Heart's Fall

"That's fair. Time and memories changed me. That kiss. That fucking kiss on the couch. It ruined me. It was the second perfect kiss I'd ever had, but this time our bodies were so close...and your hands were on me just the way I like, without being told. I would tell myself that it wasn't that important, that I'd feel that way about someone else someday, but in the dark of the night, when I was fingering myself to frustrated orgasm after orgasm, it was you I was thinking of. Sometimes in my fantasies you would be kissing me, sometimes much more. And then of course you started dating Eve or whatever her name was from history class."

I couldn't help but smile. Eve was a smart girl, and kind of a firecracker. She seemed innocuous, but once you lit her fuse she went off in wonderful and unexpected ways.

"Yeah, Eve. That was nice, but never really serious."

"You could have fooled me. You guys were always touching and kissing. And she always had her hands all over you, possessive, like you belonged to her. I told myself that I didn't like her and that it was because she was a slut and she'd just hurt you. That was a lie, and I realized it when I saw you getting her off in your car. Just hand stuff, but I so wanted to be her right then, and I realized that I loved you and I couldn't stop loving you. It was jealously, plain and simple."

"So when we finally broke up..."

"...I had been ready for that. I'd given up on being just a friend to you, but I didn't just want to seduce you or trick you. I thought of a million ways to tell you the truth, but I was a chickenshit. And then...then I kissed you in the bathroom."

"And we made love."

"Yeah. After that, I really felt that I couldn't tell you. I could never face you. It wasn't just a lie, it was the only thing keeping you from running away from me. The man I loved."

"I can understand why you wouldn't tell me. That's a lot of responsibility to put on a conflicted teen. If you had told me there was every chance I would have just gone to my mom. She might know now but she didn't then."

Kerry sat up and turned around and faced me, one leg under herself. For just a moment she was 18 again and we were just dumb kids trying to get by. I felt myself falling in love with her again.

"Your mom...knows? About my mom? That I'm your half-sister?"

"Yep. She spoke to me about it."

"For how long?"

"Since we both went off to college. My...uh, our dad got caught with his pants down and things escalated I guess. Our mothers are friends now. Its...weird."

"Holy shit. I knew that they had become friends...but what? They shared him?"

"I guess. I'm really trying hard not to think about it. I guess they were a comfort to each other when he died. That must have been hard for you, too."

"Yeah. It was. I really wanted to talk about it with you, but I couldn't. Not without ruining your image of him. And you guys were distant anyway. I'm...I'm sorry."

She looked pained again when she said it. I probably knew why she was apologizing but I had to ask.

"For what?"

"For...taking your dad away. For my mom cheating with him. For him paying more attention to me than raising you. For...for..."

She trailed off, in tears. I pulled her close and held her then kissed her on the head.

"You know that none of that is your fault. None of it. You just lived in the world that your parents made for you, and you did it in the best way you knew how. When I found evidence of what dad did, it just hurt me so badly. I didn't like being lied to but if I had thought about it for a minute I wouldn't have been quite as angry about it. I would still have confronted you, but it would have been a conversation rather than me hurting the woman I loved and storming out."

We stayed there, just being together, occasionally talking, mostly silent. Kerry started to shiver so I walked her home.

"You still want to help me pass out candy tomorrow?" she asked when we'd reached her doorstep.

"Yeah, I think that would be great."

We kissed on her doorstep, like we were both kids again and we'd just got back from the movies. After she went inside she watched from the door until I was out of sight. I slept well and dreamed of her.

* * *

Over breakfast mom told me that while I was over handing out candy with Kerry at her house, Judith would be doing the same at our house with my mother. It was odd thinking of them as close friends, but it made a kind of sense that they would get along. I was glad that they had each other. Also, and more selfishly, I appreciated that they accepted us and conspired to give us time together. I think that they were tired of seeing their children unhappy, and were willing to do and accept quite a bit to ensure their future contentment.

They were, on reflection, willing to overlook a lot.

It was weird, knowing that not just Kerry and I knew our secret, but also our mothers. I tried not to think too much about it, but it was impossible to ignore completely. I'd just have to get over it. Kerry was my future and I was hers.

