Heartbreak and Hope Ch. 01

My wife got a text to set up an appointment at a clinic to be fitted with a Norplant. It hit me that the Norplant might not be much for my benefit. It also hit me that some other guy's wife may well be doing the same thing and it was for my benefit. I had to go walk that one off... alone. I walked around the neighborhood for two hours. Pain welled up... hard.

When I got back, we just held each other for the rest of the day.

Tuesday, January 14, 2020

I won't bore you with the dates. I got along reasonably with some more than others. Picking was actually easy. What was hard was watching my wife heading out to go on dates knowing she was going to make out with each guy. I was jealous, but not angry. I was on my way out the door to do the exact same thing. After all twelve dates, I used the app to send them my top seven picks in order.

Friday, February 7, 2020.

We were notified that evening that we were one of eighty couples selected to go to Charlotte, North Carolina for videoing the big premier show whose goal was getting down to the top twenty couples who would be selected and fly away to new lives on MOTHERFUCKING VALENTINES DAY! They wanted to tear my marriage apart on Valentine's Day... And... I was an active participant. I tried to think of a way around it. Not a single response to any of our job searches. So many deaths, so many riots. The National Guard in some states was corralling homeless people into camps... Martial law was declared in some areas to stop the rioting. The news is as dark as a winter night.

The last of the instructions were: Start packing. Two large men will arrive Wednesday, February 12, 2020, at noon to assist in loading any overly large and heavy items into your container.

It was no shock when we learned that they had used private investigators. We had been spied on because they wanted to make sure we were an actual happy couple. Yes. My misery for your entertainment dollar and yes, I willingly walked right into it. We now had an actual eviction date at the end of the month and they were going to arrive with the Sheriff and a cleaning crew that was going to boot us and our possessions to the curb. This is the only road out of being homeless on the increasingly violent streets.

We were texted to open our phones. The special app had new information for us. Of the seven I had chosen, they removed two. I was told who my five finalists were; Kayla, Danielle, Brittany, Julie, and Jennifer. My app now had face shots of each and basic biographies. No, the nudes were not included. I was instructed that I was not to show my wife the choices and that would be a major breach that would bring the lawyers of Movie Max Mature on us.

It again felt like cheating and I felt guilty, but I was hoping for Jennifer. It did not hurt that she was actually marginally smarter than me with an IQ of 146. Yeah, I like 'em smart and I know one point of IQ is statistical noise. We got along well, and the makeout session... let's say there was chemistry, and no, I did not get to touch the goodies. She wasn't the prettiest but she was very cute and pretty. Physically I remembered two things about her. Kind eyes and a warm smile. I can imagine waking up to that smile. She just felt... right.

My second favorite pick was a woman named Julie. Julie was outright beautiful and I think she may have been a D-cup or close. She was brilliant and we got along great. I liked both... a lot, but the difference was that it was easier to picture a day without sex with Jennifer. There was just 'something special' about my date with her. Jennifer was cute while Julie was beautiful. Im a sucker for both but I love love LOVE... cute.

My life is racing toward a brick wall of pain and despair at a thousand miles an hour and all my options lead to pain of one sort or another.

FUCK FUCK FUCK!!! Dammit. FUCK DAMMIT FUCK SHIT!!!

Saturday, February 8, 2020

The containers for our possessions arrived the next morning before we even woke up. Each one had four signs on it with our names, one on each side. One said, Joshua Simmons. The other said, Ashley Simmons. There was no mistaking which container was to belong to who. Inside were a pile of boxes, ten rolls of packing tape, a pack of Sharpies, two utility knives, a spool of rope, a spool of twine, and twenty-five moving blankets. Movie Max was obsessively thorough.

Wednesday, February 12, 2020

As promised, two large men showed up at noon to move a few pieces of furniture. Most had already been sold. They left a half hour later.

At two that afternoon, I looked at my wife and see the destruction of our marriage looming and say to her, "I need you to listen."

