He will Obey - Guide and Training

How to become a Dominant wife FLR

So you have a desire to be a Real Mistress?

The most important things I have posted below in order.

Congratulations on your new life of having a slave as a husband.

I suggest that you take notes or print this article to refer back to. This is a very long article and you can not possibly remember it all.

Now comes the hard stuff. "Your mental state" While you read this guide, I ask you to remember the both of you decided that he was to be a slave. And for the next few months you must remember him as a slave, until he is properly trained. He is not equal, lover or husband. He is a slave nothing more.

I had a discussion with him that if we we're going to do this we will do it for 60 days. He would be a true slave and that in order for this to have the full effect on both of us. He agreed and we had our difficulties and I reminded him of the agreement we had then he was punished for his rebellion harshly. At the end he was begging to continue as my slave husband.

That feeling was the most exhilarating feeling I have ever had.

This was explained to me by a therapist. Men generally have low self esteem. often needing to belong to someone and made to feel special by actions and verbal acceptance. Tell your husband you own him and he blongs to you, see is reactions. It be in delight.

Now About Me

Alot has changed since my last update. I wanted to share my knowledge of being in FLR.

This works for me you may wish to change it to fit your situation.

Feel free to email me if you want me to share other experiences not covered in this article.

I have been married over 25 years. I have experienced a lot in life. I have had several slaves and several submissive men in my life up until I met my husband. My true joy is the relationship with my husband. I love men and I love sex. I also love the fact that my husband has given himself to me and wants to continue to do so. A lot of the things we do might seem like I'm a man hater but I am far from it, I love men with passion and I love women almost as much it depends on my mood.

I am a Sadist, Exhibitionist and an Emotional Sadist, Slave trainer and a sissy maker. I have grown into different interests.

My husband is my slave, he is a pain slave and my everything. He craves extreme humiliation and discipline. I never thought I would find him. He enjoys my evil side and always comes first even though he is my slave. I never thought I would ever find someone who enjoyed my true self. My husband does have Sexual Masochism Disorder so we fit really well together.

I can not stress this enough. Be Consistent With Your Authority and Control

I hear this complaint about lack of consistency from the leader frequently from submissive men.  It is a valid issue and women leaders need to be aware of it, understand it and take steps to avoid it.  My guess is that it is a common issue in newer FLR relationships but even those of us that are more seasoned are challenged from time-to-time with being consistent in our authority.

First let's understand the issue. Submissive men are at their best and happiest when they are under the control of a woman and in a structured environment in which they are held accountable for their actions.  

They need this structure and authority; they want it, desire it, and crave it!!  The feeling of being controlled and under the power of a woman is addictive for them and they can not get enough of it.  When they reach sub-space it is their 'high.' The more they experience this control, the more submissive they become and submission is the feeling they desire and crave.  

Creating rules and structure for the submissive to follow sets expectations for the sub. When he seeks to meet these expectations it gives him a sense of fulfillment in serving his wife. When the wife provides regular feedback, both positive and negative, it keeps the sub focused and his fulfillment grows.  If the wife starts to falter in providing the structure or enforcing the rules, it creates confusion for the sub and he begins to lose the sense of fulfillment.  

A woman's authority and control is like a cozy warm blanket (on a cold day) to the male.  He takes comfort in it and wants to be wrapped in it.  The tighter it's wrapped around him the more he enjoys it and does not want to leave it.  When it starts to loosen or fall away he becomes uncomfortable and left out in the cold and then he becomes moody.

When structure and authority falters, it can have a huge emotional toll on the sub and lead to the sub drop that Wifey mentioned. Often times in these situations the sub begins to question the relationship and commitment from the leader.  Overtime the submissive can experience many emotions which can include disappointment, sadness, anger, and even depression.

This is a dangerous place to be and is not healthy. Often times they will keep this to themselves because they don't want to be seen as complaining to the leader or they may be too confused to express themselves or they are just trying to figure out why their leader is not as engaged. The signs of the faltering structure are evident in the relationship.

The sub becomes lax with his chores, communication is less frequent, and intimacy falls away. These deficiencies usually start with small things but grow to bigger and bigger deficiencies overtime.  The wife usually will not notice until the relationship starts to break down or the sub finally gets the courage to express his feelings.

By this point, damage has been done and it will take some rebuilding to get the relationship back on track. I make it a point to have my slave send me a selfie when I request it. It can be a picture of him wearing his panties or a picture of his but plug, while he is at work. This helps all parties keep in mind set. I have a reminder on my phone to do this.

It's never too late for this, but our goal as leaders should be to never let the relationship get to this point.  We can prevent this by being consistent in our leadership and authority.

To help understand the subs point of view, think about your own experience in the work place and the people you have worked for.  What managers did you like the most and why? What managers did you like the least and why? Employees typically do better under a manager who is clear with expectations, consistently supporting them and providing regular positive and constructive feedback. On the flip side employees often get frustrated and stressed when they have a manager who is inconsistent in his/her approach, does not set clear expectations, and changes his/her mind frequently.

