He will Obey - Guide and Training

Under no circumstances is he to control the pegging by making instructions to you. While there is always a consideration for pain, he should have safe words for that.

The reason is it will not satisfy a true submissive. In his head, he is guiding you, and you are losing natural authority. For a much deeper satisfaction of his submissiveness, he will be much more fulfilled if you stand up to him.

And not only stand up to him but assert that he is there for your pleasure, not the other way around. What this means is that you will have to work out how you like pegging him as much as anything.

Here are some ways he might try to top from the bottom and how you can reassert your dominance

Initiating pegging -- He might try to insinuate, or directly imply that he would like to be pegged at a particular moment. Don't come down to his level by defensively saying you don't want to. It implies he can try to initiate pegging activity again. Nip it in the bud early. You can punish him for insolence if you like, but he should certainly be informed that you will 'shag his ass' when you feel horny and not before. He is not to suggest it again.

Faster pegging -- You may well get told to be 'faster mistress' as you are pegging him. Again he is controlling your performance to enhance his pleasure. Simply tell him he's your bitch for the evening and you will f**k him how you want.

Deeper pegging  -- This is similar to being asked to peg him faster. Same reasons and attempt for control as before, and it should be met with similar scorn. Tell your submissive slut to be patient, and keep quiet.

He will talk -- This is a fine line, as some verbal communication is warranted, especially if you are asking him something, like whether he enjoys being your little bitch.

However, some men might be compelled to say things that are nothing more than thinly disguised instructions or are nothing statements to amplify their enjoyment. If he tells you he loves being your toy or 'mistress is so commanding' then turning it back to you is important. While pegging him tell him you really don't care and he should shut up. If necessary just mention that his ass is there for your enjoyment. 

In certain clothing -- With particular fetishes, a submissive man might try to entice you into pegging him. Again, depending upon what you agree to at the beginning of it, just be aware that he is trying to initiate sex via actions rather than vocally. Just tell him you will hump him when you are ready, not before.

All in all, just make sure it's fun for you, as your submissive partner will ultimately be satisfied that he is providing you with some pleasure, and he is just the instrument with which you receive it.

We can talk about orgasms but we can't talk about anal cleanliness without getting a bit bashful. 

But the simple fact is, it's a practice that is widely done, and for some people, it's an absolute necessity before any kind of anal play.

But what is douching? Is it necessary? Is it safe? I will share my experiences of douching in the hopes that it will educate, inspire and encourage more people to talk about it. So make sure the shower is at the right temperature and then follow me...

I think it's widely accepted by most people that the anus is a 'dirty' place, and you know, to some extent -- I'll agree. We all know that's where poop comes from. And whilst there are a certain number of people who don't mind that -- for the most of us, poop and sex don't mix. Which is understandable.

For some, it's all about having the peace of mind, that when you start to explore and play 'down there' -- you are not going to come across any nasty surprises -- but let me stress this right at the start -- It's Natural! 'Accidents' can and will happen -- the most important thing is to just shrug it off and move on. It will have happened to everyone at one point, and sometimes things are just out of your control!

So what is a douche exactly?

In laymen's terms -- a douche is a device used to introduce a stream of water into the body, usually vaginally or anally. It can be used for either medical or hygiene reasons. Douching is typically normally associated with the vagina, with anal douching being called an Enema -- however as most sex toy sites refer to them as anal douches, that is how we will refer to it for the rest of this article.

There are probably 3 typical examples of a douche: Bulb, Shower Kits & Water bags.

Bulb Douche

These are probably the most common type of Douche, and probably the cheapest and easiest to use. They are normally 2-piece kits -- a squeezable bulb (usually made from rubber or silicone) into which you insert a nozzle. You fill the bulb with warm water and then insert into the anus, and squeeze the bulb to allow the water to enter. These are typically used for a shallower cleanse (although you can get some bulb douches with a larger nozzle to go a bit deeper).

The first douche I ever bought was the Lovehoney BASICS douche. It's simple to use, and very effective -- making it ideal for people who have never used a douche before. I'll detail how to use this successfully later on in this article. If you are looking for something to help provide a more 'thorough' cleansing -- then a shower Douche might be for you. I then upgraded to the Deluxe Anal Douche which has an additional nozzle to allow you to vary the water intensity.

I have very recently been sent the Aneros Prelude and it's now hands down my personal favourite douche, and the douche I would recommend for beginners. It combines a slow-flow nozzle to ensure maximum comfort and it inhibits 'suck-back'; making your douching experience far more pleasant and keeps mess to a minimum.

Shower Douche

A shower douche will typically be a kit that will allow you to connect it to your existing shower or bathtub mixer tap. Some can be permanently attached, others can be attached Ad Hoc (when you need it). The good thing about this type of douche, is that you get a consistent flow rate. There's no possibility for what I call 'suck back' (I'll explain later) -- and you can get a deeper clean, because you have more pressure coming out. Of course, this does mean that you need to be EXTRA careful when using something like this -- which is why I recommend using a product that allows you to adjust the pressure.