I decided to finish up with some minor repairs in the house before I went over to see Kerry. I was both eager and excited to see her today, but something in me wanted to draw things out. I was just replacing a light switch when Judith showed up. To my surprise she walked over and gave me a side hug and a warm, if a little sad, smile.

"I'm sorry for putting you through this. I'm at least as responsible as your father for hiding everything from you. And for making Kerry my accomplice."

I looked at Judith for the first time in a different way. This was the woman who my father had risked his marriage for. In turn, she'd given up a normal relationship for him, raising their child in relative secrecy. She protected my father at the expense of her own reputation, and never really stopped being his. If that isn't love, I don't know what is. She was still gorgeous and whip smart. I could absolutely see risking everything for Kerry, who shared many of her mother's qualities. I guess I was more similar to my father than I thought.

"I'm sorry you had to keep everything secret. You and Kerry lost at least as much as mom and I did when he died. And you didn't deserve all the rumors and gossip."

Judith smiled a little wider.

"God, you are so much like your father. All right, enough maudlin nonsense. We both know there's somewhere you'd rather be."

I didn't argue with that. I cleaned up a bit, grabbed a backpack with a change of clothes and left. Taking the old walk full of anticipation at seeing Kerry was like being eighteen again and knowing that she was waiting and eager for me. Ready to laugh with me, love me, and ultimately pleasure me. It thought back to past trysts and tender lovemaking sessions, and to the times when I'd had her fiercely, up against the wall or bent over a convenient chair or table. She'd been up for anything, if it was with me.

I knocked on the door and Kerry appeared within seconds, smiling. Just like old times. She was dressed in a simple college sweatshirt and tights, and she looked amazingly appealing in them.

"Trick or treat," I said with a lopsided grin.

She made a face of mock-fear.

"God, that costume is terrifying," she said, mocking my complete lack of anything other than ordinary clothes.

"Good thing you like being a little scared," I said, moving inside and picking her up easily by her tight ass. Her legs naturally wrapped themselves around me and she laughed throatily as I kissed her on her neck and collarbone.

"Oh god, I don't want you to stop but if we get started then the kids will be disappointed that there isn't anyone to pass out candy. Because I'm not letting you get dressed again tonight."

I put her down by the sofa, a bit reluctant to let her go.

"On the other hand, you do moan pretty loudly. They might just think the house is haunted."

Kerry laughed, delighted.

"Oh no! It's the Slutty Ghost of Hawthorne Street!"

"Hey, I wouldn't say she's slutty..."

She wrapped her arms back around me and her face took a more serious cast. When she spoke it was soft and breathy, promising more than just sugary delights.

"Maybe not in the old hateful way that people say it...but I know that she's your slut. I guarantee that no matter what you want from her, she'll never tell you no. I'll never tell you no, James. That's not such a bad thing to be, is it? To be whatever the man you love wants?"

We may have been anticipating trick-or-treaters soon but I almost turned out the lights and fucked her right there on the living room floor. I was painfully hard. I leaned down and kissed her, softly, gently. When we stopped we just looked into each other's eyes.

"You may be on to something there. I'll have to work hard to be worthy of a woman like that."

"Don't be silly. You already have me."

I held her close.

"And I'm not going to lose you. I want us to work...I want it more than anything."

She kissed me this time. We made out for a little while, nothing heavy, just standing in the living room. We both jumped when the first knock sounded.

We laughed as Kerry disentangled herself and opened the door, picking up a bowl filled with Reese's cups and junior mint boxes. The good stuff, in my opinion. There was a Black Panther and a Storm, both kids around ten or twelve. Looks like the kids had made their costumes on their own, maybe with a little help from their parents.

"Nice job on those outfits," I said, giving the Wakanda salute, which was returned immediately. Kerry looked at me strangely but I just shrugged. The kids ran off, laughing.

"What was that?"

I sighed in an exaggerated fashion.

"I know you're a busy woman, but you need to make more time for superhero movies."

"Well. I did used to know a guy. We would cuddle and watch dumb shit together. He didn't always have the best taste, but he was big and warm."

"Maybe that's what you need to come home to," I said, more or less without thinking about the implications. After thinking for a second, I realized that I didn't regret saying it at all. Kerry's face grew serious, her brow furrowed. She was about to ask something. Something desperately important that she was afraid to talk about, but had to. I could read that, easily. Brothers knew their sisters, after all.

