out the forms and signed at the bottom. The big money and lovely ladies were en route! I knew there was no way most people could compete with 'Dwinner', and I only needed to make the top five!

If there were games of skill or knowledge, I majored in Biology and had a double-minor in Physics and Math. If there were speed or endurance contests, I won the 400m hurdles in the Track and Field Championship. I'd also played college basketball.

If there were popularity contests, hey, just look at this pretty face! I have this one for sure!

Name: Dwayne 'Dwinner' Davis

Age: 23

Gender: Male

Height: 6'5"

Weight: 220lbs

Bra size / package: 9 Magnum

Hair: Black

Eyes: Brown

Ethnicity: African-American

Orientation: Bisexual, Prefers Females

Favorite pastimes: Sports, Mountain Climbing, Hiking, Dating

Relationship status: Extremely Available

Children: None

Occupation: Athlete

Smoking: No

Alcohol: No

-

Show day 1

The twenty contestants walked into the house and introduced themselves briefly. Only ten minutes after entering, they were called to the back yard and divided themselves into groups of five. Five laundry baskets filled with balls of various sizes sat on picnic tables, and five transparent cylinders stood upright at the opposite end of the lawn.

The announcer Rhonda said over a loudspeaker: "Harem House contestants, welcome to the first Dom competition. The Dom gets to decide who will share the Dom's Bedroom with them for the week. The Dom also gets a Rescue at elimination time, so they can save a person of their choice. The competition for Dom this week is a race, but not just a regular foot race. This is the Ball Kissing race."

The group all laughed, and several of them blushed.

"You need to put your hands atop your head, lean into your basket and kiss a ball, then carry it to your tube on the far side of the yard with your mouth. No using your hands! If a ball falls on the ground, run back to your basket for another one.

The winner of each group is the contestant with the highest pile of balls in their tube when three minutes are up. They will compete in a final round at the end. Ping-pong balls are easy to pick up and weigh almost nothing, so they're a better choice than golf balls. Baseballs are even better, but a lot more challenging. If you can pick up a softball with your mouth, well ... good luck with that. There are also some impossible ones just to get in your way, like basketballs. Remember, you only have three minutes.

On your marks, get set, GO!"

The footballs, soccer balls, and basketballs only served to make it harder to pick up the other types. For the first three rounds, the competition was close. Only Dwayne managed to pick up a softball in his mouth, but couldn't hold on to it all the way. He was still one of only three who could carry more than a single baseball the full distance. Their mouths got too tired and sore staying open that far, and for that much time. At the end of the third round, he was roughly tied with two others for the top spot.

The fourth round, and the whole event, were over only a minute later. Two of the last contestants picked up ping pong balls, two picked up baseballs, and chesty blonde Sunny picked up a FOOTBALL. She actually bit part of the ball's laces, but appeared to do it through suction power alone.

The others saw her with the football in her mouth and froze in amazement, as she carried it the forty steps to her tube with her hands still on her head. The top of just the single football was significantly higher in the tube than anybody else's pile. She returned to her basket and got another football. When she dropped the second one into her tube, she asked, "There were only two. Can I get some more?"

Muscular redhead Connor fell to his knees and folded his hands in prayer. He loudly begged, "Marry me! Please! For the love of God, marry me!"

-

After Sunny blew the competition away in the first contest, the announcer Rhonda said, "Sunny, go inside and walk up the spiral stairs. Go look in the Dom's bedroom, then tell the ceiling camera who you want to share it with."

The camera under the clear acrylic spiral stairs got a several-second upskirt view of Sunny's butt cheeks and lacy black g-string as she walked up to the second floor. The camera there showed her looking at the bowls of candy, fruit, chips, and other snacks on a table briefly, then the glasses and dozen bottles of wine on the dresser. She picked up several bottles and looked at them.

Rhonda said, "You'll have plenty of time to look at the wine later. Please check out the rest of the room." The camera panned to show the luxurious furniture, the art on the walls, then the hot tub. Sunny walked around the bedroom, peeked in the bathroom and walk-in closet, then sat on the enormous bed. Rhonda asked, "So, Sunny, who's the lucky person who gets to share this great room with you for a week?"

She replied, "The bed is a triple California King! We can fit at least 18 in here! Maybe 21 or 22! Can't I sleep with everybody?"

On split-screen view, Rhonda shrugged. "Well, okay then. Contestants, go join her in the Dom's bedroom for a wine and snack party!"

An advertisement for condoms began to display in the top left corner of the screen.

Rhonda concluded with, "Thanks to everybody watching. We'll see you again in three days for more HAREM HOUSE!"

The last few seconds showed Sunny unzipping her dress as a crowd of people walked into the bedroom.

-