This type of douche could be worth looking into if you are someone who regularly enjoys some deeper anal play (so fisting or extra large dildos). With a bit of practice, they can be easy to use, but cleaning them can be a bit of a pain, as they are usually in smaller pieces, and trying to clean the hoses can be a bit of a nuisance -- but they will leave you feeling much cleaner and confident -- and that's the whole reason we are using these, right?

The clean stream douche is one of the less complicated looking shower kits. It features a 6 foot hose, along with 2 nozzles. It can be attached permanently, so features a regulating tap. This means you can direct the flow of water through the douche or the shower. It also has a valve to allow to control water flow too.

When you are using something like this, again, you will want to ensure that the water temperature is 'warm' -- and be very careful using something like this, if you are in an area where water pressure can be a bit... unpredictable! Needless to say, you use too high a pressure, you are going to cause yourself a lot of pain. So do please, be careful.

Water Bag Douches

These essentially combine the best bits of the bulb and shower douche. The basic concept is a bag (or sometimes a hot water bottle) that is filled with water and then held high on a hook (it actually works in a similar way to the Hydrodouche) -- there is a long tube attached to the bag, which then has the Nozzle. They will almost always come with an adapter to help adjust the flow of water, and as these aren't permanently hooked up to the shower, this means it can easily be folded away and taken with you, meaning you can indulge in anal play whenever and wherever you are.

They can be relatively inexpensive. The Travel Anal Enema Kit includes a bag and suction cup to hold it in the shower, along with the nozzle and hose with a flow adapter. You could spring for the slightly more expensive and more durable option -- Clean Stream Water Bottle Douche features a sturdy water bottle and can again be hooked up on the shower to allow you use of both hands.

Bear in mind, that you may have to replace the bag at some point, which can make these a pricer investment in the long run, but the portability and easy of use is probably a fair trade off. Similar to the water bag style, is the Bathmate Hydrodouche This operates on the same principal, but instead of a bag, it has a large plastic chamber which can be hung in the shower, meaning you can keep refilling it simply by placing it under the shower head -- but it's not permanently attached, meaning it can be used anywhere.

Is douching necessary?

There is plenty to be said both for and against douching. Generally, unless there is an illness, the body does a good job on it's own of keeping things clean and healthy.  For some people, when preparing for anal play, just a simple shower and gentle cleanse around the anal area with mild soap is enough. Soap isn't really necessary, and you do need to be careful -- the anus is a very sensitive and delicate area, and some soaps can cause irritation if they come into contact with the anal passage. Something aimed at sensitive skin is probably the safest option -- they usually organic and chemical free, so less chance of irritation. Generally, the lower part of the colon is usually at its cleanest after a bowel movement -- so this is always the best time (at least that's what I have found in my own experience).

Sometimes, if you have a poor diet, which means you have movements that can be a little... 'looser', shall we say... then you may find that douching would be a good way to go -- especially if you currently have a low fibre diet, or eat a lot of greasy foods.

Is it safe?

I'm not a doctor, I'm not going to pretend to know everything about everything -- But I have been douching for the last 3 years and have suffered no ill effects. That said, I don't douche EVERY time -- I maybe douche once, maybe twice a month. The thing you have to remember is that your gut contains bacteria. Some of this bacteria is good -- it helps your body digest food and absorb the nutrients it needs -- and also keeps the bad bacteria in check. Sometimes, if you get a bit too aggressive and frequent with your douching, you can actually flush away this good bacteria, and it can leave you susceptible to upset tummies -- which nobody likes.

There is no conclusive scientific evidence to suggest that douching has any health benefits -- other than just giving someone peace of mind.

The biggest piece of advice I can give here -- is listen to your body. Only you know it as well as you do, and at the end of the day, as long as you have understood the potential risks, then only you can make up your mind. The important thing to remember, is that accidents will happen -- everybody poops -- we all know the risk of having a bit of bum fun -- so if you ever find yourself in a situation where things have gotten a little bit messy -- Don't Panic! It doesn't make you an inhuman monster -- it just means you are normal!

Ok, so how do I do it?

Well it all depends on what Douche you are using. Now, I myself have never actually used a water-bag douche, or a directly connected shower douche -- however I have used Bulb Douches as my main weapon of choice.

Step 1: Make sure that when you start douching, you are within easy reach of the toilet!

Step 2: Thoroughly rinse the Douche before you use to ensure it's clean and dust free.

Step 3: Ensure the water you use is mildly warm -- you don't want it too hot, otherwise you will do some serious damage -- and you don't want it too cold as well, that will be a MASSIVE shock, will feel very unpleasant and could also do some damage. Make sure it is JUST WATER -- no soap or any other cleansing products (unless you want to cause yourself lots of pain and irritation -- some people may like that, I don't know -- but most of don't!)