She opened her mouth. There was another knock at the door, this one louder. I cracked a smile and grabbed the bowl of candy, leaving Kerry to collect her thoughts. I opened the door to three witches, all adorable, all colorful and different.

"Trick or treat!"

I held the bowl out so their tiny hands could grab what they wanted. We didn't enforce the one-piece-per-kid rule because we had a ton of candy and we always hated that rule growing up.

"Ok, so you have to tell me what you're from," I was stumped. Kerry helped me.

"They're the three witches from Hocus-Pocus, you dork!" she said, making all three girls laugh.

"Oh, right! Have fun!" I called after them as they ran off to the next house. I closed the door. Kerry didn't wait even a second to ask.

"Did you mean it?"

"Did I mean what?" I said, half-sure of what she was talking about. She was having none of it and grabbed my arm, not hard, but arresting.

"The thing about...about me...coming home to you. I'm so happy...you wouldn't understand. Well, maybe you would, but its more than one thing. Now that you know the truth, its like I feel so much lighter. And you still want to be with me, wherever I go. That's what you said. I mean...I'm fine with being together any way we can. If you want to live separately...like I assumed...that would be fine. I mean, but...if you really meant that you wanted to live together. God."

"I probably should have brought it up at a better time. If it's too much or too soon, I understand. My mind's been kind of racing on all kinds of things."

"So. You'd want that? To live in a house? With me? Like we were...you know..."

The door rattled as at least six tiny hands knocked at once. Kerry, normally the most patient of people with children, rolled her eyes in frustration and I couldn't help but laugh. She grabbed the candy bowl and held her finger up in a universal signal that told me that if I moved there would be hell to pay. She gave candy to a gaggle of screaming princesses and one Optimus Prime, and then returned.

"Ok," Kerry said, starting again, "I'm going to need an answer to this kind of quickly, before the next tiny assholes interrupt us. This is, uh, kind of driving me nuts, ok? Because...because I've dreamed about it since we kissed for the first time. What it would be like...you know...to live together, and..."

Kerry wasn't usually a babbler, but I could tell this wasn't going to end any time soon, so I stepped up.

"Yes. Yes I meant it. Yes I want to live with you," and then, for good measure, because now certainly was the best time for it, "Yes I want to marry you. I want you and I want all of you."

Kerry's jaw dropped. Really, she had just been making sure that I was serious about wanting to live together. I was. And a lot more. Yeah, it was moving fast, in a way. In another way it was like a puzzle that had been incomplete for a very long time, and now the pieces were all falling together. This felt as natural as breathing.

Kerry tried to speak, but her eyes clouded with tears. She opened her mouth, but stopped again, choked up. There was a knock at the door.

"Oh my fucking god," was what Kerry mouthed, but did not actually say aloud, before chuckling. I led her to the couch, where she sat down. This time I gave the candy out. They were teenagers, all around fourteen, and they'd gone full classic cosplay. I smiled wide, knowing who they were.

"Let's see...Sailors Mars, Mercury, Jupiter, Neptune, Uranus....and Saturn. Nice, don't see Saturn a lot."

I closed the door and sat down beside Kerry. She reached out and took my hand in both of hers.

"So, um, first, I'm going to need to know how you know all of the Sailor Scouts by heart."

"What? I really liked that show. And you have no room to judge; you totally wanted to be Sailor Mars. I always had kind of a thing for Jupiter."

"Oh my god you are such a dork."

I shrugged.

"Guilty. But that makes you a dork-fucker."

She laughed and I followed. It felt good. Finally she spoke.

"All right, yes, I'm in."

"You're into dork-fucking?"

"No you fucking idiot, I'm going to goddamn marry you, and we're going to fucking live together, and maybe have some kids and shit. No takebacks."

I smiled.

"No takebacks," I agreed

We kissed. It was the most romantic moment of my life.

* * *

The rest of the afternoon passed with us giving out candy interspersed with making vague plans for the future. Nothing concrete, we both knew. But we discussed practical matters too, like our salaries and jobs. Where we wanted to settle. Whether we could afford kids, and whether we wanted to risk having them together or adopt. We didn't realize it until later, but we'd planned the foundations of our future, and we more or less stuck to it.

