All Comments on 'Heated Hedonism'

Definitely not bad for a first story, though it started to have more problems near the end of the first page (to the point where I mainly scanned the second).

yup. well written for a first. while we know the final intent is in the bed, you could have maybe made the incidents between going in and jumping into bed a bit more sensual and romantic and then lead there. else, all very well presented. please dont stop