Step 4: Ensure that the nozzle to be inserted (and yourself) are well lubricated before insertion. I find using just a little dab of silicon lube works best here, as water-based is easily washed/wiped away.

Step 5: You'll want to insert the nozzle maybe 2/3 inches inside. You generally only need to cleanse the lowest part for anal play. Gently squeeze the bulb to allow the water to come inside. DO NOT LET GO OF THE BULB until you have removed it from yourself -- otherwise you will suffer 'suck back' -- all that water will get sucked back inside the douche if you let go whilst it's inside -- and nobody wants that!

Step 6: You'll start to feel 'full' and almost like you need to go to the loo -- quickly (but carefully) hop over to the toilet, sit down and expel. I can say now, that initially it is the strangest feeling in the world. But you get used to it. Once you have expelled all the water, I will flush and then go again -- the reason? Well I need to be able to check how clean I am -- so by flushing, I can see the difference.

Step 7: Repeat the steps as necessary (basically, until the water you expel is running 'clear') -- which from personal experiences, can take between 2 to 3 expulsions. You will also want to maybe wait between 30 mins to an hour after douching before engaging in anal play, as again (I have learnt this from past experience) -- sometimes, not all the water will be expelled -- if it's higher up, it may not come down straight away -- however as you relax later on... you might find you leave a little bit of a wet patch... doesn't happen to everybody -- but it does happen. So be warned!

Important things to remember

DON'T put too much water in one go -- this could have the opposite effect you are looking for. On my first ever go, I tried to empty the whole bulb inside -- it caught me by surprise and had an unfortunate accident which I will say no more about...

DO remember to use warmish water, and to re-lube with each insertion.

DON'T use anything other than water, otherwise you could cause some serious damage, and try having to explain THAT to A&E!!

I personally thing that Douching is OK, as long as it's done on moderation, and you take the time to do it properly. Like most things, douching is a personal choice, and everyone will have their own way of doing it. I hope this has been helpful, useful and if you have any questions or comments, you can leave one below.

Golden showers

Many BDSM activities have no inherent D/s components to them. Take rope bondage, for example. One could tie up a willing participant without being that person's Dominant in any sense of the word. It could simply be BDSM play; the tie-ee can switch and become the tie-er at any point. Now, there is probably a D/s aspect at work when you witness a rope bondage scene at your local dungeon. But it does not have to be that way.

Just tying up a willing player does not Dominance and submission make. The same could be said for spanking. Or flogging.

But golden showers -- or water sports -- is another matter entirely. The very act of being peed upon has elements of submission -- and even humiliation -- contained within the act itself. Generally, a person does not tend to get peed upon, drink piss or participate in water sports other than to show submission to the Dominant. (Or the Dominant to show dominance!) Even when a sub loves golden, the essential submissiveness (or Dominance from the Dom/me's point of view) of the act is still present. Why is that?

In my opinion, it can be argued that submission is a controlled, premeditated and consensual humiliation; allowing oneself to be consensually humiliated is an inherently submissive act. And one of the Dominants most powerful tools is humiliation.

Being peed on is, in almost every instance, an act of humiliation. Our puritanical culture has drummed into us the notion that being peed on is very humiliating. Golden showers cannot be separated from its roots in humiliation. Thus, the act of peeing on another person is likely to be a true act of Dominance and submission and not just play.

There are other BDSM activities that have submission and humiliation at their core -- bootlicking for example. But whereas we see bootlicking done in just about every dungeon, we rarely see water sports in dungeons as it can get messy. All of these activities are risky and have a steep learning curve; safety is paramount. However, water sports participants can indulge in it without much skill. After all, how much expertise does it take to pee on a submissive? This is not like knife play, fire play or choking where the requisite proficiency level is very high.

Piss play -- if you classify it as edge play as I do -- when there is no ingestion of
urine is totally safe. Even when the submissive drinks a small amount of the
Dominant's pee, the danger never rises to the level of other edge plays. Only
when the Dominant requires the submissive to drink large amounts of urine do
safety and health issues arise. Without major safety issues, golden showers
makes for an exciting and easy to learn "edge play."

As I stated in a previous Kink Weekly piece,

"Water Sports," you get a lot of D/s "bang for your buck" with golden showers. In that article, I described catheter play and other specific ways to "go golden." Of course, make sure the submissive has a safe word if the play becomes too much for him/her -- especially mentally. That aside, if you are looking for an edgy BDSM play that is relatively safe -- and one with awesome D/s aspects to it -- then water sports might just be your cup of...pee!

I hope you have enjoyed reading this article and it has helped with some direction or questions you might have. If you wish to see more please feel free to leave a comment below.