As the day went on, I noticed that Kerry was teasing me a lot more. From a lot of subtle touching to sudden kisses to smoldering looks to outright flashing me right after I closed the door. I think she did the latter just to see my face. I did think she had perfect breasts, so I appreciated it.

This meant that we were both pretty worked up when, at last, the clock hit 8 pm and the trick-or-treat hours were officially over. Kerry swayed over to the door and turned off porch light. There was no way that she didn't know that I was watching her ass as she did it, but she probably wasn't expecting me to be right behind her as she turned around.

Kerry gave a surprised yelp as I lifted her up by her ass and pinned her to the door with my body, then gasped as I pushed my hard cock against her sex and began to kiss her on the neck.

"Oh, fuck. James...like that baby. Take me to bed."

I ignored her request for the moment, loving the feel of her small, warm body pressed up against mine. She was already grinding against me as much as I allowed, and she whimpered as I nipped her neck.

"Please," she said, her voice breathy, "don't make me wait. Please make love to me..."

I may have enjoyed the feeling of having her at my mercy, but the truth was I could never truly refuse Kerry anything. I released her and she set her feet down with a little sigh. Then she took my hand and led me up the stairs. As she opened the door to her room she stopped and looked over her shoulder.

"When I came home last night, something felt off. I couldn't figure it out until I went to bed. I missed you, of course, and I know you missed me, but it was different than that. I realized that I'd started thinking of my bed as our bed. You not being here, beside me, suddenly feels very wrong. I want you, but I want you to spend the night too. If you feel comfortable with it. I'd like to wake up to you spooning me. Or fucking me. Either is fine."

All I could bring myself to do by way of answer was surge forward and kiss her. I was forceful, guiding her backwards to the bed, minding her step so she didn't fall down. When she reached the bed she sat down and I took her sweatshirt off, fast. She didn't resist, but she didn't help, enjoying the feeling of being stripped before being taken.

I couldn't wait, and began to kiss and suck at her stiffened nipples. She wrapped her hand around my head and held me there, pulling me into her. She cried out as I pinched one between my lips, a little too hard in my eagerness, but there were no apologies. Instead, as I stopped to take my shirt off she undid my belt and button almost frantically. She pulled my jeans and boxers down swiftly and I stepped out of them.

I pushed her to her back, firmly, pulling her tights off, hard. She wore no panties underneath, and the scent of her arousal greeted me. She smiled up at me, that adoring, simple smile. Not truly or solely sexual in nature, I finally understood it. It was giving. It was her offering everything she had or was to me. I found myself wanting to do the same.

I moved towards her but as I did she turned over and got on her hands and knees. She loved this position, but it made her feel vulnerable. We'd talked about it when we were younger. I was almost too eager to be restrained, but I entered her carefully. I never truly wanted to hurt her.

"Oh...oh fuck...yes. Go a little slower. It's fine, just different from this angle...god I missed this. I never told you, but you've been the only man I've ever been completely comfortable with in this position. Even my ex...we did it, but I couldn't completely enjoy it, you know? You, though. I want to be open and vulnerable to you. Oh...oh fuck."

I grunted, feeling Kerry's tight passage hold me, grip me. She looked back over her shoulder at me, a little discomforted, so I waited, knowing that her body would adapt to being so full. She smiled at me, understanding my restraint

"No one's ever been as good a fuck as you, Kerry. Maybe its crude for me to say, but its true."

"It...its not crude, baby. James...oh fuck...I'm ok now. Fuck me baby. Please. Hard. I need...I need to be taken by you. Show me I'm yours, please. I don't want anything between us any more. Oh...yes...oh god....like that baby..."

I started fucking her before she was done speaking. I was so worked up that my balls hurt and my cock ached. It hadn't even truly been that long but I needed her. I knew already that I'd need to get off again tonight, just from being close to her. I wanted to be slower at first, I really did, but she responded so well to me, pushing back and gripping me as I pulled out. Whimpering every time I left and exhaling, then moaning as I came back. I naturally started fucking her harder, increasing the intensity as I went.