All Comments on 'Her Brother’s Best Friend Pt. 02'
by noonehastoknow
- 8 Comments
Anonymousover 2 years agoI liked it. I really dislike the whole recording people (women) as a form of blackmail. Has made me really skittish about real life play, but he (sort of) moved away from outright blackmail. So yeah the story was hot.
Neg criticism: Oh how did he get the vibrator if it was under the couch? Consult a dictionary or thesaurus as you write. "Quickening" is actually a noun referring to the point when something, an embryo for example, becomes alive or infused with soul, and no longer inanimate. Can't remember right now, but there were a couiple of other words you ended with "ing" which were not the correct verb form of the word.
And before you mentally throw out my suggestions as picky, consider thinking about it differently. If you are are a writer, then words, and your use of language are your tools. The way you use those tools is important. Good writers often agonize over choosing just the right word to express their thoughts, and communicate with the reader.
Grammar is the most basic level of this. There is a difference between "their, they're, and there. Complimentary and complimentary. Chord and cord. Its and it's." And spell checking can't pick out the difference because the word choice depends on context, and you, as the writer decide on the context.
I do like the story. I would say fix the grammar and plot continuity problems, and re-write and expand it. There are a lot of underlying tensions that could be really interesting and hot. Keep writing!
Anonymousabout 2 years agoI almost didn’t read this story because of the blackmail angle because I hate blackmail stories because I hate bullies. So honestly I’m bemused that I did read it, very glad that I did because the actual blackmail didn’t happen.
There’s genuine mutual attraction between them and I’m looking forward to reading more.
Thanks for sharing.
Tess (uk)
noonehastoknow@noonehastoknow