When it comes to FLR's, I think there are several common causes for inconsistent control and leadership.  I have outlined these below:

In-experienced or New Domme  

In new FLRs, inconsistent authority and control is probably a common issue, especially when it is the male who is introducing the concept. The cause in this situation is that the wife does not fully understand the dynamics of being dominant since she is in the process of learning.  Running a FLR is not intuitive to most women so it takes time to learn.  It is also challenging and can be tiresome to be consistent all the time when you are learning.  Additionally, the inexperienced person may not even realize that they are not being inconsistent or may not realize the need to be consistent.

Communication and education are key tools to overcome the issue in this situation.  If the dominant person is unsure or lacks confidence, then the submissive needs to frequently communicate his feelings and thoughts and needs to reassure the dominant person. With an in-experienced Dominant, there may be a need for the sub to use "Topping" (or "Top from the bottom."). Topping is a term that describes when a submissive person influences or directs the dominate person to dominate them in the way they want.

Topping is typically frowned upon and considered an unacceptable practice. However, in my opinion, when you have an in-experienced dominant, topping is often needed to help the dominant person learn techniques for dominating. One challenge with topping is that it is biased towards the submissive's desires and may result in the dominant person being unintentionally mislead. However, the hope is that as the dominant learns and builds her confidence, she begins to refocus the sub towards her and eventually puts an end to the topping.

If you are a new or in-experienced Dominate you should spend time reading about FLRs and female domination. This will provide you with ideas and techniques for using loving female authority in your marriage or relationship. It will also reassure you that you are not alone and that FLRs or female domination is a normal part of many relationships and not just fantasy. You should read a variety of articles, blogs, books, and forums. Where possible, reaching out to other Dominates is another great way to learn and build confidence. Using e-mail or posting on forums is a way to do this while staying anonymous.  

There is a ton of information on the web about FLRs and female domination. Unfortunately a lot of it is way off base or fantasy fodder. The best thing to do is read as much as possible and experiment with things that resonate you. The more you read, the more you will be able to distinguish between the crazy advice and the meaningful advice. However, be sure to keep an open mind and be willing to try new things. Some of the ideas that sound a bit crazy, often times turn out to be very effective. Am I confusing you?  What is crazy and what is not?  It is often challenging to figure this out.  You just need to give things a try and see what works or not.  If it works - great!  If not, laugh about it and learn. You might revisit it later.

She is too busy, stressed, or dealing with issues.

Consistency often drops off when things get hectic in life or the person is experiencing stress or dealing with a personal issue. Some common causes include work (stress at work, working late hours, etc.), health issues, family issues, or a hectic personal schedule (dealing with kids, volunteer work, etc.). When life gets hectic or stressful, there is less time for the Dominate to focus on the submissive so things like discipline sessions and sex play often become less frequent due to a lack of time or because her mind is just not into it. When a person is stressed or busy they may become inward focused in order to cope.  

There are things the domme can do to help get through the busy or stressful times, while still keeping the FLR intact.  They key is to recognize when these situations are going to occur or are occurring, and be proactive about handling the situation. Sometimes these situations arise without warning and are out of our control. Communicating with the sub is important during these times.

There is nothing wrong with sitting down with your husband and letting him know that you are going through a stressful time and need his help.  Doing this does not mean you are 'weak' or that you are giving up control. Quite the opposite is true.  It takes a strong leader to be able to do this and you are being a very effective leader by recognizing the situation as adjusting for it.  You are still the one in control. You are just re-setting expectations. 

Let him know that you are not going to have as much time to spend with him but you still need his support. Explain that he needs to keep up with chores and continue to serve and obey you even though you may not have as much time together.  You may even assign him additional chores or tasks to help alleviate some of your stress. Something I emphasized with my husband was that a clean house helps me relax.  When I come home to a messy house, my stress increases. Therefore, by keeping the house clean and keeping up with his chores he is helping me.

The nice thing is that the foundation you have built in your FLR will be a tremendous help during these times. He is already conditioned to obey you and he desires to serve you and make you happy and so he will do whatever you want to help get through the tough time. The daily routines that your sub does and the expectations you have established with him can and should continue even though you are not directing him as much. Over time with less direction or enforced authority, the sub naturally becomes less motivated; however, this is why it is important to have the open communication with your sub so that he understands what is going on and stays motivated. Being spontaneous is an excellent way to keep him obedient and can be a substitute for being busy. A random punishment or pegging with out any notice is very effective. Submissive men want to please you and make you happy and so they will be motivated to do more for you if they know you are going through a tough time.

 The desire of the sub to serve and please you is a trait the will serve you greatly during the tough times. Rather than trying to deal with your stress or hectic situation by yourself, you need to tap into your sub and have him help you.  Not only does this help you but it also builds trust with your husband and gives him fulfillment in serving you.