Her expression looking at me was sheer terror. She knew what I was going to say.

I said, "I need you to promise me... to not hold back. Whoever he is, he is the luckiest man in the world. Love him and do it with all your heart. Because I love you, I release you once we are picked. I don't want you to tear yourself apart if you try to keep 'us' together."

She started sobbing, ran to our room, and locked the door. I sat numbly. I had to do it. Two years is more than a wife swap. It is a life change.

She came out an hour later and sat in my lap crying softly, holding me. Yeah, I was losing it too.

I just held her for hours.

Around nine that night, she looked at me and said, "Dance with me one last time."

[The War On Drugs. I Don't Live Here Anymore.]

I suck at dancing, but we danced. Our place was all packed up and we just slow danced, really just swayed, to music coming from her phone. When we started, she was looking me in the eyes, by the second song, she was weeping on my chest as we swayed.

Later that night, I wrote Ashley a letter as she slept on the empty floor under a single blanket. Sleep had taken her from sheer emotional exhaustion.

"If you are reading this, this is goodbye, not see you later. I am letting you go because I love you and two years is too long to wait. Live laugh love is a cliche that I want you to embrace. Whoever he is, he is getting an amazing wife."

"Love him if you can. I willingly release you of your vows."

"Give yourself completely to him because I am going to give myself to my new wife. It isn't fair to your, me, or our new spouses to do anything less. If both of our new marriages fail, I will be there to greet you to start a new relationship. The old one will be long dead."

"I want you to live your new relationship fully because that is what I am going to do."

"Don't hold back. I won't."

"Love, Joshua."

As we watch our lives implode, we both know this is the only way forward not involving the homeless camps and the riots.

Thursday, February 13, 2020

We were flown out and we arrived in Charlotte at six that evening and taken to a hotel.

Friday, February 14, 2020

We ate breakfast at six in the morning then made love one last time, soft and loving...

*******

It was eight in the morning when a chime sounded and an announcer came on. We were in an outer lobby of their set with seventy-nine other couples. I broke my embrace from my wife and whispered, "I love you."

Damn, it was hard to hold it together. There were two corridors ahead of us. One said women and the other said men. There was a white line at the beginning of each corridor.

We were one of eighty couples here, all holding a special cell phone. On the screen is simply a color panel and all currently show red. The announcer said, "At each count, one phone will turn green. The count is done in order of our perceived compatibility with future partners. You will make your final decision then. Walk into the corridors or walk away. Once both spouses have walked past the line at the beginning of the corridor, you are under contract and subject to it, including your divorce. Once twenty couples have become active, there will be no more selected and the offer is withdrawn. Those who walk away or are not selected will be flown home with a two thousand dollar check for your inconvenience."

The announcer said, "One."

One of the phone screens turned green. About ten feet away, a young tall dark-haired man looked at his pretty blonde wife. They briefly looked at each other and a tear rolled down her cheek. He was close to breaking down himself. They steeled themselves and walked into the corridors. He walked into the left corridor as she walked down the other. I thought about this. Their lives had just been torn apart for a chance to start anew... and a damn TV show.

Two minutes later, "Two."

Another phone screen turned green. Another couple about twenty feet away, a tall and handsome man looked at his pretty brunette wife... She was Julie, my second choice. I did not let my gaze linger long enough to make her aware that I was there. They looked at each other, chickened out, and walked away.

Two minutes later, "Three."

Our phone turned green. I pressed the letter I had written to Ashley into her hand. She numbly took it without realizing it. My heart broke completely. We were two weeks from living on the violent streets if we don't do this. There were more homeless riots last night in the news and twenty dead. If I turn to look at her again, I will lose my fucking mind. I walked into my corridor as she did the same.

Once I walked past that line, I was officially divorced from the wife that I love more than myself. The divorces were being handled in real-time in The Cornwall Islands.

I hated the world.

[Song, Rainbows End by The Interlopers]