During the tough or stressful times, spending some quality time with your husband is very important.  This is where many couples struggle (including me and my husband) because in these situations, finding the time is often challenging or mentally you may not be thinking about it. However, it is in your best interest to carve out this special time. This will help you stay 'connected' with each other and will alleviate some of your stress. It can be as simple as going to bed at the same so that you have a few minutes to talk before going to sleep or having breakfast together. Planning a 'date night' once a week or once a month is another good technique for ensuring you get quality time together.

Different expectations between the Dominant and Submissive

If there are different expectations for the level of authority and control in the relationships, it can create the feeling of inconsistent authority for the slave. This is issue arises in new FLRs when the sub is the one introducing the concept.

These are my thoughts and advice about being consistent with authority.  I welcome your feedback and discussion on the topic.

This is not easy and takes a lot of time. You will need to teach you're slave you're way.

If you are to dominate anyone 24/7 and you have an emotional attachment to them, you must learn how to separate your feelings from your slave. You can still love your slave. You simply love them threw domination. A male slave is much like a little boy in many respects. You should tell them if you didn't love them you wouldn't do this for them. This should be said often. Remember they have given you a great gift there mind body and soul. Don't break their heart...

You must understand if they are seeking to submit to your desires. They are giving you their submission, Remember it's love you are giving threw discipline and domination.

This can be very hard for a husband and wife relationship but it must be done If you can't separate from wife to Mistress your fighting a losing battle.

About female led relationships

Generally Society still expects women to be feminine, and finds it threatening if they aren't. These expectations of being quiet, sophisticated, elegant, caring, kind, gentle, poised, sensitive, and never saying No are ingrained from birth and enforced on women all over the globe.

Some parents raise and condition their daughters to be feminine and submissive. Traditional fairytales which they read to their daughters make little girls believe that men are superior, and that they need to be saved by their Prince Charming.

As for me, I wasn't presented with expectations of never saying No. I was taught that I was just as good as men, and that I could do anything they could do. As a child, I didn't watch Disney princess movies which encourage 'femininity', like Cinderella and Beauty and the Beast.

Why you should be in a female lead relationship

Several rules help define a female-led relationship. Some of them are mentioned here.

* The female makes most of the household decisions. The man shares his opinion before a decision is made, and the woman may value it.

* The woman can help motivate the man to work on getting rid of any bad habits like excessive smoking or dependence on alcohol by being authoritative.

* Although the man and woman distribute household tasks, the man agrees to do chores like cooking, cleaning, etc.

* The woman takes most financial decisions, and the man trusts his wife to take care of things.

* The woman also takes decisions regarding social events and social gatherings.

Always remember you're doing this because you want it and he needs it. You deserve it, you are owed it.

"If it stops being satisfying or fulfilling, you need to stop and reevaluate if this kind of relationship is really for you. There's always a way to work out individual issues and maintain both the loving foundational relationship and the D/s dynamic. But don't let things become so contrived that it becomes a total bore.

Embracing your Dominant side can mean allowing your powerful, tough and controlling side to come forward, and you can do and say things that would never be acceptable in regular life. 

Letting this wicked side of you out can be a huge stress reliever in itself, and it can also be super empowering -- after all, you have always had these facets to you, you've just never granted them permission to bloom before! As the psychoanalyst Carl Jung would say, it is about integrating your shadow the hidden and rejected self. 

This can lead to you growing and changing in other areas of your life, as you find yourself more able to be assertive in situations that may demand it, or more seductive and able to get what you want where you may previously have shrunk into the background. You will be able to command the respect that you may not always receive in life, and this is perhaps one of the greatest reasons there is to become a Dominatrix and begin a Female-Led Relationship.

If you become the Domme in your Female-Led Relationship, your partner will dedicate his entire life to pleasing you and making your life as easy and comfortable as possible. Maybe that will mean running a hot bath for you each evening, massaging your tired feet after a long day at work, or serving drinks to you and your friends whenever you have a girls' night. 

It may also mean that he totally takes over the housework (and is happy about it!), spoils you more financially, or simply tells you that you're a Goddess 500 times a day.

However your partner's worship of you manifests, you can guarantee that you are going to see a dramatic change in how you are treated, and the best bit is that a submissive male will take pride in and thrive off being the best slav that he can possibly be.

Why men love dominance in a woman

Domination is about control, and when you allow yourself to be dominated you give up your control. Even the control freak likes to occasionally be the passenger and not the driver.

Some men like to be dominated, He wants to be submissive behind closed doors, in the home, or perhaps just in the bedroom, but regardless of the location, he wants you to take over and dominate him.

The strongest, most confident of men often enjoy domination the most, and you may be asking yourself why, but after reading this it will make total sense. Here's why he wants to be dominated.

Why some men want an abusive relationship.

Research shows that people who have been abused as children or have had an abusive past will as adults or later in life seek out abusive relationship. The reason is that they want to feel the same emotions they felt when they were being abused because those emotions feel normal and comfortable. It's a vicious cycle because of how abuse messes up our minds. Once something is normalized to our minds we want to stay there.